Was it just a few days ago that I was "verklempt" over my baby dd?

[Doran]

Could that really have been moi? And she...that sweet little ray of sunshine who wanted to stay little forever? SHE http://smileydatabase.com/s/129.gif has a raging case of HORMONES today. Would you folks kindly remind me of all the loving, helpful tactics mothers use when their daughters are in a very unadorable phase? I advised her to take a break, go for a walk, go to her room, anyplace where she could process her funk without spreading it all over the family. And, she just sat there, and looked at me, with those huge blue tear-filled eyes. Sat, I tell you! So, I made it clearer. "THIS would be the moment when you GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR AND GO CRY SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!"


Oh. Goodness. Here we go again....

Doran

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Could that really have been moi? And she...that sweet little ray of sunshine who wanted to stay little forever? SHE http://smileydatabase.com/s/129.gif has a raging case of HORMONES today. Would you folks kindly remind me of all the loving, helpful tactics mothers use when their daughters are in a very unadorable phase? I advised her to take a break, go for a walk, go to her room, anyplace where she could process her funk without spreading it all over the family. And, she just sat there, and looked at me, with those huge blue tear-filled eyes. Sat, I tell you! So, I made it clearer. "THIS would be the moment when you GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR AND GO CRY SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!"


Oh. Goodness. Here we go again....

Doran

You run her a bubble bath, then walk her into the bathroom. Light a candle. Put tissues by the tub. Bring her some cocoa.

And all manner of things will be well.

Hang in there.

[Doran]

...how much that would make her happy. She loves baths, and I would love to invite her into a big tub of bubbles. Sadly, here in our rental, we have a big, tiled, manly shower. But, not a single tub. We had a cast iron claw foot one at the farm, and she misses it more than any of the rest of us. :(

Doran

[Cadam]

Give her chocolate and if you have the fortitude put on a movie for the other kids and go paint dd's toes. If I was a perfect mom that's what I would do. In reality I will probably throw them a bag of M&M's and run away.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

...how much that would make her happy. She loves baths, and I would love to invite her into a big tub of bubbles. Sadly, here in our rental, we have a big, tiled, manly shower. But, not a single tub. We had a cast iron claw foot one at the farm, and she misses it more than any of the rest of us. :(

Doran

Then tuck her into bed with a ton of pillows and some magazines and books, a pot of cocoa, maybe a foot rub with some nice-smelling lotion. Don't let her talk to you (keep "shhhhshing" her), and then leave her for awhile.

Even if she was a PITA, it doesn't hurt just to DO something for a kid to let her know she's loved and adored, you know? I don't believe in rewarding bad behavior, but it melts me when people show me mercy and grace when I'm having a terrible day, you know?

[Karen sn]

This reminds me of my own dd (11 this summer) who was crying the other night and didn't know why. After much psychoanalysis on my part - I said, "Do I need to do something or just let you work it out?" She said she just needed to work it out, threw the covers up over her head, and cried alone. After 20 or minutes she came out and was fine.

Hormones......I really hope this baby is a boy!

[Doran]

...In reality I will probably throw them a bag of M&M's and run away.


Heh....well, I know that image made ME smile! Thanks Cadam. :)

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

In reality I will probably throw them a bag of M&M's and run away.

My reality is that I would probably throw a bag of M&M's *at* her and run away. :p

[Doran]

Schoolwork gets caught up in her "PITAness". She gets into a state, often triggered by something (this time, it was over the fact that she wasn't going to be able to play w/ a friend this afternoon), and then wallows in it. That's where I see the hormones at work. It takes her so much longer than it used to, to just move on. It's like she's got a flashing message on her forehead that says, "My life is miserable and everyone hates me." Followed quickly with a "And, therefore everyone else needs to be miserable as well." Well, I don't need to tell you this. School becomes impossible -- like extracting blood from a turnip. It's not about manipulation. It's about her capacity to learn when she's funky. So, the bed and the cocoa and the foot rub -- all that seems supreme, except it's the middle of the school day! Can those kinds of "gifts" wait?

Today, she went to her room. She spent maybe 30 minutes there while I fixed some lunch. When I called her to come eat, she was a whole new girl. We did math [together -- a perk for her], and now we're heading off to karate.

But, I get it. I must remember to be compassionate. That is the lesson here.

Doran

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Can those kinds of "gifts" wait?



Yes, absolutely. Can and, IMO, should.

Get through the day, do what needs to be done, get back home, then, "I know you had a hard day. I love you, you know. Hope tomorrow is better. How about some cocoa, some fluffy pillows, and a nice foot rub?" Tuck both the girls in, two for one. Healing for the first one, proactive for the second one.