Editing/Proof Help Needed. TIA!

[HollyinNNV]

I would appreciate any comments on my recommendation letter. I had a hard time expressing my genuine enthusiasm for this student. He's an awesome kid and I'd like to really toot my horn for him. (It is a letter for Eagle Scouts.)

Any comments on punctuation/grammar/sentence structure would be appreciated!
Holly


To whom it may concern:

For the past five years I have had the privilege and pleasure of teaching F. F has been my pupil in solar energy, logic, literature, writing classes. I attended an engineering competition that he competed in and also had the opportunity to observe F in informal events including physical fitness activities and social events.

F is an exemplary student. His schoolwork is completed with attention to detail and obvious care. He turns in homework on time. However, the most striking thing about F is that he is truly interested in learning and has a great passion to pursue excellence. F comes to class already having thought deeply about the subject that he is studying. Therefore he is able to speak intelligently and logically about the subject he is learning. Additionally, F's passion is infectious. He spreads an attitude of intellectual curiosity to those around him. Finally, F is eager to accept suggestions and correction. He actively pursues self-improvement.

Working on long-term projects can tend to be a difficult task for students for a variety of reasons. I have observed F work on long-term projects and he has the skills necessary for success. He sets appropriate goals. He stays enthusiastic about the project he is working on, and he has a high standard for excellence.

Finally, I must commend F on his patience and love for younger children. F is a favorite “big guy” at the writing institute I organize. We have children of all ages. But the little guys gravitate to F because he listens patiently to them, plays with them and he treats them with respect. I remember watching F perform a magic show for a birthday party. He held the children’s attention, gave a wonderful show and then stayed later to teach the children simple magic tricks.

When F requested that I write a letter for him, I was very happy to do it. F is an absolute joy to teach! I would be happy to answer any further questions about F by phone or email.

[Michelle in AL]

Hi Holly, what a cool guy! I only saw a couple of possible errors:
has been my pupil in solar energy, logic, literature, writing classes. Should it be literature, and writing classes?
I attended an engineering competition that he competed in and also had the opportunity to observe F in informal events including physical fitness activities and social events.
Would it be "competed in, and also?" I'm not sure on this one.

The letter sounds great and you really painted a good picture of his strengths for those who don't him.

[FloridaLisa]

Looks great Holly. I would also add in the "and" before writing classes in that second line. My only other suggestion would be to make the use of the comma before an "and" in a list consistent. I leave out commas before the "and" because of my background with AP style. It looks like you started out using the comma but then dropped it toward the end.

Your message and recommendation are clear and your tone is warm but professional. I've spent hours crafting recommendation letters! I always want it to come across just right!

Good job! (And if you ever move to Florida, I know of a good co-op for you!)
Lisa

[Sandy in Indy]

Hi Holly, what a cool guy! I only saw a couple of possible errors:
Should it be literature, and writing classes?

Would it be "competed in, and also?" I'm not sure on this one.

The letter sounds great and you really painted a good picture of his strengths for those who don't him.

I attended an engineering competition in which he competed and also..... no comma.

Do add "and" to the quote above. Otherwise, I think it's fine. :)

[Janice in NJ]

I'll give it a shot. Haven't proof read - just an alternative version....:001_smile:


To whom it may concern:

For the past five years I have had the privilege and pleasure of teaching F. F has been my pupil in solar energy, logic, literature, writing classes. I attended an engineering competition that he competed in and also had the opportunity to observe F in informal events including physical fitness activities and social events.

For the past five years, it has been my privilege to have F as a pupil in my solar energy, literature, and writing classes. In addition to observing F in an engineering competition that he competed in, I have also have the pleasure of watching him interact in informal events including physical fitness activities and social events. I am proud to be associated with this student.

F is an exemplary student. His schoolwork is completed with attention to detail and obvious care. He turns in homework on time. However, the most striking thing about F is that he is truly interested in learning and has a great passion to pursue excellence. F comes to class already having thought deeply about the subject that he is studying. Therefore he is able to speak intelligently and logically about the subject he is learning. Additionally, F's passion is infectious. He spreads an attitude of intellectual curiosity to those around him. Finally, F is eager to accept suggestions and correction. He actively pursues self-improvement.

F, an exemplary student, promptly completes his schoolwork on time with care and attention to detail. However, the most striking thing about F is that he is truly interested in learning; he passionately pursues excellence. F, who comes to class prepared to discuss the subject matter, speaks intelligently and logically about the material. And his passion infects his fellow students; his intellectual curiosity spreads to his classmates. Finally, F, who actively pursues self-improvement, humbly accepts advice and correction.

Working on long-term projects can tend to be a difficult task for students for a variety of reasons. I have observed F work on long-term projects and he has the skills necessary for success. He sets appropriate goals. He stays enthusiastic about the project he is working on, and he has a high standard for excellence.

Even though working on long-term projects can tend to be a difficult task for students, I have observed F handle long-term projects by setting appropriate goals, staying enthusiastic about the project, and following through until the job is completed. He has the skills necessary for success.

Finally, I must commend F on his patience and love for younger children. F is a favorite “big guy” at the writing institute I organize. We have children of all ages. But the little guys gravitate to F because he listens patiently to them, plays with them and he treats them with respect. I remember watching F perform a magic show for a birthday party. He held the children’s attention, gave a wonderful show and then stayed later to teach the children simple magic tricks.

Finally, I must commend F on his patience and love for younger children. At the writing institute I organize, we have children of all ages. The little children gravitate to f because he patiently listens to them, plays with them, and treats them with respect. I remember watching F perform a magic show for a birthday party. He held the children’s attention, gave a wonderful show, and then stayed to teach the children simple magic tricks.

When F requested that I write a letter for him, I was very happy to do it. F is an absolute joy to teach! I would be happy to answer any further questions about F by phone or email.

[HollyinNNV]

Thanks for the help everyone! You guys are AWESOME! Wish I could send you all some chocolate!
Holly