New member with Aspergers questions

[GoldenMommy]

Hi. My little girl is 6 and has just started the first grade. She's had macrocephaly (excessive head growth), low muscle tone, lax joints, and anxiety. Scans show she just has a large brain and nothing to worry about. Well, about a year ago a geneticist suggested she be evaluated for aspergers disorder. I blew it off thinking there is no way this clingy child who will not even let be go the restroom without her is autistic. I finally researched a little more and am in the process of setting the referrals up. The problem is her school.

Now that shes in first grade, they expect her to walk to the restroom by herself, exit the classroom and meet me at the front doors alone, and in the mornings she's to wait in the gym till final bell. I realize it doesn't sound like a huge deal, but to her it is cause for panic. She loves school, but doesn't even want to go now. She'll tell me "I suppose I could do it if you stay with me mommy". The problem with that is I have another child to get to preschool, aside from my own severe anxiety. That and me sitting in her class all day will not help her socially. I'm at a loss. I made her go in the gym one day and she just stood at the front of the gym with all the kids looking at her and froze up with tears in her eyes. I can't do that to her again. On the first day of school this year, I was told at the office that the teacher would walk them to the doors, they didn't, I went to toward the classroom to find my baby standing in the hall way frozen with tears streaming down.

We live in a very small town and the schools don't have special ed classes. I have a meeting set up with a lady who is supposed to be our counties special ed coordinator for next Thursday. I currently get to her school early to wait outside her classroom. If they tell me she will have to go to the town 20 minutes away to meet her needs, I don't know what I'll do.

If I force Emily to go in the gym, it only makes her more fearful, which is what the teachers want me to do.

Regarding her possible Aspergers; She can't stand certain noises, covers her ears with both hands, or certain textures of food, she comes up with these scenarios in head of bad things that could possibly happen, she was speaking in complete sentences before she could walk, she never crawled, she uses terms like "I suppose", she draws beautiful pictures with lots of detail, she never forgets anything, and if she thinks were doing one thing and we do another she loses it. She will say "I Love you Mommy" every 5 minutes and if I don't hear her she will continue to repeat it until I acknowledge. When her little sister broke her arm, she was mad at her because she said "now abby will get more attention" and she really does adore her baby sister, shes not mean, actually the sweetest 6 year old ever. She's never been one to get into things or wander off. She has zero understanding of sarcasm and takes everything literally.

She's never had an actual baby sitter or day care, only us or my mom. She will only give hugs to me or my mom, she won't hug her Daddy or Granddad and she's always been very close to them. I'm completely confused cause her insecurities have no reasoning. She's never been left alone or abused.
I'm just wandering if anyone else has dealt with these type of issues? Sorry so long.

[sandellie4]

Have you thought about having a "buddy" deliver her to her activities. Back when one of my wee ones was in a public special needs program, I contacted one of the local Girl Scout troops and one of the older girls (who went to the same school) made our dd her "project," directing her to her class (like a GPS! "turn left at the end of the hall..."). She also helped boost our dd's confidence and spirit with her encouragement.

Just a thought.

Sandy

[Jill, OK]

...if there's a reason why you can't homeschool her?

I have a 8yo who sounds similar in certain ways to your daughter. I believe homeschooling has been great for all of my kids...but especially for her.

Now, at 8yo, she's attending Sunday School, and a tumbling class, playing with peers normally...and I believe it's because she's been able to develop at her own pace, and we've had scads of time to coach her, and help her in particular ways.

She's a lot like I was at that age...and school was not a great experience for me, when I was very young. It was okay when I was much older...but my memories of how my differences--and other's perceptions of them--made things difficult probably accounts for a great many of the reasons we homeschool.

Anyway...I just wanted to ask if that was a possiblity. It seems as if we've been able to simultaneously downplay and focus on 'issues' since an outside school hasn't been involved/hasn't had to be consulted.

[MicheleB]

Sounds like a lot of anxiety to me. You mentioned you have severe anxiety. Did I read that right? These things tend to run in families. She has a lot of the same "symptoms" my 9yo ds has with not wanting to be left alone, thinking of bad things that could happen, etc.

Maybe you said this and I missed it, but is she pretty rigid in her behavior? Does she expect everything to always be the same?

What is the mandatory school age for your state? Where I live, it's 8. If you could withdraw her without legalities getting in the way, that might be an option. She's still very young and sounds like she needs LOTS of reassurance and patience and love right now.

[Stacy in NJ]

I strongly agree with Jill's post. Homeschool can provide a supportive less stressful environment and offer the freedom to gently focus on those weak areas.