I. Am. So. Tired.

[dorothy]

I have lived as an adrenaline junkie for at least 25 years and am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am beginning to take steps to stop
"doing it all" and slow down. March is the test month. I am xing out time every day that cannot be filled up with anything to do. People around me are resisting this. They want me to entertain, host, particitpate, found, activate, organize, etc... They keep telling me that these are my "strengths." OK, I know that I am good at that, but what if I just do not want to anymore? What if I want to have new strengths like stillness, calm, unhurried, available? Why do people become so vested in us playing our role?


Thoughts, advice, encouragement and kind criticism all welcome.

Thanks.

[Marie in Oh]

we can't do it all and there are times in our lives we must just say no. Good for you. Hope you find serenity this spring.

[Doran]

I have lived as an adrenaline junkie for at least 25 years and am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am beginning to take steps to stop "doing it all" and slow down. March is the test month. I am xing out time every day that cannot be filled up with anything to do. People around me are resisting this. They want me to entertain, host, particitpate, found, activate, organize, etc... They keep telling me that these are my "strengths." OK, I know that I am good at that, but what if I just do not want to anymore? What if I want to have new strengths like stillness, calm, unhurried, available? Why do people become so vested in us playing our role?


Thoughts, advice, encouragement and kind criticism all welcome.

Thanks.

You are doing the right thing -- and YOU know it. One of the reasons you're in the situation you're in (I know of which I speak) is that it's important to you to please people. Another is that you happen to be very good at what you do. So, people are really pleased. You "perform", they smile and thank you, you get stroked, and that feeds something in you. But, it also takes away. None of those people-pleasing, hoop-jumping activities are accomplished without energy expenditure on your part. And, they are exhausting, especially done in succession.

As long as you are willing to fill the role, no one else is going to raise a hand to volunteer. But, trust me - if the role is important enough to people, someone else will step up to the plate.

At some point, you may be able to find a balance between saying "yes" once in awhile vs. all the time. Meanwhile, you are right on target to be saying no. And, remember, when people ask, you don't have to offer a long explanation. You simply say, "No, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to do that. All the best to you, though."

They'll get used to your new role in time. Probably right after you do.


Ahhhh....I can hear that big breath of relief all the way over here.

http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/chores026.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org)

[RoughCollie]

Why do people become so vested in us playing our role?


They are so vested because they don't want to do whatever it is. And they don't have to, if you do it.

Stay strong!

RC

[Maria/ME]

Good For You!!! What a huge step it is to acknowledge our addiction to "doing" and that you are an adrenaline junkie. You are giving yourself, and in the long run, your family a huge gift. Trust me. Not going crazy is a huge gift.
I do think it is important to get reaffirmation of your choice by associating with people who can understand and cheer you on. (Obviously, you do too or you wouldn't have posted!) If I am constantly around those than dont' understand my limits it can become draining. Trying to defend my limitations all the time.. I also find it very easy to be hard on myself in terms of what goes on in my head. Thinking "I SHOULD be doing this..." or "Other people will be disappointed if I don't..." "I can't let them down..." Remember: If you dont' stop these thoughts you will be letting yourself down. Your health will suffer. Mental and Physical. Another thing I would do is to start speaking out to others about this (like you have) and explain your limitations have changed. I find the easiest thing to do is explain it in terms of health. People understand that. Better yet "My Dr. says I have to slow down..." No one talks back to a Dr!!!

Hang in there! I think it's courageous what you are doing!!!

[Mrs Mungo]

I can really relate. I'm lucky in that we move every few years and start over. This means I move to a new place where people don't know what my gifts are. So, every few years I get about a year long break from volunteering and slowly can take on a little bit more. Eventually, I wind up in the same place-volunteering for everything, having too much on my plate, etc. I'm really impressed you've taken the steps you have. Just hold your ground, you don't owe anyone an explanation.

[Beth in Central TX]

Do they really know that you are trying to make a major, positive change in your life? If not, I would let them know. If they do know, then maybe you need a break from them too...

You know what the best thing to do for yourself and your family is, so stay the course. Good luck!

[Liz CA]

we can't do it all and there are times in our lives we must just say no. Good for you. Hope you find serenity this spring.

nt

[Jackie in AR]

I have lived as an adrenaline junkie for at least 25 years and am on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I am beginning to take steps to stop
"doing it all" and slow down. March is the test month. I am xing out time every day that cannot be filled up with anything to do. People around me are resisting this. They want me to entertain, host, particitpate, found, activate, organize, etc... They keep telling me that these are my "strengths." OK, I know that I am good at that, but what if I just do not want to anymore? What if I want to have new strengths like stillness, calm, unhurried, available? Why do people become so vested in us playing our role?


Thoughts, advice, encouragement and kind criticism all welcome.

Thanks.

Good for you, Dorothy!! :)

No is your friend. :D It took a lot of years for me to learn to say it every time I needed to. No explaining, just no. You are an adult and can determine how you want to live your life; you don't owe many people an explanation for that. If all those things others are trying to get you to do are that important, they'll find another way to get them done. Without you. :D

Take care of you. Take time to just be.

And come here every single time you need encouragement.

((hugs))

[mcconnellboys]

Once you've said "yes", it becomes almost impossible to say "no", but that is precisely why you must practice it, in front of a mirror, until you are absolutely confident in saying it and meaning it. No explanations should be needed when you've already done your share. Just a simple, "no" and a request that it be respected......

Good luck,

Regena