I need advice!!

[boymama]

I hs an 8yo boy that is a cousin. he comes to me during the day and goes home every night. He lives with a single dad and aunt. They are limited in their abilities to help him with homework. He was in public school, but because he was struggling I told them I would hs. It works fine except that they leave it ALL up to me. I ask them to have him read nightly and go over multiplication tables etc and they just don't do it. My dilemma is:
He is struggling in grammar and language skills and reading. His dad is dyslexic and I see a lot of those traits in J too. He can't talk well in a complete sentence and he reads more like a beginner. He does great on his spelling tests and when we do the grammar (punctuation, capitals etc) but when I ask him to do it in his homework or when writing sentences, it's like he has never seen words. He doesn't apply ANY of the lessons, we've learned. It's like he thinks it only applies when we are doing that specific lesson. He is not progressing and on the state test his scores are atrocious!!! I feel like I am dragging him through school. We go back and repeat, repeat, repeat and redo, redo, redo and next week it is gone from his brain. He is great at math but will continue to make the same mistakes over and over. I go over the same stuff every day. Don't forget to borrow if you can't take this from that . Then he brings me his homework from home and in every problem he has subtracted the top from the bottom. He has a horrible time with memory. It is almost impossible to get him to memorize verses and such. I just need to know if I should keep progressing or what. I have hs him four years. He has come a tremendous way but it is like the harder the work, the worse he gets. I have talked to his dad repeatedly and he is just not going to do much. I feel like is all on me and I can handle that but I still feel like I am dragging this poor child. He was having a terrible time in math until I switched him to R&S and now he does great eventually. But now that is starting to get hard. I do slow up and stay in one play longerwith him and then when I think he has it and we move on then he is struggling again to use the new info. I know there is dyslexia history and most likely drug and alcohol abuse inutero. I know this is a long post and I thank you for your help!!! Kathy
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[Laurie4b]

Can you get an eval done? It sounds like he has issues that could benefit from speech and language. He could have dyslexia, or ADHD, and/or other learning issues from your description. Often you can get a decent amount of testing done at the public school for free. It would at least give you some better understanding of what is causing the issues and how they might be addressed.

[Ottakee]

As I was reading, I was thinking, "I wonder if there is any fetal alcohol" then noticed you put this down at the very end.

I do agree with getting some testing done through the schools. He might have some real learning difficulties that will require extra help and/or different methods.

With fetal alcohol, it is repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat and then start the cycle all over again.

[JFS in IL]

How much of each lesson is he saying out loud to you? Could you also have him retell his reading lesson, or explain his math, to a younger kid or stuff animal or pet? Repeating and retelling in his own words our loud may help him get past any short-term memory stuff as he sounds a bit like my youngest and this is what I was told to do with her (she now explains Videotext to the dog, and science to one of the cats!)

[ElizabethB]

I had one student who required so much repetition that I say half jokingly that I'm surprised he is still alive! (Especially since I taught him before I became a Christian.)

However, with a ton (and I do mean a ton) of repetition, he eventually was reading at grade level.

Some students need a lot of repetition.

You could try having him watch Leapfrog's "Talking Letter Factory" and then my online phonics lessons while you're working on other things or with your other children to maximize your time with him. You could also do audio memorization of verses on CD while you're working on other things, and have him do things like recite verses and do oral addition while you're serving lunch or driving somewhere. You can do oral spelling, as well.

You might also get more luck with homework if it was something he could do easily without help--listening to verses on a CD or watching an educational movie, but otherwise, I'd just try to make sure he got as much as possible squeezed into the time you have with him during the day.

It sounds like he's learning more with you than he could in school, but it is draining to have to do that much repetition. I vary the phonics books I use to help keep myself sane, at least it's a slightly different format each time, even if it's the same sounds and many of the same words.

[Cadam]

I am going to guess that they don't help because they can't help. Any chance dad is functionally illiterate? I think you have to decide if you can fully be responsible for this child's education and not rely on the grownups at home, at all. I wouldn't bother sending homework.

You can't legally have him tested but his father can and should. You need to know what you are dealing with. As the LD's improve the learning will get easier but with FAS you are simply going to have memory problems. Little note cards that list the steps of a math problem, multiplication charts and number-lines are very helpful tools. Put a good bit of focus teaching him to look up information and use tools to figure out what he needs to know. My dh has memory issues but he gets by with very good research type skills. He doesn't know the information off hand but he does know where to find it.