Psychological counseling for your special needs kids

[MicheleB]

Do any of you do this?

My 14yo dd is in counseling currently. Since she's 14, I am not allowed back with her or to know what they're talking about unless *she* signs a permission for me.

How do I handle letting the therapist know *my* concerns without feeling like I'm writing or talking to a brick wall? I'd like to send her an email to express some concerns I have, but I'm just not sure how far in depth to go. I also don't want to bring our family into question for homeschooling, or for our faith, or for our method of dealing with discipline issues (I don't mean physical punishment or harshness, but we are stricter than some probably).

For example, we've found out dd is lying via email. We've decided that for now, since she can't be truthful using email, she can't use email. Things like that.

I'd also like to throw out to the counselor the things I've mentioned here on the board lately and dd's upcoming testing.

What are your suggestions?

[Ottakee]

Can you find another therapist? I know not all therapists are the same but the one we saw would meet with the PARENTS first to discuss any progress, concerns, etc. and then meet with the child--either alone or with the parents there.

[MicheleB]

Can you find another therapist? I know not all therapists are the same but the one we saw would meet with the PARENTS first to discuss any progress, concerns, etc. and then meet with the child--either alone or with the parents there.

I don't know.... I know I've been told several times that in the state of PA, where we live, once the child is 14 psychiatric treatment is optional! I think that would not be the truth if the child were obviously a danger to himself or others.

So because of the age-limit on parents insisting their child has treatment, I'm not allowed to go back or be privy to info unless dd signs.

I should look into it more. I was taking it as the 'gospel truth' since I've heard it more than once. Maybe there are caveats....

Thanks. :)

[EKS]

It sounds like you don't trust your daughter's therapist. Maybe instead of (or in addition to) having your daughter in individual counseling, you should also do some family counseling to address your concerns--perhaps with another therapist.

While our son (12 yo) is not in counseling, my husband and I see a family therapist specifically because of our challenges with raising our son. It has helped immensely.

[MicheleB]

It sounds like you don't trust your daughter's therapist. Maybe instead of (or in addition to) having your daughter in individual counseling, you should also do some family counseling to address your concerns--perhaps with another therapist.

While our son (12 yo) is not in counseling, my husband and I see a family therapist specifically because of our challenges with raising our son. It has helped immensely.

This sounds terrible... I trust the therapist, I don't necessarily trust my dd to have an objective, realistic outlook on her difficulties. I would like to present to the therapist the things dh and I see at home. Right now, the focus of the therapy (to which we are in agreement) is that my dd was the prime witness of a sexual abuse case of a friend of hers two years ago. She's never been able to fully process and move on with that, and so this therapy is helping with that. I don't want to *detract* from that, but I feel I have some other hefty concerns as well that dd isn't going to bring up. Does that make sense? :)

I do NOT want to come across as the overly-paranoid, controlling mom though! :confused:

[Laurie4b]

I used to work in children's mental health--in another state. There wasn't a "14 years old" rule.

However, what is generally true is that the therapist is not breaking any confidentiality rules by listening to someone else's concerns. She could be if she told you things she learned confidentially in treatment. I can't see any problem with your sharing concerns about dd. In fact, the kind of observations that you have about dd and the upcoming testing may help the therapist put some things in perspective. It would be an odd therapist who would see that as a paranoid parent.

With teenagers, it's often important that they have assurance of confidentiality so that they can be free to share with the therapist. Will your daughter sign permission for you to discuss (back and forth) general things with the therapist, but not the sexual abuse case?

[EKS]

I'm so sorry that your daughter has to deal with such difficult issues. I would think that the therapist would welcome your perspective. I can't imagine that the therapist would think of you as overly-paranoid and controlling, just a concerned parent.

[MicheleB]

I used to work in children's mental health--in another state. There wasn't a "14 years old" rule.

However, what is generally true is that the therapist is not breaking any confidentiality rules by listening to someone else's concerns. She could be if she told you things she learned confidentially in treatment. I can't see any problem with your sharing concerns about dd. In fact, the kind of observations that you have about dd and the upcoming testing may help the therapist put some things in perspective. It would be an odd therapist who would see that as a paranoid parent.

With teenagers, it's often important that they have assurance of confidentiality so that they can be free to share with the therapist. Will your daughter sign permission for you to discuss (back and forth) general things with the therapist, but not the sexual abuse case?

The only thing I can find, thus far, about PA's 14-yr old rule is for inpatient commitment. If the child is 14+, the parent has to do an involuntary commitment and seems only if the child is a present danger to himself or others.

Dd doesn't mind discussing the sex abuse case. The problem is, that when she was 10, she attended counseling and we focused a LOT on her inappropriate behaviors. Even with her anxiety and subsequent bipolar dx, the counselor wanted to hold dd accountable for her inappropriate behaviors, which I agreed with. Not necessarily that she was in major 'trouble' but that she began to recognize her symptoms, recognize EARLIER when she was about to 'blow', etc. Dd didn't like that. She remembers it as Mom tattling to the therapist and her being embarrassed.

She also hates the fact that she's bipolar and has to take meds. She feels, of course, like NO ONE ELSE in the world her age has to do that. So by avoiding her issues in therapy, she can continue to convince herself that she doesn't have a major mental diagnosis. KWIM?

It's hard. I do feel for her. I have bipolar but I do not get manic like she does. And I know she feels out of control and then 'in trouble' if we call her on it. But she has to come to a place of taking responsiblity for her treatment and the sooner the better.

So, maybe I'm being snowballed about the 14-yo rule. I need to find the specifics of this 'law'. The therapist willingly gave me her email to write to her, so I don't believe she has any problem with me doing so. My dd REALLY likes her and I want to keep it that way. She didn't care for her previous therapist (the one I mentioned above).

Would you write a long, all-inclusive email to the therapist to begin with, or would you put feelers out to see how the info you want to provide might be received?

(BTW-- You ladies are GREAT!!! Thank you! :) )

[lwilliams1922]

Dd didn't like that. She remembers it as Mom tattling to the therapist and her being embarrassed.

She also hates the fact that she's bipolar and has to take meds. She feels, of course, like NO ONE ELSE in the world her age has to do that. So by avoiding her issues in therapy, she can continue to convince herself that she doesn't have a major mental diagnosis.)


I've got one that sounds just like her
:grouphug:

[MicheleB]

I've got one that sounds just like her
:grouphug:

Well, as awful as it sounds, I'm glad she's not the *only* one.

It's funny because I thought that since *I* have bipolar, and my mother takes prozac and my sister takes celexa and it's just so matter-of-fact around here, that it would be easier for our dd. Doesn't seem to help, though.

And I well know that one of the major issues people with bipolar can face is feeling like they do NOT need their medications! So I just REALLY, really, really want her to understand that just because she *feels* like that doesn't make it so.