Can you be TOO frugal?

[Ottakee]

I was briefly talking about this with a friend last night. We are both quite frugal. We do spend money but we also try to buy our clothes for $1 each at one thrift store vs. Goodwill's prices of $4-5 each. We bargain shop our groceries, go with used, trade things, etc. when we can.

We though don't try to take advantage of the finances of others. We want to make sure we are paying what the other person is due.

For example, we found an indoor riding arena that we can rent for $15/hour. We scheduled it for 1-3 on Fridays now with us and another family. That means $10 per family for the 2 hours. Well, the other lady was leaving early so she paid $5 for her hour but then told us the owner said it was OK if we all only paid $5 that week---even though my friend and I were staying for the full 2 hours. We felt that we needed to pay the full amount as we were using the arena for the full time.

I have seen others do the same thing---never offering to pay for gas or drive but always wanting a ride with someone else, coming to the free meals at church but never offering to bring something (meals are done by 1 family with a request of 4-5 familes to bring a dessert), etc.

Can you be too frugal and then take advantage of people?

[Karenciavo]

Of course you can, your story relates an episode. Paying a worker his due is honorable and right, I would have paid the owner the full amount. If I know enough of a person's character I will try to stave off uncomfortable/hurtful situations by being upfront ahead a time, e.g., "You are welcome to drive with us. How about chipping in $10 for gas and tolls."

[Tonia]

Well, in the example of the riding arena, if the owner ok'd it then I wouldn't consider that too frugal. They could just have easily said no and asked for the full price. It is their business. Is the owner a friend? Maybe they felt obligated to? Otherwise I would say that it is their choice.

In the other instances - not offering to pay gas or bring food to a potluck - to put it nicely I'd say they are being inconsiderate. I wouldn't call it frugal (rude and cheap, but not frugal :p )

I remember a news show once that was talking about frugality. There was one guy on there who was the frugalist (is that a word :p ) person I've ever heard of. He would go to a fast food place and take pockets full of ketchup, salt and pepper packets. He would take the ketchup packets and squeeze them into his bottle of ketchup at home. Same with the salt and pepper (well, in the salt and pepper shakers!) When he bought two-ply toilet paper, he would unroll it and separate the plies and reroll them separately. Well, I guess there is someone who is a little too frugal

[GVA]

Not paying what a business person is truly due, and not helping with gas, meals, etc. is just being selfish IMHO. I know people like that, and frankly I feel sorry for them. Even as tight as we are, offering to pay a little for gas or bring a snack is just part of general courtesy and respect in my book. Maybe they'll turn it down, but I always offer, even if it just involves bringing a bag of pretzels!

[MOCA]

There is a difference between being frugal and cheap. The golden rule, I believe, often guides to the fine line. Frugality is a careful, creative way of getting things without taking advantage of another person or treating them in any way that one would not want to be treated. Cheap is saving money at any cost---often the cost of wisdom and honoring another person is paid. JMHO

[jmgconner]

Be too frugal? No. Be rude? Yes.

For me, part of being frugal means that I'm freeing up money and time in order to bless others. I understand not always being able to contribute to a potluck dinner or pay for a ride, but I hope that those people are able, at some point, to contribute more to a potluck or give rides to others who can't pay.

[Elisabeth in IL]

I remember a news show once that was talking about frugality. There was one guy on there who was the frugalist (is that a word :p ) person I've ever heard of. He would go to a fast food place and take pockets full of ketchup, salt and pepper packets. He would take the ketchup packets and squeeze them into his bottle of ketchup at home. Same with the salt and pepper (well, in the salt and pepper shakers!)

To me this isn't frugal, it is theft. The restaurants provide enough condiments for you to eat your meal not for you to stock your pantry. I don't think "frugal" is a bad word and shouldn't be confused with what some of the other ladies mentioned ie selfish, inconsiderate, and theft.

[Just Me]

I have to tell you that I am frugal. Buying at thrift stores, using hand-me-down furniture. But I wouldn't take from others in order to save for myself. In fact, one reason that our family tries to be frugal is so that we CAN share with others. I really think your friend is just thoughtless.

JMHO,
Michelle

[Diane]

I'm am very frugal, but also very generous. I save where I can, and give everything that is owed and then some.

[Mx5]

I have known frugal families that have not been greedy. We're frugal, by necessity, but generosity needs to be ingrained in life, too.

Others have called the example in the original post greed, rudeness, etc. and I agree. Sometimes we think the wealthy focus too much on money, but the sad fact of the matter is that the love of money, or greed, is a human condition rarely related to one's income.

[OhM]

Or perhaps a better way to put it is "frugal in a wrong way."

She and her husband would frequently get free dinners at restaurants by complaining about some aspect of the meal. They would brag that at the least they would get free dessert out of it.

I dined with them on two occasions when the "pulled" this, and it wasn't pretty - downright rude (and in one case, cruel to the people who were just trying to fairly address their complaint.) That was more than 15 years ago, and I still won't go out to dinner with them.

I agree w/OP in this case - the arena was in use for two hours, the agreed upon price is $15 per hour, the owner is due $30 at the end. I would go farther (further?) - if the original agreement with the other family was, "We will all go together and rent the arena for two hours at the cost of $10. per family," then I would expect $10 even if she decided not to stay for the full 2 hours. If she wouldn't be sticking to the original agreement, then I would need to know ahead of time, so that I could adjust accordingly. (Harda$$, I know!)

[HomeOnTheRanch]

I consider myself very frugal, but I wouldn't take advantage of someone like that. I don't know...did she speak to the owner about it ahead of time, or were they put on the spot? I can see a business owner going along just to keep the peace and goodwill, but if it becomes a regular occurrence, it could reflect on the rest of your group also.

IMO, if they have agreed to a certain amt every week, they should pay that amt every week, whether or not they actually use it. It is not like the owner can recoup that amt from someone else during that time.

[angela in ohio]

I'm am very frugal, but also very generous. I save where I can, and give everything that is owed and then some.

This describes us, also. We try to be very frugal ourselves, so that we can be generous to others.

I know many people who are too frugal, or as someone said, not too frugal but too rude. There is a fine line between caution with money and love of money, I think.

Also, as some point, many things considered "frugal tips" are actually stealing.

[Ottakee]

My other friend and I paid the extra to make sure the barn owner got her $30. She is VERY generous with allowing us to use her indoor arena. Going rates here are $20-30 per HOUR per FAMILY (or even per person) so $15/hour for 3 different families with 6 different horses and 8 riders is very cheap. She even allows us to have riding lessons there---we pay our own instructor but most indoors will only allow you to take lessons with THEIR instructor, not your own.

I think the barn owner was put on the spot. We did know the other lady was leaving early and it was OK with us to each chip in the extra $2.50--it was more the attitude that bothered us of "oh, we can only pay for 1 hour but really use it for almost 2 hours".

I like the distinction between being frugal and being cheap. Cheap is where money is more important than people. I also see this as a testimony issue as many people in the community know where we attend church (our church hosts a tack sale that we help run). I never want to be thought of as trying to take advantage of someone as it would be a mark on my testimony in the community.

[Sandy in Indy]

The question makes me think of a family I heard about that didn't use TP to save money. They used rags and washed them... That borders on too frugal for me!

[Sunny]

One can be frugal, and even VERY frugal. I'm unsure whether or not one can be "too" frugal. How is it possible. Is that like a "hot" water heater? Frugal is frugal.
Cheap is a different concept. Cheap is going for rides with others and not paying the frugal share. Cheap is taking advantage of others and at their expense.

[Audrey]

I don't think that what you are describing is really being frugal -- sure it may save money, but really they are taking advantage of others. That isn't the same as "frugal." That's a whole 'nother ball game! I'd even go so far as to call some of what you described "mooching." :mad:

I think I would go with the first instinct you had, and just pay what you were going to anyway. If the person actually said to me (not hearing it second-hand) that they didn't want the full amount of $, that's different. Then, I'd ask again to make sure and if they refuse the $ a second time, then I'd keep it. That's just what I would think is fair.

And about people who show up for free food without ever giving back... well, that happens in lots of place. To me, that's definitely mooching. If you can't afford to bring the food, then you need to make a real concerted effort to chip in some other way (clean up, bringing plates & silver, etc.)

[Michelle T]

There is a difference between being frugal and cheap. The golden rule, I believe, often guides to the fine line. Frugality is a careful, creative way of getting things without taking advantage of another person or treating them in any way that one would not want to be treated. Cheap is saving money at any cost---often the cost of wisdom and honoring another person is paid. JMHO


Beautifully put! I would also add that "too frugal" is when the urge to save money overwhelms the ability to enjoy life.
Michelle T