Do you know what I don't get?

[Carrie1234]

Why people think that I'll leave my kids with random strangers.

I volunteer on various committees in our community whenever I can. Since I have not formed any relationships with anyone local that I would feel comfortable leaving my 4 spirited children with, my time is pretty much limited to when dh is home. Dh happens to work in an industry that can call him away at a moments notice.

This is why I don't take on any major projects. It wouldn't be fair to the committees. And I make sure that they are aware of the situation before I do become involved.

In the past couple of months, I've had 3 different people email me, telling me their neighbor's sister's daughter's teacher's grandmother would love to babysit my kids for free. Or their uncle's landlord's granddaughter is a mature 12 year old who would love to make some pocket money. Or their dog needs practice herding.

Maybe not that last one.

Do people really think that I'm happy to jump on the recommendation of a friend of a friend of a friend? I don't even pick dog kennels that way!

Vent over.

[PiCO]

Why [do] people think that I'll leave my kids with random strangers.


Because most people these days will leave their kids with random strangers, especially if it's free.

Also, people think you will trust their judgement. They think their distant relative/acquaintance would be great at watching your kids, so you should let them.

[RoughCollie]

Hey, I don't recall emailing you! :D

Seriously, I've had that happen too.

I think people are looking at the situation like this: She really wants to do volunteer work, so I'll help her find childcare. Helpful.

Or like this: We really need volunteers, so I'll help her find childcare. Now that that's taken care of, we'll get another volunteer in here. Desperate.

I don't think they are looking at their solutions from your perspective as the Mom of the children involved. Some may be looking at it like they trust Uncle Joe, so there is no reason you cannot. If the shoe were on the other foot, I doubt they'd trust your Uncle Joe.

RC


Or their dog needs practice herding.

[Carrie1234]

If the shoe were on the other foot, I doubt they'd trust your Uncle Joe.

RC

Good. My Uncle Joe is a mess! :D

[Sue in TX]

Once when we had just moved, we were visiting a church. Some very kind lady came and tried to take my baby out of my arms so that she could take her to the nursery. My baby was about 6 weeks old! I tried to tell her "No, really she will stay with me." But the lady just kept on coming at me. I don't care if it happens at church, the gym, community activities, whatever- just get your hands off my kids. But here is where my greatest conflict comes from... Why do I feel like I should almost apologize and be so polite when someone is being pushy and persistent about it?

[Martha]

because some people are stark raving nuts.

my mil is one of them.

several years ago my dh was out of the country and I was pregnant and had to get a sitter. a rare thing, but of course it had to happen when dh was gone.

so I called the mil

she proceeded to tell me that I could drop them off at any salvation army or YMCA youth center with a note attached to their shirt - she did it all the my dh

or I should call the list of local churches that have mother's day out programs and just pay the fee for a day to drop them off
and there's always those hourly drop off daycare centers.

or I could put a sign on the front lawn for a sitter and see if any local teens or grandparents knock

She saw nothing wrong with me doing any of this, even though 2 of the 5 children weren't good talkers yet and none of them were above the age 8.

I quickly got off the phone in horror.
I called dh all the way in south america and spazed about his mother.
He said he wasn't surprised and remembers that pretty much every day of the week that's what she did with him.
She was a die hard career woman and was not going to be miss work because of him. And his dad wasn't taking off work either. They had a job don't you know? So when school let out if her mother wouldn't/couldn't take him, she had a list of where she could drop him off last minute for free or low cost.
I never called her to babysit again.

She's told us on more than 1 occassion, "There's a reason I had one kid. I have a life and that's not the kind of grandmother I'm interested in being."

um the kind that lives 20 minutes away and babysits approx once every 4 years?

off to go chill now.:chillpill:
totally freaks me out that people will do stuff like that
and they must because there are programs liek that to serve just such needs:(

[iquilt]

People will leave their children with perfect strangers without even an introduction in some cases; I know because I teach 3yo Sunday School! I had 3 new students this Sunday who moved up from the nursery, so this is their first experience in SS and mom would just ask if this was the right room and leave the kid. I had to ask 2 of them to come back and tell me the kid's name for the roster! DH had this happen to him once, too, at a picnic for his volunteer EMS group - a lady he's never met left her daughter with our kids (she was playing with them) and went off on a scavenger hunt without ever asking anyone to even watch her kid! Her daughter was the age of my oldest (7) and didn't seem fazed at all to be left with a group of total strangers without mom for hours. Go figure.

[Michelle My Bell]

Several years ago I was advertising in the newspaper, trying to find some kids to babysit on a regular basis. I had references and all set up. One day a lady calls me and asks if I can babysit that night. I was hesistant, but said why don't you come over and we can talk about it.

She came over and in a very pushy way, basically left her 5 year old with me and went to work. Well, I did the very best I had to offer, giving him a good meal, making sure he had fun, and laying him down when she didn't show up to pick him up in time.

She didn't show up till after midnight! He was will me for most of the day and she didn't even know me from Adam. The kicker was she didn't pay me and she refused to return my calls the next day. Over the years, I would see her occasionally dropper her child off and my church's VBS (A free babysitter in her case). I wonder how many other church's she used this way.

The worst part of it all, is she reminded me so much of my own mother. My mother would leave me with strangers all the time when I was young. Sometimes overnight. I remember being so sad and lonely and scared. I would NEVER, I mean NEVER leave my children with someone I didn't know and frequently I pass up people I do know!

Michelle

[RoughCollie]

If I growl at them to get away from me, I can just about be guaranteed that the pushy person will spread it all over the place that I am an ingrate. If I don't want that to happen at a new church (or new anywhere else) I have to be exceedingly polite.

Sometimes I do growl at people to get away from me, but only after I've told them to so very politely. They don't listen, I growl, they go away. It works great in big cities when homeless people or beggars accost me and won't leave me alone.

Why do I feel like I should almost apologize and be so polite when someone is being pushy and persistent about it?

[jmgconner]

Why people think that I'll leave my kids with random strangers.

I volunteer on various committees in our community whenever I can. Since I have not formed any relationships with anyone local that I would feel comfortable leaving my 4 spirited children with, my time is pretty much limited to when dh is home. Dh happens to work in an industry that can call him away at a moments notice.

This is why I don't take on any major projects. It wouldn't be fair to the committees. And I make sure that they are aware of the situation before I do become involved.

In the past couple of months, I've had 3 different people email me, telling me their neighbor's sister's daughter's teacher's grandmother would love to babysit my kids for free. Or their uncle's landlord's granddaughter is a mature 12 year old who would love to make some pocket money. Or their dog needs practice herding.

Maybe not that last one.

Do people really think that I'm happy to jump on the recommendation of a friend of a friend of a friend? I don't even pick dog kennels that way!

Vent over.


Oh my goodness YES! I'm appalled that there are even hourly daycares in our city near the major shopping malls. Are you kidding me? People actually drop off their children at these places to go shopping? :001_huh:

[Dawn in OH]

Oh I'm so relieved to find out I'm not the only person that doesn't like to leave her children with strangers! I see so many people that think NOTHING of it. I also won't leave my children with well, other children as babysitters. I want a full grown adult, so that when the 1 year old chokes on something the sitter isn't there in a panic. I also want to know that my sitter is old enough to know that the 7 year old shouldn't be playing with pennies in the room where the 1 year old runs around!

I have a neighbor that is always telling me to "just call the local high school" to find a baby sitter.

My baby sitter of choice? Grandma...my mom. She's the only one I trust. I just have to remind her no soda and minimal tv unless its an educational channel.

[Twinmom]

With total stranger, just so I can volunteer? Not a chance. Tell them thanks but no thanks and leave it at that. They are in need of volunteers and are trying to rope you into something you've already said you cannot do. You don't owe them an explanation. I've got the same problem with DH's schedule and my four kids. I say no to far more than I say yes to...folks just have to get used to it and find someone else.

Geez, I won't even leave them at the gym sitter anymore. I did that a couple of times when DD was little. Later, I found out that one of the sitters was taking kids into the bathroom to molest them, right under the nose of the owners! :eek: I haven't taken my kids to the gym since, and I actually rarely leave them with sitters at all. Sad that it has to be this way, but I guess that's life. Unless it's a relative or close friend, it's a no go here.

[keroro]

Some people are just fairly oblivious to the possible dangers of doing so. Apparently they don't read their news on the internet. ;)

[Karen sn]

Carrie1234,

DS10 "I hafta do that, too?!"
DD6 "I'm so glad I'm homeschooled. I want to be homeschooled until I go to college!"
DD5 "I'm having fun, Daddy. Mommy's doing an excellent job with school!"
DS1 "Meow."

THAT'S funny!
Thanks for the laugh.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have run into this so often! My neighbor will hire some random stranger to watch her kids and then call to ask me to supervise the babysitter! Um- no.

I had one neighborhood Grandma who knocked on my door one day. She had seen my kids riding their bikes and followed them home. She pushed her 6 year old grandson forward, introduced him and told me she'd be back in an hour! I was so shocked that I couldn't speak - that was how she got away. The poor boy looked so scared. I asked my son to bring his toys outside to play with him (the boy understandably did not want to go into some stranger's house and frankly I wasn't comfortable having him come in because I didn't want them to accuse me of anything.)

So, yes, they do expect you to leave them with a random stranger. But don't do it!!!

[fivetails]

Well, it's possible that they're just trying to be helpful - as a former babysitter myself, I have had people give my name to others a lot... they (the people giving my name & number) knew that I was a good, experienced babysitter with great references and that I love kids - so, they passed my name on to their friends/family/workmates/etc and I'd get a call. :)

That's how I met my husband - he was a single father in need of a new sitter and his sitter at the time, who happened to be a cousin of mine, gave him my name and number....that was nine years ago. :D

On the other hand, I wouldn't just hand our kids off to a stranger - but, if I was in need of a sitter, I wouldn't be offended if someone said "Well, my *insert niece/aunt/friend/etc* is a great babysitter, would you like to call her and meet, see if that would work for you?" ......I'd say thank you, and then - if I needed a sitter - I'd meet them, check their references, get to know them, decide if I was comfortable with the situation, etc etc...and go from there.

[Carrie1234]

On the other hand, I wouldn't just hand our kids off to a stranger - but, if I was in need of a sitter, I wouldn't be offended if someone said "Well, my *insert niece/aunt/friend/etc* is a great babysitter, would you like to call her and meet, see if that would work for you?" ......I'd say thank you, and then - if I needed a sitter - I'd meet them, check their references, get to know them, decide if I was comfortable with the situation, etc etc...and go from there.

And this is where I know my anal retentiveness starts to come in, lol.

I always feel that, if I go to meet these people and decide they're not "right" for us, it'll wind up causing strain on the relationships I have with the referrers. I know, I'm setting myself up for a no-win situation!

When we lived in an apartment complex, it was easy to meet people and get to know them well before the matter of babysitting ever came up. Here, with people spread out so far... It's just not what I'm used to.

When I was little, my sisters and I had two babysitters (adult friends of our mother with kids of their own) who were really good friends to our mom, but made us MISERABLE to be with. Nothing terrible, just rotten with other people's kids. I'm sure that's a big part of my issue!

[Martha]

For me, I'm not offended neccessarily if I made it clear I'm actually looking for a sitter.

It does offend me though to be poked and proded like there's something wrong with me or there will be something wrong with my kids if I don't have a handy dandy list of sitters available so I can dump my kids and do what other people want me to do. That is when I get annoyed. Usually when someone is pushing sitters or nurseries or whatever on me, it is NOT because I have in any way indicated I want one. It's because they want me to do xyz and I've repeatedly said that I won't do it unless my kids can do it with me. That or they just don't like having kids around for their own reasons that have nothing to do with me.

One lady actually told me I needed to cut the strings and let my child learn how to trust other people and deal with life without mommy around. :glare: Yeah. Maybe as teen. Not as a 5 yr old! And why should I teach them to trust people I don't even know? I don't know that it's smart to teach kids or adults to trust people based on nothing.

[Joanne]

In my running a daycare both here and in AZ, I was amazed at the number of people who were......let's say *casual* about leaving kids in my care.

More than 2 client families were ready to hire me over the phone, without having met me, my kids, seen my home/daycare, dogs, etc.

Out of the dozens of families I've had as clients, only ONE checked my references. ONE!

I separate from my kids more than many here do and I have less control over things and people than many (every other weekend, I have no control, for example). However the fact that people feel a level of comfort with "there is a human who is old enough to watch" and making a quick jump to saying "yes" amazes me, too!

[Mom to Aly]

I agree with the "because people are nuts" comment! I've had people post in my local group asking for someone to watch their kids, and they don't know everyone by any means! I've had kids ask to go someplace with us, when I had a car, and the moms say yes, when they have no idea of my driving, which is a big one to me! I could have had a gazillion accidents (I've never had any), and they don't have any idea!

I've even had moms, perfect strangers, ask if I can watch one kid, at a park or something, while they take another to the bathroom or something. Tell me how dumb that is!!! Perfect opportunity for some sicko to run off with the kid! So the babysitting seems like nothing in comparison!

[Cadam]

I very rarely leave my kids with ANYONE, until they at least can talk. The occasions when I have left them it was with grandparents (who are thankfully not crazy like some people's) or there was an older sibling with them. Someone has to be able to communicate.

I take them to YMCA child-watch now a few times a week while I work out but I never, never, never leave the 2 yo w/o the 7yo despite background checks on everyone.