Performance anxiety in K'er (long, sorry)

[Beth in SW WA]

Hi gang,

My dd 5 is in K at a darling little Christian classical school. She is of course the only advanced reader, but she is learning a bit of Latin, memorizing her phonograms (SWR), learning cursive and coming home w/ lots of new information. She loves it.

She is extremely bright (not sure about "gifted") and reads at middle school level, picks up piano easily, a memory that doesn't quit.

She is an extreme control freak and perfectionist to the n'th degree.

She is adopted from China. We're dealing w/ control issues party due to her abandonment issues.

She has extreme anxiety about performing in front of people. She has a chapel assembly next Friday where she will sing the 3 songs her class has been practicing. The 7 little K'ers will walk on stage and sing in front of the other students and visiting parents. She sings these songs all day around here and knows them well. We all do, by now :)

The school does the show-me assembly every month so kids can learn to speak/sing in front of groups, and share what they are learning.

As w/ every Sunday School performance, she is panicked about singing next week.

Her K teacher has 5 kids of her own, 2 of which were adopted internationally. God really led us to this particular school and we love it.

Is this normal for gifted kids to be hyper-sensitive about "performing" in front of strangers.

Thank you in advance for any insight.

[threetreasurs]

I don't know if it is a gifted trait - but my youngest had major stage fright at that age. Our church is very large and when the childrens choir sang in front, she would just freeze up. The choir director, who had years of experience, told me to just give her time and to not make a big deal of it.

Fast forward a few years - she totally loves to be in front of an audience and has successfully and happily played lead rolls in plays and sings solos in church.

[Beth in SW WA]

Thank you for your reply :)

[Sebastian (a lady)]

My kids were a bit older before they had any opportunities to be in front of a crowd like this. However, I have definitely noticed a streak of perfectionism in my more profoundly gifted son.
What I have seen is that he will get an image in his head of how something should go. When the reality isn't matching up to his image, he may get very upset. He is also the more emotionally demonstrative kid, so this may show itself by his bursting into tears or clamming up and isolating himself so no one sees how close to tears he is.
Some of it is just an age thing. My current 6 yo will go up front with his class but nothing can get him to sing the same song to just me.
When our older kids were K and 1st grade, we did have a lot of family presentation nights where they would show something they'd made and give a report on what they'd been learning about. Most of these were history related, but we did one on ocean animals too.

[frogpond1]

empathize... That would have been me all the way through school until perhaps high school when I really decided that I would push myself to be brave etc. I was definitely an early learner and a perfectionist and later in Jr. High tagged into the gifted program. I think teachers really need to be careful with that type of child. It isn't willful disobedience, it is a real fear of failure. I was very, very hard upon myself and still can be. What would be no big deal to one child would devastate me completely.

[Kimberly in IN]

I have no idea about gifted kids and reluctance to perform. But, my dd-9, adopted from China is still like this. With everything.... except hockey, she made the travel hockey team and just rocks. Maybe it is the full equipment. Dd even frets about dance recitals. She was moved from K to 1st grade at the winter break of K year and that is one of the reasons we hs. So, I would say she is bright, but, I am not sure about gifted. Haven't had any recent tests. But can relate to truly agonizing performance anxiety from her, when it is so clear to everyone else (even those outside of family) that she will do so well on whatever it is.

[KinderSafari]

It's hard not to analyze WHY she could be this way. It might be she would be this way regardless of being adopted!

Many kids have this fear! There are several good books out there at her level (I'm sure almost every series book like Berenstain Bears, Franklin, etc) has stories about this as well. Read them and talk to her about them.

I shouldn't just limit this to kids either!
Adults have the same fear! It is one of the greatest fears for adults as well!

Share with her about that as well! :)

[Beth in SW WA]

Thank you all for your replies.

The chapel was last Friday and sure enough, she would not go on stage. Her teacher let her sit in the front row and just sing from there.

None of us made a big deal out of it.

The irony is that she is our little performer (when she thinks no one is watching). We watched Cats this weekend and she knows many of the words of the songs after watching it twice. Her memory is amazing. She has been singing and cat-dancing all weekend. :)

Again, thanks for your insights. I will check out those books KinderSafari mentioned.

Onward & upward... :)