Teaching my ADHD DD Honesty

[CalicoKat]

more bluntly -- how do I teach her not to lie?

She lies all the time about absolutely everything. I can't tell when she's being truthful or dishonest because of the display she's putting on and because she's somehow convinced her 5 yo db to take the blame and punishment for her. Between the two of them I don't know what is truth or not.

So here I sit today feeling a failure because I don't know which of them stole the candy from daddy's office and ate it. I don't know which of them did it. They both say they didn't, and then they both say they did.

I put them in their bedrooms today because life stops until we get truthfulness. But will I recognize it?

[cillakat]

it's really really important to stop asking question to which there is no good answer.

ie 'which one of you stole the candy'?

She won't say yes b/c she knows she'll be in trouble. This probably happens a lot. The more it happens, the more practice she gets lying and *not* taking responsibility.

1)read _how to talk so kids will listen_ and read Becky Bailey's book _Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline_.

2)focus on the relationship. focus on how to help her succeed. Keep 'the candy' (the money etc) totally unavailable.

3)wrt the candy......"Hmm. Someone took 'x' from daddy's office after being asked not to take it. This is really disappointing. Annie, you were asked to leave the candy alone" but i didn't take it!!!! "I didn't ask who took it sweetie. I said that it wasn't for you guys to have" Move. On.

Eventually, as she's less and less 'scared' of getting into trouble, she'll start coming clean with things....omg my dd can't stand it anymore and is constantly coming clean on. The impulse control issues are still there, but she's being truthful about what happened.

Wishing you all the best,
Katherine