I need help understanding Asperger's for my 5yo

[moosemomma]

The private school where I started working 3 weeks ago thinks my youngest boy shows signs of Asperger's. They want me to find another placement because they "can't help him". (Sorry if I rant I need to work on some anger issues while I process the bomb they dropped on me yesterday). They don't have the resouces to deal with a special needs child and suggested I go to the public school system for help.


I really dislike that option because the public schools my small town uses are the poorest in the county and although are improving aren't to the standards I want for my child. I need to understand what Asperger's is and what to do. I feel like my new employer just left me left me high and dry without a lot of options.

What is Asperger's like to live with? I have always called Patrick my "ether" boy. He can't stay focused or sit still for very long. His dad and I both agree he can pick up social cues like facial expressions, emotions, he can see another person's point of view and show empathy if someone is sad or hurt. He will talk about things he likes and dislikes, show affection with hugs and kisses and cuddles. He does have a serious issue with eye contact and responding to his name (he tunes out sometimes)

He doesn't have gross motor skill problems - I think he is half billy goat the way he climbs. He does fall down a bit, but considering that he is usually going at 50 mph all the time I am not surprised. He can catch a ball most of the time, balance on a balance beam, shinny up a playground ladder like it is nothing. He does have trouble with fine motor skills like writing. He isn't pushing down hard enough with the pencil.

His speech is a little unclear, but isn't pedantic or formal. It is not a very sophicated vocabulary. We need to focus on speakly clearly. He may be developmentally delayed in speech, if so not much that speech therapy would take years to correct it. He isn't overly talkative.


He does love puzzles, music and the computer. However, he doesn't "obess" about a certain topic or interest the way the only AS child I personally knew did. (Kind little 2nd grader - LOVED dinosaurs A LOT).


The behaviors the school saw that concerned them was: inability to sit down during seatwork (about 30 minutes), the writing issues, staring off into space during class, EXTREME curiosity (pull a fire alarm on the second day, did not stay in line because he keep going back to look at the pipes under the water fountain (5x), getting up and running out of the room (usually to the bathroom), not interacting with the other children, lack of concentration, and the big one - lack of eye contact. The preK 4 teacher has to keep an aide with him all the time to keep him on track.


Where should I go and what should I do? I feel so alone right now. I love teaching Latin, but if one of my sons is not at the school (one of the conditions of my employment was my boys got free tuition) I don't think my older son or I will enjoy the school experience. His older brother is still "worried" about his younger brother. I homeschool them both until October when I got this job. He is having a hard time adjusting to school and I think he will dig his heels in about going to the school if his brother is going to public school while he has to stay in the second grade at this school.


Sorry for the long post I just needed to process everything that is going on.


Jill

[jensway]

First of :grouphug: to you. I remember when I was first told my son was thought to have Aspergers with SID. Let me share a link that helped me in the beginning of my understanding: http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Can this private school do a full evaluation on your son? If not I would get in contact with the local PS and ask to speak to a diagnostician there. Speak to them about your concerns and ask for a full evaluation. Just because you use the PS for services does not always mean that the child must be attending school there. I don't know where you are but the PS where I am (north Texas) have been great at providing evaluations and services.

I have been homeschooling my son since K and he is in 5th right now. He has been receiving services--ST and OT since he was 5yrs old.

What does Aspergers look like? That's the $5,000. question. My son has the Aspergers diagnosis and we believe that my husband also shows signs of it as well. Hubby was never diagnosed but as we learned about it we saw things in my hubby as well.

If you put 100 people in a room and 99 of them had Aspergers I would bet that you would not find 2 that were exactly alike. Sure there are some basic generalities that some would share, but not all. Such as eye contact some would be able to hold eye contact for as long as you would like and others would not be able to maintain eye contact for 10 seconds. Some have an "obsession" others may not. Some express empathy for other living things/people and others may not.

Living with my son with Aspergers and probably hubby as well I can tell you they are different from each other as well. One example off the top of my head: my son really dislikes load noises, these don't bother hubby. Hubby dislikes crowds, our son has no problems with crowds--just means more people for him to talk to.

My first recommendation would be to seek an evaluation for your son whether it be from the private school, public school or an outside evaluation from a doctor. Then and only then will you know what to research to see how best to help your son. Again let me give you :grouphug: and to remind you to stay strong. If you would like to email me feel free: jenway64@yahoo.com

Jen

[newlifemom]

I'm curious Jill,

Are you hsing him? The sig line makes me think you hs but you stated he is in school and they want him in another one. Also, do you need to work? I am not trying to be personal or pushy and really my experience is very limited. That said, you ds sounds like a child who IM(very uneducated)O would be considered borderline. A lot of the symptoms you are describing could be my ds. With a little evaulation he is possibly AS. We just don't know for sure. He is also a boy. That says so much! The reason I ask if you need to work is my ds is doing well academically at home where I can account for some of his issues. We take lots of movement breaks and let him have time to explore some of his interests/obsessions. I was told be several professional that hsing is the best thing for him b/c he can get the one on one he needs and not be exposed to some of the negative responses he might receive from children who don't understand why he is different. KWIM?

I'm sorry I wrote so long I can't remember all your questions. One thing I have learned though is that private schools for the most part do not want any special needs kids. It costs too much money for them to keep ST and OT etc on staff. Depending on what state you live in the ps can do a pretty thorough eval. Also a neuopsychologist(I can't spell) might be able to help diagnose. But honestly, I wonder for myself just how important that dx is. I am nervous about him being labeled and at the same time nervous that he might not do well on tests and if he isn't labeled won't have any consideration given him.

These are just a few things I think about and thought you might too. HTH

[Kathy in MD]

I, too, recommend a full evaluation, including a physical and possible blood and allergy tests. I don't know Aspergers, but I do know that dairy and wheat sensitivities can cause impulsivity (running out of the room). Also I know that children under 6 don't typically really interact with other children. Instead they tend to play in parallel (per what my ds's Montessori teachers have taught me.). My ds also had to be taught to look people in the eye by his preschool Montessori teacher. From what she said, she had to teach several of her students that. And the inability to sit for longer periods has many causes.

I wouldn't suggest to the doctor that you suspect Asperger's, because they, as all people, can be influenced by suggestions. Find a doctor who doesn't have a "pet" diagnosis, describe the symptoms that worry you and let the doctor do the diagnosis.