My poor niece aged 10

[Karenciavo]

I just want to hold this poor girl. Many of you know a few years back (9/2005) my sister-in-law lost her battle with schizophrenia and took her own life. My niece has done remarkably well, it probably helped that my brother was often the primary care giver because of my SIL's illness. Anyway, he met a women last year and they are engaged and my dn has grown close to this other woman and her extended family who all live in the same small town. In the past 2 months *3* members of this women's family have committed suicide, a BIL, an uncle and a cousin. My niece is now struggling with fear, she doesn't want to go to school or leave her father. I have no idea how to help my niece and my brother. I want her to come stay with us for a while, but she won't leave her dad. :sigh: Prayers, thoughts, advice are all appreciated.

[JudoMom]

Your poor niece. That sure seems like more than one child should have to deal with. I'll be praying for her.

[Natalieclare]

That sounds truly terrifying for that poor girl. Prayers wafting up now...

[Tutor]

Oh my goodness. I have no advice but prayers are being offered for you all.

[*anj*]

Poor baby. That is really sad, Karen. I hope that she'll be okay. I can't imagine being so young and having to process so much tragedy. I'll be praying.

[Janet in WA]

What heavy loads some children have to bear. (((Karen's niece)))

[Karenciavo]

Thanks everyone. Her name is Victoria.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

My heart aches for her and for you. You're in my thoughts.

[wide eyes & laughter]

Does Victoria talk openly and express her deepest rage and fears? Has she been to a therapist at all? I know she's young to read a book about this disease alone, but how 'bout with someone? Understanding is a key to freedom, so is talking w/others.

Bless her & carry her, Lord. Amen.

[mysticamethyst]

That is so tragic that such a young child should have to endure this. Will be prying for her and the family.

[Karenciavo]

Does Victoria talk openly and express her deepest rage and fears?
Up until this point no, at least not with her dad or the rest of the family.

Has she been to a therapist at all?
In the past she has seen a therapist, I'm not sure about now. I'm guessing my brother will insist upon it.

Thank you so much :)
Karen

[Joanne]

My niece has done remarkably well, it probably helped that my brother was often the primary care giver because of my SIL's illness. Anyway, he met a women last year and they are engaged and my dn has grown close to this other woman and her extended family who all live in the same small town. In the past 2 months *3* members of this women's family have committed suicide, a BIL, an uncle and a cousin.

Know that I am particularly sensitive to issues involving re-marriage, kids, etc. I understand the need to move on, to embrace and celebrate life, etc.

Your brother has been immersed with people with serious (and apparently under-treated) mental illness. Has he gotten professional help and support for himself to recover? Has his dd?

He's about the enter formally into another family with an apparent genetic predisposition to severe mental/emotional health challenges. He needs to be proactive about that reality if he is going to move foward.

[wide eyes & laughter]

(sometimes a carefully selected book read together can spark meaningful, necessary means of drawing out). But somehow some way, she needs to be drawn out. These burdens have to be shared, otherwise, best as I can see, she is bearing and burying this heavy darkness. And, I think she should see a carefully selected therapist. I wouldn't rush into this, but I wouldn't put it off either. She is delicate. Her emotions are delicate.

Beyond this I don't know. All I've said is based on what I know about people in my life who are adult survivors of tragedy/abuse from childhood. Nothing just goes away.... If she doesn't talk and work through her feelings/emotions and have her perspective on LIFE set straight, her present and future coping skills could become self-destructive, easily.

Glad she has you as you obviously care and I will pray the adults in her life will reach her with tender and effective tools to help her through this torturous time.

Blessings, grace & peace.

[Karenciavo]

Know that I am particularly sensitive to issues involving re-marriage, kids, etc. I understand the need to move on, to embrace and celebrate life, etc.

Your brother has been immersed with people with serious (and apparently under-treated) mental illness. Has he gotten professional help and support for himself to recover? Has his dd?

He's about the enter formally into another family with an apparent genetic predisposition to severe mental/emotional health challenges. He needs to be proactive about that reality if he is going to move foward.

I completely agree Joanne. My SIL was adopted, her birth mother committed suicide. My brother is aware that his daughter is at risk, but he is not as proactive as I would be. Don't get me wrong, he is somewhat proactive, but not as much as I would be. My mother and I both are advising him to seek treatment for both himself and his daughter and to go to some serious pre-marital counseling. I was not aware of any mental illness in this women's family before these incidents, only one of the deceased is a blood relation to her, the cousin.

Thanks,
Karen

[PariSarah]

Oh my.

That's just too much "life" for that girl to have to deal with at 10.

((Victoria))

[sdWTMer]

I agree with Parisarah...oh what some kids on this earth have to deal with at such a tender young age. Makes my heart break! :( Will pray. Karenciavo.

[Liz CA]

I just want to hold this poor girl. Many of you know a few years back (9/2005) my sister-in-law lost her battle with schizophrenia and took her own life. My niece has done remarkably well, it probably helped that my brother was often the primary care giver because of my SIL's illness. Anyway, he met a women last year and they are engaged and my dn has grown close to this other woman and her extended family who all live in the same small town. In the past 2 months *3* members of this women's family have committed suicide, a BIL, an uncle and a cousin. My niece is now struggling with fear, she doesn't want to go to school or leave her father. I have no idea how to help my niece and my brother. I want her to come stay with us for a while, but she won't leave her dad. :sigh: Prayers, thoughts, advice are all appreciated.

receive counseling when her mother died? Such a traumatic event has surely left a scar on her little soul. It's only natural to be afraid now that everyone will disappear...I can totally understand the fear but wouldn't know how to alleviate it. A good counselor would be the best option IMHO.

[GothicGyrl]

Just from reading this, I'm wondering if your neice isn't clinging to her father because she feels as though she's responsible for all these deaths.

Just trying to get in to her mind but could she be thinking "I'm here, mom dies".. "dad meets someone, I get close to them, they die." "is it me? Dad hasn't died so I can get close to him, he's safe".

I say this because when I had to put my oldest in counseling following her witness of abuse on me, this was her thinking--"if I don't get close to mom, the abuse won't happen. Since nene and poppy don't abuse, I can get close to them, they are safe".

While abuse and death are so not the same thing, the line of thinking closely follows. She really does need a counselor to talk to. And as much as I can tell you love her, I don't think her going to live with you for a bit is a good thing--at least not yet. She needs to conquer the fear she has now (the "if I get close they all die" fear) so that she can develop a healthy relationship with everyone.

I saw the fear in my DD's eyes, I know that fear and I don't like it, it scared me as much as it did her. ;( But the counselor helped her out tremendously.

[Rich with Kids]

How terrifying for her and all involved. I'll be praying.

[Tammyla]

That poor little girl. My sister's step daughter lost her mother to after an automobile accident. Fear has definitely been something to deal with even years later, but family and individual counseling has helped tremendously.

Prayers for everyone.