Do you ever feel guilty letting Dad pitch in?

[AmyinPA]

I know I should be thankful that I have a DH who wants to read to the kids and put them to bed. But inside I really struggle with guilt over this since I know he's worked so hard all day and has even more work to do after the kids go down. I just can't relax until all is quiet.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think the operative word here is that he WANTS to do this (overall, I mean - I'm sure that sometimes he just wants to put his feet up instead!) This is special time for your kids and dh - special bonding memory-making time. I wouldn't waste a moment feeling guilty about it.

[tess in the burbs]

My husband once commented that he often doesn't want to play with them when he gets home. He's tired. But he knows if he doesn't he lets them down. So he does it anyway. And he's always blessed for doing so. So I do try sometimes to offer to do the showers and such so all he has to do is bedtime kisses.

[RoughCollie]

Nope, I don't feel guilty. They are his kids, too. Plus, it's good for DH and the kids to spend some time together.

My DH used to put the kids to bed every night. He'd tell them stories he made up, and sing to them. Some precious memories came out of that. I will never forget how my 2 yo DS used to belt out Battle Hymn of the Republic while putting on his shoes.

[Daisy]

Dh would much rather be putting the kids to bed and reading them books then cleaning up from dinner. So hey, we are a team and he got his pick of chores. ;)

[Sue G in PA]

when dh is obviously frazzled. BUT, I don't feel guilt so much as anger b/c he's only been home a few hours...how dare he feel frazzled w/ the kids ALREADY! I've been at it ALL. DAY. LONG. Yes, he works hard all day. So do we! My dh will often admit that I work much harder than he. Lately he's had the opportunity to take some days off (he'll be home all week next week) and after about an hour...I can tell his head is spinning! He admits he couldn't do what I (we) do. So, no, no guilt. His kids, too. Relax...at least your dh WANTS to help. I can't complain, though, b/c mine wants to help, too.

[Plaid Dad]

You know, as a kid I would have given my eyeteeth if my dad had taken the time to read to me or tuck me in. Your dh is giving them a great gift, and doing so willingly, bless him. I wouldn't feel guilty, but grateful.

[Peek a Boo]

I agree with everyone above: don't deny him the blessing of being a wonderful father --and don't let your guilt hold you back from helping HIM be a great dad!! Methinks he's earning a backrub [*coughfrontrubcough*] for his help in his home. You do your part to make sure he gets good and relaxed ;P

And be sure to tell him *thankyou* and let him know you realize he's setting the foundation for an excellent life for your children.

[Beth in Central TX]

You know my DH is great with the kids at bedtime. He listens, talks, and tickle-wrestle. I think it's a great time for them to bond. In addition, after spending all day with my boys, I'm just not up dealing with them for one more thing. I say good-night, tuck-in, and kiss, but it's a shorter ritual for me than with Dad. I don't feel guilty at all; I usually sit on the couch and read.

[nancypants]

I know I should be thankful that I have a DH who wants to read to the kids and put them to bed. But inside I really struggle with guilt over this since I know he's worked so hard all day and has even more work to do after the kids go down. I just can't relax until all is quiet.

Quite the contrary. Being a parent isn't only a mother's job. I have zero guilt about not only "letting" him, but asking him to if he is not... (which is not a problem anymore at all... but it once was.)

[Sweetpeach]

Whew, after I've slogged through school, managed our household, baked whatever we need for the next day, taxied the Peachlets to their activities, etc etc etc, I have not even a lick of guilt asking Mr. Peachey to help out.

We both work hard all day, and so we share the evening routine so we can have headspace for each other or ourselves.

[Rebecca in GA]

No. :)

[mcconnellboys]

But he needs time with them, too! I don't really think he thinks of that as "work", but as his evening time with them, doesn't he?

Regena

[sdWTMer]

Absolutely not! This is the boys precious time with their Dad every night! These moments are more important, in my book, than Dad getting an extra half hour of sleep or relaxation! IMHO, Dad is a grown-up and can handle being a little tired. My two cents.

[Kristafish]

[QUOTE=RoughCollie;49052]Nope, I don't feel guilty. They are his kids, too. Plus, it's good for DH and the kids to spend some time together.

Totally agree with this :D

[Volty]

It's true I hate chores, but spending time with my daughter is a pleasure. I absolutly love to be with her, it's exciting and close not tedious at all. I imagine most dads feel this way.:)

[Doran]

I know I should be thankful that I have a DH who wants to read to the kids and put them to bed. But inside I really struggle with guilt over this since I know he's worked so hard all day and has even more work to do after the kids go down. I just can't relax until all is quiet.

But...Puuuhhh-leeeeze! ;)

You are a team. Teams don't function well when one member never makes it to practice, sits on the sidelines, or expects the other team members to do his work.

You've got a wonderful, wonderful gift in that man of yours. Enjoy him. Reward him. Thank him. Cherish him. But, by all means, don't second guess his devotion to his children and to you by feeling guilty for his contribution to the team.

If there is something in his behavior that makes you feel as if he begrudges the task, views it as a chore, then talk about that honestly with him.

But, lose the guilt.

Hugs to you! I hope I'm not sounding harsh. If you were standing nearby, I'd be smiling big and giving you a hug!

Doran

[*anj*]

No way.
My dh has always taken an active role with our kids. The bedtime routine has always been his department. When they were little he always bathed them at night. I have no guilt at all. It is good for all of us. And I agree with the others--they are his children, it is his duty and privilege to care for them.

No guilt, no way! :D

[Tammy in Germany]

Absolutely no guilt! When the girls were little he would play with them and they would sing and snuggle and read. Now that they are grown they laugh about the silly stories he told them and the songs they sang. For our little man who's about 10...he and Dad listen to battle stories on CD or read/giggle act goofy, whatever. He loves Dad putting him to bed at the end of the day.
I love seeing how close they are!:D

[Dot]

I think we'd have a mighty big problem if he did.

[lynn]

Why feel guilty. He's their dad and if he chooses to read and tuck them in you should be thankful and enjoy some extra time for yourself.

[Tracey in TX]

Dad spending time with children is part of parenting. It's also a gift to both father and child.
I wish DH was home to help with the daily child rearing. He swoops in to hang out with kids on weekends (he travels extensively and finishing MBA), but I am the parent. It stinks for everyone. However, it's an issue b/c he now refers to his solo time as "babysitting". (three months remaining of MBA studies and no more 'sitting' from DH. LOL)
Skip the guilt, grab a cup of tea and let DH love on those kiddos, too :)

[WTMindy]

that he has limited time with the kids since he is gone all day so he wants to take all the time he can with them. Sure, sometimes he doesn't "feel" like it, but he always does it. He has always pretty much taken over the kids from the time he gets home until bedtime. It never really occured to me to feel guilty about this because it is his time with the kids. I am thankful because it gives me evenings to have some time to myself. He reads to them, does Spanish with them, reads the Bible with them, manages baths (when they were younger) and teeth brushing, etc... This is one thing I really appreciate about him, but he does it because he wants the time with them.

[OH_Homeschooler]

Um, don't you work hard all day too? Don't you deserve a break, and to put your feet up occasionally?

[cricket1178]

I agree that it is a blessing for husbands to have the opportunity to share in the responsibility of helping with the children. We have 2 grown sons and my husband's deepest regret is that he didn't help with those things more. Now with our dd, he is more than thrilled and blessed to not only help but be a part of the process of raising her.

[Jan in SC]

Not only does my husband help out at bedtime, but most nights he cooks dinner and cleans up so I can either get ready for the next day or play tennis.* On most days he either meets us for lunch or brings us lunch.* He takes one morning a week to stay home, unless he has to be in court, while I go take a tennis lesson.* He doesn't want either one of us to burn out and I think if I didn't speak up when I needed or just wanted something he would be horrified.

[Joanne]

Admittedly, I'm posting out of my own experience and bias.

In my former situation, I did everything. Eventually, I even defended doing everything to those who saw a problem. "He's gone so much anyway." "He works hard outside the home."

Not that I have an actual partner (in housekeeping, management, raising kids, food, shopping), I understand so many things now that I did not get before.

I'm not what you'd call egalitarian. But anything less than partnering and shared responsibility for "the kids", including medical, food, chores, laundry, playing, and teaches is less than the ideal. Often "do-able" but never ideal or optimal.

[jail warden]

It would mean even more if Dad would do it, because he's not required, a Mom is just expected to.

[Colleen]

No.

:)

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Nope! He needs to be recognized by his children as their caregiver, nurturer, and the like just as much as I need to be. You just structure your life accordingly for what works for your own family. For us, DH takes over for that for the most part when he gets home in order to have the relationship with his children and to be valued by them in that way. I think my DH sets a really good example for filling that role around here. They see him doing the dishes and tending to their needs at night. They run to him as much as to me which is really great for us. It is a partnership in which we are both the parents. I am home during the day educating them. He is earning the money so we can do that. The rest of the stuff with the house is up for grabs for doing. We all take a part and get it done eventually. It works for us!

[*anj*]

You know, I have a dear friend whose husband cannot take care of his own children. When they were babies he rarely changed their diapers, and when he did change a diaper he did a poor job. They have four children, the oldest is 10.5, and my friend is rarely able to get away for any time alone.

He doesn't know what to do with them, and it's very sad because if she were to drop dead tomorrow a tragic situation would be rendered even worse, because of his unwillingness/ineptitude regarding the care of his own children.

I'm not saying that the OP's husband is like this, I'm mentioning this because I just think that it is fundamental for both parents to be able to care for their children.

[Ellie]

I know I should be thankful that I have a DH who wants to read to the kids and put them to bed. But inside I really struggle with guilt over this since I know he's worked so hard all day and has even more work to do after the kids go down. I just can't relax until all is quiet.

I figure there are two parents in my home, both being responsible for child rearing. I, being the SAHM, will of course have the most responsiblities, but when dh is home, he gets to have equal time.

Think about this: Have *you* not worked hard all day? Don't *you* have work to do after the kids go down? (which may or may not be the case, but it's a fair question.) Does he work on weekends? Do you?