funeral etiquette

[hpymomof3]

A close friend of mine lost her brother-in-law in an accident last weekend. I've already sent her a card but I'm wondering if I should send flowers. I won't be able to attend the wake or the funeral. They didn't know the arrangments until yesterday but now I found out that the wake is tomorrow. The problem is that I don't know where it is going to be held. I probably won't be able to find out until late tonight. (I usually receive an email from her in the evening). That means that I would have to send flowers first thing tomorrow morning but I'm not sure if that would be too late since the wake is tomorrow.

I asked my parents their opinion and they don't think flowers are necessary and that most people just send cards. They also say that you really can't get a quality funeral arrangement for less than a couple hunded dollars, which I can't really afford right now. I've thought of sending flowers to my friend's home but I'm not sure if that is usually done.

Any suggestions?

[3lilreds in NC]

I don't think flowers are necessary. I think the card was perfect, and if you're going to the wake, that's wonderful. Just my thoughts; I don't know the specific rule of etiquette.

I did Google flower-sending etiquette, but you know, when you get your info from florists, I think it's questionable.:D

[JFS in IL]

You sent a card. That is enough for this level of person - you did not know the relative of your friend, did you?

[WendyK]

A card is fine. Honestly people often get bombarded by flowers. How many flowers does a person need?

[E_Edgerton]

I think a card is perfect for this. It shows your concern but it isn't too much. Not to mention, and I may be alone in this....but flowers, though lovely, remind me of death. It seems like such a waste to buy something only have to throw it out a week later wilted and stinky.

[TeacherZee]

I think the card is fine. Some people ask for donations for charities instead of flowers any more, maybe you could find out if they are doing something like that and then donate a small amount to their preferred charity if it is one that you feel comfortable supporting.

[jacqui in mo]

A card is fine. At my father's funeral in June many, many more people sent cards than flowers (although we had a lot of those.) Not everyone sent a "quality funeral arrangement". One person sent a single rose with baby's breath in a vase. Another friend sent an ivy plant. I'm sure those didn't cost $100 but they meant a lot to me. Jacqui

[hpymomof3]

No, I didn't know my friend's brother-in-law. I feel bad that I won't be able to attend the wake.