New to Homeschooling and need structure/discipline advice PLEASE!

[mamafox]

I just started homeschooling my boys ages 7 and 9 this year, I also have a very energetic 3 year old boy. My 9 year old is ADHD (currently unmedicated) with very poor self-control. I really want to homeschool but am becoming discouraged with how little we actually accomplish each day. This is what we are doing:

Classical Conversations
Math U see
Spelling Workout
Copywork
Books related to Classical Conversations weekly memory work
Gave up on FLL but want to add some formal grammar

Other "seasoned" homeschoolers keep telling me that it can take the entire first year for it to "come together." I also have been told to not focus so much on academics and concentrate on character training and getting along with each other. Several people have also suggested that since my boys have been in public school that I still have a lot of "deschooling" to do. I feel like I am yelling way more than I ever did before and I just hate it! I am open to any suggestions and advice about discipline, scheduling or anything! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

Struggling mom,
Debbie in VA:(

[tess in the burbs]

we are in our second year here and yes, the first year we spent more time on character/attitude than academics, but in the end it got done. Don't give up yet.

are your kids morning people? or do better focusing in the afternoon? We found our kids do best doing school right after breakfast. Afternoons were a bust here. So it means we start and finish in all one setting. But I know other families who do a little all day long and it works great for their kids' learning styles. So read about learning styles, watch your kids and then decide how the best way is to teach them/time of day/environment.

I wanted to give up that first year...I felt like I hadn't gotten through to my son....but he did learn to read and now blows me away with his ability. So hang in there...they do learn!

[Closeacademy]

1. Did you take time off after taking them out of school to detox--generally it is 1 month for every year in school? This doesn't have to be don't do anything but can be a do fun things/get to know one another again time. Like spending time outdoors on nature walks, playing games, talking and reading fun books together.

2. With an ADHD child you may want to read up on Charlottem Mason's idea of short intense lessons. They work great for my active child.

3. There is a book out there called Children on the Ball that you may want to check out. It is about seating options for active children.

4. Memory work--are you doing something sort of movement while doing memory work or just sitting there? With an active child but especially a boy you may want to divorce your memory work time to a period where you can get outside and toss a ball around, jump on a trampoline or do something that is active. We toss a small felted ball around at the beginning of our school day when we do math tables.

5. The first year is the hardest because you are learning how to learn together. The second year is better as you have learning styles figured out and are exploring what curriculum/materials work best. The third year it all really comes together. Hang in there--it is worth it.

6. At this age--getting in the 3 r's of reading, mathematics and penmanship in are the most important. Everything else you do is gravy. Look at what order you are doing your subjects in. Do you have the hardest thing first while they are still fresh? Are the 3 r's at the end? What is not getting done? What do you get the most complaints about (drop these or find a different curriculum if it is important)?

I try to alternate between active/quiet and hard/easy work during my day. How much copywork are you doing? Is your child pencil-phobic and finding the copywork too much? Is your math boring or do the children like it? What do your children want to learn about? Would it work better to read to them at bedtime or naptime for the younger children? Are they getting plenty of time to run outside?

Are you getting time to talk to other mothers who are supportive of your efforts? Do you have a regular routine or rhythm to your day so that your children know what to expect?

Don't worry about posting your answers here. Just evaluate the situation and take a good look at what is working and what is not and adjust it. It may take some time for everything to work out well and you may need to give up some of your ideals about homeschooling so that you can better meet the need of you children.

I learned that lesson this fall. We were plugging along doing Tapestry of Grace, Singapore Math, Science, Bible, Grammar and a bunch of other stuff and when we went on vacation I got a reality check and realized that we were trying to do too much and pushing too hard. So I pulled back and looked at where my children were really at and what they needed in a curriculum. We are happier now.

Good Luck and I hope you have a wonderful homeschool journey.:)

[A home for their hearts]

I am exactly where you are. This is my first year of homeschooling and I thought many times that I made a big mistake. Adding in a new baby didn't help anything either. We have barely gotten any accomplished this year. I think my kids are still at the same reading level they were at when we started last summer. I'm hoping we will get caught up but I'm scared that we won't. It hasn't helped either that I have to deal with bad attitudes and mumbling and grumbling all day. Honestly, if I could go back and do it all over again I would have left them in school and waited until after I had the baby to start homeschooling. Many people on this board have told me we will get caught up and it will be alright but I have a hard time believing that. Sorry, no advice here, just wanted to let you know you are not alone! (HUG)

[Beth in Central TX]

Hi Debbie,

I have boys in the same age range as yours, but just a little older. It does get easier with time. Homeschooling with a toddler was challenging; now that he's in Kindergarten, things are much less chaotic because I'm not spending all of my energy trying to keep him occupied.

It will take about a year for your boys to get into the routine of homeschooling. It's an adjustment time for you too. You will need to discover how your boys learn best and what programs they thrive under. Then you'll need to learn your teaching style and what programs work best for you or how you can adapt.

This is my 5th year of homeschooling. Each year things seem a little better as I become more confident. If you have character issues, those do need to be addressed first. I wouldn't describe myself as patient, and I tend to yell too (even though I don't want to). I'm still working on this, but a good book that I found helpful is by Scott Turansky, Good and Angry: Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids! http://www.amazon.com/Good-Angry-Exchanging-Frustration-Character/dp/0877880301/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1202827374&sr=8-1

Our homeschool also works better with a routine. I've developed a schedule based on a model from Managers of their Homes. http://www.titus2.com/ecommerce/products/prod_listing.php/1100

It's great that you've found this board early on in your homeschooling journey. This is a great place for ideas, encouragement, and escape.

HTH! Please feel free to e-mail me at anytime.

[Tami]

I suggest instituting a point system. The PEGS (http://www.familytools.com/inside.php?id=277E4V05U) system is wonderful for adhders and is ready-made. Just follow the instructions and you have a good behavior modification system to put in place instead of yelling!!! You just need a plan in place and the yelling will go away like magic.

Also, consider adding more chores and less acadmics for now. ADHDers need structure and need to know what to expect each day. Are you posing your daily schedule?

If you are a Christian, you may find ADHD of the Christian Kind a helpful website, as well as the Creative Correction book by Lisa Whelchel. If you are not a Christian, I don't think these would work for you. I'm sorry but I am not too familiar with many secular resources to this end, but maybe others will chime in if that is what you need. 1,2, 3 Magic is on secular resouce I can recommend, though. Check your library.

Prayers going your way!

[JennW in SoCal]

I'm starting my 9th year of homeschooling 2 boys, one of them with ADHD. He is 16 now, and we have survived without killing each other, but it wasn't always easy!

You've already gotten great advice, so what I'm going to say isn't necessarily new or different, just what worked for us.

During those periods when things were rough and I felt nothing was getting done, I retreated to the basics. Reading, math and some writing. History and science were simply the reading of choice sometimes, whether greek myths or some historical fiction or a book about bugs or electricity.

Routine. Do those basics at the same time each day, and not for super long. Keep the tv and computer off limits for the rest of the time, and let them either play outside, build with legos, do crafts or science kits. It used to be that 4pm was the magic hour for computer games.

Look into using a big ball for your squirmy one to sit on when he is at the table. Yes he will be silly with it at first, but it really helps. Sprawl out on the floor, and be the scribe for them, even in math sometimes, or let them use bright colors and big numbers for doing their problems. A 2'X3' white board was another great purchase, as we put it on the floor while we do math, or prop it up on a chair for Latin.

Checklists, and, dare I say it? Incentive charts and rewards work wonders for ADHD boys.

And yes, it takes a while to change gears. Keep it loving and warm like reading aloud together, all snuggled up, or drinking hot chocolate together. (Or in my case, letting the kids do dive rolls over me. It made me crazy, but darned if they weren't actually listening!) Go on some fun outtings to museums and the zoo.

Keep a journal for yourself of everything they do, then read it in a few months. You will be happily surprised at how much they are really growing and learning even when it doesn't look like school!

[Mogster]

The best disipline/reward system (in my opinion) is Accountable Kids. With effective disipline and the right motivation, you can accomplish anything! I cannot tell you how much it has helped my 7 year old boy. Here is a link:

http://www.accountablekids.com/fotm1007.aspx

Best of luck to you as you begin this new adventure. Be patient. It will eventually all come together and you will come to cherish this oppurtunity.:)

[mamafox]

I am so thankful to have sound such a great place to go to for advice/support. I'm sorry I'm not responding to all the great advice I got sooner than this but as you probably could tell from my post I am overwhelmed right now! I am going to check out some of the great sites that were recommended to me. I know we are all so busy and it takes time to reach out to others so I greatly appreciate you all doing that for me! Hope to "talk" soon!

Debbie:)

[Robin Hood]

I couldn't give you any better advice than you've been given except to be encouraged. We all had our starting moments. I am sort of in our 4th year with 2 9yo dd. We adopted the younger dd when she just turned 5. With a heart full of good intentions, I did everything wrong in those 1st 2 years when I should have done very little but let dd get used to her new life. My desire was to keep up with ps so I wouldn't appear incompetent. We didn't get much done, so to try so hard to keep up was useless. I was a most unpleasant mommy during that time. This year I am finally getting the hang of it and am so proud of my girls. With very little work, they are right on target with their peers and it doesn't even matter to me anymore. You learn by doing.

One possitive thing I learned recently and have been employing with success with my older adhd dd, is to stop being upset with her. It takes a lot of energy and time to scold and lecture, even spank. None of it worked and she got all of the attention. I began to ignore the behavior and commend any good behavior coming from either dd. They love praise and will work to get it. For example, while adhd dd is sideways on chair with a book on her head and a pencil rubbing the bars on the chair while she figets with her legs on the counter and at the same time tries to pet the dog without letting the book on her head fall off of her head and liking the sound of the pencil on the bars - I say to my other dd, "I love how you sit there so attentively." and continue with lesson. Adhd dd bolts upright and we finish right on time. Then they both get hugs.

She is a bit older than yours, but I too, have chosen not to medicate. It takes a lot of work to keep her on task, but you can do it too. My own personal opinion for my adhd dd is that she is more of a Better Late Than Early learner, so I don't try to make her keep up by medicating her. In the subjects she's had trouble with, she does get it and is coming along nicely. In other subjects, she is a deep thinker and excels far above other kids her age.

You can do it.

[Robin Hood]

[quote=Robin Hood;53766]She is a bit older than yours, quote]

I take it back. She is the same age as your 9yo.