When you NEED to bounce back - what do you do?

[Amy in Orlando]

On Friday, I had a bad situation with my neighbors. I am still feeling beaten down and low. What do you do to get going again on Monday morning? My kids have little to do with the neighbor thing, I"m the one that is feeling floored.

How do you keep going when you're down? How do you just get over yourself and focus on your job?

[Apiphobic]

I was going to say something flippant like write a new Dr. Seuss poem or invent silly tags for your post, but I don't think you need that right now.

What helps me is talking to one of my good friends and venting about the incident so she can usually bolster my self-esteem and say things to make me feel better like, "Oh, what a jerk! Don't waste your time on that useless oaf. You're so much better than that."

Writing can also help, if that's your gig. It helped me last night when I was stewing about being banned and not able to defend myself. I felt better after writing that poem and the explanation, and then dh read it and made me feel better by getting a laugh out of it.

Maybe you need to do a little something different, change the schedule for a day or two, to get pumped up again. Maybe getting back to the grindstone is exactly what you don't need. A little something fun for you and dc to bolster your spirits.

I hope you can pick yourself up and dust off the gloom. Get a little muzak goin' and shake that booty ... bad girl, beep beep. :auto:

[Amy in NY]

Do something fun today, Amy. Get everyone out of the house and go somewhere new, doing something that you know will bolster everyone's spirits (not that the kids need that, but you do.) I think you've had a rough couple of weeks. School will be there tomorrow - it's like the housework, it never goes away.

I am sorry that you are going through this. (This must be the screaming neighbors.) I hope that everything is o.k.

:grouphug:

[Mad Jenny Flint]

When I have times like this, just focusing on the. next. thing. is the main thing that helps. One thing at a time, and only that thing. The other thing that helps is a big ol' dose of gratitude, baby. Find the great things about your life and write them down, or just look around you at them and breathe deeply. Always breathe deeply. You'll be calmer, and your thoughts will be more clear.

[Michele B]

You have gotten great suggestions! I would take the kids out today if you could. Go to a museum or aquarium, enjoy some time with you family and clear your mind before you return to the situation.

My husband cut the grass a view days ago. One set of neighbors stood up on their front porch and CLAPPED! We were completely stunned. They are young, but still! I felt sick to my stomach at first. Don't people know you have to behave?!

[Lizzie in Ma]

I am sorry you are still in the slumps over this. The situation stinks. Call your best bud and commiserate. Head for the beach with the boys, it is always cool after a storm to sort through flotsam and jetsam. Get away and have some fun.
Thanks for the prayers.

[ma23peas]

Amy, when your friend offends you, if you take the Christian perspective you're required to be the peacemaker...even if you're the offender, you're required to be the peacemaker...see a trend here? ;) I don't think you can be completely resolved with this until there is peace between you all...suck up your pride and go over there with some cookies today...tell them no hard feelings, you love them and although you disagree on certain issues that you love them and their children more than politics and that you hope that just because you take sides on issues doesn't mean you take sides on friendship...leave the whole mess with your son out of it...the truth is, I truly think there's some guilt there with what they're dealing with in the schools with their own children and by pointing out the perceived specks in your children, it'll make their choices seem validated...just forget all that...you can't take it to heart unless there is truth in their words, and in that case...just knock it up to being more aware and be cautious around letting your kids play, you may become more busy, God may lead new friends into your life..but if you ignore it, all those awkward moments will be magnified....some take the route of letting time heal things, that's passive and usually doesn't work...some take the route of playing the pitied offended and expecting the offender to come and apologize, that just breeds resentment...the only way out of this is for you to take the high road and be the peacemaker....pray before you go, clear your heart of resentment and hurt feelings and go with an intent that your love for them trumps all transgressions...gee, how many times have we been snotty to our God? How many times has He not sought us out and offered us a clean slate? It's hard, but you can do it.

Tara

[Apiphobic]

Amy, I've thought about you several times today and hoped you were feeling better. I hadn't read the previous post about your neighbors' powwow when I responded to this post, but afterwards I felt like posting that I hope you don't feel like you have to go out and prove anything to them. You don't.

You got some lovely responses to your bad week post and my heart goes out to those dealing with trying times. I especially liked gardenschooler's word choice here:

If I crossed everyone off my list who was the slightest bit different from me, I wouldn't have a soul to talk to in the world. May their own self-righteousness come back to bite them in the rear.

I wish I knew what to say that would help. :grouphug:

Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. ~ Buddha

[Natalieclare]

When I NEED to get going and get over myself, I concentrate on my kids. I try to think of what I want them to remember about me during a given incident, and I want them to remember my bestest me: an overcoming me, a gracious me, a persevering me, a faithful me. Somehow placing their needs (and my desire for their highest good) before my issues helps restore my perspective.

Silly example: I used to be very bothered by needles (when getting blood drawn, etc). When I was pregnant with my 3rd child, the older 2 went with me to all my appointments and such. At the appointment for my blood draw, it hit me that I didn't want to pass my fear on to them. So as I thought about their highest good, I was able to overcome my fear. I don't know if that makes any sense to anyone outside my own head, but here goes anyway!

And I pray. and pray. and pray to get the strength to do what is good.

But I think if I were in your shoes right now, I wouldn't be able to rest until there had been some type of connection with my "friends". Even if it wasn't a positive one, I don't think I could settle down and move on without a meeting of one kind or another. But that's just me. I'm weird that way.

[Amy in Orlando]

You guys are awesome - I'm slowly working out of this neighborhood quaqmire. It's just so weird. We have BIG plans to hit the beach on Wednesday. I'm so looking forward to it. And, for those of you mothering short people, they turn into nice big strong people. I"m so surprised at how protective and kind my older three have been. Their behavior alone makes me so proud. Before any of this, I woud not have characterized any of my sons as being attuned to me in any way - meals aside. But, they right way picked up on how upset I was and kind of circled around me. It makes me weepy to think about it. They'll be just fine as adults, right? How crazy that my "little" boys (who are all at least 6" taller than me) are so protective of me (and I hope someday their wives)?

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

You guys are awesome - I'm slowly working out of this neighborhood quaqmire. It's just so weird. We have BIG plans to hit the beach on Wednesday. I'm so looking forward to it. And, for those of you mothering short people, they turn into nice big strong people. I"m so surprised at how protective and kind my older three have been. Their behavior alone makes me so proud. Before any of this, I woud not have characterized any of my sons as being attuned to me in any way - meals aside. But, they right way picked up on how upset I was and kind of circled around me. It makes me weepy to think about it. They'll be just fine as adults, right? How crazy that my "little" boys (who are all at least 6" taller than me) are so protective of me (and I hope someday their wives)?

Ah, sweet lady. I'm so sorry you are still sad. You are in my thoughts.

Sometimes, in answer to your question, I just live the sadness for awhile, just walk though the valley for awhile. After I'm hurt deeply, sometimes I just need the bed and the tears and many hot tubs of water to soak in. Allow your body and mind to be sad and low energy for a little bit.

Sounds like you reared good guys.

:grouphug:

[Lucy in Australia]

Oh, man, now I'm going to cry. I remember "meeting" you when your oldest was the same age as my oldest (also a Daniel :)). You and Mike have done a wonderful job with your boys and the proof is in the pudding :D.

I was a bit late in catching up with what happened with your neighbours and I'm so sorry about what happened. They're missing out on a great friend (and if you want to move to Australia, there's a great house for sale round the corner from our place;))

I think you need to talk to your mum, or someone else who knows you well and whom you can trust. I've sort of been down this road myself, and I took great comfort in unloading to my s-i-l . She just listened and made me feel wanted as a friend, not just a relative, and that helped a lot.

Lots of :grouphug:to you...

[Mama Bear]

Hope things ease a bit for you as time passes and karma (the great boomerang) comes wheeling back to nip the whiners where they need it most.

About how to get back up? Doing the next thing and the next thing, all day long, for days, until finally one looks up to realize that real progress has been made and that the wound is no longer bloody, merely sore, now.

Find small things that bring you joy (like your fabulous young men) and revel regularly -- hourly, if need be. Use these experiences to string together a daily list of thankfulness. Recording these things makes a pattern of strength and beauty where otherwise scar tissue grows.

Blessings to you, madame. You are a gracious, lovely human being and I'm sad for your neighbors that they find themselves so lacking in your particular good qualities that they need to undermine you in order to feel better about themselves.

:grouphug: