How do you take care of your mental health...

[Wendi]

when you're homeschooling a bipolar or otherwise challenging kiddo?

We are working on getting help for ds12, who we suspect is bipolar. He'll probably be on medication soon; we have an appt. for Wed. with the child psychiatrist.

This fall has been particularly rough. Due to the intensity of the relationship (homeschooling and together all day, he's an only child, therefore I get to bear the brunt of the challenging behavior), I am getting stressed out and exhausted.

Those of you with challenging kids, whether bipolar, autistic, whatever, how do you take care of yourself? I find myself feeling very defeated and worn down.

Any advice?

Wendi

[MicheleB]

I go in spits and spurts and do therapy for *myself* with a good therapist. In fact, I have been recently thinking I really need to hook up with one again. It helps me tremendously, just to know I have one hour a week to talk to someone who HAS to sit and listen to me. :D And helps me sort things through as well.

I have a 14yo dd with bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder. She was dx when she was 11yo. It's difficult. The behavior is challenging. Is your ds in therapy at all? That helped us a lot. We had a therapist when dd was 10-11 that did NOT take any excuses for her wrong behavior. Nada. Zip. Zilch. It was refreshing, really.

She had dd pay attention to her triggers, taught her how to stop before she got out of control, etc. And we came up with a behavior plan for her. It really helped. Dd hated it, of course. In fact, she still talks about it. :lol: But I know it was good for her. She's currently in therapy now, for the past two months, and just getting a feel for this therapist. But I expect the topic of controlling and being in charge of one's behaviors, regardless of one's mood, will be broached soon.

Being bipolar can be exhausting. I am bipolar as well. You wake up happy and then an hour later you might be angry, depressed. Or you go for days happy and then have a mood change. Manic sounds so 'great' but it's exhausting for those around the manic person. My dd gets manic, I don't. She talks and talks and talks and gets so silly it's like there's no stopping her. If it gets too out of control, I send her out to the barn with dh for a while. Or to her room. Dh can tolerate a LOT more of that than I can.

So take breaks, both for you and your ds. Do lots of fun, break-up-the-routine activities. Even 10 minutes making popcorn and talking about his favorite music or whatever. If you can manage to get out by yourself a few times a week, you'd be doing yourself a favor. And I hope you get everything situated soon and moods stabilized. That really helps, though it can take a while.

[Ottakee]

Respite. Our county has a respite program for kids with special needs--including mental health issues. I get about 8 hours of respite a week which is wonderful. I use it to go horseback riding with friends, go out with dh, or just do NOTHING. A good friend of mine watches the kids and they love their time there.

Medication does make a big difference.

[swellmomma]

I am still trying to figure that out. If my 2 challenging kids would coordinate their moods it would be so much easier, but now they alternate good and bad days, which means almost everyday is a bad day. I like the idea of respite care, but only 1 of my challenging kids qualifies as being severe enough for me to get it. In the meantime that leaves me with the other very challenging kid, and very sassy 5 year old who thinks he can act up because the older 2 do and the baby who is pretty much a perfect baby, but really it is not a break for me, I am working just as hard with 3 at home as with 4.

The oldest is medicated and it is wonderful, it is not a magic pill and we still have to work with him on behaviours but the meds are a blessing. My second one does not respond as well to meds so she is not medicated for her issues, which makes her very hard to deal with. So far their diagnoses are as follows, ds severe ADHD, anxiety disorder, and ODD. dd has ADHD and conduct disorder. Conduct disorder makes ODD look like the desired normal. Today I sent the kids to my sisters place for 2.5 hours because I knew if I didn't get rid of them for a couple hours I would have a full break down.

I am thinking it is time for me to see my dr again about my depression. I struggle with it especially when dealing with the kids. Homeschooling them is the best thing I can do for them and the worst thing for me because now I get no breaks from them. WHich means that in the last yeear or so (basically since having my youngest) I have turned into a very bitter mean mommy to them. I used to have the patience to deal with all their issues, but not anymore. Like you I feel just worn down and running on empty. I have pretty much nothing left to give to anyone including myself.

I agree that getting breaks are important, if you are really feeling defeated adn run down I would find a therapist jsut to make sure you are not sliding down into depression. Speaking from experience, working with and helping challenging kids is hard enough without having depression rob you of the energy needed to do so. I think also if I jsut got some real sleep I would be able to do much better. Now that I am doing flyers, I have decided to put aside a little bit each paycheque so that I can send the kids to grandma's and go sleep in a hotel. I figure if I sleep in a hotel I will not feel guilty for not doing housework etc without the kids around, I can spend 24 hours spoiling myself by sleeping almost non-stop and jsut laying around when not sleeping. I am very much looking forward to that night away and hope it will recharge my batteries as much as I hope it will.

[cillakat]

I take a long list of supplements that keep me fairly upbeat and definitely even keeled:

vitamin D 4800 IU (will likely go down when I'm retested in a month)
b5 250 mg once per day
multi (natrol my favorite take one)
fish oil (natural factors rx omega 3 per day)
neptune krill (2 per day from ovulation to onset of next cycle)
magnesium 600-1000 mg per day
calcium 1000 mg per day total from all sources


there is more. a lot more:)

K