Their mamas would be appalled.

[Crissy]

I should be over this by now but clearly I am not.

Yesterday my husband and I photographed and printed pictures for the public at an official NFL event. In attendance was a group of rookie players to say hello, appear in pictures and give autographs.

My first impression of each of them was positive. They seemed like polite young men.
Then the event ended and I was moving supplies from the location back to my car. As I was carrying a case of photo mattes out the door and past the group of players, I dropped the box and all of the mattes scattered onto the sidewalk.
75 or 100 of them.
All over.
Did a single one of these 22 or 23 year old gentlemen come over to help me pick them up?
NO! Not one.
Four of them looked over and just continued their conversation in the doorway. Three of them walked right by me on the way to their cars.

Surely these boys' mamas taught them better.
Now I wonder what my boys do when I'm not looking. Can I teach them to do the right thing even when I'm not around?
How?

[Nicole M]

What? Were they too busy being important and impressing people? That's appalling.

I once was at a rehearsal for a big choral event I was involved in, and a bunch of old timers were standing in a huddle in the doorway chatting. A new guy walked in, looking confused and lost, and NONE of the old guys stopped what they were talking about and said even, yes, this is the right place. I was separated from the door by the group and finally had to knock right through them (which was rude, yes, and I apologized, but they had to be sacrificed, so I wasn't all that sorry) to rescue the poor lost man. Your story reminded me of that.

You'll tell your boys this story, though, won't you? Because that will plant a seed. I absolutely count on these kind of stories making an impression on my boys. I constantly present them with some fool thing I've seen at the college, and ask them what they think and what the right thing to do would have been.

I'm sorry you had to pick those up by yourself. Total bummer.

[Scarlett]

You'll tell your boys this story, though, won't you? Because that will plant a seed. I absolutely count on these kind of stories making an impression on my boys. I constantly present them with some fool thing I've seen at the college, and ask them what they think and what the right thing to do would have been.

Exactly what I was going to say and what I do as well with my young son. They need constant coaching. In fact, I will tell him THIS story. :)

[Momto4kids]

I should be over this by now but clearly I am not.

Yesterday my husband and I photographed and printed pictures for the public at an official NFL event. In attendance was a group of rookie players to say hello, appear in pictures and give autographs.

My first impression of each of them was positive. They seemed like polite young men.
Then the event ended and I was moving supplies from the location back to my car. As I was carrying a case of photo mattes out the door and past the group of players, I dropped the box and all of the mattes scattered onto the sidewalk.
75 or 100 of them.
All over.
Did a single one of these 22 or 23 year old gentlemen come over to help me pick them up?
NO! Not one.
Four of them looked over and just continued their conversation in the doorway. Three of them walked right by me on the way to their cars.

Surely these boys' mamas taught them better.
Now I wonder what my boys do when I'm not looking. Can I teach them to do the right thing even when I'm not around?
How?

Obnoxious brats!!!






If they were Colt's players they would have helped. :leaving:

J/K :D

[Janna]

We have a water softener that frequently needs salt added to it (I think it's old and not running efficiently). When I was pregnant, 8 months along mind you, I was at the store purchasing six 40 lb bags of salt. My dh was out of town on a golfing trip (and was quite upset with me when he found out I did this, btw). I paid for the salt inside the store, drove my car up to the pile of bagged salt and proceeded to carry these bags, one at a time to my car to be placed in the trunk. I was 8 months pregnant loading up 240 lbs of salt!!! NOT ONE person stopped to help me. NOT ONE person OFFERED to help me. Men were walking past constantly. It was ridiculous and I had the same reaction as you. How can anyone - even another woman for cryin out loud - see a pregnant woman loading this and not offer to help?

Now I will say, that not too long after that, I was at the hardware store to buy a bag of weed control for the yard. It was one bag weighing maybe 25 lbs. Not a big deal, right? (not after 240 lbs, anyway, LOL). So I pick up this bag and carry it to the counter. There is a line and the cashier was needing help with a transaction. The manager (and I think co-owner) who was helping the cashier, looks up at me and screams "Oh my GOD!!!!!! There's a PREGNANT WOMAN carrying a heavy bag!!!!!!!" and he rushes towards me to take the bag. Then he proceeds to scold me and give me the third degree - what was I thinking!? and all that - and then tells me to wait and let him carry the bag out to the car. Then he starts to walk away (I was next in line for the cashier). He stops, turns around and says, "On second thought, I'm going to stay right here. I don't trust you that you'll wait for me to come back to load this for you." :lol: He was very sweet. My dd was with me and her cheeks were bright red in embarrasment at the way he yelled at me, but I was LOL. It was very sweet, very cute and something you just don't see anymore from the younger generations.

Like you, I'm trying to teach my boy (well, plural when Atticus is able to learn this lesson, LOL) to be courteous and respectful to the elderly and women.

I'm sorry you had to pick all that up by yourself. It's sad, isn't it?

[Kris]

I would be just mortified if my son ever acted like that -- I don't care how old or "important" he might be.

There is a man in our Taekwondo class who serves as such a *great* role model and example for the younger kids -- well, heck, the older kids, too. ;)

This guy is on top of *everything* before you even know it needs to be done! I think the kids are trying to make a game of getting there before he does now. It's really something to see.

ETA: I think passing on all these great stories is a good idea, but I think "doing" makes an impression, too.

[Janna]

If they were Colt's players they would have helped. :leaving:

J/K :D

Amen, sistah!

[Kris]

I once was at a rehearsal for a big choral event I was involved in, and a bunch of old timers were standing in a huddle in the doorway chatting. A new guy walked in, looking confused and lost, and NONE of the old guys stopped what they were talking about and said even, yes, this is the right place.

Ugh -- I've been that person. Standing there feeling stupid. Haven't we all felt that way? You were wonderful for rescuing him!

[Momto4kids]

We have a water softener that frequently needs salt added to it (I think it's old and not running efficiently). When I was pregnant, 8 months along mind you, I was at the store purchasing six 40 lb bags of salt. My dh was out of town on a golfing trip (and was quite upset with me when he found out I did this, btw). I paid for the salt inside the store, drove my car up to the pile of bagged salt and proceeded to carry these bags, one at a time to my car to be placed in the trunk. I was 8 months pregnant loading up 240 lbs of salt!!! NOT ONE person stopped to help me. NOT ONE person OFFERED to help me. Men were walking past constantly. It was ridiculous and I had the same reaction as you. How can anyone - even another woman for cryin out loud - see a pregnant woman loading this and not offer to help?

Now I will say, that not too long after that, I was at the hardware store to buy a bag of weed control for the yard. It was one bag weighing maybe 25 lbs. Not a big deal, right? (not after 240 lbs, anyway, LOL). So I pick up this bag and carry it to the counter. There is a line and the cashier was needing help with a transaction. The manager (and I think co-owner) who was helping the cashier, looks up at me and screams "Oh my GOD!!!!!! There's a PREGNANT WOMAN carrying a heavy bag!!!!!!!" and he rushes towards me to take the bag. Then he proceeds to scold me and give me the third degree - what was I thinking!? and all that - and then tells me to wait and let him carry the bag out to the car. Then he starts to walk away (I was next in line for the cashier). He stops, turns around and says, "On second thought, I'm going to stay right here. I don't trust you that you'll wait for me to come back to load this for you." :lol: He was very sweet. My dd was with me and her cheeks were bright red in embarrasment at the way he yelled at me, but I was LOL. It was very sweet, very cute and something you just don't see anymore from the younger generations.

Like you, I'm trying to teach my boy (well, plural when Atticus is able to learn this lesson, LOL) to be courteous and respectful to the elderly and women.

I'm sorry you had to pick all that up by yourself. It's sad, isn't it?

How sweet is that???

[krazzymommy]

Ick. How rude. I remember having a toddler and brand new baby in a stroller and walking to the door of a department store. I was right behind two men and they didn't bother to hold the door open for me. Slammed it right in my face. I was apalled. I don't blame you for still being upset. I'm still upset and that happened to me over a year ago - lol!

[Alaska Mom]

I should be over this by now but clearly I am not.

Surely these boys' mamas taught them better.


I would have to assume surely their mamas (nor papas) did NOT teach them............:sad:. Teach your children well, and they surely won't forget it when you're not around.

[flyingmommy]

Man, do I know how you feel! About ten years ago, I was driving my pregnant (8 months along) babysitter home when my clunker decided it was time to throw a rod. I pull into a gas station that has a little eatery in it. It's eleven o'clock at night. Two women alone, one very pregnant, trying to figure out what's wrong with the car. Hood's up, we're poking around....four deputy sheriffs sit inside drinking coffee and watching us through the window. Thirty minutes later, two leave and two more come in. They buy their coffee and snacks, sit down with the first two, and continue to drink and eat and watch us. During the hour we were out there, right outside the window, not one of those six deputy sheriffs came out to even ask if we needed a ride home, or to see if they could help or call someone for us. Not one. I cannot tell you how disappointed I was. You kinda expect the cops to help you out. And these were older guys, old enough to have not completely missed out on the whole chivalry concept.

J

[Amy in Orlando]

WOW - that's so sad. I will definitely bring this up to my sons tomorrow. They're good, so far, about helping our neighbors with their groceries, putting up garbage cans, just being nice human beings. I hope we've ingrained it in them enough that it will be automatic when they are old enough. This will happen, right?

[mommaduck]

Oh my word! Where have ya'll been living?!

[WTMindy]

My poor son gets an earful all the time because I work with a group of teen-agers and I am always come home and say things like, "Promise me that you will NEVER ________________" or "Please tell me that if someone asks you a question, you look right in their eyes and ______________________" Now I will make sure to add, "If you ever see someone drop something, please be a gentleman and help them. And, if fact, offer to carry the box to her car."

[KSGrace]

This SOOO makes me mad.

I have experienced this many, many time...especially since becoming a mother. There was a time, when I was younger (late teens, early twenties) when men/boys would always hold the door open, offer to carry my stuff, etc etc etc. My mom would make me go with her when she had to make a purchase at places like Best Buy because the boys would always come and help in record time. She said she would stand there for hours and no one would come...BUT now, 10 years, 2 kids, and *cough*thirtypounds*cough later, I can barely get the sacker at the grocery store to carry out my stuff...and HELLOOOO, he's paid to do it. :lol:

So basically, I think "most" men/boys do things when they think there is something in it for them. Sigh. Unfortunately.

[DB in NJ]

This is why I have DRUMMED this into my kids' heads:

IT'S NEVER THE RIGHT TIME TO DO THE WRONG THING.

I say it so much to them they roll their eyes when they hear it. But they know it, in their hearts. And it's been so drilled into them that I pray it comes back to them at times like that.

It is appalling behavior.

[Sammy]

Sad, but not surprising. Basic manners are sorely lacking in our society. If someone does do another a good turn, they often aren't even thanked; I can't tell you how many times my son has held a door, and had people swish by him and not even nod.

[nestof3]

Now I wonder what my boys do when I'm not looking. Can I teach them to do the right thing even when I'm not around?
How?

Yes, you can teach them. It starts with having your boys open doors for others -- starting with you of course. We're sort of antiquated, I guess, in that we teach our boys to still be chivalrous toward women.

[swellmomma]

I would be so embarassed. I have been teaching my boys to open and hold doors for others, help when someone needs it etc. We were at the grocery store once, and this little old lady was trying to load a case of soup into her cart(it was a case lot sale), anyway, she had the 12 soup cans on this cardboard pallete thing and they all fell. Immediately my kids started running up and down this aisle gathering soup cans for this lady. SHe commented on how so few of the younger generations do this anymore and thanked each of the kids.

Often I find people don't hold doors etc until my boys open the door for me and anyone else needing it, often then a teen or gentleman will get the clue and take the door from ds, you can tell on their face they are ashamed that a child knew to do this and they didn't bother.

Actually what irks me even more is those people who try to get onto an elevator before you can get off. LIke back up from the doorway and let us through first. I have been teaching my kids to step back from the elevator after pushing the button and wait to make sure no one has to get off first before approaching it.

I would be appalled if my boys(or girls) thought they were too important to help out another person.

[swellmomma]

Yes, you can teach them. It starts with having your boys open doors for others -- starting with you of course. We're sort of antiquated, I guess, in that we teach our boys to still be chivalrous toward women.

ME too, that's what I start with and I know it sticks when I am not around because I get comments from the clerk at the convience store my kids go to, telling me how polite the kids are, holding the door for other customers, letting women with small children go ahead of them in line to pay etc.

[Doran]

Next time you, or Janna (though I'm thinking you won't be 8 months pregnant again anytime really soon) find yourselves in such a predicament, I say you take an entirely different approach (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-4tIs00NvM&feature=related). ;)

I think the idea of offering help to [pregnant] women, or older folks, or children -- just generally being sensitive enough to the feelings of those around us to even notice that someone might need help -- has eroded right alongside other manners which were once considered mandatory in all respectable people. Please and thank you. Hold the door. Don't cut in line. Share. Return phone calls.

I wonder, though, if there was a day when a woman would also have felt no shame in coming right out and ASKING for help if none was offered, because she could assume that it was her right to expect it. That is no longer the case, is it?