I need help!!!

[Tiffani]

I've been hsing for 8 years and have struggled off and on w/ my 2nd ds (who's 11 yo now). I'm at my wit's end and I don't know what to do.

When I start researching "learning dissabilities" I don't really see him in one particular one. And mind you, I've NEVER wanted to label him...but now I'm wanting an answer even if it is "he's just a boy":)

Can I characterize him for you and someone direct me in some sort of direction so I can help him (and me) before I lose my mind.

He is:
1-tender-hearted
2-could play all day (still plays w/ action figures etc...)
3-could take 15 minutes or 3 hours to finish math (or any subject)
4-immature (but in a naive way)
5-never learned to ride a bike (not from a lack of trying)
6-spelling-HORRIBLE!!!
7-writing-looks like my 2nd grader's
8-reads almost on grade level
9-good comprehension (in fact remembers really well when read to)
10-gets very, VERY distracted
11-has a great imagination
12-tells stories (but would never write them down)
13-feels stupid when he can't do things
14-creative
15-good at "figuring things out"

I've looked up "The Edison Trait"....I don't know. I'm getting very impatient w/ him mainly due to the fact that I don't know where the balance lies. Am I expecting too much....or is he being lazy...not wanting to do something!

Does this sound like anything???? I have 4 boys and he's definitly not like the others. I know reading somewhere he's considered a "late bloomer" but I'm really needing something more....!!!

Please....help!

Thanks,
Tiffani

[Angel]

My dd has Asperger's. We never suspected that. What first got us going was her sensory issues. When we got her checked for that, they suspected Asperger's and sensory issues and anxiety fall under that umbrella. I can understand not wanting to label, but for us, it has made a world of difference to know that there IS a why behind her actions.

The things that jump out at me from your list are
-immature in a naive way...is he socially immature?
-never learned to ride a bike...gross motor difficulty
-writing that looks like a 2nd grader's...fine motor difficulty
-get very, very distracted
-feels stupid when he can't do things

Does he have problems in social situations? Especially ones that are new to him? How about making friends?

The others could very well be sensory issues, which could fall under a variety of things. My dd learned to ride her bike VERY late. She now loves it, but it took a while. My dd had horrible handwriting. She is beginning to improve but that's because she's older now and a girl and is finally thinking about it. But she used to get upset with herself for not being able to write nicely. Is he distracted by daydreaming or distracted by everyday noises we tune out...sibling breathing too loud, lights to bright, itching clothes, uncomfortable chair, something smells, likes to move a lot, etc? If you can say yes to any of these, then I would start at sensory issues. The book the "Out of Sync Child" talks about Sensory Issues and also about some other issues (autism spectrum, ADD, ADHD, etc) that sensory falls under. That might give you a place to start.

Maybe someone else can add more. I would follow your instinct, though. For years we just thought dd was quirky and stubborn and sensitive. God was gracious in that she survived our parenting of something we had no clue we were dealing with:001_smile: Good luck.

[mcconnellboys]

How about sensory processing disorders?

[Laurie4b]

You're describing fine motor delays, gross motor delays, and difficulty with attention. Combined with social immaturity, you could be describing ADHD, nonverbal learning disability (if you google this, do not read Rourke's site. It's unnecessarily negative), or perhaps something on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum. You are not describing a learning disability, but a syndrome. Sensory processing issues contribute to these disorders, and working on the sensory issues helps "peel a layer off the onion."

You will probably need an evaluation from a neuropsychologist and from an occupational therapist. The neuropsychologist will help discern what you are dealing with. A lot of the treatment will come from the occupational therapist. Getting the diagnosis is important in making decisions down the road, and in being able to glean wisdom from others who have BTDT, from the latest research, etc. Having a name for something actually helps quite a bit.

It's hard when you first start looking at pursuing an evaluation. There is a grief process that starts. But as you come to grips with what your ds is grappling with, you will be able to help him achieve his full potential.

[Tiffani]

Hi Angel,
Thanks for responding.

Socially--he loves people! He'll make friends everywhere we go. But he's very content playing by himself too! He's the peacemaker of the family. Always giving in to little brothers' fits etc... (but has his moments too!)

Hi handwriting can look pretty decent (when he wants to try)...that's what makes me thing that he "can" he just chooses not to.

I'll look into getting that book.

Thanks!
Tiffani

[jensway]

Hi Tiffani,

I just joined the forum today after reading your post. I've been a lurker for a couple of months soaking up the great ideas/suggestions on this forum and greatly appreciate them. I have 1 son who is 10. From your list of 15 character traits I can say that my son has 12 or 13 of the same ones. Socially he loves people as does your son and will talk to anyone who will listen. We say he is the "comic of the family" cause he tries to calm things down with making us laugh.

There are a few other character traits that my son exhibits as well. He has a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome. I homeschool him and he receives Speech therapy from our local school. There are many very good websites/books on Aspergers. One I would definitely recommend is THE OASIS GUIDE TO ASPERGER SYNDROME by Barbara Kirby as a good place to start gathering information.

Jen