Please help me figure out how to educate my ds6...

[Sue G in PA]

I've posted about him before. He has Aspergers and probably a plethora of other disorders we haven't had diagnosed yet. He's very bright and reads well. Many of you will remember he's gone on strike...doesn't want anything to do with academics. I thought if I made it *fun*, he'd do it. No go. I printed dinosaur pages with math problems for him to color (like paint by number) and he enjoyed that...yesterday! Today, I printed some dino pages where he had to fill in the blank w/ a dino word from a word bank...spelling/handwriting, right? He fought me on that. We read ONLY dino books and that's been okay. I'm considering a dino lapbook and after baby comes doing a dino unit study...I found a free one online. He plays Leapster games, ed. computer games...sometimes...when the mood strikes him. He'll play with pattern blocks...when the mood strikes him!

I'm just worried. I don't want him to fall behind. I don't want to push him either. Where IS that happy medium? I ordered MUS Alpha for a change of pace from Saxon 1 for Math thinking Mr. Demme might get through to him. We'll see how that goes. Am I worrying too much? If I would just let him "go" for this year and restart fresh next year, would that be so horrible? My fear is that he won't want to/be able to get back into the swing of things period! ARGH! Sorry to burden all of you w/ this. I'm just tired of fighting him, yelling at him, worrying about him, etc. Thanks for letting me vent.

BTW...dh and I are against medicating him BUT if it is the only thing that would help...I'd consider it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You know, six years old is one of the ages where "unschooling" is especially attractive to me. Put out a variety of activities and let him choose one. It sounds like he's reacting to having things too structured. He liked the math sheet because it was novel to him, when you did something similar with spelling/handwriting it wasn't as novel. Put out a math game (at this age there are tons of matching, lotto, counting etc. games). You can buy them or make them yourself. Put out a phonics game (there are tons of those too). Let him choose one. The reading is good. They really do learn a lot by having books read to them. There are lots of hands-on stuff to do for science and even history. Don't make it seem like school.

You are still in the process of having him diagnosed it sounds like. I think it would be best to find out what difficulties he's really facing and then get specific recommendations as how to approach him on those issues. I don't have first-hand knowledge of Aspergers but I know that other special needs (like Down's syndrome) have a history of stubborn-ness. And the people who are helping you to assess him should be able to help with some strategies to deal with that.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Wow, Sue... I have no advice, but much admiration.

Just general observation, but maybe take a week off, without trying to teach any of it and then try again? He is only six years old. If he likes the computer, maybe try to find something computer based?

If you repost this question on the special needs board, I expect the parents there will have loads of advice.

[Eliana]

. He's very bright and reads well. Many of you will remember he's gone on strike...doesn't want anything to do with academics. I thought if I made it *fun*, he'd do it. No go.

I'm just worried. I don't want him to fall behind. I don't want to push him either. Where IS that happy medium?

Am I worrying too much? If I would just let him "go" for this year and restart fresh next year, would that be so horrible? My fear is that he won't want to/be able to get back into the swing of things period! ARGH! Sorry to burden all of you w/ this. I'm just tired of fighting him, yelling at him, worrying about him, etc. Thanks for letting me vent.


Sue,

I don't have any experience with special needs, but I've had six 6 year olds now, and I'll share my reactions to you based on that...

First, six is very, very young. I would caution you to put your fears of what might happen in the future aside and work with the present only.

Second, Relax!! Try not to bring tension into your schooling relationship. You don't want to setup a long term pattern of school as power struggle or school as "torture"... and kids are really sensitive to our tension. If you let go of this a little more (and I know how much easier that is to say than do!), you might be able to find a pattern which works better for both of you.


Third, I think it might be good to rethink what 'school' is going to be for this year (and let the next year worry about itself!).

Here's one vision:

Does he like to be read to? Chapter books? Nonfiction? Picture books?
You say he is reading well - does he sit down and read to himself for pleasure, or is it he at the 'mastered the decoding thing but not yet reading fluently enough to do it for fun' stage?


If he likes being read to, put that top on your daily school list - and read as much as your throat will permit - and let him have audiobooks for some of the rest of the day. After you have a pleasant pattern going with this - a few weeks at least - stop in an exciting place (choose your book well for this, you want it to be one he can read fairly easily) and say you;re done for now and ask if he could read a page to you. If he doesn't want to, don't push. Invite him again another day, and if he does read to you be very appreciative when he is done. Keep reading other, more complex books to him as well - fiction and non-fiction. (Ambleside has some good suggestions.) If it doesn't make him tense up, after a while, see if he'll talk with you about what's happening, or if he'll tell his dad about what you;ve been reading - but make sure he doesn't feel tested or corrected! There shouldn't be a wrong narration at this point.

I would set aside all formal math for quite a while. It isn't worth having him hate math to get him to memorize some math facts a year or so earlier! Look over the Saxon scope & sequence, since you already own it, and see the topics covered. I made a cheat sheet one year with a description of each lesson, but sorted by topic or material used. If you aren't already well supplied with manipulatives, stock up now! Give each its own container and pull them all out (with some kids it works better to only get out a few and to rotate them so there's more of a sense of novelty, other kids prefer more choices). Let him choose what he'd like to do, and hang out near him while he does it. If he wants to talk about what he's doing, be very responsive. Do this for several weeks, and then, once he's chosen an manipulative, offer to show him something neat! And introduce a concept, or a math term or a game/puzzle/activity with whatever he has chosen. Bring math talk into your daily life too, and, if he's interested, let him help you cook sometimes - six year olds can be wonderful kitchen helpers.

See if there are ways you can give him 'real work' to do - not assigned like a chore, but that he's invited to do, or that you show him how to do. Many Montessori type books have wonderful suggestions for these types of things.

Then play, and talk, and snuggle, and, go the park and the zoo and the museums.


Learning doesn't have to be formal to be real and valid. If you provide a rich environment, a stable household, meaningful 'real work', lots of love and parent time children can learn so much.


Some six year olds thrive with a school-like setting. They like the predictability, but not all kids are ready at six. My son was an autodidact at that age - my main job was to provide a rich environment, a responsive audience, and a few hints here and there. He's 11 now and midway through an algebra text designed for college students; he 'does school' well and with cheerful diligence... though he will always bring his own sparkle to things! And he loves to learn - he keeps developing these interests (the constitution, economics, astronomy, Chief Joseph and the Nez Pierce) and researches them for weeks, reading and taking notes and asking endless questions. Breaks don't have to mean being behind!



Eliana

[Cadam]

He is only 6, it's ok. Has he started Occupational Therapy? A social skills class? I would forgo most academics and make the next year about therapies. Believe me, it can take up most of your time! They you scale back to the most beneficial therapies and work on Academics in 2009. If you can fit in phonics or math once a week between now and then great but don't push it. Now that my dd has done some OT and a listening program it is easier to do academics with her.

You are working so hard and I can see how dedicated you are to your son's education. You are doing a great job. I know from my experience that it has gotten a little easier to teach dd and be her mom since she started therapies.

[Mrs. H.]

If he likes to be read to, there are books on every subject under the sun, even Math! Things like Anno's Magical Multiplying Jar and other books that make Math seem like a game, then you could play math games and such. Also, he could tell back what you've read to him, narration-style.

I wouldn't worry about formal subjects this year. If it makes you feel better to be doing "Math" or "History" or "Science", then go to your library and load up on different books of that ilk, allowing your son to browse and choose ones that strike his fancy as well. He will probably soak up lots of interesting info. just by listening to you read to him. Books on tape would give you a break if you just can't sit and read for hours every day.

My 7yr. old likes to do origami while he listens to long books on tape, then narrate to me, and I spend that hour or so working with my 10yr. old on something she might need my help with, or teaching phonics to my younger boys.

[Sue G in PA]

I'm feeling a bit better this morning. He did 2 *fun* worksheets this morning w/out a fight and read a book to dd2! WOW! I'm going to work on a schedule for him first. A spec. needs teacher my dh knows (he used to work for MD Coalition for Inclusive Ed.) suggested I create a schedule, complete w/ pictures to laminate and post so he knew exactly what to expect. We have a "loose" schedule, but for an Aspie kid..."loose" isn't good enough it seems :) I have a LOT to learn! I'm also going to relax. I'll be thankful for days like today and not stress over days like yesterday! We'll read lots of books on ALL subjects, get him used to books on tape (perhaps even get him his own tape recorder as a "treat"), let him "play" with math manipulatives, play phonics/reading games (any suggestions?), etc. OT...hadn't thought of it but I'll look into it. Thanks everyone!

[Mrs. H.]

If you live in a state that requires a certain number of "school" days per year (usually 180), then you might consider setting your schedule up for year-round school, taking a week off several times a year for a break. Then, even if your son has a few "bad" days, you could just cancel school for the day without the guilt that he might get behind or you might not meet your quota.

This would also eliminate an erratic summer schedule versus school year schedule, and give your son more structure and continuity.