question about sports and kids: what would you do?

[tess in the burbs]

My son is 6. He played soccer in the fall but at times refused to practice or play in the middle of a game. His reasons vary, but all are 'excuses' to sudden attitude changes and we have no idea what sparks the sudden refusal to play. in soccer we took a 2 week hiatus and came back with no problems the rest of the season.

Well he wanted to play basketball. We wanted to avoid a coach, so dh signed up to 'assistant coach', but no other coaches stepped up so Dh and I are coaching Ds's basketetball team. All go well for weeks. Until last week.

He sat on the side crying and refused to play. Luckily another parent helped coach so I could sit with him and figure it out. He was very paranoid that some kids had on shorts and he did not. He took off his sweat pants but then was paranoid b/c of some kids who had sweats on. I did force him to sit near the team and 'listen' but he was too busy freaking out to do so.

The next morning he went to the game and hustled like none other.

So tonight he puts on his uniform, but it was only practice. When he took off his sweats and realized he freaked out and said he was shy. My son has never been super outgoing but shy is not a word I have ever used or thought of using for him. Again he sat on the side but I had to physically make him do so.

What do we do? As parents, we feel if he can't practice he can't play in the game. As coach we know if he comes dressed he gets to play. There are other kids on the team who run off in the middle of practice or lay on the floor. Their parents do not force them to do anything. So are we being weird by making him participate????

I can't decide how to handle tomorrow. Do we let him play (assuming he wants to) ? Do I not allow him to play?

I feel we are in a tough spot. If we weren't coaching I wouldn't take him to the game to play if he refuses to practice. Half our team was out tonight so if Ds wants to play tomorrow he won't be the only kid unaware of new skills taught.

help? what would you do if your child begged to play but then refuses to do it? and if coach how do you separate those feelings and treat him fairly?

thanks for your help/ideas/insight....

[Karin]

He's very young and may not be ready. Really. My now 9 yo wanted to play soccer at 5. She would sit on the field when she was in play! She was very self-conscious about who wore what, and still is if everyone is wearing the same thing. Some kids are very sensitive to things like that, and while they need to learn not to be, I don't think all kids are going to be over that so young. At 6 she stopped sitting in the field, but still not ready, although she did play that season. She only wanted to play during games if her friend played at the same time as her (the coach, who used to play in Europe, did not go for that!) We took her out for a season and haven't gone back because now we're too busy with everything else.

As for letting him play, I don't think that's a good idea when youo're the coach. It can lead people to think you're playing favourites and can set a bad example for other kids. Gosh, I sound so mean. I really do feel for your ds, but it's always so hard to be the coach.

[Testimony]

He is young. I think that it really is the age. They tend to vacilate a lot. Is it for PE purposes? If so, can you just run around the block with him instead? LOL

My older son is the problem with sports. We signed him up every year for town sports to get the PE requirements in. He walks across the field for soccer. The other children were getting angry at him because he would not run. Then, parents were commenting about my son and questioning our parenting. We had him complete the game, but we realized that he is not enjoying it. So, we will not sign him up for town sports. He is going to run away the block instead.

Karen
www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[Plaid Dad]

Our dd was in soccer for a while. It was a very low-key team and all kids around about her age, some of whom she knew from other activities. She said she wanted to do it, and was all gung-ho... but then got seriously overwhelmed. She has sensory integration issues and the noise and rough-and-tumbleness of soccer was too much for her. In any case, we eventually let her drop out. She took up swimming a bit later and loves it. It's frustrating when a kid digs in his heels, but he's still little. I believe physical activity is vital for healthy children (and adults!) but that doesn't have to mean a team sport. Maybe time will help, or a different type of fitness activity?

[tess in the burbs]

I paid the $90(:eek:) for Tball but when the sitting out started in basketball I called to get a refund. He understands that he's not playing b/c of the current situation. He's sad b/c his best friend will be playing.

But the current problem is that we coach this basketball team and he has to be there with us....so I have been trying to ignore the behavior but 'well meaning parents' keep trying to intervene and I just don't know if I let him sit on the side or try to make him participate? that is my dilemma....we can't quit b/c of coaching.

[Karin]

She has sensory integration issues and the noise and rough-and-tumbleness of soccer was too much for her. In any case, we eventually let her drop out. She took up swimming a bit later and loves it. It's frustrating when a kid digs in his heels, but he's still little. I believe physical activity is vital for healthy children (and adults!) but that doesn't have to mean a team sport. Maybe time will help, or a different type of fitness activity?

Swimming is a wonderful sport, providing your child will go in the water. It's our main PE here. My eldest wouldn't dunk her head until she was 8 1/2 because she thought she hated water on her ears. After one dunk, she loved dunking. None of my kids started off as fish or good swimmers, but 2 are now on a swim team. I can't say enough good things about swimming for overall fitness, coordination improvement, respect for others (it's not okay to hate your opponents in swimming). It's a cross between a team sport and an individual sport.