I feel depressed.

[Cathy in IL]

I should be in bed. I am tired, and it is late. I just don't feel like going upstairs though. It's like I just need some quiet time alone, and sleep will just mean I have to wake up for another crazy, busy day.

I feel like I am no good for the little boys I have been caring for since mid-January. I am so frustrated with all the behaviors, and I am really starting to suspect attachment issues or something. I was counting the days until they go home and then feeling guilty about it. I want to love and enjoy these guys while they are here. I feel miserable about myself for not feeling those tender feelings. I feel mean and guilty for thinking that I would not want to take them back if they needed a placement in the future. I feel like a failure.

I let my three children stay up for about half an hour after I put the little boys to bed. It was peaceful. I finally got to snuggle my dd who has not had enough attention these last few weeks. My oldest said, "It is so nice and quiet." It was just a whole different mood. It has never been like this before with other children we take in. Again it makes me feel like i am failing with this placement. I am just discouraged and not liking myself very much tonight.

iI their coughs are better tomorrow, I think I will try to get out to a museum or something. We have been cooped up in the house for two weeks. I have had no adult contact except occasional phone calls. they have seen no children except each other. Maybe getting out would do us all some good and help break this mood I am in.

Just rambling at this point. Thanks for reading my thoughts and being a virtual ear.

[Tammy in Germany]

((Cathy)) Hang in there hon!

[MotherMayI]

Being stuck in the house with little contact from the outside world for 2 weeks would do me in too! I am so sorry that you are feeling down, but please know that you are giving those boys the gift of a healthy, safe home-something they may have never experienced before. They do sound like a handful. You do not have to make any decisions about future placements until the time comes-so don't beat yourself up over feelings that come from fatigue.

Hopefully tomorrow you will all feel up to a day out- but if not, is there anyone that can offer you a few hours of relief?

I really admire you and your love for the children you bring into your home. Sometimes it takes months to attach to a child. Bless you for not giving up.

[Kristafish]

Enjoy a day at the museum or whatever :D

[cricket1178]

I think I will try to get out to a museum or something. We have been cooped up in the house for two weeks. I have had no adult contact except occasional phone calls.

Sometimes getting out is exactly what it takes. Enjoy your day. Maybe find sometime, if possible, to get out by yourself, or with dh, or a friend.

I just wanted you to know how incredible of a person you really are. You are not a failure.

[strider]

It would be totally impossible to bond with every child that comes through your home. That is the reality of foster parenting. Not only are you not equipped to do so (none of us are!) but some kids are not equipped to do so. The fact is that sometimes it will work well, and sometimes it will not. There are too many factors at play here for you to take the burden of guilt solely on yourself.

I feel the same way, often, about my weekend kids. I watch my five little cousins every weekend. Their need is very genuine (their mother is brain-damaged from a tumor). I love them very dearly, but often struggle as well. It goes in cycles for me.There are many times that I resent the pull they have on me to remain in this area for their sake (rather than moving), and many times one or another of them drives me insane. There are also many other times that are really good, and those times make me feel terribly guilty for my frustrations. The fact is, while I love them genuinely, and am totally committed to mothering them as best I can in our time together, I am often glad to drop them off at their own home at the end of a long visit.

Good for you for making a quiet time for yourself and your own children. I hope you can find ways to do that more often.

Don't beat yourself up. You are living the reality of foster parenting--exhaustion and guilt are as much a part of the package as the rest. It's best to acknowledge the truth--it won't work well with every child that comes through your home.

(((Cathy)))

[Kate CA]

...mid-January...

iI their coughs are better tomorrow, I think I will try to get out to a museum or something. We have been cooped up in the house for two weeks. I have had no adult contact except occasional phone calls. they have seen no children except each other. Maybe getting out would do us all some good and help break this mood I am in.

Oh, Cathy, I think you are being way too hard on yourself. That is not even a month's time and you are dealing with children who likely have other issues going on, yes? I think the things you are experiencing sound very normal.

We went through two weeks of influenza and I was only with my own children. At the end of the two weeks I was really drained and really down - we had done no school, they had all been so ill and I had too. It was HARD on everyone (and I had no foster children!!)

Give yourself a break and remember you are loving those who are not your own in the best possible way you can. That is HUGE. You are a hero and you deserve a virtual hug.

Warmly,
Kate
:)