Opinions please. re: attending a funeral

[*anj*]

So, my 80 year old uncle died last weekend.
He lived about an hour and a half away, and we were able to have a good visit with him in December.
I am not at all close to any of his three children, and haven't even seen two of them in about 20 years.

My uncle has two surviving sisters, who are also elderly, and I am close to one of them. Neither of the sisters is my mom, he was first cousin to my grandfather.

The funeral is Thursday morning, and if I attend I will have to leave my house by 8am, with children dressed and in tow. Dh cannot attend, and we would need to drop him off at the train station at 7am.

What would you do?
Would you go?

My feeling is that we spent time with him very recently, and we enjoyed one another's company. That time is special to me, but I don't think it will matter all that much to his children if I'm there or not. My aunt might miss me, but I could send her a lovely note, right?

Or should I just suck it up and go?
Thanks!

[Mrs Mungo]

An hour and a half away? I absolutely would go. I've felt guilty for not making it back to the states from Germany for some of the funerals in my family. But that's just me, no judgement!

[Tracey in TX]

Please consider going to the funeral. When my dad died my cousins flew in from all over the US to attend. Most of whom I hadn't seen in 15yrs and it meant so much to me. It felt like I had people who cared for both my dad and my family; it was a reassuring sentiment in a time of great loss.

Whether or not you bring your children is your call. I would consider their ages and their readiness to handle a funeral.

Sorry for the loss.

[Soph the vet]

I would probably go.
What is it Yogi Berra said, "Better go to other people's funerals or they won't go to yours". LOL

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that it's one of those times when just showing up is valuable.

Also, it's good for your kids to see what funerals are like and spend some time with their extended families. And, bringing really young children to a funeral can sometimes cheer everyone up because they are so unconsciously alive and happy.

I remember how touched I was when my 3th cousin, who I had known as a child and then fell out of touch with, showed up at my grandmother's funeral after many years of no contact. I have to say that I feel more warmly inclined toward him because of that, even to this day. And to his wife as well, who brought all their children just to be present with us. It was really nice of them, all the more so because they had been so out of touch before.

[Eliana]

Oh, yes, I would go.

IMHO, there are several reasons for going:

1) It sounds as if you loved him and you and the children had a relationship with him. I my tradition, being part of the mitzvah of burying the dead is... well, a big thing, and it is a last honor you can give your uncle to be part of this.

2) Don't underestimate the impact of this on your children. The messages you send by taking the time and effort to do this will teach them the priority you place on burying the dead, comforting mourners, honoring relatives who have died.

3) As someone else mentioned, your presence and memories you might share of your uncle are enormous gifts to those who are also grieving for him. ...and the effort you take to get there tells them that he was special and important to you, that he touched your life, and that is so special to know when you are grieving.


May G-d comfort you and all other mourners.

Eliana

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I would go. I have vivid memories of the stories told about my uncle and grandparents by our extended family. These are people that I never met outside of these funerals. Even 25 years later, when i was doing our genealogy, I could link the photos of my great aunts and uncles with the people I remembered meeting.

There was a distant cousin who came to dh's grandmother's funeral. This has actually been an opportunity to build a friendship between her family and dh's mom. There have been several cards and invites since then.

So I'd say unless there is family strife that you are trying to avoid, it is worth the trip. Our kids learn more through homeschooling than just what is in their books.

btw, nothing says you can't load the kids into the car in sweats and have them change right before you get there.

[Tammyla]

I'm very sorry for your loss.
Since the drive isn't too terribly far I'd try to go. Anyway your hubby could go with you or a friend? Sounds like your aunt would appreciate your support. Either way, I'd reach out to her.

Hugs & Prayers for you and your family.

[elegantlion]

I would go. I think it would be a good show of respect.

[GreenKitty]

I would try to go if at all possible. Sorry for your loss.

[*anj*]

Wow. I wasn't exactly expecting such unanimous advice.
Thanks for your kind words. I just finally heard back from my dh. He is of like mind with all of you. I think I'll go. I'll just have to plan really well in advance. Clothes laid out, breakfast in the car...

Thanks again.