Tammy in Germany
02-08-2008, 03:16 PM
We've spoiled kids rotten
By Linda Whitlock
Linda Whitlock
Recent columnist
In high school, I had a friend whose parents made her pay for her own toothpaste, shampoo and other basic necessities that most parents routinely buy for their kids. Back then, I thought her parents were just being mean. Now, I can't help but wonder if today's kids would be better off if more parents did the same.
Maybe my friend's parents were a little extreme. For sure, though, my friend learned somebody has to pay for basic necessities. I don't remember how she earned the money to pay for hers, but whatever she did, I'm sure it required time, work and sacrifice -- alien concepts to a lot of kids these days. Americans have given their kids so much for so long and required so little in return, it would be surprising if these ideas weren't foreign.
How we got to this point isn't hard to figure out. It started after World War II with the baby boom generation. Many adults who'd grown up during the Depression and the war years had their childhoods and educations cut short because they had to work to help support their families. After Pearl Harbor, others quit school to serve their country.
In the growing affluence after the war, these parents, understandably, wanted to give their children the childhoods they never had. Ever since, with the best of intentions, we've been spoiling our kids rotten.
Most kids today would never imagine it might be their responsibility to help support their families, much less to buy their own shampoo or toothpaste. Most kids, in fact, wouldn't imagine they have any responsibility toward their families at all.
For all our good intentions, we've done our kids a terrible disservice. Instead of teaching them that the family's well-being depends, in part, on them, we've encouraged them to believe the family exists to serve their needs. In the process, we've cheated them out of the satisfaction that comes from working hard and making sacrifices to achieve a worthwhile goal.
We can see the effects of this half-century-long mistake in a host of current problems, from widespread cheating in school, to massive amounts of consumer debt, to the subprime lending debacle. Even the phenomenon of college graduates still depending on Mom and Dad for support has its roots in our well-meaning but misguided desire to give our kids an easy life.
Child of the Depression that he was, my dad, at 28 with a young wife and a baby on the way, was still sending money home to support his mother. Today's 28-year-old is as likely to be still living at home with his mother.
So what's the solution? Reinstitute child labor.
Not child labor like that in the 18th and early 19th centuries. Child labor more akin to what rural kids living on farms probably still do today -- work that contributes to the welfare of the whole family. It's way past time we reacquainted our kids with the concepts of hard work, sacrifice, delayed gratification and personal responsibility.
A working knowledge of those concepts would prepare kids for college far better than their extracurricular activities and SAT prep tests, not to discount those things. It would also give them a sense of purpose and self-worth as a defense against life's inevitable disappointments and rejections.
If you have young kids, start now giving them meaningful work to do. Even little kids can do something to help out around the house. Let them know their work matters. As they get older, assign them bigger jobs with greater responsibility. Tie their privileges to their responsibilities.
Instead of buying your kids everything they want, buy them what they need. Give them a few special presents for birthdays and Christmas. Let them earn the money to buy the rest. If something costs them both time and money, they'll appreciate it more, they'll take better care of it, and they'll find out anticipation can be half the fun.
Spoiled kids turn into spoiled, self-indulgent adults. If you've got a few spoiled kids at your house, consider reinstituting child labor. Someday they'll probably thank you. But even if they don't, the rest of us will.
Whitlock, an adjunct English professor who lives in Salem, is a Roanoke Times columnist.
By Linda Whitlock
Linda Whitlock
Recent columnist
In high school, I had a friend whose parents made her pay for her own toothpaste, shampoo and other basic necessities that most parents routinely buy for their kids. Back then, I thought her parents were just being mean. Now, I can't help but wonder if today's kids would be better off if more parents did the same.
Maybe my friend's parents were a little extreme. For sure, though, my friend learned somebody has to pay for basic necessities. I don't remember how she earned the money to pay for hers, but whatever she did, I'm sure it required time, work and sacrifice -- alien concepts to a lot of kids these days. Americans have given their kids so much for so long and required so little in return, it would be surprising if these ideas weren't foreign.
How we got to this point isn't hard to figure out. It started after World War II with the baby boom generation. Many adults who'd grown up during the Depression and the war years had their childhoods and educations cut short because they had to work to help support their families. After Pearl Harbor, others quit school to serve their country.
In the growing affluence after the war, these parents, understandably, wanted to give their children the childhoods they never had. Ever since, with the best of intentions, we've been spoiling our kids rotten.
Most kids today would never imagine it might be their responsibility to help support their families, much less to buy their own shampoo or toothpaste. Most kids, in fact, wouldn't imagine they have any responsibility toward their families at all.
For all our good intentions, we've done our kids a terrible disservice. Instead of teaching them that the family's well-being depends, in part, on them, we've encouraged them to believe the family exists to serve their needs. In the process, we've cheated them out of the satisfaction that comes from working hard and making sacrifices to achieve a worthwhile goal.
We can see the effects of this half-century-long mistake in a host of current problems, from widespread cheating in school, to massive amounts of consumer debt, to the subprime lending debacle. Even the phenomenon of college graduates still depending on Mom and Dad for support has its roots in our well-meaning but misguided desire to give our kids an easy life.
Child of the Depression that he was, my dad, at 28 with a young wife and a baby on the way, was still sending money home to support his mother. Today's 28-year-old is as likely to be still living at home with his mother.
So what's the solution? Reinstitute child labor.
Not child labor like that in the 18th and early 19th centuries. Child labor more akin to what rural kids living on farms probably still do today -- work that contributes to the welfare of the whole family. It's way past time we reacquainted our kids with the concepts of hard work, sacrifice, delayed gratification and personal responsibility.
A working knowledge of those concepts would prepare kids for college far better than their extracurricular activities and SAT prep tests, not to discount those things. It would also give them a sense of purpose and self-worth as a defense against life's inevitable disappointments and rejections.
If you have young kids, start now giving them meaningful work to do. Even little kids can do something to help out around the house. Let them know their work matters. As they get older, assign them bigger jobs with greater responsibility. Tie their privileges to their responsibilities.
Instead of buying your kids everything they want, buy them what they need. Give them a few special presents for birthdays and Christmas. Let them earn the money to buy the rest. If something costs them both time and money, they'll appreciate it more, they'll take better care of it, and they'll find out anticipation can be half the fun.
Spoiled kids turn into spoiled, self-indulgent adults. If you've got a few spoiled kids at your house, consider reinstituting child labor. Someday they'll probably thank you. But even if they don't, the rest of us will.
Whitlock, an adjunct English professor who lives in Salem, is a Roanoke Times columnist.