Comments on: Really, folks: we have to think of a better way to respond.

By: Bonnie

Bonnie — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 01:18:35 +0000

I live right outside Nashville TN and have been homeschooling here for 7 years. I don’t remember too many negative responses from anyone about our choice to homeschool. Maybe a few from younger people who thinks homeschoolers are weird because they are not all caught up in all the same things going on at school. My kids get negative response from their peers more than anything, but once they talk about their day of sleeping in, studying things they like, fun projects, field trips the kids usually go home and ask if they can be homeschooled too! There are so many homeschoolers here that most everyone knows a couple of families that do. Most people who spend any time talking to me about it are very interested in homeschooling and would like to but do not have the support of their spouse or feel like they would not be able to do a good job. More than people making us feel like we are different, look up to what we do and are very encouraging. It is sometimes hard to find the words to encourage those who wish to homeschool to give it a try without making them feel bad about their choice to send to school. There are so many reasons that are great to homeschool! I do feel like sometimes they are already feeling inferior because they may be wanting to do it but are maybe feeling like they wouldn’t have enough patience with their children, couldn’t teach their child what they need to know, couldn’t do it and keep up with the house, etc. I am quick to point out that I am very impatient (always praying for it) my house is not perfect, my kids are not perfect and I certainly am not!! We just had the desire to homeschool because we thought it best for our children and our family as a whole. And out of that desire came the commitment and determination to do the best we can do. I want to be that woman who helps that first time homeschool mom through that tough first year and encourages her on.
Also of the people we have met that may have had any misgivings about homeschool generally put them aside once they spend any amount of time around my kids. They are “normal”, outgoing, helpful, sweet children much like many others. Yes, they are a little sheltered, we monitor tv and radio very closely and my 11 year old daughter is the only girls she knows that hasn’t read the Twilight books.
In my community we are blessed to have many people who support what we do and are even willing to help us out. The librarian plans special things just for us. I take her our weekly list of The Story of the World books for that week and she diligently seeks them out for us, many times having to order them from another library. Many of the art/history/music venues and museums have special programs for homeschoolers and many are free.
So in short, around here I think most homeschoolers seem to be seen as the “cool kids” and people seem to respect and even envy what we have.

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:22:26 +0000

I have to agree. While I might state it a bit differently, this response to the “discussion” most closely resembles my own thoughts on this topic.

However, I am still very curious about this vision for “helpful friendliness” toward a local school system. Awaiting that post…

By: Theresa G

Theresa G — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:10:45 +0000

I’m a faculty member at a local community college. In our Nursing and Allied Health division, most faculty are either homeschooling their children or have them enrolled in private school. Homeschooling is pretty matter-of-fact for the general population in this part of the country. While these families are definitely not in the majority, no one makes a strange face when told a child is homeschooled.

It is important we homeschoolers not insult other parents’ education choices for their children. Who are we to say other parent’s choices are good or bad for their children? The other parent may secretly wish he could homeschool his child as well, but financial circumstances or family situations do not allow it.

By: Buffalo Jen

Buffalo Jen — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:08:13 +0000

“Home education organizations publish article after article about how superior home education is (and how disadvantaged all those classroom-educated kids are). Conferences tell parents that only home-schooled kids will adopt their family’s faith–all others are doomed to apostasy. Home schooled parents boast about the amazing education that their children are receiving–so unlike what their peers are subjected to.”

Well, I’ll speak up here to the contrary … and from my unapologetically evangelical Christian perspective.

I do believe that home education is superior to the peer-segregated, state-system. I do believe relying on the secular government/state to educate our Christian children puts them at a dangerous worldview “disadvantage.” (Jesus was not handed over to the Romans to be educated by their secular humanist system, either. I don’t understand why we think our kids should be the exception to His example? Maybe we’ve evolved societally and our kids can handle it better than HE would have? I hardly think so).

Statistics resoundingly indicate that the overwhelming majority of Christian kids/young adults are simply *not* choosing the faith of their parents (I guess we could call that apostasy, although I wouldn’t have used that word). And I do happen to attribute *some* of this widespread faith crisis to the 30+ hours a week of secular/anti-Christian dogma espoused by the massive “state system,” its textbook, its huge budgets, its John Dewey Soviet-style ideals … complete with left-wing unions, to boot.

And I unapologetically delight in reading the articles and statistics that celebrate the homeschooling successes. They’re inspiring on dreary homeschooling days in April! Love ‘em. I rejoice with fellow homeschooling parents when their kids flourish.

Frankly, I don’t particularly care what kind of reaction the general public has to me, my educational/parenting views, or my children. I care about the Lord’s reaction to me, and I care about faithful, biblical stewardship of my children. And I’m not about to take any sort of responsibility for “evoking” a strong reaction from the general public. Nor am I about to “examine” my views and their impact. This is laughable to me.

We’re grown-ups. I’m sure the “general public” can handle the difference of opinion. Just like I’ve learned to handle the comments, questions, concerns, objections, and even sometimes, the vitriol … with a smile, over the past 10 years.

I mean this is still America, isn’t it? And we are Americans: the people on the planet who are historically known to *welcome* the debate, the discourse, and even the disagreement … and move on (!) without having to psychologically analyze how the difference in opinion made everyone “feel” and “react;” … without having my “choices speak for themselves” because someone might be offended or uncomfortable. I choose to speak with clarity and confidence, just as I am teaching my children to, using the tools of logic, debate, speech and rhetoric.

I’m tired of the post-modern obsession with “niceness” (read: helpful friendliness).

It’s the new “black.”

And I would assert it RINGS of the same superiority, decried in Susan’s blog entry. I mean aren’t we so … just so confidently cosmopolitan when we tolerantly affirm “everyone’s” views and choices (including educational ones).

Here’s what I can unabashedly affirm: kindness in our interactions with everyone. Absolutely! (How about even the Fruit of the Spirit, if possible).

But in my unwavering affirmation of inherently Christian education/discipleship of my children, it would be disingenuous of me to quieten my convictions so as not to offend those choosing a system I truly believe does much educational and spiritual damage to so many.

Helpful friendliness (as a former Teacher Ed major, myself) in dealing with idealogues purporting a Prussian-inspired system: Naiveté.

I’m really too busy educating my kids, protecting our collective legal (civil) rights, and working to pay my taxes (that’s MY version of helpful friendliness to the massive state system).

And in my state, where they have $14k per head a year, I’m sure someone there can figure their problems out without my friendly “help.”

By: Krissi

Krissi — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 03:30:13 +0000

So good. So true. Let’s stop playing king of the hill. Great stuff, Susan!

By: Nan in Mass

Nan in Mass — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:46:41 +0000

I think you are right. Most people who have discussed homeschooling with me want to explain to me why they don’t homeschool. I can see that they think in an ideal world they would be homeschooling. I hear about the sick parents or lack of patience or forgotten math. The people who are sure I am doing the wrong thing tend very politely to avoid discussing it. Perhaps it is the infamous small town New England reserve or perhaps I’ve just been lucky, but so far I haven’t had to deal with any of the ones who react strongly to homeschooling because they can’t bear the idea that they or their children might have suffered through public school for naught. The ones who were happy enough in public school, or at least not frightfully unhappy, usually are just mildy interested in whether homeschooling is legal and whether you can still go to college. They know public school doesn’t work for some children and are happy there is an alternative and relieved they don’t need it. Or they feel mildly guilty because they can see some of the advantages of homeschooling. It is all mild reactions, though, not strong ones.

I think it is sad.
-Nan

By: Janet D

Janet D — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:19:49 +0000

Oh my word, Moira! I too had seen Sir Ken Robinson’s talk a few years ago (while I was getting my Master’s in Elementary Ed – it was shown during a class, believe it or not)…his talk added to a gently percolating idea of homeschooling that I was already having by then.

Now I just want to copy his commentary (reflecting on how immensely popular his talk has been) and hand it to people who want to know why we homeschool. It says everything I want to say, only 1,000 times more succinctly.

To end, I quote from Sir Ken “… the dominant systems of education are rooted in the values and demands of industrialism: they are linear, mechanistic and focused on conformity and standardization….Education is about developing human beings, and human development is not mechanical or linear. It is organic and dynamic. Like all living forms, we flourish in certain conditions and shrivel in others. Great teachers, great parents and great leaders understand those conditions intuitively; poor ones don’t. The answer is not to standardize education, but to personalize and customize it to the needs of each child and community. There is no alternative. There never was.”

Please, Lord, when I die & assuming I go to heaven, can I please have a brain that thinks like Sir Ken’s???? One that can capture and re-frame an argument so that it ceases to be an argument and instead becomes a vision? Sigh. To dream………..

By: Karen

Karen — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:49:42 +0000

Another thought I had, while talking to my friend. She is getting a lot of discouragement from a relative, who brings up all the “reasons” why homeschooling isn’t a good idea. I have always found that usually people who react negatively to parenting decisions of others are usually reacting out of defensiveness. The parents I’ve met who are negative about our homeschooling are likely feeling defensive about their decision to public school, for whatever reasons. Some people will always see decisions they see as “outside the box” as a kind of judgement on their own mainstream decisions. Kind of like people who get defensive about vegetarianism, or whatever. If they’re not doing it, and we are, they assume we think they SHOULD be doing it.

So the next time we come up against those who are negative about our decision to homeschool, perhaps we can remember that they’re most likely reacting that way because THEY are having issues in their own realm, not because they honestly know what our lives are like, or why we made the decisions we made.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:39:25 +0000

We live on a street where we’re the only homeschoolers; the only reactions we’ve gotten from our neighbors are:

1) “But your kids are so well-behaved!”
2) “I could never do what you do.” (what do you say to that? I just say, “Well, each family does what works for them.”)

Today we packed up our schoolbooks and did our morning lessons at a library here on our military base; this is the first time I’ve dared to go somewhere “public” to homeschool. I was ready to be challenged: “Why aren’t your kids in school?” (My ready retort: “Well, they are, actually.”) As it happened, nobody questioned why my obviously school age child was there at the library. My husband pointed out that many military families do homeschool; it’s easier than changing schools every two or three years with new base postings. So probably the librarians are accustomed to homeschoolers. Or they figured it wasn’t their business.

I have a good friend who is seriously considering homeschooling, mostly as a reaction to her daughter’s bad experiences in their current school. She calls me often for advice and guidance. I always give her the disclaimer: “I think homeschooling is best. Mainly because it has been working for our family for the past five years. So I’m always going to give you advice through my filter, which is: Homeschooling should be the default setting, schools are there for families who can’t make homeschooling work no matter what.”

By: Kristi

Kristi — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:43:47 +0000

Thank you Susan for this post. I enjoyed being at your conference in May so much, by the way. One thing that had been bothering me was that my children weren’t really turning out too much different than their friends that attend private and public school. Surely I was a failure. My children are social, athletic, friendly and technologically plugged in to the lastest trend. Not what I was told would happen!!

My husband is a pastor at a church with us, a couple of other homeschooling families and hundreds of families that choose to send their children to institutions for education. Gasp! What I have found is my children are very adaptable without falling into peer pressure. They don’t have a certain set of friends so they are free to be friends with anyone, regardless of what school they attend, who their teacher is, etc. They are just very friendly.

Your post really solidifies my thoughts, that home eduaction is one of many good choices. Only the individual family can determine what is right for them so why should I spend my time bashing others. Besides, I’m reassessing whether we can make it through lunch somedays. Just kidding.

Serious thought should be given by home eduators in two areas. First, how does the public perceive us based upon our words and actions? Do we take education of our children seriously or are we always complaining and grumbling?

Second, do we portray our choice as the elite one, or one of many? I think some pretty amazing children come from every conceivable educatonal and family environment. We should feel confident in our choice and leave everyone else to make their own decision.

Just my $.02.