Spin-off from Tammy's thread: Without CC, what helps?

[Jenny in Florida]

I expect things to be a little rocky around my house for the next little while, at least. So, I'm wondering, if we're not looking at Bible verses (since that won't work for me), what have those of you for whom the "Let go and let God" approach isn't helpful found to see you through the rough patches?

[Chris in VA]

I'm sorry not to know--do you have a religious faith, and you are saying quoting Bible verses just doesn't cut it for you, or are you saying you need something other than that because you do not have a religious faith?

Something that has worked for me is listening to music that reaffirms what I need to remember and cling to. For me, that's Christ and his love for me, but certainly there are secular songs that speak of finding joy in the midst of painful circumstances. Maybe someone better than me can come up with a list of uplifting songs?

I often pray and find myself just clinging to my Papa in heaven, spiritually held in his lap.

[chiguirre]

I haven't read the other thread, so I'm not sure if this is exactly what you want, but here goes...

When I'm feeling down, I think about how my life could be worse than it is. I try to think of specific examples from the news or people I know IRL. I think about how they feel, how hard their daily life is and how much they have to endure. Usually by this point, I'm very grateful that I don't have to hoe that row and my own life seems pretty good.

Another thing that I try to keep in mind is something I read in Greek philosophy. Never say that a man has lived a good life until he's dead. Something could always pop up at the last minute and usually does. No one, or very few, get through life unscathed by sorrows and hardships. You should not expect a pleasant, tranquil life.

Aren't I Susie Sunshine? But I do hope that helps you out, it's worked well for me.

[Melinda in VT]

Well, technically the "Let go and let God" approach should work for me . . . but I have a heck of a time letting go, so I need to try other things too.

Two things that have helped:
* Keeping a gratitude journal every night.
* The mantra "This won't last forever."

Of course, my problems are generally mild compared to some on this board, so these suggestions may be too simplistic for big problems.

:grouphug:

[PariSarah]

It depends on what kind of rocky you're talking, I suppose, but in general, a "just do the next thing" approach helps get me through many kinds of ickinesses.

If chaos is swirling and you can't control it, focus on doing well the things in your life you can control.

If it's relational, and you can't fix the other person, figure out the best way you can approach it, and focus on that.

If it's a matter of too many burdens, figure out the priorities, and do those. Set aside the optionals, the things that can be repaired later, the things that won't ruin anything else if they don't get done.

If it's a matter of facing a huge decision that you can't make yet, don't let it paralyze you for all the other daily things you have to do. Do the daily things, and let the big thing hover in the background.

HTH--blessings with whatever difficulties you are facing.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:iagree: And I'll add


Writing helps me - pros and cons lists, lists of things I'm grateful for.

Focusing on self care - this is the time to eat well, sleep enough, exercise faithfully.

Leaning on friends - as they say, that's what friends are for. It will be your turn to support them soon enough.

And I think that not only Christians can Let go and let God - it just looks a little different. Maybe focus on what you can do and not get hung up about results. I find Buddhist thought really helpful at explaining this.

[Jen3boys]

I have used this book for about 15 years-365 Tao: Daily Meditations. The short passages just help me get 'out of myself' and see my world from a different point of view, and I don't feel so caught up with discouragement. (Not for everyone, but it works for me. :001_smile:)

www.amazon.com/365-Tao-Meditations-Ming-dao-Deng/dp/0062502239/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1220804573&sr=8-1

[Doran]

I have found PariSarah's recommendations to be helpful for me, too. Sort of a "one day/step at a time" approach, trying to stay focused on the present rather than becoming consumed by anxiety over the things that *might* happen. I'm a worrier, so for me, this is harder than it appears.

I also wanted to add, however, that I find great support through friends (ah,...I see Heather has suggested this as well). I realize this is only useful if you actually feel you have a network of friends in real life whom you can trust and call on for help.

By way of anecdote, I'll describe my early years in this community. We moved here knowing no one, and also had no jobs. I found was pregnant with our first, and soon after, I took on a position as garden manager on a small estate. I knew next to nothing about gardening. First daughter was born Aug. 4, at the height of the growing season. A little over two years later, daughter number two came. By then, the estate owner had determined to open a market in town - a project we took on together - and we were to sell produce there by summer of the next years. It was a huge undertaking. Dh and I had only a limited number of friends, but several of them would have likely been willing to support me in some way during this time. Babysitting just to give me a break. Bringing a meal. Helping in the garden. But, I felt it was inappropriate to ask unless it was an emergency. And, I wasn't dying - at least not visibly. However, six months after the birth of our second -- who was a very challenging baby -- I nearly had a breakdown, so overwrought I was with stress. I was having nightmares regularly. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Yet, I allowed no room in my life for friendships to blossom because I didn't think I had the time. Thankfully, the Universe intervened by bringing me a friend who lives by the "it takes a village" mentality. She was and still is a wonderful gift to me, but in order to receive her support, I had to be willing to let her in.

I hope you have some people in your life you feel you could turn to during this time, even if it has not been the course of your life up to now.

(((Jenny)))

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I still remember it. Good suggestion.

[nakitty]

I just have an internal chant going on in my head of, "and this too shall pass..." over and over again....because, it is the truth....it WILL pass...we have had soooooooo many ups and downs in our lives....and sometimes there is even good that comes out of those bad times.... and bad that comes out of the good! You just never know....so the only thing left to do is just wait it out.... trying not to have a nervous breakdown while you are 'in the moment' is about all you can do....:D

[Sahamamama]

FWIW, I am a Christian and I do depend on my relationship with Jesus to pull me through (Is He a crutch to me? I don't know, but if He is, I'm GLAD to lean on Him). That said, there are plenty of other aspects to getting through the tough places in life:


Taking the rough spot one day at a time (endurance)
Doing the next thing on the list (productivity)
Getting to bed on time (self-discipline, self-care)
Getting up at a set time every morning (including weekends)
Making sure I actually eat in the AM (otherwise, I crash in the afternoon)
Drinking lots of water (who cares how many times a day we pee?)
Drinking less caffeine (counter-intuitive, I know, but it does help)
Putting "stuff" away after we use it, so the house is organized
Accepting help that others offer to give
Letting my husband do what feels as though it should be "my job," without feeling guilty about this (can you tell I'm workin' on this one?)
Sitting out in the warm sunshine with NO book, phone, or children (doesn't happen often, but this can be very therapeutic)
Listening to relaxing instrumental music (no words, there are too many of those in my head already)
Hot bath (I do mean HOT, like, hot enough to make my entire butt red, but you don't really want to think about that, do you?)
Humor (can you laugh about "this," whatever it is? I mean, is there ANY humor at all in it, because if you can laugh, you can survive)
For me (not for you, I realize), I read the Bible, and it helps (me).I hope this helps you in some way. :grouphug:

[Mom to Aly]

Well, I'm not Christian, but I have never had any doubt of God (I am Hindu), and have always had complete faith in Him. I have had times when I felt as though I should doubt His existence, and shouldn't have as much faith, the biggest two examples are when my father was killed, unjustly and unnaturally, and when my first child died, but, even at those times, my faith was unwavering, in a way, it grew stronger at those times--it made me believe, more than ever, that there are things in this world we cannot understand, only God can, at least while we are on this Earth.

So, I do not believe the Bible is our only source of strength or faith. I don't feel I need to read anything--I feel my strength comes from within--from my faith in God. That is what I lean on and pull upon when I need help.

[In The Great White North]

The two things that help me most are exercise and sleep. I find that when I get regular, strenuous exercise (I'm a swimmer), I feel much better, physically, mentally and emotionally. I can actually handle more and feel better while doing it.

A side-effect of regular strenuous exercise is that it helps me sleep better. And a regular sleep routine also helps with any stress.

Obviously, self-discipline is the killer here. It's not easy to get up and exercise or to stop reading and go to sleep on time at night.

[Sahamamama]

The two things that help me most are exercise and sleep. I find that when I get regular, strenuous exercise (I'm a swimmer), I feel much better, physically, mentally and emotionally. I can actually handle more and feel better while doing it.

A side-effect of regular strenuous exercise is that it helps me sleep better. And a regular sleep routine also helps with any stress.

Obviously, self-discipline is the killer here. It's not easy to get up and exercise or to stop reading and go to sleep on time at night.

:iagree: Good advice!

[Carol in Cal.]

I like tough girl music, songs like "I Will Survive" and "I Am Woman".

[kalanamak]

HTH--blessings with whatever difficulties you are facing.

All that Pari said. I would add that I, in my dark moments, think about what my folks would have done....how can I behave that would have made them nod their head and pat themselves on the back for a good job of parenting done. I can do this because I value the equipoise, self-control, self-discipline, and politeness with which they comported themselves.

If you don't have that relation with your parents, how about someone you admire. Make them pleased with how you conduct yourself.

[keptwoman]

For me it's good sleep, good food, plenty of fluids so that I am healthy.
Then I tend to be the kind of person who is head down just coping. I just cope. I put one foot ahead of the other and concentrate on what is important and don't worry about things that aren't important.
Also lists, I make lots and lots of lists. I have a book just for lists when life is getting rough.

[Jenny in Florida]

First off, thank you so much to everyone who responded to my plea. I feel I owe you all an apology for not acknowledging your kind words.

Here's what happened: I have this unfortunate personality quirk, that I tend to cry whenever anyone is nice to me. So, I posted this note asking for help, then found I was incapable of reading any of the responses without breaking into tears. Since I didn't want to be weeping when my son was around to witness my breakdown, I just plain couldn't look at the thread for a couple of days, until I read without a witness.

I've now been able to dip in and read a couple at a time in the evenings when I can be alone. And it has been very helpful.

Thank you all for your support.

[Doran]

First off, thank you so much to everyone who responded to my plea. I feel I owe you all an apology for not acknowledging your kind words.

Here's what happened: I have this unfortunate personality quirk, that I tend to cry whenever anyone is nice to me. So, I posted this note asking for help, then found I was incapable of reading any of the responses without breaking into tears. Since I didn't want to be weeping when my son was around to witness my breakdown, I just plain couldn't look at the thread for a couple of days, until I read without a witness.

I've now been able to dip in and read a couple at a time in the evenings when I can be alone. And it has been very helpful.

Thank you all for your support.


I can certainly relate to the tears -- but an apology!? Just glad you're finding some support here and there.

:grouphug: