How long should I let my ds3 go hungry?

[A home for their hearts]

My ds3 has become very picky lately, he won't even eat things that he used to. I finally decided to let him go hungry if he refuses to eat what is served. He didn't want to eat supper last night so I told him he wouldn't be allowed to eat anything else until he ate his supper. He didn't have anything at all to eat last night so I told him he could have his supper for breakfast, while he refused to eat it again. I stuck to my guns and didn't let him have anything even though he pretty much cried on and off all morning. When lunch time rolled around I thought for sure he would eat, nope still refuses! I'm starting to get worried about him. He feel asleep, he hasn't taken a nap in months! He hasn't eaten anything in about 24 hours. Is it safe to let him starve? This doesn't seem to be working. I thought he would eventually get hungry enough and eat but that doesn't look like the case. If I give up and let him eat something else, it'll just ruin everything I'm trying to do! I've almost cried a few times myself. I feel so bad for him!

[beansprouts]

I don't go to unreasonable lengths to accomodate picky eaters, nor would I try to force a child to eat a meal he flat out doesn't want. I make supper, try to prepare foods that are nutritious and pleasing to the majority of the family. I will encourage my children to eat a little bit of everything, but if they choose not to there are no alternatives offered. Maybe next meal the menu will be more to their liking. ;)

[Jennifer in MI]

My 7 yo is the picky one. Always has been. He has food allergies as well, so I think that's part of it.

Our rule is that you MUST take a bite of everything that is served at every meal. You also MUST eat your veggies. Period. Now, if you don't like what's being served at mealtime, you may make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (the two without allergies) or yogurt (for the 7yo allergic one).

I would not insist that a child eat something for breakfast that he didn't finish the night before. It's just a battle I choose not to fight. Is your ds coming down with something?

I hope you find your happy medium somewhere!!

[beansprouts]

Is your ds coming down with something?



I wondered the same thing...

[abbeyej]

I don't make children return to a hated meal at the next meal. If they choose not to eat what I prepare, that's one thing. But they start fresh at the next meal.

I'm all for not allowing children to become food tyrants. (And I have one child who will eat anything, and one who went through a *very* tough picky phase and appears to be past it, thank goodness!) But I think it's over-the-top to make someone return to a meal they really hated at dinner as breakfast the next morning!

I say put the "horrid" dinner away. Give the child a good, healthy lunch. When it's time for dinner, give him very small servings of everything the rest of the family is eating. If he eats it, wonderful, if he doesn't, that's fine, but he doesn't get something else. He can eat at the next meal. (I also had to institute a rule with dd that she had to eat the tiny servings of everything before she got seconds of starch -- it was the only way I got any veggies in her for months.)

But all this said, dd went through a *very* picky phase. Now she tells me that she "loves to try new foods" and she'll "eat anything". According to her, this has always been the case, roflol. *But* I'm not gonna argue with her now that she's finally eating well. ;) (Not so well as her brother, perhaps, but well.)

[Chris in VA]

I say stick to your guns, this time, but make one little change. YOu can tell him that you have reconsidered. Tell him he doesn't have to eat last night's dinner, but his only choice is to eat tonight's dinner, or continue to go hungry.
In my mind, you must win this battle. But next time, don't choose food as a battleground.
There are 3 things you can't really force a kid to do--eat, poop, and sleep. These are the common battlegrounds in childhood. And we really can't control them, so they are what children often choose to exercise their control in.
Is your goal to broaden his palate? Then perhaps remembering to offer a variety of foods, allowing him to choose, but not giving in to serving only that which he likes, will be helpful.

I'm sure others have more advice for you.

Hugs--it's hard to be the mom.

[Karen FL]

We went thru this with our eight year old last year. Over a two month period he had about three days of four days (not in a row) where he didn't eat for about 24 hours. He was very dramatic at the dinner table: gagging and wretching. My husband did what you did. He mandated that he eat his food from the night before for breakfast. If not, he would fill up on breakfast and lunch so that he wasn't hungry for that day's dinner.
It was very difficult but it was a worthy trial. He now eats everything we eat for dinner. And three months after this trial he went up 3 sizes of clothing in about three months! He also has some new favorite foods. He still doesn't like sweet potatoes and that's fine with us. :) Once in a while he still eats a meal much too slowly and we just pick up his food after a certain time and he isn't allowed to have anything else that night.

[Old Dominion Heather]

We do no snack unless you have eaten the meal prepared, but as with the others, we start over fresh with the new meal. The 2yo doesn't want to eat his breakfast these days. He has discovered candy and it really seems that that is all he thinks about. His brothers get a snack at 10 a.m. and the little guy does too... after he eats his breakfast. But at lunch, I would just start over.

[A home for their hearts]

Wow, I must sound like a really mean mom! The reason I finally came to this decision was because he has been refusing to eat supper but then he knows that in the morning he will get to eat cereal so it just doesn't seem to bother him that he doesn't have to eat supper. So I decided to call his 'bluff' if you will. He has always been a pretty reasonable eater until lately. I think maybe having a baby sister might have something to do with it.
The meals I make are pretty much the meals I've made his whole life and he has eaten. Now all of a sudden he doesn't like meat, he never really liked veggies, and fruit is really hit or miss. I feel like I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sure I can not make him eat his supper, but then all he wants is junk!

[j.griff]

I totally disagree with this method of "discipline". This type of thing can lead to eating disorders, etc. Maybe your child isn't feeling well, maybe your child's tastes are changing (there are physical changes that happen to the taste buds, look it up). I would never force a child to eat something they don't want. In our house, I request that they each eat three bites of what I put on their plates. I don't "force" them to, I just request it.
If they choose not to eat at least three bites of everything on their plate, they don't get "seconds" of the items they really want more of. I would not make them eat a meal for breakfast that they have already refused at dinner the night before. If they don't eat it, they don't eat it and they may eat the next meal- no sweat, but I don't think it's healthy to engage in such an un-necessary power struggle.

[A home for their hearts]

I totally disagree with this method of "discipline". This type of thing can lead to eating disorders, etc. Maybe your child isn't feeling well, maybe your child's tastes are changing (there are physical changes that happen to the taste buds, look it up). I would never force a child to eat something they don't want. In our house, I request that they each eat three bites of what I put on their plates. I don't "force" them to, I just request it.
If they choose not to eat at least three bites of everything on their plate, they don't get "seconds" of the items they really want more of. I would not make them eat a meal for breakfast that they have already refused at dinner the night before. If they don't eat it, they don't eat it and they may eat the next meal- no sweat, but I don't think it's healthy to engage in such an un-necessary power struggle.


I now realize that I have gotten myself into a power struggle but what am I to do? He won't eat anything healthy. All he eats is starches and dairy! This is not good for him, something has to be done, I just don't know what.:(
Sure I can give him something he likes, but it won't be anything healthy and what purpose does that serve?

[Cadam]

My picky eatters get to choose to eat what is served or not but I don't continue to put the offending food in frount of them.

In all truth it is because as a kid my dh was required (in boarding school) to eat foods that he is intolerant to. The adults involved didn't know it made him sick and being a little kid he didn't consciously put together that he was sick an hour after eating the offending food. He just knew he didn't want to eat them. Not being able to eat nuts or rice in an Asian country is not a good thing but no one noticed his problems because they weren't the life threatening kind.

[Tammy]

then they can go fix what they want....(nutritious...not junk food)....any day!

It isn't something we made a bid deal about....

I do try to fix things we all like....and I wouldn't MAKE my child eat something he/she didn't like....

Tammy

[Unicorn]

My mother used to do that to my brother when we were little. I'm along the lines of others, I ask that they try it, and if they don't want to eat what we are having, they don't have to. They don't get something else, or any snacks, until the next meal. I never make them go until the hated food is eaten though. FWIW, my kids are not picky eaters at all, and never have been because they weren't given the opportunity to become that way.

The following conversation used to be heard in my house every night:

dc "Mom, what's for dinner?"
me "insert dinner here"
dc "YUCK! I hate that!"
ten minutes later......
dc " Mom, this is the best.... I've ever had. Can I have seconds?!"

Now they just skip the 1st part and go straight to "can I have seconds?"

Don't starve the boy, he will get better. Just keep offering and insisting on tasting, and eventually he won't be so picky. :0)

[*anj*]

Sure I can not make him eat his supper, but then all he wants is junk!

But see, that's the whole point. He can't have the junk. Just say "no" to junk! :p
Seriously, you've gotten some good advice here. I especially agree with Chris in VA that you need to win this battle, you can just go in and tell him you've changed the terms, and then avoid having show downs over food in the future.

If they pick at breakfast or lunch but then don't want to finish it, it's fine, but they understand that they will only be allowed water until the next meal is served. If they complain about dinner, they will either be sent right to bed or we relieve them of their plate ("I wouldn't want to go on offending you with this awful food") and replace it with a slice of bread and a cup of water. That's it.

I am famous around here for saying "this is not a diner."

[Cadam]

I now realize that I have gotten myself into a power struggle but what am I to do? He won't eat anything healthy. All he eats is starches and dairy! This is not good for him, something has to be done, I just don't know what.:(
Sure I can give him something he likes, but it won't be anything healthy and what purpose does that serve?

Then his next meal is new but doesn't contain starches and dairy. We have similar issues. Nearly every night you can hear my dh say "you can have bread when your meat and veggies are gone." They can choose not to eat veggies but then they don't get the desired bread or extra glass of milk.

[GreenKitty]

I totally disagree with this method of "discipline". This type of thing can lead to eating disorders, etc. Maybe your child isn't feeling well, maybe your child's tastes are changing (there are physical changes that happen to the taste buds, look it up). I would never force a child to eat something they don't want. In our house, I request that they each eat three bites of what I put on their plates. I don't "force" them to, I just request it.
If they choose not to eat at least three bites of everything on their plate, they don't get "seconds" of the items they really want more of. I would not make them eat a meal for breakfast that they have already refused at dinner the night before. If they don't eat it, they don't eat it and they may eat the next meal- no sweat, but I don't think it's healthy to engage in such an un-necessary power struggle.


I agree and was just about to type something similar. I remember my parents doing this it caused a lot of problems for me. One time they put grass on my plate...wonder if that's why I chose to be a vegetarian?

[j.griff]

Then I would stop offering starches and dairy, :) Only offer "healthy" items for meals, or just let him eat what he's going to eat and don't stress so much about it. Hugs, ((((()))))

[Meliss]

I don't make children return to a hated meal at the next meal. If they choose not to eat what I prepare, that's one thing. But they start fresh at the next meal.

I'm all for not allowing children to become food tyrants. (And I have one child who will eat anything, and one who went through a *very* tough picky phase and appears to be past it, thank goodness!) But I think it's over-the-top to make someone return to a meal they really hated at dinner as breakfast the next morning!

I say put the "horrid" dinner away. Give the child a good, healthy lunch. When it's time for dinner, give him very small servings of everything the rest of the family is eating. If he eats it, wonderful, if he doesn't, that's fine, but he doesn't get something else. He can eat at the next meal. (I also had to institute a rule with dd that she had to eat the tiny servings of everything before she got seconds of starch -- it was the only way I got any veggies in her for months.)

But all this said, dd went through a *very* picky phase. Now she tells me that she "loves to try new foods" and she'll "eat anything". According to her, this has always been the case, roflol. *But* I'm not gonna argue with her now that she's finally eating well. ;) (Not so well as her brother, perhaps, but well.)

I remember when you posted about your dd's pickiness on the old board. It is good to know that she "grew out of it"! :)

[Meliss]

Wow, I must sound like a really mean mom! The reason I finally came to this decision was because he has been refusing to eat supper but then he knows that in the morning he will get to eat cereal so it just doesn't seem to bother him that he doesn't have to eat supper. So I decided to call his 'bluff' if you will. He has always been a pretty reasonable eater until lately. I think maybe having a baby sister might have something to do with it.
The meals I make are pretty much the meals I've made his whole life and he has eaten. Now all of a sudden he doesn't like meat, he never really liked veggies, and fruit is really hit or miss. I feel like I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sure I can not make him eat his supper, but then all he wants is junk!

Would a possible solution be to not offer cereal for breakfast? Maybe only give him breakfasts that are not high-carb. Eggs or sausage and fruit? If he refuses to eat supper, then fine, wait for breakfast. If he refuses to eat lunch, then fine, wait for supper. If every meal is well-balanced, then he can't wait for the carbs.

[Ellie]

I wouldn't have done that. I mean, I would have allowed him not to eat dinner, but he would have been welcome to eat at the next meal. In fact, I'd let him have a healthy snack in between--fruit or veggies--but just snack portions, KWIM? No junk food. By "dairy," I'm assuming you mean milk with his meal? No milk. I'd probably not have cold cereal for breakfast, either.

I don't require children to eat what I serve. I don't even require them to take a certain number of bites, although I encourage them to at least taste a new food. However, what I serve is what I serve, and if they don't eat it, they'll be hungry. Once I know that someone really dislikes a specific dish, I either don't make that dish again or I make sure I serve at least one other thing he does like. I don't allow them to fix themselves something else to eat, either. IMHO that's just rude. Sorry.

[Violet]

With the food issue, I have a cousin who would serve up whatever they didn't eat the night before. It seems harsh but I so envy the peaceful life with regard to food because her children eat what's on the table. What I wouldn't give to cook a meal my kids actually ate. It's really, really hard.

Anita

[Eliana]

I don't think food should be an area for power struggles.

I think it is our responsibility to provide a variety of nutritious foods for our children, but not to try to force them eat.

Like Abbey, we serve small portions of each part of a meal, and seconds are only available to those who eat all of each, and if there is a dessert it is only available to those who have eaten their 'real food', but we don't rty to force anything.

And, as others have said, each meal or snack is a fresh start. Each offers something nutritionally valuable, and I want them to have these things!

We don't do alternate menu options, but we do pay attention to everyone's preferences, even though we don't cater to them all... if I know someone dislikes a particular food, I try not to have it show up more than once in a week, for example.

From your follow-up it sounds as if he is consistently refusing dinner. Are you having mostly the same kinds of foods for dinner? (If there is one food he is consistently resistant to, please do consider the possibility of an allergy or sensitivity!)

In your situation, I would look over my menus and make sure that I was presenting a reasonable variety of proteins, veggies, starches, dairy (if you do dairy), and fruits - and that a particular type was concentrated all in one meal slot. If necessary, I would then rearrange things a little, and then proceed to serve each meal and snack pleasantly, and without pressure. I would also make sure that empty calorie sources weren't available to my child - that every food served was intrinsically valuable... and then let him make his own choices.

Eliana

[Adrianne]

I am famous around here for saying "this is not a diner."


LOL! Sometimes I feel like a broken record saying, this is not a restaurant!

My ds5 just last week refused to eat broccoli. He said he did not like it. Up until now it was one of his favorite veggies! Last night he had some for dinner. Just a phase I guess!

If your son normally would eat these things, then maybe something else is going on. A new baby sister would give him a reason to want control.

Even at 3, if they do not eat a meal then nothing until the next meal. I have always done this and even my ds9 still refuses food sometimes. But overall they eat pretty well.

Don't feel bad though, I have a few friends who do what you are trying. It works for them.

Good luck!
Adrianne

[A home for their hearts]

I don't think food should be an area for power struggles.

I think it is our responsibility to provide a variety of nutritious foods for our children, but not to try to force them eat.

Like Abbey, we serve small portions of each part of a meal, and seconds are only available to those who eat all of each, and if there is a dessert it is only available to those who have eaten their 'real food', but we don't rty to force anything.

And, as others have said, each meal or snack is a fresh start. Each offers something nutritionally valuable, and I want them to have these things!

We don't do alternate menu options, but we do pay attention to everyone's preferences, even though we don't cater to them all... if I know someone dislikes a particular food, I try not to have it show up more than once in a week, for example.

From your follow-up it sounds as if he is consistently refusing dinner. Are you having mostly the same kinds of foods for dinner? (If there is one food he is consistently resistant to, please do consider the possibility of an allergy or sensitivity!)

In your situation, I would look over my menus and make sure that I was presenting a reasonable variety of proteins, veggies, starches, dairy (if you do dairy), and fruits - and that a particular type was concentrated all in one meal slot. If necessary, I would then rearrange things a little, and then proceed to serve each meal and snack pleasantly, and without pressure. I would also make sure that empty calorie sources weren't available to my child - that every food served was intrinsically valuable... and then let him make his own choices.

Eliana


I don't believe it's an allergy issue, the things I'm serving now are the same he has always been served for the exception of one meal. I did start making burritios a couple of weeks ago, something new to him but containing ingredients that he has had before, just in a new way. He refused to eat it than and last night when I made it again, however it's not just this he is refusing to eat, it's just about all the other meals as well. It has turned into a disaster a supper time. For lunch I serve very kid friendly meals, mac-n-cheese, jelly sandwitches, peanut butter sandwiches, tuna fish, and he'll eat these. He does however refuse all veggie, he won't even try them. Once in a great while he'll eat an apple. This cannot be good for him!

[Kelli in TN]

I have tried the method of serving up the rejected meal at the next mealtime.

Let's just add that to the list of things I don't do with the second batch of children.

In the current younger kid lineup I have a veggie hater. Oh, she is a picky, picky little thing.

I try to serve two veggies at each meal. She may pick one of them and she must eat a couple of bites. It is always a power struggle, but that's okay, That's why I am the grownup and not her.

In between meals, may I recommend a wonderful book? Check out The Sneaky Chef. I have my daughter eating all sorts of things as snacks and she has no idea!!! So I am still training her to choose wisely on the one hand, and sneaking nutrition in painlessly on the other hand.

[Eliana]

I now realize that I have gotten myself into a power struggle but what am I to do? He won't eat anything healthy. All he eats is starches and dairy! This is not good for him, something has to be done, I just don't know what.:(
Sure I can give him something he likes, but it won't be anything healthy and what purpose does that serve?

If you make sure that all the available choices are good ones, then junk isn't an option. (We avoid having junk food in the house - occasionally we might get a junky snack for a treat 'out in the world', but we don't keep them in the house.)

If you give small initial servings (a little salad, a little spaghetti, a small piece of garlic bread), then he can eat his little bit of bread, but can't have a second serving until he has eaten his other food.

The only drink available at meals in our house is water. A glass of milk is a snack, a glass of juice is a treat, and not a regular one either!

I wouldn't try to stop him from eating starches and dairy, there are part of a balanced diet (at least of one version of a balanced diet!); I would just make sure that there is a balanced presentation.


Eliana

[Jennifer in MI]

I now realize that I have gotten myself into a power struggle but what am I to do? He won't eat anything healthy. All he eats is starches and dairy! This is not good for him, something has to be done, I just don't know what.:(
Sure I can give him something he likes, but it won't be anything healthy and what purpose does that serve?

What kinds of starches and dairy is he eating? If he's eating whole wheat bread (without high fructose corn syrup or hydrogenated oils), that's a good starch! What about whole wheat noodles? Will he eat yogurt or cheese? Those have good protein!

As for snacks - get rid of junk food! A snack in our house is plain yogurt with some All-Fruit mixed in, a piece of fruit, fruit smoothie (with veggies thrown in!), veggies, toast with peanut butter, etc. I just don't buy the chips and crackers and junk. This way the kids don't skip meals just to get the junk.

The other thing that my doctor told me to do when my ds (allergy boy) was that age - write down what he eats over the course of a week. You may be surprised at how well-balanced his meals are. (This, of course, if there aren't junk food options!) I was pleasantly surprised to see that even though my ds wasn't eating much for dinner, he was eating enough cheese and yogurt during the day that he was getting plenty of protein. He was snacking on veggies (keep some cut up on the table or cut some up before each meal - you'll be amazed at how quickly they go!).

HTH!!

[Tammyla]

I don't make children return to a hated meal at the next meal. If they choose not to eat what I prepare, that's one thing. But they start fresh at the next meal.

I'm all for not allowing children to become food tyrants. (And I have one child who will eat anything, and one who went through a *very* tough picky phase and appears to be past it, thank goodness!) But I think it's over-the-top to make someone return to a meal they really hated at dinner as breakfast the next morning!

I say put the "horrid" dinner away. Give the child a good, healthy lunch. When it's time for dinner, give him very small servings of everything the rest of the family is eating. If he eats it, wonderful, if he doesn't, that's fine, but he doesn't get something else. He can eat at the next meal. (I also had to institute a rule with dd that she had to eat the tiny servings of everything before she got seconds of starch -- it was the only way I got any veggies in her for months.)

But all this said, dd went through a *very* picky phase. Now she tells me that she "loves to try new foods" and she'll "eat anything". According to her, this has always been the case, roflol. *But* I'm not gonna argue with her now that she's finally eating well. ;) (Not so well as her brother, perhaps, but well.)


I second this and add one tiny thing. I had one who turned into what I thought was "a picky eater" but it turned out to be food sensitivities. So tread carefully what you insist anyone eat. Around here, I prepare a meal and they can eat what is served. I do try to have each meal consist of a variety of nutritious foods.

And lots of kids get picky when they are comming down with a virus or something. I'd feed my kid and forget about the dinner battle.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Wow, I must sound like a really mean mom!

Oh, honey, you're not a mean mom. A mean mom wouldn't care what her kids ate. You love him, you're trying to do your best for him. But yeah, you've gotten yourself into a corner here.

Easiest way to get out is to -- if you feel this way, that is -- tell him that you were so worried that he wouldn't eat good food that would help him grow that you got angry. And you are very sorry that you got so angry, and that your job is to help him grow up big and strong and healthy. Tell him you will start new with the next supper.

Make sure he's hungry for the supper, then only serve tiny, maybe tablespoon or less servings. He may have more when the tiny helpings are gone. Again, tiny helpings of one thing he likes and one that's not his favorite. Finish this, get more. This will give him opportunity for success, and opportunity to make it right, and opportunity for you to say, "Those are good choices, and you will grow strong. You can be proud of yourself for making such good choices. Too bad baby sister can't eat five peas like you did. Oh, well, when she gets older, maybe you can teach her about good food."

No overarching praise. Put the monkey on his back. But don't have junk in the house. Treats might be low-sugar oatmeal cookies with raisins and carrots in them with a big glass of milk.

And remember -- he can't control that baby. He can't control that he's not the baby anymore. But by gosh he can control what he eats and when. So be really focusing on control he can have in other areas, even to the point of manufacturing ways for him to be in control. Let him pick the family movie for Friday night after cluing the older kids in on what's going on. Let him decide where everyone will sit at dinner time -- give him place cards and let him be the "boss" of this. Ask him if he will feed the dog before or after he gets dressed. Give him power in other areas so he won't need to grasp it so much in this area.

Not saying this will work, but it might be worth a shot. And hug him, and revel in his little-ness. And worry less about the food. Excuse him when he's done, then mix it up a little by offering carrot and apple slices with cubes of cheddar cheese for a bedtime snack instead of a sweet. And give him a multivitamin to help make up for all those vegetables he won't touch yet.

Hang in there. You're a good, good mama.

[beansprouts]

I like what Pam had to say.
I had another thought also - do you think he might enjoy some quality mama time helping to cook supper?

[Call Me Cordelia]

Not having read all the responses, I'll throw in my own sad tales. I once tried to have my ordinarily compliant, will eat anything, then 2 yo ds stay at the table until finished with lunch. We didn't have many battles, but I was going to win this one, dang it. Unfortunately he was happy sitting for-e-ver. Even at 2.

After a couple hours I walked by, felt his forehead for some reason, and yes, of course, he had a fever. Threw in that towel.

Fast forward to next dd. You must eat what is before you on your plate. I only put teensy amounts. This child, however, gags and throws up when she doesn't like a food. I quickly threw in that towel as well.

Now, I cook a meal and make sure there is something "eatable" such as rice or plain noodles, etc... Everyone has to eat a small amount of the main dish, vege, etc... It works for the most part, but my kids are older now.

[A home for their hearts]

I like what Pam had to say.
I had another thought also - do you think he might enjoy some quality mama time helping to cook supper?
I think this is the main issue here, it seems to be the only thing that makes sense.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. Around 2 o'clock after my ds woke up from his low sugar induced nap I decided to end the battle and let him have something healthy. The minute I saw him when he woke up I knew he had to eat. He was weak, crying and saying that his tummy hurt. I tried to give him some grapes but he would only eat one, so I decided to let him have some yogurt, he ate 3 small bowls for and a slice of cheese. I will never let him go hungry like that again. I never though he would be so subborn! I figured that he would get hungry enough that he would eat anything. I was wrong. At one point when he was eating his yogurt he started shaking! I kept thinking, 'what have I done to my baby!' I called my dh at work and we talked it over. We agreed to let him eat what was served tonight for supper, and if he refused to eat my dh would feed him. For whatever reason, probably the attention he gets, he'll eat if my dh feeds him! He had his supper ate everything on his plate after my dh feed him the stuff he didn't like and I have my boy back! All's well the ends well :o

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I think this is the main issue here, it seems to be the only thing that makes sense.

Thanks everyone for all your advice. Around 2 o'clock after my ds woke up from his low sugar induced nap I decided to end the battle and let him have something healthy. The minute I saw him when he woke up I knew he had to eat. He was weak, crying and saying that his tummy hurt. I tried to give him some grapes but he would only eat one, so I decided to let him have some yogurt, he ate 3 small bowls for and a slice of cheese. I will never let him go hungry like that again. I never though he would be so subborn! I figured that he would get hungry enough that he would eat anything. I was wrong. At one point when he was eating his yogurt he started shaking! I kept thinking, 'what have I done to my baby!' I called my dh at work and we talked it over. We agreed to let him eat what was served tonight for supper, and if he refused to eat my dh would feed him. For whatever reason, probably the attention he gets, he'll eat if my dh feeds him! He had his supper ate everything on his plate after my dh feed him the stuff he didn't like and I have my boy back! All's well the ends well :o

Aw, he's still needs a little babying himself. Totally normal, expected behavior with a new baby in the house. And it won't last forever.

[Luanne]

Especially for a three year old (we are talking about a three year old, aren't we?). I agree with not feeding him junk, but I don't agree with making him eat what everyone else is eating if he doesn't want to. He most likely will outgrow this. I know my daughter did. I also don't feel it is healthy for a three year old to go for long periods without any food (just my opinion).

[Laura Corin]

I do the same as Abbeyej.

Laura

[momo4]

I now realize that I have gotten myself into a power struggle but what am I to do? He won't eat anything healthy. All he eats is starches and dairy! This is not good for him, something has to be done, I just don't know what.:(
Sure I can give him something he likes, but it won't be anything healthy and what purpose does that serve? __________________

I know the power struggle is over, but I agree with Pam you are not a bad mom and serving just a little is a good idea too. Stopping the finickiness early is important. It will only get worse.

I would also change his morning breakfast.

We have had lots of food transitions here over the years. The way I transition them is to add the new things to what I know they already like that is healthy. Then like others have said, I make sure they at least taste the new food and maybe even eat most of it. It depends. If you change your menu and only offer healthy foods, his taste buds will change and he will eat what you serve. All of my children eat and enjoy large salads with salmon on top for lunch. My parents are always amazed when they see how many veggies our kids eat. This wasn't always the case. What we finally did to was to ask them to eat their least favorite thing first so they wouldn't be too full to eat it later. That worked wonders.

I don't make them clear their plates and they can always ask not to eat something, but mostly they need to eat what we serve. If it is something no one likes, like the meatloaf I made the other day, I ask them to eat some, just like I ate some, and tell them I won't make it again. I don't have time to make or wait for them to make their own meal. Anyway, what is in the frig is ing for another meal.

It takes some transition time, but stick with it, he will come around.

[Laura Corin]

Feed him a small amount of the things he likes, choosing healthier versions of them, and making sure that the portions are reasonable. For example:

- Lentils (starch and protein) with grated cheese and a green veg. If he eats the cheesy starch then he's also eaten fibre and other nutrients. If he skips the green veg, so be it.

- A small helping of mashed potato along with raw sweet peppers, chicken and fruit. He will eat the mashed potato and might try the other things, if the portion of potato is small enough. If he doesn't, so be it.

The key is to stop pushing. It's your responsibility to present healthy choices and his to eat. Trying to take over his role only leads to a power struggle.

Best wishes

Laura

[Joanne]

don't believe it's an allergy issue, the things I'm serving now are the same he has always been served for the exception of one meal. I did start making burritios a couple of weeks ago, something new to him but containing ingredients that he has had before, just in a new way. He refused to eat it than and last night when I made it again, however it's not just this he is refusing to eat, it's just about all the other meals as well. It has turned into a disaster a supper time. For lunch I serve very kid friendly meals, mac-n-cheese, jelly sandwitches, peanut butter sandwiches, tuna fish, and he'll eat these. He does however refuse all veggie, he won't even try them. Once in a great while he'll eat an apple. This cannot be good for him!

I decided to let him have some yogurt, he ate 3 small bowls for and a slice of cheese.

FWIW, there is evidence to suggest that a milk allergy manifests in craving milk/dairy. It also comes with the symptom of limiting the palate and changing what a normal body craves. Not liking veggies, having a milk allergy and having lots of dairy are a common (albeit anecdotal) set of behaviors.

If I were to do the early years over with my kids, I would:

1) Not introduce "kids menu" items. I know believe them to limit the palate and range of eating.
2) Prepare reasonable meals.
3) My kids could eat, or not. There would not be any substitutes, no rules for eating "one bite" or finishing the plate before seconds.
4) No alternative meals if you don't like what I made

The key would be to make not eating a "safe" option for them if they don't want to. The other key would be if they choose not to eat, but develop out of control, hungry behavior later, they will be removed from making the rest of us suffer and offered acceptable to my budget and pantry resources protein.

[Alice]

I was an incredibly picky eater as a child. People would say "just try one bite, it won't hurt you", etc. But I can remember that the smell, texture or taste of certain foods would just make me gag. My parent's never pushed it and my Mom would just make me something different. I'm not sure that was the best approach :) but I can say that as an adult I'm still somewhat picky but have expanded my diet a lot. My Mom still comes to my house and rejoices over finding squash, eggplant, fish, etc in the fridge. I have to remind her that I'm 35 now and have grown up a bit. :)

With my own picky eater, I've taken a similar approach to many of the other posters. I ask him to eat a little of everything but remembering the horror I felt over certain foods I don't push it. I usually cook something that he will eat (not a separate meal but I just try and make sure at least one thing we're having he likes). If he still won't eat what we're having I let him pick something else...but not something I have to get up and fix (like he can have an apple or a banana or a yogurt or some other fruit). I give him a multivitamin daily, mostly to make me feel better.

Also, in defense of picky eaters, there is research now that there are "supertasters". Basically the idea is that some people have more taste buds and so food really does taste more bitter or stronger. This is a link that has some info: http://www.bbc.co.uk/apps/ifl/science/humanbody/body/interactives/supertaster/decision.

You tend to lose taste buds as you get older anyway so some people think some picky kids are possibly supertasters. I don't know how scientific this is...but I love the argument and use it in my defense still. My husband is a "nontaster"...he can eat anything and everything.

[StacyWithFourRugrats]

"I was an incredibly picky eater as a child. People would say "just try one bite, it won't hurt you", etc. But I can remember that the smell, texture or taste of certain foods would just make me gag. My parent's never pushed it and my Mom would just make me something different. I'm not sure that was the best approach but I can say that as an adult I'm still somewhat picky but have expanded my diet a lot. My Mom still comes to my house and rejoices over finding squash, eggplant, fish, etc in the fridge. I have to remind her that I'm 35 now and have grown up a bit. :)

With my own picky eater, I've taken a similar approach to many of the other posters. I ask him to eat a little of everything but remembering the horror I felt over certain foods I don't push it. I usually cook something that he will eat (not a separate meal but I just try and make sure at least one thing we're having he likes). If he still won't eat what we're having I let him pick something else...but not something I have to get up and fix (like he can have an apple or a banana or a yogurt or some other fruit). I give him a multivitamin daily, mostly to make me feel better.

Also, in defense of picky eaters, there is research now that there are "supertasters". Basically the idea is that some people have more taste buds and so food really does taste more bitter or stronger. This is a link that has some info: http://www.bbc.co.uk/apps/ifl/science/humanbody/body/interactives/supertaster/decision.

You tend to lose taste buds as you get older anyway so some people think some picky kids are possibly supertasters. I don't know how scientific this is...but I love the argument and use it in my defense still. My husband is a "nontaster"...he can eat anything and everything."





I agree with Alice on this one mostly. I am an extremely picky eater when I was younger. I would get very upset and gag when I would be forced to try food I did not care for. Eventually, my mother gave up forcing me to eat what everyone else was eating. I can not really remember what she did when I was younger, but I do remember when I was old enough, I would pop a Totino's pizza in the oven whenever everyone else ate ;)

Now I eat a more varied diet but some foods can still cause me to gag if I went too old to do that ;) I do not feel a power struggle is worth it for a child that has definately shown that he is beyond just a picky eater.

My eldest son is this way and I do not force him (very often) to eat certain foods. He is pretty health conscious, so he *tries* to eat a bit healthy but his diet is not a varied diet. It consists of mostly PB&J sandwhiches, grilled cheese, frosted flakes (only a certain organic variety), pizza, a few other items and the most recent added item: HOT DOGS! He won't even eat hamburgers or mac and cheese. These are popular children's foods and he won't touch them (tho he has tried mac and cheese a few times, so I have hope).

I do wish he would eat more vegetables and fruit. We have only found one vegetable he will eat and that is lettuce. So we try to buy that and put it on turkey sandwiches (which he will eat). He likes granny smith apples so we try and have some of those in the house at all times. He LOVES Whole Foods brand cereal bars, so he eats those every day. I slowly made our bread whole wheat (using the white wheat from King Arthur) and he only eats that bread now. I give him a multivitamin and hopefully that will help him until his palate can handle some veggies (which knowing my history, may not be for a while).

I refuse to not make certain meals just because I know he won't eat them (we love Korean, he won't eat it). He has the choice of a PB&J sandwhich/grilled cheese or popping some chicken nuggets in the oven. I won't go much beyond that when I am already cooking something different.

I do not think food should ever be in the middle of a power struggle. It is not worth it and in the end, I believe it can cause some serious issues when children get older.

I do not think your child is like mine. Most likely he is not feeling well and he tried to control the one thing he feels he can at the time: his food. It will pass. I wouldn't make him eat the offending dinner and breakfast either. I would probably offer less choices for breakfast so he isn't getting something "yummy" and eating lots of it because he didn't eat his dinner.

I hope this passes soon for you. :)