May I vent???

[Mom2legomaniacs]

My dad just called and said in a very curt voice, "Did the kids get their valentine's?" I said yes. He said, "That's all I wanted to know." And he hung up. WHAT THE ????? I know what he was doing. Letting me know that we didn't call the split second the mail came to say thanks. Big JERK! I called him back and let him know that he cannot speak to me that way. I am so upset with him. It just brings back all that crap from childhood and even beyond.
I told him that he knows better than to think we don't call and say thanks. His response, well there's always a first. ARGH! We have NEVER done that to him . Maybe others do, but I don't deserve to catch the fallout for others "lack of response".
How do you deal with people like this! Especially when they are your family? I let him have it though. That is a BIG step for me -- speaking up for myself when he has treated me badly or jumped to the wrong conclusion. But I am so upset right now I am shaking. He has always been able to reduce me to an atom in 2 seconds flat.

Thanks for listening. It's been a tough road with him as my dad, for sure.

[j.griff]

Lots of hugs, I'm sorry he did that. But good for you, for standing up to him and saying something about it. I am shaking too right now, my family drama is posted below.

[Valerie in Chicago]

My MIL is a psycho. Thank God, the DH is NOT. Every once in a while, she unravels on us. He makes it clear to her and everyone else that there is nothing more important to him than peace and tranquility in these four walls. Anyone wanting to mess with that is not welcome. In other words, be nice or get out.

Now, you'll notice that it's HIM doing the heavy lifting here and not yours truly. But it is absolutely amaaaaaaazing how well it works.

[JennifersLost]

few fits these last few years both with my own parents and fil. It's worked wonders. I get a lot more respect and understanding these days than I used to.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

thanks Jenn -- big hugs to you too. How trying! You do what you have to in order to take care of yourself!

Valerie, I have gone this route before. When he and mom were getting divorced (thank goodness for mom!), I was preg. with ds 1. Dad was a tad psycho. I still don't have contact with certain members of his family due to his lying and manipulation. I did turn on the cold shoulder at that point. Dh and I were prepared to do the final shut out when he turned a corner and apologized, sort of. We've had a couple of bumps since then, but for the most part, much better. He's not, in general, a nice person by my view of what makes a nice person. He is very judgmental, hateful, and the like. But what he (at least I think he does) appreciates is that I don't let that interfere in his relationship with my kids. He adores them and they him. I just let him know that his assumptions were unfair and wrong and that I was hurt by that. He will now receive my cold shoulder again.
I simply will not endure more pain and suffering at his hands, you know. I have worked really hard to try and be sane despite him. Not easy sometimes.
We got the mail yesterday and were really busy. We were going to call this afternoon after piano and toy picking up. Apparently that's not good enough for him. I am now considered rude for not calling the split second the mail came out of the box! He is supposed to visit here next weekend. I really wish he would stay away. I don't want him around until he can apologize. Fat chance on that. He's never wrong!