Do you have a very giving child?

[hpymomof3]

I know on the surface that sounds wonderful but I'm a little concerned. My middle daughter (12) always uses her money on buying things for other people. She gets a small allowance once a month and has a small ($6) a week babysitting job. She never spends the money on herself. She is always saving for some holiday or birthday and spends what is left on other people.

Last year her older sister had to start public high school. My oldest dd was very sad about leaving and her younger sister had a hard time letting her go. She started a tradition of leaving her a small item for her in the bathroom every Monday morning (stickers, pencils, etc.). She kept it up all last year and every single Monday this year. For Valentine's Day she bought my dh and I and her two siblings candy and a small gift (stuffed animal, etc.). Her older sister feels bad because she didn't get anything for her (mostly because she hasn't had the time to shop or even think about Valentine's Day).

I think it is wonderful that she is a giving person but on the other hand she never has any money to buy things for herself. I think she takes after her Grandpa who would give his last dime just to put a smile on someone's face.

Should I let her continue to enjoy this or do I need to step in and make her realize that she can spend money on herself too.

[Beth in Central TX]

Have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Giving is probably her main expression of love. You could casually mention that she can spend her money on herself, but I bet she already knows that. A giving spirit is a great character quality, and I wish we had a little more of it around our house.

[stephanie]

I know on the surface that sounds wonderful but I'm a little concerned. My middle daughter (12) always uses her money on buying things for other people. She gets a small allowance once a month and has a small ($6) a week babysitting job. She never spends the money on herself. She is always saving for some holiday or birthday and spends what is left on other people.

Last year her older sister had to start public high school. My oldest dd was very sad about leaving and her younger sister had a hard time letting her go. She started a tradition of leaving her a small item for her in the bathroom every Monday morning (stickers, pencils, etc.). She kept it up all last year and every single Monday this year. For Valentine's Day she bought my dh and I and her two siblings candy and a small gift (stuffed animal, etc.). Her older sister feels bad because she didn't get anything for her (mostly because she hasn't had the time to shop or even think about Valentine's Day).

I think it is wonderful that she is a giving person but on the other hand she never has any money to buy things for herself. I think she takes after her Grandpa who would give his last dime just to put a smile on someone's face.

Should I let her continue to enjoy this or do I need to step in and make her realize that she can spend money on herself too.

I have one that's just like that as well. I've come to realize that God has given her that gift of giving and that it truly blesses her to do that. There's nothing I can say when we are out, trying to spend her money, that will make her buy solely for herself. She is an example to all of us. If she is led to give then I'm not going to stop her blessing. So every once in a while dh and I will give her something that we know she wants or would like to do just for always doing for others. If we've already bought it for her then she doesn't turn it away. Sometimes when we go out to eat we will go to a restaurant that we know is her favorite. However, we can't ask her where she wants to go or else she will look at her sibs and say, "Where do y'all want to go." We are blessed by living with such giving little people, aren't we. I hope this helps a bit.

[Mandamom]

I think it is okay as long as she is otherwise learning how to manage money and organize her expenses so that she is able to meet her needs. In other words, how much education is she getting about money management and planning for what she might need or want (to give) in the future? If she's not you might want to start having her learn how to budget and make sure that her expenses are met.

Also, there is a book that you can read about the Love Languages and there is a section on those who receive love from Giving. You might want to check out that book from the library and read that section.