Help for "Odd" little girl

[Amy in MS]

I need some help for those of you who might have an idea what is going on.

"May" is a little girl, only child, homeschooled, of some strange parents.
She's nearly 10, but seems to have a hard time interacting in a normal way with other children, well, with anyone. She had wide, staring eyes, doesn't speak much, and is always with her mother, who hovers constantly. She doesn't eat much other than Trix yogurt and fruit roll-ups--that's what her mother brings on picnics and such, claiming that's all she will eat.

She doesn't have regular sleeping patterns, but maybe this is a family thing. A friend "Marsha" went to her house yesterday, she promised to watch Marsha's children for 2 hours. Marsha called at 10:30 to make sure she remembered, but the Mom and May hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. MOm said, it was good "Marsha" called to wake them up. This also from Marsha. They invited May with 2 other girls from Birthday slumber party. Marsha checked in on them every 15 minutes after bedtime to make sure they were settling and going to sleep. Ater 10:30, May was the only one awake. Marsha says May was talking to herself non-stop. She went in at 11 and May was still talking, but seemed ok otherwise, and encouraged her to go to sleep. At 11:20, Marsha has strange feeling, gets into robe and finds May standing in darkened living room with her bag, and her father walks into the room. She's called her parents and opened the doors for them to come get her. Dad said, "I was just going to leave a little note." CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TERROR!? I would have gone NUTS the next morning until I had seen the "little note".

Girl doesn't do school very often. They left out an entire semester last year because May didn't want to do school, and she same pattern is emerging now.

Mom has a degree in special ed, but has never used it. Of course, she goes on constantly about how Advanced May is.

I don't have a lot of interaction with, but Mom and I know each other and our girls do have some group activities together. But poor May is always the odd duck.

Here's the thing. I'm teaching a science co-op in the next couple of weeks, and I'll be able to talk to the mom afterward. I'm wondering, if any of this sounds like a bell ringing to you, what would you say to "Mom."

Really, I'm thinking about saying something like, "You know, I noticed how May _____, and am wondering if you've ever had her tested for "anxiety"/"anything" [intert word here]." See, I have no idea if anything is actually "wrong" with this girl other than her family. But, frankly, I think public school would be one of the best things for her because it would help her work in the real world. What advice could you give me? If I did suggest something, what do you think I should suggest?

Something is wrong for this little girl, and I'd like to try to help her. I'm leaving town soon, and I don't know if anyone else will say something. Otherwise, she's a gonner. Maybe she is anyway.

Amy

[Dot]

Some people are strange, some are boring, some are ignorant, but those are my own opinions and I'd keep them to myself.

[abbeyej]

Unfortunately, I agree with Dot. I don't think you can say anything that the parents will "hear" until they're ready. The things you list *could* be symptoms of something or other, but they aren't *necessarily*...

The most I would do, in your case, is point out any particularly noteworthy episodes that happen in your class. You can mention a time when May reacts in a particularly unusual way as a concerned teacher looking for the best way to reach her. But I truly think that's all you can do.

[Ria]

Unfortunately, Amy, what you are concerned about is really none of your business, and most of it seems to be hearsay as well. If you truly feel the child's welfare is threatened, you could call Child Protective Services, but it doesn't sound as though she's in any danger from what you've written. They sound like a different family...and that's okay. Mom has a degree in special ed...she probably has a good grip on the child's education. May might actually be years ahead, so taking a semester off might be just what she needed....you just don't know.

If "Marsha" is concerned enough to talk about this to you, she's the one who should talk to the mom directly. For your part, if something happens in your class you can talk to the mom about that. Otherwise you'd best stay out of it.

Ria

[Joanne]

This seems, well, incomplete.

If it's an accurate description, it's not a lifestyle I'd choose or recommend. But I don't believe it to be reportable and it doesn't seem that anyone posting/talking is in relationship with the family to say anything or to make an accurate/unbiased evaluation.

Mom has a degree in special ed, but has never used it. Of course, she goes on constantly about how Advanced May is

I'm pondering the inclusion of this. The "tone" of it to me suggests that there is more involved in your perception. "Of course, she goes on constantly about how Advanced May is....." suggests some irritation with the mom that may color your perception of this family.

[Janet in WA]

It sound as if the parents are as "odd" as May is, so I don't see the point in pointing out May's "oddness" to them. And about school -- I've known plenty of odd children and their odd parents in my years in public schools. Rather than being helpful, schools are just miserable places for children like May. I'd stay out of it, if I were you because I don't think there's anything you can fix.

[Cadam]

I think you hit the nail on the head
"May" is a little girl, only child, homeschooled, of some strange parents.

Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
I so wish you could help her, there probably is something going on like possible SPD/ anxiety or other issues but there really isn't anything you can do because it sounds like mom is rationalizing everything away and you can't pull people's heads out of the sand for them.

[Kathy in MD]

possible thing I think you could do is mention the Special Needs Boards and suggest that she might have some insight to some of our problems. Do not, I repeat, do not mention that you think she might be the one to gain anything from the boards. My hope would be that she would see her dd in some of our posts, or feel comfortable in annonimity(sp) to ask for advice.

[Amy in MS]

You're right. I will pretend nothing is wrong and none of this is a problem. I can't do anything anyway. What I gave to you was mostly hearsay, and my own interactions have been odd, but not this odd.

Odd girl, odd parents.

What can I do?

Nothing. Shut up.

Think I will.

Thanks, all.

[debbiec]

I would have this whole thread deleted before I recommended that to the mom.

[Kathy in MD]

I would have this whole thread deleted before I recommended that to the mom.

nt

[Claire]

If the subject of food should come up between you and the mother, the one thing I think you could mention is that she might want to get an occupational therapy evaluation for the picky eating. This type of eating pattern can be caused by sensory integration problems -- such as hyper-sensitivity to tastes and textures -- and OTs have protocols that are very effective for normalizing sensory responses. This suggestion could be offered simply in the context of children's eating habits and how, as concerned parents, we are interested in food choices.

It's possible that this is a family whose members have Asperger's. Their odd way of life may be perfectly normal for them. However, that doesn't mean you can't exchange information with the mother about parenting, OTs, etc.

[Rebecca in VA]

It's possible that her odd behaviors are exascerbated by malnutrition. That child needs a well-rounded diet. I would feel comfortable addressing that with the mother, because it's a common problem in children.

[Kate in Arabia]

Obviously I haven't seen what you have seen, but from your first post I don't really see what is truly "odd" enough that would warrant saying something. You will be having her in a co-op, so you would then have an opportunity to see for yourself if there is anything that is truly troubling (and not just "different"). Honestly, several of the things you mention either my children do (being extremely picky eaters, specifically during outings; being unable to sleep, particularly in strange surroundings) or I could see my dh doing (not wanting to wake up the mom and thinking to leave a note instead).

[Amy in MS]

Not a problem; I don't intend on mentioning it, anyway, though if I were, I'd certainly ask for the deletion. I'm staying out. Maybe Marsha will fill the role someday, if it's needed.
amy

[Amy in MS]

As to tone, you have a point. That was bad of me. I have nothing personal against the family, but my mother worked with lots of great LD children and their families, and many
(not all of course) of the families, at first, said their children were "advanced" and had a lot of difficulty adjusting to the fact that their children were actually delayed in areas. (Then again, some were advanced in other areas). I let that color my post and I shouldn't have.

I'll just stay out. There's nothing I can do anyway. I'm sure she'll live.

Maybe 30 years ago someone had this same quandry thinking about May's Mom as a little girl; but if it's a family issue, it's a cycle that can't be helped.

I'll let it lie here.

Amy

[Maria/ME]

Girl doesn't do school very often. They left out an entire semester last year because May didn't want to do school, and she same pattern is emerging now.



Just a thought. Not every homeschooler "does" school the same. I may take off a semester, or a month or two and what I mean by "taking off" and what you do may be totally different things. Often, too, I am kinda dismissive and flip when telling people what we do and don't do. Like I"ll say "Ya, we don't crack a book..." when that is a HUGE exaggeration of silliness. Doesn't sound like the mom is all that "silly" and "flip" but what I am saying is taking off a semester could mean anything. It may even mean they are taking some time to let their child lead. Or taking some time off because she's stressed.

I'll agree the whole thing is weird and frankly, I'd be concerned too. But I have to agree with the others. Not alot you can do but help from a good place in your heart...make yourself open as a friend to them and you might bet another peak into their lives where you can truly make a difference. Or not. Maybe you'll never get that....but that's about the only course open as I see it.

The overnight thing is VERY freaky to be sure...but maybe this family are major nightbirds...some familys have different biological clocks than the accepted "norm"....Dad walking in house equals REALLY WEIRD....by our standards for sure....but what can you do?

[Pajama Mama]

I wouldn't get into the family's habits, homeschool styles, etc. However, if *I* were Marsha I would have a problem with the sleepover episode. Maybe I'm an old fart, but I have a problem with my kids' friends using my phone without permission. I would have a problem with this girl using my phone to have her parent pick her up without telling me. She then opened the door after 11PM. Marsha was responsible for those girls. What if she let the wrong person in thinking it was her dad? Yes, I know it's unlikely.

I would calmly speak to the parents and ask that if May sleeps over that she can't leave without telling the adult in charge. That's just common courtesy. If I were watching her, I would probably have the police at my house before finding her note saying she went home. Then I would be furious. It sounds like the parents lack common sense.

[Amy in MS]

Hi PJMama, :)

Yeah, I would have just DIED to wake up in the morning and not find the note immediately. Especially remembering about Polly Klass. The really scary thing was that the Dad said he would have put the note on the dining table, that room is kind of a jag off of the main area of the house, and they wouldn't have seen it until sitting down for breakfast. . . Can you imagine? Sitting down for breakfast would have been the last thing I'd have thought of!

Yeah, it's just one of those things. I'm pretty sure that Marsha is breaking away from that relationship, not that it was a terribly close one, but it's probably something that will never come up again. Nor babysitting. She's just creeped out by it all.

Amy