Help with Boys

[LN in WI]

I need some help figuring out what boundaries I should set for my boys rough housing.

We used to allow them to run in the house (actually, we used to encourage laps to get energy out before bed!), but this is becoming problematic as they get older (5,4, &2 -- not too old, I know)

What about wrestling? I'm fine when it is just my family, but it seems to get out of hand quickly when other families are over.

I just need help determining where to draw the line.

Thank you!
Ellen

[Colleen]

I don't tolerate roughhousing indoors. It quickly gets out of hand, the more you have and the older they get. Raising a crew of boys is a boot camp of sorts; don't be afraid to step as drill sergeant when needed. In our home, no running, no wrestling. "Take it outside" is the mantra here. Btw, I would absolutely not encourage children (boys or girls) to run around right before going to bed. That's counter-productive; it'll just ramp up their adrenaline. The time to get out the excess energy is earler. Then comes relaxing, sitting and reading together, getting into bedtime mode. Good luck!

[GreenKitty]

I don't mind the boys wrestling, as long as it's not in the diningroom. Maybe you could set rules for them to not wrestle when family is over. With consequences if they do. My brothers used to wrestly ALL THE TIME in the house! Now that they are older they STILL do it...LOL Makes for interesting family events. I actually don't see anything wrong with it unless they are really intentionally hurting someone or doing it by your china cabinet;) But it's totally up to each individual and their household.

[Peek a Boo]

I have 5 dc --13yos, 10yos, 6yos, 4yog, and 2yos. And a 45 yo dh who STILL likes to rough house. we have a lot of wrestling, running, climbing of doorframes, what have you, inside.

Our rules are:

no wrestling, rough housing, or running when ANYone except our immediate family is here. Unless i specifically TELL them "why don't y'all run a couple laps w/ What'sHisName?"

Also --I get to delegate times. If i tell them to stop, they must stop. You can actually practice this: tell them to wrestle, letting them know they need to FREEZE when you say stop or blow a whistle or play the accordian or whatever. Do that in one minute increments. Then up it to 3 minute increments. Let them practice following an order. But if Mama says stop, then you better STOP.

I agree w/ Colleen to not do it right before bed. Earlier in the afternoon is best :)

[Kinsa]

Ah... a topic that I can answer with some authority! LOL!

In our home, there is absolutely NO RUNNING whatsoever. We have had too many trips to the ER because of running in the house. No running. Period.

As far as wrestling and rough housing goes, it is kept to a minimum. I do allow it, but if it becomes a matter of getting "too rough", ie, someone is trying to HURT someone else, then it stops right then and there. And if it is just getting too rambunctious, I kick them outside. Luckily, I live in a climate that supports that 364 days out of the year. (I don't know how I'll handle it once we love to North Dakota...) And there is no rough housing with guests. Period.

Aren't boys so much FUN??? I just love raising a house full of them. :D

[Mx5]

I need some help figuring out what boundaries I should set for my boys rough housing.

We used to allow them to run in the house (actually, we used to encourage laps to get energy out before bed!), but this is becoming problematic as they get older (5,4, &2 -- not too old, I know)

What about wrestling? I'm fine when it is just my family, but it seems to get out of hand quickly when other families are over.

I just need help determining where to draw the line.

Thank you!
Ellen

When my younger 2 boys (ages 8 & 13)get all touchy and wiggly, I tell them to have a little wrestling time in our living room. Yes, the living room. There's little chance of having an accident, as I like the minimalist look when it comes to furniture.

I don't let 'em run in the house because experience has taught me that rounding corners can get a guy a head clanking injury pretty quickly. I do, however, tell 'em to take it outside, and run run run!

It's important for us mommas of boys to keep in mind that boys tend to be more touchy, more rough in terms of physical play. They shouldn't be expected to sit like little girls (not saying that anyone here is recommending that, so don't take offense).

When company is over, I have a no wrestling in the house rule. It's just safer that way.

[Mandamom]

is usually the biggest instigator as far as the wrestling goes and he has taught all of the children (including the girls) very well <sigh>

That being said, when my stepsons were little (and living with us) they use to wrestle on a chair that they eventually broke. I since banned them from wrestling on the furniture.

I will let them wrestle in the living room just because of how it is laid out -- no breakables anywhere and the furniture isn't the best of shape so I'm not too picky. I do not encourage running in the house although my dd7 is into gymnastics (team) so she's compulsively doing cartwheels and handstands in the house but again due to our house layout she's really not going to hurt anything (other than one of her siblings if she were to kick them).

So, I would say maybe figure out a place they can do it or just send them outside. I won't let wrestling happen when friends are over but if dh is involved I let it go.

[Janet in WA]

We found that we had to fobid play that involved physical contact of any sort. It never ended well, and usually ended badly very quickly. If they wanted to engage in physical play, it had to be non-contact, and outside.

[Beth in Central TX]

I've decided to make the rules in our house easy to remember and enforce; therefore, running and rough house play are outside activities only. Of course, we live in Texas, so outside activity is usually a daily option, unless it rains.

[chickenpatty]

LOL, am I the only one who says, "Fine, but don't come crying to me when you get hurt"? Or, while dh and the boys were wrestling in the living room last night, before sitting down on the couch, I announced, "Now, just because I am here, doesn't mean you can come crying to me when you get hurt."

I agree with Peek's method for tolerating rough-housing.

[Danestress]

I need some help figuring out what boundaries I should set for my boys rough housing.




I simply don't allow it inside. I have three boys and I disagree that boys "need" to rough house inside. They have the entire outside world for that, and I amd delighted to let them get lots of outside time every single day so that they can run around and play. Mine have always respected this. They used to do some wrestling with their father in our bedroom, which they absolutely loved. But without his presense and approval, they knew they couldn't do it other times.

The good thing is that my boys enjoy more organized sports as they get older. The youngest are 10 year old twins. One swims three or four days a week and the other exhausts himself on tennis. I think that really helps. When they were younger I used to play a lot of jumping/dancing type games with them inside - especially on raining days. They loved that and it helped let them get some energy out while still maintaining some self discipline.

Of course, our climate is generally mild. If I lived in Minnesota I guess I would need a different policy.

[Laura Corin]

We allow wrestling on our queen-sized bed, but not elsewhere. Wrestling rules are: no punching, no kicking, no touching necks. If I had more than two boys, I'd probably limit it to two boys at a time.

I do allow running in the house, but I only have one boy who does that, so it hasn't been a problem.

Laura

[nancypants]

Our boys run in the house. They can't run outside for half of the year due to weather so I'm not going to stop them from getting this exercise! They also wrestle too. But they have to really be wrestling by basic rules of wrestling. They are not allowed to wrestle if a fight breaks out. Spontaneous wrestling is usually just a fight and those are not encouraged. :) When it's time to wrestle, we move the coffee table and they all go at it for about 45 minutes. Dad usually lies on the floor for half of that as a sacrificial lamb! LOL

I only allow wrestling when others are over if I trust whomever it is to not pick my kids up and injure them! LOL (One of my son's got his ankle sprained this way. Live and learn!) :rolleyes:

[Ria]

Absolutely no running or roughhousing inside. Period. They can go outside to do that. We had five boys in under 8 years...there's no toleration for roughhousing or running here. I'm outnumbered!

Ria

[Peek a Boo]

LOL, am I the only one who says, "Fine, but don't come crying to me when you get hurt"?


ROTFLOL!

I remember seeing a scriptural quote in the bathroom at church --a nice serene scene w/ something along the lines of "as a mother comforts her child, so shall i comfort you"

i immediately thought ---oh yeah?? well if you come crying to me when you tripped and fell on the legos after I told you FIVE TIMES to PICK THEM UP, don't expect me to feel sorry for you!!

and then I realized......hey--- maybe that IS how God feels?! LOL!

" *SIGH* I told them time and time again and they STILL don't get it!!!"

so no --you're not the only one :) You are NOT allowed to cry if you got hurt while you were roughhousing. YOU *asked* for it!!

[Kris]

Nada in the house. Too much to break and crash into, besides the fact that the boys seem to think the way to prove they're good friends is which one can do the most damage to the other!

Plenty of room outside for that.

[Mx5]

I simply don't allow it inside. I have three boys and I disagree that boys "need" to rough house inside. They have the entire outside world for that, and I amd delighted to let them get lots of outside time every single day so that they can run around and play. Mine have always respected this. They used to do some wrestling with their father in our bedroom, which they absolutely loved. But without his presense and approval, they knew they couldn't do it other times.

The good thing is that my boys enjoy more organized sports as they get older. The youngest are 10 year old twins. One swims three or four days a week and the other exhausts himself on tennis. I think that really helps. When they were younger I used to play a lot of jumping/dancing type games with them inside - especially on raining days. They loved that and it helped let them get some energy out while still maintaining some self discipline.

Of course, our climate is generally mild. If I lived in Minnesota I guess I would need a different policy.

You're right. I can't send the kids out in -10 degree weather for too long. ;)

[Janet in WA]

LOL, am I the only one who says, "Fine, but don't come crying to me when you get hurt"? Or, while dh and the boys were wrestling in the living room last night, before sitting down on the couch, I announced, "Now, just because I am here, doesn't mean you can come crying to me when you get hurt."

I agree with Peek's method for tolerating rough-housing.The first time the "getting hurt" involves stitches and medical bills, you might be singing my tune.

[momo4]

I love watching my 2 and 4yos wrestle. They are like two little cubs. So I don't have a hard fast rule, but usually when the bigger dsons want to wrestle I stop it immediately. It always ends badly and fairly quickly if I don't anyway.

They are forbidden to wrestle other children. My dc are too rough and make others cry.

I let them run in the house too, but when it gets too wild they have to stop. Mostly it is the little ones that do a lot of running.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I don't allow rough-housing with other kids. I've had a couple of boys who would get really angry if they were losing and would take it to a whole new level. One pair, were shouting "I'm going to kill you!" and I think they really meant it at that moment. It was just too easy for it to turn really sour with either an ER visit or a rift in the family friendship.

[Natalieclare]

When we have out of town guests, we place a queen sized mattress in the middle of our living room floor: poof--instant ring! It's really irresistable for wrestling. My girls actually like to wrestle each other and swarm about the floor with the little ones, like a litter of puppies.

There is only one friend my son is allowed to really wrestle with and that's only because his mom and I have the same standards, the same level of tolerance before we call it off and send their tushies outside.

Boffing is really big with our circle of friends. I think it's neat to see the kids spar with each other and learn how to hold back so it all stays fun. I think it actually teaches them self-control.

[Ellie]

none of them were allowed to rough-house inside (possibly in their bedrooms, but nowhere else). No running in the house, no jumping on the furniture, nope. My mother, grandmother and aunt would have snatched those boys baldheaded for doing that stuff, lol.

Of course, we also lived in southeastern Virginia, where it doesn't get all that cold and the boys could go outside to let off steam.

[Sweetpeach]

Our rules are:

no wrestling, rough housing, or running when ANYone except our immediate family is here. Unless i specifically TELL them "why don't y'all run a couple laps w/ What'sHisName?"

Brilliant -- my boys wrestle all. the. time and I don't mind because they really are just blowing off steam and having fun. Rarely any ouchies or hurties.
The problem, however, is they love sharing their joy of wrestling with their hs buddies on Friday afternoons . . . that doesn't work out so well. Five little wrestling men and a princess in a small space always spells disaster.

I'm going to enforce your rule -- thank you.

Tricia

[Jill, OK]

...everyone has a different comfort level with that sort of thing, and what boundaries you set should really depend on your family, and what you think makes the most sense.

Personally, my tolerance of indoor rough housing is rather low, lol. Colleen's line ("Take it outside") is a good one, but I also have been known to use "KNOCK IT OFF!!" with no guilt whatsoever. I just don't want them doing that kind of thing inside; too much potential for breakage (not a lot of room in our house) and injury. Besides that, if kids have a certain mindset of how to act inside, I just feel like it's more likely that they'll apply that standard when they're somewhere besides home. Something to think about.

Of course, these rules don't apply to Dad. :o) But in the cases where he's instigating and/or encouraging, he's in charge, and any breakage/injury is on his head. I just leave the room.

I do believe little kids need ample opportunity to burn off excess energy, and I'd make sure your kids get that...but I wouldn't hesitate at all to institute a "No Rough Housing Inside" rule, and enforce it.

[Amy in NH]

Yup. We also use the "take it outside" line. Doesn't matter if it's -10, just bundle up!

[LN in WI]

Wow! Great Advice.

Here is what I have figured out for our family.

Try for more outdoor time. (We live in the great white north so this is not always possible.)
Wrestling allowed in the house only when no guests are over.
No running inside.

Thanks again for all the comments.

Ellen