How can I help and encourage my elderly neighbors?

[profmom]

I spent some time talking (listening mostly, actually) with my neighbor this morning. He's a 73-year-old retired geologist/professor who has had a 2nd stroke (and already had diabetes). He is now legally blind. He can see in places but has areas that are blind (looking to the left, for example). He feels useless and cries about his situation at times. He hates that he can't drive, read the paper, or submit any more articles/studies to geology journals. I listened and tried to encourage him that God wasn't finished with him yet.

His wife has had cancer in her back and has a pump for pain medicine. She goes through times when she has to stay in bed and then times when she can drive and go to the grocery store. Their daughter lives with them, thankfully, but she works until 5 M-F.

Our schedule is full with homeschooling, activities, and responsibilities, but I'd like to help them in some way. He recently decided to get out of the house and took off down the street. Dd saw him and was able to tell his dw when she came out asking. The only thing I can think of that we could do is see if he'd like to go on walks with us sometimes. We don't go on walks now, but maybe we should start?? Any other ideas?? I'm not sure his dw is a "kid person," KWIM? Neither one of them really talk to my dc -- they prefer to talk to dh or me when we are out.

I have no experience with elderly people. My parents had me when they were young (and so they are still healthy and relatively young), and I've never been around older people. I would appreciate any suggestions that you might have!

[WTMindy]

A couple of ideas pop into my head. Take walks with him. Maybe your dd could go over and read the paper to him. Maybe you could get him hooked up with some audio-books or audio-news sources. I wonder if he would want to teach a simple geology class to your kids.

[Jean in Newcastle]

We go weekly to an assisted living apartment. The elderly people there loved homemade baked goods (quick breads are a hit), they like to play games like checkers or bridge, they mostly love to talk to people because they get so lonely.

[Tami]

One thing I can think of is to make doubles of your dinner and bring some over to your neighbor once a week. That wouldn't require too much brain power, and I bet it would really bless your neighbor!

[Alexandra]

I would second the walk. It would help his mental health so much. I also love the idea of a child reading the paper for him once a week or so.
He is lucky to have your nearby!

[MJN]

always had an older neighbor wherever we have lived. They all have enjoyed a drop in visit in the middle of the afternoon. They love to see the children. We usually take some homemade goodie over or some fresh fruit bowl in the summer. I try to see them at least a couple times a month in their home and we'll visit a few times in the yard. Thanks for having a heart to serve the elderly. They are so often forgotten. My mother lives in an assisted living and most of them don't have any visitors. So sad!

[profmom]

Thanks guys! I appreciate the suggestions!

BTW, I probably shouldn't have said "elderly" for a 73-year-old. He's really not much older than dh's dad, but there is so much difference in their physical abilities.

Thanks again!

[Amy in Orlando]

I think the walks are a great idea! Do you belong to paperbackswap or bookmooch? You might ask him if he'd enjoy a particular book or cd on tape if you don't mind using a few points on his behalf. You mentioned he has diabetes, so you might want to be careful with homemade desserts/snacks.

I know with the older people I've befriended in my life, just having someone to listen to them is a HUGE deal. Maybe set up a day each week or every other week where you could bring by lunch or dinner and just spend an hour or so talking. I did this a couple times each week with dh's grandmother and I learned so much and I think she loved having time to just talk.

I think it's awesome that you're concerned about them and care enough to want to do something. I hope you find something that works for all of you.

[Laurel T.]

I think for many elderly it is just nice to have someone to visit with. Your talk with him probably meant more that anything else you could do.

If you could think of any way to foster a relationship between him and your children it could be very special for everyone and the kids get the benefit of socializing with an elderly person.

I second the idea about an occasional meal, just to say you are thinking about him. I also think it is nice to take a little special something (like a homemade card) over for special days. Yesterdya, some children brought a little Valentine craft to my 86 yo grandmother. It really meant a lot to her.

Laurel T.

[Lorna]

I know that from my 80-something parents-in-law and their friends the best thing you can give them is your time and respect. It is wonderful what you can learn off older people. Just be yourself, and pick their brains on geology for your children etc. They will love to be asked. It is important for a person's health at that age to feel useful and socialise. I once read a National Geographic article about long-life and this is what the longest living peoples of the world had in common. They had a full social life in a community where their opinions still mattered (notably one of the groups was the Mormons).
I also second the home-made thing. People of this generation understand and appreciate home-baking, seedlings for the garden - that sort of thing. Perhaps this is a place where the children can get involved.

[Doran]

My Dad needs supervision almost always. He can't drive. My mother is still very active, but it's hard to plan your life around someone who needs so much attention, kwim? She would love it if:

1. People offered to take my father to lunch, to meetings, various appointments, to church on occasion. Its' best when this is a regular commitment so that they can count on it. You don't have to over do it. Just once a month, if that feels good to you, would still be a bright spot for them.

2. People stopped over with something simple to eat (My Dad is really kind of picky now, so you might need to ask a few questions on that front first) - like a ham biscuit and a soda at lunchtime, or a small lasagna that they can share when they wish.

3. Interesting conversation that allows them to talk about their past. Do your kids have a rock collection? That would be an excellent segue for them to establish a relationship with this man.

4. Can he read large print books? Libraries often have a good selection. Or books on cd that you've listened to and could offer to him, then "discuss" later.

5. Maybe your kids could interview him and submit an article to the local paper or to his alma mater? That would make them all feel so special.

You have no idea (well, actually, you probably do) how much joy a simple act can bring to people whose lives become so limited by ailments and disablity. Thank you from one who wishes she had a "you" in her parents' lives.

Doran