S/O Astrid's thread--What age do you let your kids choose their religion?

[Chris in VA]

If you believe in letting kids choose what they believe, at what age do you do this?

I'm specifically addressing those who are not raising their kids with a Christian outlook, but rather are of the mindset that they want to expose their kids to all religions and let them choose.

Side question--in most cases, that smorgasbord (for lack of a better word) doesn't seem to include conservative Christianity. Why is that? (Maybe that is its own thread.) I guess the other part of that would be, what religions would you NOT expose them to and why.

I am genuinely curious. I know this thread has the potential to go downhill quickly.

[dmmosher]

I appreciate the question. I've often wondered this myself.

[chiguirre]

Originally Posted by Chris in VA

Side question--in most cases, that smorgasbord (for lack of a better word) doesn't seem to include conservative Christianity. Why is that? (Maybe that is its own thread.) I guess the other part of that would be, what religions would you NOT expose them to and why.

I am genuinely curious. I know this thread has the potential to go downhill quickly.

I would discourage them from showing any interest in a conservative church because they would likely be targeted by "friends" who would dump them when they didn't want to convert. I've had this happen as an adult and I've had my ds9 targeted by a 12yo who befriended him only to keep talking about reading his Bible and inviting him to a Baptist church. I didn't have the heart to explain that this kid didn't really want to be friends, he just wanted to convert ds. I'm grateful that the relationship just sort of naturally withered and ds didn't get his feelings hurt. I've never had this happen with mainline protestants or less zealous Baptists or Muslims or Jews, so it seems to be most prevalent with certain conservative Christians.

[asta]

Kid has been exposed to/read about/discussed with members of just about everything out there and has more or less settled on an extremely conservative faith at 16.

Wild, I tell you. Definitely not what I expected to happen. Not in a bad way, mind you, just not what I expected, given his earlier proclivities.


a


ps: "conservative" should not, IMO, be a code word for "evangelical". I would consider Islam, RCC, Orthodox Catholicism, Orthodox Judaism, the Mennonites, etc. all to be very conservative.

[Gooblink]

My mom used to drop my sister and me off at a Lutheran church on Sunday mornings. I asked her why she would do that when nobody else from the family was going to church. She told me she wanted to me to make up my own mind. My dad had been Lutheran and died when I was 3, so I guess my mom felt she needed to do that to honor his memory...who knows?

Anyway, I attended that church until I was "confirmed" at age 16 then I left.

The whole concept of "choosing" a religion is odd to me. You can't pass on your faith to your kids - faith is such an individual thing and is a gift from God to you, not a gift from you to God.

So, my answer is that my kids are exposed to and free to choose from any religion, however I will give them my Christian answer to any other claim to truth. As for their personal religion/faith, I'll leave that up to God to sort out in the course of their own lives.

[Mama Lynx]

"When" doesn't really make sense for us.

This will not make sense to the Christians here, but I am not concerned that my children share my belief system. Yes, there is a set of standards and morals to which I am raising them, but those standards and morals do not require them to believe in my Gods.

We discuss our beliefs all the time. We guide the kids to find the answers they seek, but they will most likely find different answers than I did.

I have no problem with my kids becoming Christian, and would support them in doing so. However, conservative religion (not just Christianity) is tricky for me because many of them have a problem with my beliefs. I would hope that my children, should they choose such a path, remain respectful towards the beliefs of their parents, and choose to surround themselves with people who could share that respect.

[Mama Lynx]

Originally Posted by Gooblink

You can't pass on your faith to your kids - faith is such an individual thing and is a gift from God to you, not a gift from you to God.

So, my answer is that my kids are exposed to and free to choose from any religion, however I will give them my Christian answer to any other claim to truth. As for their personal religion/faith, I'll leave that up to God to sort out in the course of their own lives.

This closely matches how I feel about the issue.

I had a similar upbringing to you, as well. Mom would drop us off at Sunday school, but we almost never talked about religion or faith at home. I was hungry for it. I asked to go to church. I tried to pray at home. My parents were not at all comfortable with talking about religion, though. To this day I don't really know what they believe. They call themselves Christians, Methodists, but it's a very nominal thing.

I did feel a pull to raise my kids in some kind of church community, and so we tried the UU church for awhile. For various reasons, it ended up not working well for us.

[Chris in VA]

Thanks so much for the replies so far--they are exactly the tone I am looking for, and I really appreciate that.
chris
(hoping I'm phrasing everything alright for everyone)

[creekland]

I don't think a young youngster really has the ability to choose from religions. How young is young depends on the individual. Once they reach their teens and older and have more brain development, then they can comprehend the deeper aspects of religion (including atheism) and will decide for themselves what they want to do. Then, IMO, it becomes real. It may be an extension of how they were brought up or totally different.

To a large extent, this doesn't matter how they are brought up from super "religious" to not at all. I can point to IRL case studies for all aspects.

As for us, our boys have been raised the way hubby and I believe complete with reasons why we've chosen to believe this way and not some other. I see this as no different than our exposing them to other things we enjoy, foods we eat (and why), values we treasure, vacation style, etc. I know full well that once they are grown up and on their own they will develop totally into "who" they are and there's no way I would disown them at all no matter what they decide. I can't comprehend those that do.

Yes, I hope and pray that their faith remains strong and real, but in the end, it's between them and God. I also hope and pray that their values remain strong, that they care for their neighborhood and planet, that they eat mostly healthy foods, and other such things. It's part of being a parent.

[Mejane]

I don't know if someone chooses at a certain point and it sticks for life, kwim? We talk about religion and spirituality all the time, and my kids have run the gamut from atheism to enjoying every-Sunday-church (UU) over the years. At different points in my life, I've held to belief or not. I assume they'll do the same.