Graduating at 19?

[MommyInTraining]

I have held my son back in 1st grade because of his lack of advancement in reading, writing, and math skills. He is doing better and I am hoping will be ready to progress to 2nd grade next year. But, if he stays on this track and doesn't move ahead of grade level in the coming years, he will graduate at 19 instead of 18. Does anyone see that has a problem?

[Jann in TX]

My oldest will be almost 19 when she 'graduates' this summer...she has an August b-day but we held her back after 1st grade. She did OK in 1st but we did not think she was mature enough to continue on. No regrets here.

DD has LOTS of friends at church who are Srs and are 19 or will turn 19 this summer. Here in Texas it is more common to hold boys back (especially if the parents want them to play sports in high school...).

Colleges will not bat an eye...

[tajott]

no problem at our house, and my ds will be one of the oldest taking the PSAT (for possible scholarship $) instead of one of the youngest when he takes it as a Junior this coming October.

I'm much more comfortable with my son going off to college as a young man, rather than earlier as an old boy.

However, as a homeschooler, you can change his "grade" whenever you want if or when the need arises.

[Gwen in VA]

I agree.....no one will bat an eye at a 19yo entering college.

My oldest was 18.75 at graduation (Sept. birthday). Much to her surprise, at college she was not the oldest freshman! Most of the ones older than her were born in the spring or summer and were just 19, but there were even a few 20 and 21yo freshman, mostly foreign students.

We held our third back, so he will be 19 + 2 months at graduation.

[Ellie]

I have held my son back in 1st grade because of his lack of advancement in reading, writing, and math skills. He is doing better and I am hoping will be ready to progress to 2nd grade next year. But, if he stays on this track and doesn't move ahead of grade level in the coming years, he will graduate at 19 instead of 18. Does anyone see that has a problem?
In the grand scheme of things, it will not matter, but this is why I never recommend that people "hold their dc back" when they are homeschooling. I have had this same conversation with *many* people, because their did did actually "catch up" when they were older, and then we had to have the discussion about moving the dc up.

If it were my dc, I'd just go ahead and skip a grade on paper. At this age it doesn't matter (grade level doesn't really matter, anyway, for homeschoolers, IMHO). Just do it.

ETA: I would rather graduate the dc at 18 and let them wait at home for a year before going to college than to hold them back somehow and have them graduate at 19.

[Katia]

It's not a problem. Many dc are 19yo, especially boys, when they graduate. If you read past posts by SWB you will see that she recommends dc be a bit older when they get to college, as she and other professors can tell the difference between an 18yo freshman and a 19yo freshman (the 19yo being better able to handle things, etc. as a general rule).

Also, when my dd got to college, she thought she would be the only 19yo freshman, but far from it; there is even a 21yo freshman! When it comes to college, age isn't an issue.

Don't stress. He'll be fine.

[Kelli in TN]

I answered this question on the general board. I hope it helps.

[Nan in Mass]

Me, too. (Because of Kelli's post).

[Cindy in WA]

We have graduated one son and will graduate a daughter this year.

I am not going to address the academics, though our son struggled in school and our daughter didn't.

Please consider what it is like to be a teenager. Yes, they have immaturities. Yes, they may benefit from another year in high school. Yes, they might make mistakes, probably will. But they are adults. They are not children. They are grown. It is time for them to start a new chapter in their lives.

None of our children want to linger in high school. Even our youngest, a freshman, has asked if he can work toward graduating a year early. He wants to move on to new things.

My husband works a lot with teenagers through ministry. He is adamant that they be allowed to start the next chapter in life. Both from his own needs as a teen and seeing many, many teens over the years, he sees this as crucial and especially for young men.

I would encourage you to be very cautious. Is the decision being made for the child's benefit or out of our own fears. Fear is never a good guide in decision making.

HTH
Respectfully,
Cindy

[Michelle in GA]

We have graduated one son and will graduate a daughter this year.

I am not going to address the academics, though our son struggled in school and our daughter didn't.

Please consider what it is like to be a teenager. Yes, they have immaturities. Yes, they may benefit from another year in high school. Yes, they might make mistakes, probably will. But they are adults. They are not children. They are grown. It is time for them to start a new chapter in their lives.

None of our children want to linger in high school. Even our youngest, a freshman, has asked if he can work toward graduating a year early. He wants to move on to new things.

My husband works a lot with teenagers through ministry. He is adamant that they be allowed to start the next chapter in life. Both from his own needs as a teen and seeing many, many teens over the years, he sees this as crucial and especially for young men.

I would encourage you to be very cautious. Is the decision being made for the child's benefit or out of our own fears. Fear is never a good guide in decision making.

HTH
Respectfully,
Cindy

I have come to this opinion too...but, it wasn't easy. I have lost nights of sleep trying to figure out if my ds should graduate at 18 or 19. In the end, I figured that holding him back a year really wouldn't make that much of a difference academically. He is on track for calculus in the 12th grade. However,his reading and writing skills have always been very average and I thought the extra year would help him blossom. I am seeing that simply adding another year onto high school will NOT magically transform him into an avid reader and writer. So, he will graduate at 18 and if we feel he needs another year at home, it will at community college where he will at least be moving to another stage of life rather than being held here at home. Besides, this particular ds is very social, active, and just busting to get out as it is. Trying to hold him for another year could prove detrimental to the whole family.

[4wildberrys]

Watching this post, as dd will be 19 when she "graduates". I just know that when I graduated at 17 and went off to college---I WAS NOT mature enough to handle it---even though I couldn't wait to leave home and start my own life!! We also had to hold her back at year at the 3rd grade level, which has been hard on her even as a homeschooler because she did go to PS until 2nd grade and her friends are still the same from school. She has begged to be able to "graduate' and leave when her close friend does next year---but academically it is an impossibility, not to mention she is NOWHERE near mature enough. I personally think 19 is actually a better age to leave home considering how immature most 18 yo's I know are and from what I remember....

[Jean in Wisc]

I won't have a single child head out to college before his 19th birthday. Yes, my kids are more mature than many of their peers, but I can't find anything bad about that!

Jean

[sweetbaby]

I held my oldest back in 1st also. He just turned 19 today and will be graduating this year. There's nothing wrong with it. He's fine with it. Some of his friends are in the 17 to 19 age range.

[tajott]

I want to add to this:

My ds was about to start in K when we "held him back" for another year of preschool. He was in a Montessori program and since it is multi-age anyways, it really didn't matter. The Teacher of the group suggested we give him another year of "preschool" instead of sending him off to K at the PS. We ended up staying another year with the "preschool" and keeping in the Montessori program for K also. So when he did get to the PS he was a 7 yo 1st grader. He was easily ready academically, but he was an unassuming little guy, perfectly happy to be in his big sister's shadow. The teacher thought it would give him a chance to be the leader of the class instead of always the follower. He was.

He was always the leader of his classes and when we removed him from the PS at the begining of 5th grade he was still very advanced academically, but also still very happy to be learning to finger paint, play kickball, and stuff like that with the younger kids.

We decided to just stick with the grade levels that had been established already. He is doing some college level work, but emotionally he is not ready for going away to college.

This is a personal decision, but itsn't it fabulous that with home education we can change courses in the middle of the journey to fit what is going on in real life? You are not locked into anything if you "start early"., "on time", or "hold back"

[4wildberrys]

This is a personal decision, but itsn't it fabulous that with home education we can change courses in the middle of the journey to fit what is going on in real life? You are not locked into anything if you "start early"., "on time", or "hold back"

Yes, absolutely! Even though dd is aware of being "held back", ds (who never went to ps) is totally clueless that he might be a little "old' for 7th grade at 13---He has no idea that I just decided one year to let him be in the same "grade" as his best buddy so they can graduate in the same year. ;)