How long does it take a college student to feel "settled" in their new environment?

[periwinkle]

Revisiting a question I asked at the beginning of the semester...

Apparently the answer is 6.5 weeks ;)

But it seemed like 6.5 months to me! I knew it would happen, but I am not a patient woman. Just one of my many faults...

[Gwen in VA]

So your son feels settled now? That's wonderful!

I think it depends on the kid -- my ds1 is not there yet.. :-/ He comes home for fall break this weekend, and I am really looking forward to seeing him and talking with him!

[periwinkle]

his tone has been flat (in email and telephone). We have heard more negative than positive, but he kept telling us he was "ok". And dh kept reassuring me...I tend to operate very intuitively, and my gut was telling me things were rough. My brother had a nervous breakdown his first semester away at college, so I have a bit of baggage, I think.

This week things were brighter, no negatives, and he was more playful in conversation (like his usual self). SIGH. He got there...

I'm sorry to hear your ds is still struggling, Gwen. I'll say a prayer for him today. It's so nice that he will be able to come home for the weekend and recharge:001_smile:

[coopers5]

I've had two to go off, far away from home, now, to college. While they seemed immediately to "do well," as far as not being too terribly homesick, and being pretty proactive about seeking out friends, activities, etc., I would still say that it probably took a whole semester of being in the new routine and figuring out the whole time management issue to really begin to feel acclimated.
I've also heard more than one person say that if they can make it through that first semester, they can MAKE it.

All I know is that with my first two, I've spent probably a handful of times each on the phone just needing to encourage them.
"You'll be fine. You've made it through before when you had more work than you thought you could do." or "You're a great kid; look at how you've succeeded with this or that." etc. One of my most commonly stated phrases has been (in trying to encourage them when they feel overloaded with assignments and deadlines) "Just do the next thing."
"Keep plugging away; don't look at the big picture too much, but do the next thing."
And then, really overarching for us, as a Christian family - most importantly I'm encouraging them to stay in the Word and to depend on God and that challenges with relationships or schedules or schoolwork all can draw us closer to him.

Anyway, don't know if you wanted all that, but I got carried away.

Hope that you are encouraged somehow.

Jo

[Nan in Mass]

That's great! Mine is not happy.

[ereks mom]

ER was home for the weekend, and it is apparent that while he is enjoying college for the most part, he is still getting "settled". He has been away at school for 6 weeks. He commented that it has only been within the past week or so that he doesn't have to look at his schedule to be sure of where he's supposed to be next. (His schedule is different every day. Some classes meet M-W-F & others meet Tu-Th, and some meet only once a week.)

We talked a good bit over the weekend about our difficulties in adjusting. (If you read my previous posts, you know that I am having a much harder time adjusting than my ds is.) ER says he has come to the realization that he is now an adult, and he feels a bit overwhelmed by the concept. His struggle is in growing up and moving out, and mine is in letting go and moving on.

[periwinkle]

That's great! Mine is not happy.

Aw, Nan, that's unfortunate. Is it just a general sense of unhappiness, or is there something specific going on that he dislikes? Can it be resolved?

[periwinkle]

ER was home for the weekend, and it is apparent that while he is enjoying college for the most part, he is still getting "settled".

His struggle is in growing up and moving out, and mine is in letting go and moving on.

That's a good way to summarize it. I feel it, too. I saw your posts on the general board; will it be long before you see him again? Maybe Thanksgiving?

[Tokyomarie]

My first daughter settled in by mid-semester in the fall. My second daughter settled in well enough to do well in her studies and keep some good momentum going by about November of her first year. However, she finally started to see her college and dorm as "home away from home" about the middle of Winter Semester.

[Gwen in VA]

It's actually encouraging to me that some of you others have kids who didn't just "click" with college right away.

My dd1 commented the other day that she only has 2.5 years until graduation! College is so important and so all-involving, but it is only four years and they do seem to fly by.

My dd1 is already talking about plans for next summer. Gulp -- I haven't started to think about Thanksgiving yet!

[ereks mom]

...she finally started to see her college and dorm as "home away from home" about the middle of Winter Semester.

ER told us this weekend that he already sees college as his home away from home. He says he feels like he has two homes, a temporary one (college) and permanent one (here). He says that when he's there, he misses home, but when he's here, he misses college. At college there's always something to do & people to meet, and he's gotten accustomed to all the activity. At home it's quiet (we live in a rural area) and he can relax and de-stress, but after awhile, he gets a little bored. He seems to feel a little guilty about that.

[Nan in Mass]

Both. Sigh. Some of it may improve, but some of it is just that he never has liked school, and is finding that college is still school. For me, I hated school intensely and college (once I moved nearer home and to where my now-husband was) was so much better (I still didn't really like it) that I hung in there. I'm not sure that will be true for my oldest. And I'm not sure there is anything I can do to help him, except to send cookies. Why is it that I am always reduced to the most pathetic of gestures for the really awful stuff?

[TeacherZee]

Both. Sigh. Some of it may improve, but some of it is just that he never has liked school, and is finding that college is still school. For me, I hated school intensely and college (once I moved nearer home and to where my now-husband was) was so much better (I still didn't really like it) that I hung in there. I'm not sure that will be true for my oldest. And I'm not sure there is anything I can do to help him, except to send cookies. Why is it that I am always reduced to the most pathetic of gestures for the really awful stuff?

As a fairly recent graduate let me tell you that the cookies are worth a lot more than you think. It means that someone thought about you and that can help you get through a pretty tough day. And if you send several cookies every time you open the box it is a reminder that someone loves you and thinks about you often and that can brighten up an entire day. They aren't pathetic gestures but little reminders :grouphug::grouphug:

[Nan in Mass]

Thank you : )

[ereks mom]

...so he had thought he'd come home every couple of weekends. However, as a music major, he is required to attend all sorts of concerts and recitals, almost all of which are scheduled on weekends. :confused: ER says he might be able to come home again the last weekend of October, unless another concert or recital is added to the calendar

We are planning a day trip for either next weekend or the weekend after that, though. We have friends who live within 20-30 minutes of ER's campus; he will drive over to their house and we will meet him there and we'll all spend the day together.

[periwinkle]

but that requirement to attend weekend recitals/concerts probably builds a sense of community among them:001_smile:Although, I am sure it is frustrating if you planned on getting home more frequently!

M. is a computer science major and the best thing for him has been the assigned group projects (usually 3 people) in the introductory comp sci class for his major. His last group included 2 girls; it was great to see him thrown into that situation, as he is fairly shy. These are kids he will be seeing for the next four years, so he should invest some time in getting to know them!

At M.'s school, fall break is 9 weeks into the semester (the end of October). Being four hours away (and with the rule that freshmen are not allowed to have cars on campus), he won't get home until then. It's a long stretch, although I do know some teens who won't get home until Thanksgiving or even Christmas.

[Jen3boys]

And I'm not sure there is anything I can do to help him, except to send cookies. Why is it that I am always reduced to the most pathetic of gestures for the really awful stuff?

When I was in college, homemade cookies in care packages were a real treat, especially when shared with dorm-mates!

[ereks mom]

have scheduled breaks during Fall Semester except Labor Day & the week of Thanksgiving.

[Tokyomarie]

have scheduled breaks during Fall Semester except Labor Day & the week of Thanksgiving.

Some colleges have a long 4 day weekend during October called "Fall Break." My current college student daughter has Fall Break this week from Thursday through Sunday. Sadly, she is choosing to fly out of state Wed. night through Sun. so we won't have her here. I will get to play taxi driver to and from the airport, so I guess I'll console myself with the 1.5 hour drive time visits.

[Gwen in VA]

My kids have a four-day weekend starting in a few days as well. I think it may be a "keep the parents of freshman from climbing the walls" weekend!

The nice thing for us is that parents' weekend is just two weeks after that, and then come Thanksgiving and Christmas in fairly short order, so we are almost through the longest stretch of separation until February!

[Tokyomarie]

...so he had thought he'd come home every couple of weekends. However, as a music major, he is required to attend all sorts of concerts and recitals, almost all of which are scheduled on weekends. :confused: ER says he might be able to come home again the last weekend of October, unless another concert or recital is added to the calendar

We are planning a day trip for either next weekend or the weekend after that, though. We have friends who live within 20-30 minutes of ER's campus; he will drive over to their house and we will meet him there and we'll all spend the day together.

I am really glad my music-major daughter chose a school within a reasonable drive from home (1.5 hours). We actually get to see her more often than we did my older daughter because we are able to go to her orchestra & small ensemble concerts. I haven't heard from her that recital attendance interferes with being able to come home. Her requirement averages out to 1/week and there are many events during the week as well, so it's not usually a problem for her. Her problem with getting away is the practice time and homework that won't get done if she hangs out here.

[ereks mom]

None are scheduled on weekdays or weeknights. Music majors are required to attend each other's recitals, and all of these are scheduled for Friday afternoons (usually 3PM). They are also required to attend guest performers' concerts, which are usually scheduled for Saturday evenings. Student choir/orchestra/ensemble performances are scheduled for sometime on Saturday or on Sunday afternoons. For example, this coming weekend, ER has an ensemble performance at 9AM Saturday and another at 11AM on Sunday. There is something on the schedule almost every weekend.

His school is only about 2 hours from here, but he can't seem to get away often for a weekend visit, and with gas prices near $4 per gallon, it isn't practical for him to drive 2 hours each way for a one-day visit. :(

[love2read]

In my pre-baby days I counseled college students. Many students don't really settle in until second semester their Freshman year. Be optimistic, encourage them to call home and try not to be discouraged yourself if your dc isn't enthusiastic. Let them know that they don't have to stay at the college forever if they are miserable, but ask them to stay with it for at least two semesters.

[periwinkle]

Everything is not hunky-dory and perfect for ds at this point; things are just better.

He is my absent-minded professor, so the scheduling/organizing his new life has been difficult. He missed classes; he was late for classes; he forgot about eating until after the dining hall closed. (Finally he remembered the snack bar was open until midnight!) He slept in the morning of his first phys ed exam and the prof would not let him retake, so he got a zero. He did not make any friends until very recently.

I just wanted to be able to help. Yes, I am a bit of a search and rescue parent, so it is probably good he went to school four hours away;)

There was just such a sense of relief in his voice this past weekend that he got it all right-he made it to all his classes in time, remembered his social commitments, and didn't feel like things were spinning out of control.

So, maybe saying "settled" was a bit of a stretch:lol: