Doran
02-09-2008, 12:37 PM
When people do kind things for me, I am always genuinely grateful and I tell them so. Sometimes I write them so. But, it seems, the more unexpected the favor, or the more generous the "gift", the more I tend to shift toward some weird head trip thing. My heart is full, but my brain says, "How ever will you repay them when words aren't enough?"
My brothers live near my parents. One lives around the corner and is the point person for all that is terrible about my parents' lives right now. The medical emergencies, the emotional struggles, the financial uncertainty - all of it. He is closest to me in age. The other brother, ten years my senior, lives about an hour away from my parents. Though he doesn't see my parents as often, he is more available to be there from time to time. And, he has gobs more money than my dh and I do. So, he can afford to contribute to my parents' material needs. This applies on a slightly lesser scale to the other brother as well.
The three of us celebrated my mother's birthday in December by holding a family dinner at a "members only" club. We had a marvelous time, drank expensive wine, smiled and danced, blew out birthday candles. It was fun.
A few days ago, the bill came in and brother #2 (closest in age) sent an email around telling us the amount of the bill. It was roughly $600, and he asked how we wanted to share the costs. I didn't have a chance to reply yesterday, which is unlike me (if that matters). Today, there is an email from brother #1. I'll quote him:
I am going to send you a check for $400 for the [birthday dinner]. That's a number I had already thought about even before the bill came in. It's the least I can do since we ordered nice wine and had 4 wine drinkers in our clan. Besides, the [Marylanders] put so much effort into getting there, and things would not have been nearly as joyful without them. That counts for alot.
I am at a loss. I never expected this, and although I know it's crazy, I feel guilty. Guilt over not being able to be there to help (this has been a particularly bad week, and in the same email, my brother's words were that my mother is sounding "almost desperate" and "at her lowest point ever".) Guilt over being mildly relieved at not having to write a $200 check just now." And, utterly without the proper words to say thank you to my brothers. Intellectually, I know this is more about feeling helpless to help my parents, for a variety of factors that are out of my control. But, I feel so indebted to my brothers for their kindnesses. Is a hand written card enough? It seems so little to offer in light of what they do.
Doran
My brothers live near my parents. One lives around the corner and is the point person for all that is terrible about my parents' lives right now. The medical emergencies, the emotional struggles, the financial uncertainty - all of it. He is closest to me in age. The other brother, ten years my senior, lives about an hour away from my parents. Though he doesn't see my parents as often, he is more available to be there from time to time. And, he has gobs more money than my dh and I do. So, he can afford to contribute to my parents' material needs. This applies on a slightly lesser scale to the other brother as well.
The three of us celebrated my mother's birthday in December by holding a family dinner at a "members only" club. We had a marvelous time, drank expensive wine, smiled and danced, blew out birthday candles. It was fun.
A few days ago, the bill came in and brother #2 (closest in age) sent an email around telling us the amount of the bill. It was roughly $600, and he asked how we wanted to share the costs. I didn't have a chance to reply yesterday, which is unlike me (if that matters). Today, there is an email from brother #1. I'll quote him:
I am going to send you a check for $400 for the [birthday dinner]. That's a number I had already thought about even before the bill came in. It's the least I can do since we ordered nice wine and had 4 wine drinkers in our clan. Besides, the [Marylanders] put so much effort into getting there, and things would not have been nearly as joyful without them. That counts for alot.
I am at a loss. I never expected this, and although I know it's crazy, I feel guilty. Guilt over not being able to be there to help (this has been a particularly bad week, and in the same email, my brother's words were that my mother is sounding "almost desperate" and "at her lowest point ever".) Guilt over being mildly relieved at not having to write a $200 check just now." And, utterly without the proper words to say thank you to my brothers. Intellectually, I know this is more about feeling helpless to help my parents, for a variety of factors that are out of my control. But, I feel so indebted to my brothers for their kindnesses. Is a hand written card enough? It seems so little to offer in light of what they do.
Doran