Those of you with older boys, at what age did they become capable of crying...

[ThelmaLou]

over something other than feeling sorry for themselves. I'm thinking of crying out of compassion, being moved to tears of joy, crying at a sad or heartwarming scene in a movie, tearing up over a devasating news story or major disaster. If your son is a Christian, has he ever been moved to tears over either personal sin or over his reflection on Christ's mercy and God's love? (not over getting in trouble, but over an awareness of falling short of God's requirements). I'm just curious.

My husband and both of his brothers are very easily moved to tears. I would also consider my husband to be very "manly". I love that he can cry. Bless his heart, he can't even watch Fox and the Hound with our younger boys without losing it or leaving the room.

The men on my side of the family are another story, though. My brother doesn't recall ever crying or even feeling the urge to tear up in his adult life. My dad was exactly the same way for years. Now, he has Parkinsons, and either the disease or the medication causes him to be much more easily moved to tears. As a matter of fact he finds it very inconvenient, because he doesn't always know when it's going to come on and he often finds it embarassing.

Anyhow, I wonder if tends to run along family lines or not. I hope my 5 boys inherit that trait from my husband's side of the family. My ds #2 (age 11) commented the other day, "I just don't get why some people cry when they're happy!" It got me to thinkin'.

[Lorna in the boonies]

Interesting question.

I don't know the answer, as my only boy is 11 and hasn't started yet. My dh, though, cries pretty easily (and it's kind of funny, because he's huge and doesn't look like 'the type'). I can't remember my father or my brother ever crying, though, even at my daughter's funeral.

I've never thought about it running along family lines. It will be interesting to see how it plays out in my son's life (he is as easily affected by things as his father, but I haven't seen any tears yet).

Editing, after reading some of the other responses, to say that I very rarely cry. I leave that to my dh.

[Susie in CA]

Well, I don't know. However, I don't cry over things either - never have.

Susie (not a boy :)

[Danestress]

My husband cries seldom. Like you, I have a father who cries frequently - in his case because of Alzheimer's. He's always been a manly man, but even before he was afflicted with this disease, he cried from time to time.

One of my sons cries for others. He cried listening to NPR once because he felt so upset for the plight of the children of illegal immigrants. I think he was maybe seven years old.

The other two aren't as prone to that kind of heart felt sympathy. I'm trying to think about whether the women in my family are major criers though. I don't really think so. Sometimes I am surprised when I do get worked up at something on television, but in general I think I cry less than other women seem to.

[Holly IN]

My son started doing this when he was 12. Still does it now and he is 13. Tears of joy, concern, compassion and happy...the list goes on.

Holly

[Michelle in GA]

My oldest NEVER cries at sentimental movies or over the tradjedies of others. He is not cold-hearted;he is just not the emotional type. We have always jokingly referred to him as our little vulcan(which is a high compliment for him, as he is a HUGE Star Trek fan)

My younger son(14) is as all -boy as it gets, yet I have seen him tear up at sad movies. He doesn't bawl, he just tears up. When he was 7, he read Stone Fox, and literally cried and wailed for an hour. He is very sensitive to others, and once years ago when a house deal fell through for us, he cried and cried because he thought I was crushed about it. Now that he is older, he is still very sensitive, but I think he keeps a tighter lid on it.

[debbiec]

I have a 14 year old son and have had some of the same concerns as you about - are they feeling any compassion or genuine repentance. My son has cried on (rare) occasion about his own sin, on;y when it's been something really huge, which is seldom. And of course, he will tear up over any animal movie :), but that's not what we're talking about here,

We did rent "At the End of a Spear" from Netflix last weekend. It's the story about Nate Saint, told from his son's view. I'm sad to say, I was pleased he cried really hard towards the end. He was able to feel someone else's pain and feel compassion. It doesn't always transfer to real life as easily thougn :rolleyes:

So, if your child can watch The End of the Spear, without a tear, I think he may have been dipped into your gene pool in that area.

But, I think some people are just naturally more compassionate than others. I have an aquaintance who has 7 children. She has taken them to a nursing home monthly to muscially perform for them, and visit with them, to teach her children service and compassion. She admitted recently, that after 8 years of doing this, she has realized SHE can't teach them compassion. That is something God is just going to have to do, because SHE can't control their hearts. She is glad of the service and will continue to do it, but that reality has recently set in with her that they will continue to do this FOR the patients, and not FOR her kids hearts.

I'm rambling ~ but you did get me to thinking about it!

[Holly IN]

I already posted above. Just forgot to say one more thing...I have two boys. My oldest is emotional. My other boy is all boy. I am afraid he will not cry like my oldest does (the way it should be done like the oldest).

They are all boys but in their personality though they are different like night and day.

My younger can watch a spooky movie without batting an eye while my oldest is terrified. So I think it has alot to do with gene pools and personality as well as their demeanor.

Holly

[Dot]

it as an age thing. My kids, girl and boy, are quite tender-hearted and have cried during times of joy and sadness(their own and others) since they were very little. My bil, however, is of the type who thinks males are sissies if they cry. Thankfully he has no sons.

[Sue G in PA]

I have a 5yo that cries more than my 2yo, an 8yo that cries more than any 8yo should...I'm wondering how to get them to all STOP! I'm so sick of it. I know this isn't what you were talking about, but I thought it funny that somebody was asking about when boys START crying when I'm desperate to get mine to STOP ::eek: In answer to your question, though, my oldest boy is only 9 and he's a "softy" although he does try to hide the tears that so easily come. My dh cries every so often (twice a year maybe?). I'd much rather have semi-emotional boys capable of crying than turning those tears into aggressions, KWIM? Most boys will act out instead of crying.

[momo4]

I think it is a personal thing too. My oldest ds has cried during a sad movie and over sin when he was young (8yrs). My dad cries and is very manly, my husband doesn't. My husband would like to sometimes, but can't. He might say I feel like crying, but he just can't. I cry easily and always have, I would like a bit more control myself! And yet I have friends that rarely cry.

[Just Me]

My m-i-l once told me how she and my dh wold sit together, watching some movie, and cry together. This was all throughout my dh's childhood. And, yes, he is a cryer (crier?) today. Neither of his brothers is that way.

Neither of my sons are like that, nor is my daughter. I rarely cry (read never!) over movies or television, although I do tear up with empathy for another person who may be struggling in some way.

Of all my children, my youngest seems to be most like his dad, although I haven't seen him tear up over anything on television, or over convictions. But, there are nights when I will go into his room and he is sobbing over thoughts that come to him as he is laying in bed. Things like "One day Bailey (our dog) will die", and "I really miss our old house", and so on...

[abbeyej]

According to my father, he didn't cry over such things until he became a dad. And I noticed him crying more (and he would confirm this) in his 40s, when his oldest kids (me and my brother) were first hitting our teens. I'm not sure if it was because of his age, or our ages, or because he also had a baby then and saw the growing-up so clearly that was going on...

I don't recall my husband crying that way, but I certainly wouldn't call him heartless or compassionless.

I never cried over things like that till I had kids. I honestly think it was / is largely hormonal for me. I don't think I'm a more compassionate person because I cry over coffee commercials now. ;)

[PrairieAir]

Just because someone does not cry does not mean they are not deeply moved or that they are incapable of experiencing the same level of emotion. All of my children resist a huge show of emotion in front of other people. Even if they are hurt, they don't want to show it in front of others and will wait until they get home. That's not because they don't feel pain or emotion, but because they don't feel comfortable expressing it so openly. I used to be the same way, but any more I have difficulty not showing how I feel. I've been told that my attitudes and emotions are easily read on my face. That makes me uncomfortable because I am a private person. I'd prefer not to cry publicly over movies and books (and the national anthem, for pity's sake!).

I also think some people just feel things differently. Perhaps these people are more logical and rational in dealing with their feelings. They prefer to process their emotions differently. Maybe that spurs them to action rather than tears.

People are just different. We are all unique individuals. There is no one way every person should react to a situation.

[hpymomof3]

My ds (almost 10) rarely cries when he gets hurt or upset but he will cry once in awhile for others. For instance my bil just had to put his dog to sleep and my ds felt very bad for my bil. He cried then and my dh even had tears in his eyes when he had to tell us what happened. It was a very rough time for my bil. For other reasons he had a rough year and that dog was a lifesaver.

He cried when his older sister had to go to public high school last year. He will occasionally cry for joy too (for instance this Christmas when he got his first bowling ball that he really, really wanted or last summer when my dh finally got his MBA). He is very much a boyish boy and so is his father but both have their sensitive sides (although for dh it is more rare).

[PariSarah]

So, I guess that would count.

(He was also screamingly mad at me. "You killed Charlotte!!")

We all cry at touching scenes in books around here--especially if the reader (i.e., me) cries. I didn't used to be a crier, esp. at movies and such, but since having kids, I've become one, to some extent. No Hallmark commercials or silly movies. But reading something profound out loud, yeah.

Dh and his dad are unabashed tearers-up from way back. I think ds9 leans toward my tendencies, in that he cries mostly when he's mad or in trouble, but occasionally when he's reading or watching something really moving. He's very embarrassed by it, though, so we all have to pretend not to notice.

Oh, and baby is always ready to cry. Or whine. Or scream. :rolleyes:

[Virginia Dawn]

IMO, it is a mistake to equate tears with heartfelt compassion, joy, or sorrow. The lack of a visible emotional response is not necessarily an indication of a lack of character.

[ThelmaLou]

IMO, it is a mistake to equate tears with heartfelt compassion, joy, or sorrow. The lack of a visible emotional response is not necessarily an indication of a lack of character.

Oh dear, I hope that's not what I communicated. I am extremely pleased with my boys' character development and integrity. I definitely don't take the lack of tears as a sign that they're low on compassion or heartfelt emotions. I was just curious about the whole "being moved to tears" idea.

My 11 year old, whose countenance changes widely from joyful to sorrowful depending on the situation, simply doesn't manifest either extreme with tears. Same with my other boys. I don't view it as a right or wrong. My brother, the one who doesn't cry at all, says that he sometimes wishes that he could cry, but simply finds it impossible. I think that for himself, he sees this as a negative. Not a negative regarding his own character, but perhaps a negative as far as a perceived benefit to himself. I think he realizes that for some, it's cathartic or relieving in some way.

I was only musing and wondering about whether some people find that there tends to be an age/time of life when those who *are* moved to tears begin to show it. I know for myself, it wasn't until I was in high school. And I know it's not necessarily a boy/girl thing. Just so happens I have all boys, and they still seem like such foreign creatues to me at times!;)

[jillmurtagh]

Ha ha - I'm with Sue G.: my 8 year old son has been a worry to his father since birth ("why is he always crying?!!") but a delight to me. He is unbelievably empathetic, and I think it will make him a great man. Your post and all the replies got ME thinking... I am a toughie, all business, until I see someone else cry - real people or movie characters. Here's the kicker: my sensitive boy is exactly the opposite! Wailing and wringing hands unless somebody else needs comforting! Then he swings into action, either making it all better, or making faces. Shows the ability to put others' needs first? Seeks attention? Sociopathic? Back to your premise: my husband, father, brother, brothers-in-law are all softies when they think nobody's looking. My daughter, mom, aunts, grandmas - all emotional atom bombs. Me - probably the toughest of all, but not ashamed to let 'em roll, as long as someone else goes first. My boy is either the next Dalai Lama or the next Jim Carey :) I'm okay with either one. PS - boys are foreign creatures. That's why we love 'em.