How do I teach ds to persevere?

[urpedonmommy]

We are CMers and are currently spending time on forming some good habits. My ds5 really needs improvement in his ability to concentrate and to persevere through difficulty. I realize that he is young and I don't expect hours of study, but want to begin to help him learn to focus his attention for longer periods and concentrate more (he is very careless when doing the short lessons we do have)
He's not ADD or ADHD. It's not that severe, just a matter of "I don't want to do this and so I am not going to pay attention." He says things like "This is too hard, I can't do it!" (He absolutely can--he's done it before)
I'm sure I'm not the only parent to deal with this, but I'm at my wits end. Any suggestions to gently help him develop his perseverance?

[Chloe]

:lurk5:

[CMama]

Well, I'm not exactly sure that I'm the best one to answer this or that I have anything to offer that may help, but I'll try. When I deal with this with my ds4, the causing issue can range from the time of day... to simple discipline.

I know that my ds really takes in or, rather, retains more easily from some great read alouds that we've enjoyed together thus far. They have lessons in character building and manners, etc. that I refer back to during the course of our days.

A Child's Book of Character Building (http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product?item_no=54948&event=CF)

The Miller Family Series (especially Prudence and the Millers) (http://www.rodandstaffbooks.com/item/55--/)

I'll admit that when we're doing lessons I try to make them as fun and enjoyable as possible, but I do not allow or tolerate my ds saying "I can't" or "It is too hard". I try to encourage him and teach diligence by telling him that I wouldn't have him do it (whatever it is) if I didn't think he could. One specific area where this comes in to play, is when he is coloring and trying to stay inside the lines... my little man is a bit of a perfectionist already and not a big fan of coloring. I do remind him that he is learning and learning requires practice not perfection... the more diligent (referred back to from our character building read aloud) he is and the more he practices, the better he will get at the task at hand.... yes, even at four years old as we are training our children at every age... are we not? I believe it is better to instill good habits at an early age then have to break bad ones when the dc is older, IYKWIM. When he has accomplished the task then I try to make sure I give praise where it is due.

On another note, I would suggest really focusing on encouraging him and commenting on how well he is doing in other aspects of your daily lives... again, giving praise when it is due. I'm not implying in any way that you don't already do that... it is just a reminder I guess, as I know I need to remind myself from time to time. Perhaps you could engage in activities together with specific intentions of encouraging him or give him a task that he can easily accomplish and then thank him for his help... like feeding/watering a pet, etc.

I hope I've helped.

[urpedonmommy]

Melissa--Thanks for the reply. I do forget sometimes to praise his good efforts and behaviors throughout the day, and I have noticed that his behavior is better when I do. I think I am going to institute a praise system. We currently have a system of x's for bad behavior and so many x's equal removal of priveleges. I think praise board with marks for good behavior may help overall. Thanks!

Chloe--ack! 9? Really? sigh. I had hoped it was a phase:D You said you are working on it. How? What are you doing? So far I've tried grumbling under my breath and exasperated sighs. They haven't worked (can you believe it?). lol Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone--I had begun to think no one was going to be able to answer, since their children are all eager and willing.;)

[Chloe]

Well, I've tried setting the timer for short lessons, but it didn't work. I've tried sending him off to a room by himself to finish an assignment after we've gone over it. That actually worked for a while, but then it started to take him longer and longer to get the assignment done. He started spacing out and daydreaming again. Lately, I've taken drastic measures and work side by side with him only (no one else in the room) on everything except piano practice, reading and Bible. It takes us longer to get school done this way because I need my 5th grader to hang out with my K'er and toddler in the playroom or backyard while I sit with my ds. However, he's more focused and things are getting done faster, so it's not too bad. It takes us about an hour and a half to get through a math lesson, math drill, copywork, dictation, grammar and writing. Later in the day he does 20 minutes of piano practice, 30 minutes of reading and works on his AWANA verses on his own. He likes to read, so there's no problem keeping him focused then. I do have to pay attention to his piano practice or he'll just start piddling on the keys instead of doing what he's supposed to, but I don't sit by him. He's not moving along in his AWANA book as quickly as I would like, but he's always been kind of slow at memorizing anyway.

We'll see how long this works and how long I can keep up with the longer days. I have to say, it has been more peaceful this way. I'm not constantly having to occupy my toddler or get her out of something she shouldn't be into. My K'er likes having an older playmate, so he's happy and occupied. I'm not constantly fussing at my ds to "get back to work and stop playing around! (or daydreaming, or talking or whatever)" because I'm right there with him gently prodding him on to the next problem, page or subject.

Not sure if any of that will help you, but that's how things are working with us at the moment. Hang in there!