Please Help Me Decide...Is It Possible...

[Chocolate Lover]

Please help me decide if it is possible for me to completely HS my DS8.

Here we go...

We have always homeschooled around life. I am a single mom who just finished my LPN nursing degree last fall. My first job was at a nursing home with 12 hour night shifts. Now I work at doctor's office half days on Mon and Fri. Full days on Tues, Wed and Thurs. On those long days I get out at 5:30 or 6. That makes for HS time on the weekend, and Mon evening. Friday eve is for Shabbat. I have to work as I have very little savings and a mortgage situation to save for. I am also hoping to go back to school for two more four day a week full time semesters to get my associate's degree for RN. That will eventually cut my work hours since RNs get paid so much more than LPNs.

For HS we are on HWT 1st cursive book, SWO-D, GWG 3, CW Aesop A, Minimus, SingaporeMath 2B including IP 2B and CWP 2, HO Ancients Level 1 combined with SOTW 1, WTM Science Life, several Hebrew CD-Roms, Jewish Studies mostly Behrman House texts, Stories of the Great Composers and nothing much for art since I am art impaired except for crochet, knitting, and weaving.

I send him to a private Jewish school for several reasons. I obviously need childcare, there is a great art teacher there, there is a reasonable PE program there and I admit to being a couch potato, their Hebrew is better than mine, and I want him to have a Jewish community of children which is there. There is also some validation when they do standardized testing which they do twice a year using the MAP computerized testing.
DS is reading at about 8th grade level, spelling at 5th grade level, and they just put him up to the 4th grade math group at the school.

I have basically two problems for DS with the school. The curriculums for the various English subjects and math are not appropriate for his learning style, and the approach to discipline doesn't go along with the values being taught to the kids in Jewish Studies. This week both the Jewish studies teacher and the general studies teacher wanted him to write stupid sentences over and over again about how he won't forget books at school books at home. For this boy we are doing good if he remembers his head and to wear clothes. I am overwhelmed with keeping us on schedule and on time. More importantly, this is a perfect way to make him hate school and learning in general, and ruin his good handwriting.

There are other things, like I get talked down to like I shouldn't act like I know anything about teaching my own son, we get a scholarship so I am supposed to work for the school and I love the library and get treated like I am in the librarians territory and so should ask if I can breath, you know, stuff like that. Yes I am stressed out about them.

So, today was the first parent teacher conference. It got scheduled to early this morning and I had to speed to get there on time. My adrenaline was up as well as my mother lioness. It was a horrible conference and I am seriously considering taking him out. But, what do I do with him while I earn a living. There are no other relatives here. My parents are dead, there is no other parent for him, and my siblings live in another state, but I wouldn't leave a pet rock with them, they would kill it. Most HSers are Christian here and would try to convert him if left in theircre. and I don't know that many that well. I feel stuck.

Please someone help me. We both feel extremely stressed by the school and I don't want all the hard work we have gone through to be lost to his future. The only way out I can see is if we get alot of money to live on and that would have to be the lottery...but I don't buy any tickets, not in the budget.

[Shay]

I read your post twice and I can really tell you are distraught. After reading it again, I still am confused.....are you homeschooling all of those subjects in your signature line in addition to all day school? Or, are these the things you were doing and now your ds is in the Jewish school?

Gosh, given what you've described with your working condition, I personally don't see how you can full time homeschool. I could be wrong here, but I just got a sense from your post that you are sort of on the edge (I've been that way many times myself ) and that this might be spilling over into all that is going on at school....maybe things are irritating you more than they would if you weren't so stressed out with trying to figure all this out? Please don't misinterpret my tone, I'm saying all this gently but it's sometimes hard for that to come across in print.

~Shay

[JFS in IL]

Looking at your schedule I think you have to keep the school BUT select some key topics (math, English) you feel most important and afterschool those in your available time.
There will never be the perfect-fit school for every kid, all you can do is talk to your kid about how you as a family see things differently in some way from the school, to help limit any negative effect there may be from some aspects of the school.

Good luck to you!!! Maybe someday you will get a better work schedule and be able to full-time homeschool again.

[BabyBre]

Shay may have a point - I know I am home full-time and pretty stressed out trying to fit in less hsing than you're doing around my dc's full-time public school where I certainly receive less flack from the school staff than it sounds like you do. I can certainly understand your frustration and anxiety over trying to achieve an ideal for your son, but given your situation, it just may not be possible. You may have to compromise.

It seems like you at least have these options:

1. Let his current school take over his education completely (more or less - I think once a hser, always an hser) and accept it.

2. Find him another school (private or public) or co-op that would work for your day care needs and let you remain in control (again, more or less) and under less stress when you're there. (I can't imagine working in such an environment as you described!)

3. Ask his current school (or another school) about part-time enrollment where you can teach him on your days off the subjects that are lacking at school. (This was a great option for us at ds's private school.)

4. How about finding a co-op of some sort that meets certain days of the week and finding a plain old day care for the other days? Is he an independant worker at all? He could do some of his more independant work while he was there.

If you have NO friends or relatives that can help you out at this time, it seems like you may indeed be stuck with having to put him into a school of some sort, and if you live in an area without a supportive Jewish community, you may not have the luxury of surrounding him with kids and adults of the same background. Is his current school the only Jewish option?

Also (keeping in mind I'm not familiar with your nursing program at all), can your further education wait until he's a little older? It may be hard to get by now, but he may benefit more from having you more available right now. And, as a pre-teen or teenager, he may become more independent and allow you more options that way.

My heart goes out to you as a mother who wants the absolute best for her child. However it has to work out, your ds is a lucky boy to have you. ALL you can do is the best with what you've got. You can't do more.

Please keep us updated.
:grouphug:

[Mallorie]

I agree, you sound very stressed, and it's understandable. I've learned, for me, to be very careful about making major decisions when i'm stressed. I almost always make a bad choice.

Can I recommend breaking it down? The first problem you listed: subjects that don't meet his learning style. I'm assuming, based on the fact that they advanced him some levels, that's he's doing okay with it? Because you can always afterschool him in those areas to keep him up to speed.

Second: Writing the sentences. I'd have a chat with the teachers and let them know that this is something you are working on with him (remembering), that you don't feel the sentences benefit him in ANY WAY, and that you are adamantly against it. Otherwise, work on prevention, we're all about lists here. I had to make up lists for my boys routine in the morning. Things would get done, but I just got tired of harping on them to move it. So they have a list, and a time that I expect them to be ready by. You could make a checklist or two for him, so that he remembers his things.

About this:


There are other things, like I get talked down to like I shouldn't act like I know anything about teaching my own son, we get a scholarship so I am supposed to work for the school and I love the library and get treated like I am in the librarians territory and so should ask if I can breath, you know, stuff like that. Yes I am stressed out about them.


I mean this gently, so don't take it as a bashing. But that's about YOU. I totally relate to your feelings here, I think many of us have been in similar situations. However, I would not include this in your list of reasons to pull him out. I know what it's like to be made uncomfortable in the school, but this place isn't for you, it's for him. And there are things that can be done to win people over if you try hard enough. I know you shouldn't have to, but again, it's about your son.

I really believe you should sit and make a "pros-cons" list, and then go over each issue one by one. Try to come up with some solutions to the "cons", and then weigh the benefits against the cost. Then you also have to make a list of pros and cons for the alternative, and see which one wins.

Parenting is so very rarely easy.

[Mallorie]

Most HSers are Christian here and would try to convert him if left in theircre. and I don't know that many that well.


Also, about this. I'm a Christian, and I have Jewish friends that I wouldn't think to try to convert. So if this is based on pure assumption, I'd try to be more open-minded about it. :)

[Violet]

I am homeschooling full-time, and my children went to school in the past. Since we are not afterschooling, perhaps I should mind my own business! But I will offer this: When my kids were actually in school, there is no way I could have done what you are doing for what is essentially afterschooling. All my energy went into school. PTA, volunteering at school, making sure they had everything they needed (permissions slips, stuff for projects, etc.) for school. School was a lot of work!

One thing that struck me about your post is that you say you have him in school because, for one, you need child-care. But school is not just child-care. It's much more. Your schedule really doesn't sound like it would be feasible to homeschool IMHO without a strong support system. IMHO perhaps you need to forego much of the afterschooling you are doing and focus on your son dealing with the school environment. If your son is forgetful (and many kids are), perhaps work on that at home, kwim? When my kids were in school, there were many things I did not like and dealt with as best I could. I did not pull my kids out because of my irritation with disciplinary things like writing sentences--we had that stuff going on, too. ;) It was a matter of the school just not being able to meet my children's needs--specifically my special needs child. It was also a matter of me not liking the social atmosphere, peer influence, etc. It sounds like your son is actually in an environment that is supportive of your lifestyle/religion. Like you said, he is with other children who are Jewish, he is learning Hebrew, they have him in advanced math.

I did notice you said math and English weren't appropriate for him. Is that because he's advanced? It's much easier to have an advanced kid in school than one who struggles to keep up. I had two advanced and one who struggled tremendously. It was way more an emotional toll to deal with my special needs kiddo in school than my other two. If I had advanced kids in a school setting not being challenged, then perhaps I'd add in high quality lit for him after school. Also, what happened at the conference you had with the teacher specifically?

If it were me, based on what you have said, I would hesitate to pull my son out of this school. I would ditch the afterschooling stuff.

Anita

[Cadam]

First I would pick two things to focus on during your after school time and you will have to let the rest of it go for now.

I would seriously look for a homeschool family to take him in. Not all Christina families would take it on themselves to try and convert him. If you came to me and told me you were concerned about that I would go out of my way to accommodate you and make your son comfortable in our home. I am certainly not the only Christian homeschooler who would do this.

Just this week I nearly took on a student. An email was sent out to our city-wide email loop that a single mom needed someone to homeschool her son. You could do that and then interview anyone who responds to make sure it is a good fit. It can't hurt right?

Is your scholarship a full scholarship? If you are paying some then you can take that $$ and offer it to the hs family.

Otherwise I think all you can do is promise yourself that it will be over in X# of years and then you will have your RN and be able to bring him home with you. I am so sorry you are going through this and if you lived near me I would take him :grouphug: