Upsetting news here

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Last night, my sister's fiance told her he wanted to postpone the wedding. She is crushed, confused, angry, all the emotions. If you feel led to keep her (and him) in your thoughts, I would appreciate it. This is just unreal. I don't know entirely what is going on yet. I haven't spoken to him -- I will though, in a few days. I think he freaked out -- long story about all the stuff but he has a lot on his plate right now and seems to be fearful of commitment. But my poor sister is devastated. He said he wasn't breaking up or anything, just wanting to postpone. We'll see. I am very upset for her though. She's a pretty neat person and I hate to see her go through this kind of upset. If you got this far with reading, thanks for "listening".

[Jean in Newcastle]

Will pray.

I hope that priorities become clear to both of them. I hope that they learn to hash things out and deal with them straightforwardly now before getting married. I hope that if the marriage is a bad thing that they realize it now - even though it would be really hard. I hope that they trust in God to guide them.

[OnTheBrink]

I'm so sorry. That is just heartbreaking news. I hope he either gets a grip and settles down; if he can't, it's better she know this now and not after she's married and has children. Poor thing. :(

[Tammy in Germany]

Saying a special prayer for your sister.

[Night Elf]

I'm someone who postponed my marriage and both my DH and I are glad I did! So there is hope yet! It wasn't just cold feet. I truly had some clear concerns that needed to be addressed BEFORE marriage. I went through some really rough stuff during that period. Looking back now, I think if I had gone ahead and married without resolving the concerns, that I would be starting our marriage off on very shaky ground. I had been through one divorce already. I wanted to make sure that the next marriage would be the forever one.

I'm sorry your sister is hurting. I still remember seeing my fiancee, now DH, break down into tears. I felt horrible. But we worked through everything together and with a counselor. We have been happily married for 12 years now.

[Sandy in Indy]

My dh postponed our wedding--the day after I'd sent out the invitations. It was horrible! But...we needed the time to hash out some things. We spent six months fighting like cats and dogs and decided that we needed each other anyway. Got married 21 1/2 yrs ago--and I can count on one hand the times we've actually fought about something in those years.

I'll be praying for your sister. I KNOW how very hard this is for her.

[Rich with Kids]

Don't give up hope. At least, if he's having cold feet, he can take some time to reevaluate and come back stronger for their relationship. I should have done this before my first marriage, but I was afraid to upset anyone. And "if" he's having doubt, I respect him for having the courage to address it now instead of after the wedding. That truly is the best thing for your dear sister. I hope it's the first one, though. I'll be praying for God to show them both His will for their relationship. {{{Mom2legomaniacs}}}

[Amy in Orlando]

That's so hard, Melissa. I hope they can work things out. I'll keep your sister and her fiance in my prayers.

[OH_Homeschooler]

I hope they can work it out, but I really believe that in situations like this, everything happens for a reason.

[5wolfcubs]

Just wanted to send you a ((hug))!

[Remudamom]

The same thing happened to my sister, and now 10 years later they are going through a really nasty divorce, he's gay.

[Liz CA]

I'm sorry your sister is hurting. I still remember seeing my fiancee, now DH, break down into tears. I felt horrible. But we worked through everything together and with a counselor. We have been happily married for 12 years now.

Working through things with a counselor - a marriage counselor would probably be helpful. And while your sister probably thinks all good things have come to an end, this could be a good thing, especially if it's worked out with pofessional help.

[Karin]

I'm very sorry for your sister, but I think it's better to wait if he has so much on his plate. Starting a marriage is a LOT of work (well, so is maintaining a marriage, IMO--dh is great, but we're so different, but the work is well worth it!) Whatever happens, I hope it turns out for the best.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

She and fiance talked again last night and she is ok. They are going ahead with the marriage classes at the church and such. I don't know beyond that except that she was more relaxed and ok. I am still worried, but I just want her happiness, you know?
Thanks so much for all the prayers and thoughts. I know that this will work out for the best in the end, whichever way it goes. I think they will get married, but the past year has been a huge whirlwind for him (he had a bad accident on Thanksgiving a year ago and still has a ways to go). They haven't been together all that long either. So it is totally understandable to postpone a bit until they have more time.
Thanks for all the support though. I think they make a lovely couple and will be able to work things out with some time!

[Karin]

Thanks for updating us. I'm glad they're doing this. Better to wait until they're both ready. There are no guarantees, of course, but I think this is for the better from the sounds of it.

[OnTheBrink]

Thanks for updating us. I'm glad they're doing this. Better to wait until they're both ready. There are no guarantees, of course, but I think this is for the better from the sounds of it.

I agree! Glad they're working things out.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Thanks! I think it is for the best for them to pull back a bit so he can deal with all the stuff he has to deal with. He said he is certain about her, just not about himself right now. That certainly eased her mind and heart to hear. He's just got so much -- the accident he had was really bad. He is lucky to be alive, even much less walking. His parents are in Guatemala and are in poor health. There are other things -- he is working 2 jobs and finishing his PhD dissertation. The poor boy is bound to be spinning in his head.
So, time will tell, but things will go forward. Just no date for now. I just want them to work it out and for her to be happy. For now, at least, she is mostly at peace. She understands now that he has opened up to why and is supportive. Your thoughts and prayers have helped -- thanks so much!

[Mom2legomaniacs]

My sister was on vacation with fiance this past week in the Dominican Republic. He had, a few weeks ago, postponed the wedding. Still, he wanted to get married, but relax the time frame a bit.

Well, he broke up with her. On vacation in a foreign country. While they still had to be together for a couple of more days and travel home together. What a total idiot! She is very angry right now for his lack of showing any emotion and the timing and all.

I think he is seriously messed up. I feel for her, but am thankful that, if he is truly messed up, then he doesn't bring her in to it by marrying her. But for now, it totally stinks. What a blankedy-blank! GRRRR!

[Jackie in AR]

Oh, my goodness. I don't know what some people are thinking.

I have a friend who had something similar happen to her. Except her fiance waited until the morning of the wedding to break it off. After they had been on vacation for an entire week with his family, and after her family had all arrived from out of state.

Your sister (and my friend) are much better off without these men.

But it is not an easy thing to get through at the time.

Give your sister a big hug.

[Angela in TN]

Oh I'm so sorry!! It would have been better to have said something BEFORE going on vacation, and maybe she could've salvaged the vacation and taken a friend. I'm sure she'll be thankful in the long run that she didn't marry him. But it all still stinks!!

[Remudamom]

When you first posted about him it sounded so much like my bil. He postponed their wedding and they did finally get married, but now after 10 years of emotionally abusing my sister they are in the middle of a horrible divorce. I can't even begin to tell you what a hell it's been for her.

Tell your sister to thank God she knows now what an @$$ he is, instead of being abused and mistreated. I wish my sister had run when her fiance backed out on her.

[Amy in Orlando]

WOW that's awful. I think your sister is definitely better off without this guy, though.

[WendyK]

That is really horrible and it must have been horribly uncomfortable for her. :(

[abbeyej]

Ugh. It sounds absolutely horrid. I know it's probably impossible for her to see any "silver lining" in this right now, but I agree with everyone else: thank goodness she's not married to the jerk! Painful as it must be, so much better to learn what an --- he is before the wedding rather than after.

Poor thing. :(

I know, if it were my baby sister, I'd be volunteering to do him grave physical harm. (Luckily there are saner people in my family who would stop me, sigh... But it does sound satisfying.)

[kalanamak]

Not only is she terminally fortunate to have this happen when they didn't have two kids and a mortgage (and I hope she's running as fast as she can in the opposite direction), soon she'll feel a slump of relief to be rid of this parasite AND in her middle years, she'll laugh hysterically over this.
Ask me how I know!
So I'll sound odd and say I'm terribly happy for her.

[WTMindy]

If I could leave him negative rep I would!!! :-)

[Jennifer in MI]

Oh my goodness!! That is just awful! I'm so sorry. She must be having such conflicting feelings. I mean, she feel in love with this guy, so how could he do this too her? What was he thinking doing that on vacation?

((hugs)) I'll help you dig his grave if you'd like. . .;)

[Kelli in TN]

This is so sad. I cannot imagine what she is going through.

I agree with Mindy, I wish we could give him some negative rep.

[Mamagistra]

Where's Pam and her frosty weapon of come-uppance? http://easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-evil-grin-smileys-136.gif (http://easyfreesmileys.com/)
;)

Poor sis...but good riddance!

[Doran]

Cause we would, you know? Snuff him right out, I'm telling ya'!. No? Well, okay, so maybe we could just kick his butt -- me and JudoMom and whoever else is into butt kicking training. Right, okay...so, we maybe could just wag a whole hive of fingers in his face and tell him he's an absolute turd while simultaneously scooping your poor sister away from the misery of him. How does that sound?

Creep! I'd like to box his ears...or some other body part.

Doran

[Audrey]

The postponement kind of sounded like cold feet. At least now you know it's a case of "cold heart." Hug your sis. She will heal, and she's better off without someone who plays such emotional games like that.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

Thanks! I am truly glad that, if this is who he is, that he is not going to be in her life. I just feel for her. She wants to get married and have kids. She's 33. That bothers her a bit. She wasn't behaving in a desperate way with him. He truly seemed like a great guy. I know he has a lot on his plate right now that he is likely unable to deal with emotionally. This just did him over. But the way he went about it, not cool. She is uber-ticked off. I just hate that she had to go through the whole planning thing and then have it yanked away. Why did he go that far anyway?

I do feel sorry for him. He must be messed up inside to not be able to be in relationship with her. She is worthy of much better. I just hope for the best for her, you know. She is not giving the ring back -- it was a gift. She already bought a dress and all too. She is trying to be very busy now. She is restructuring her future plans now. She is going to continue working on her doctorate (she's a PT) and do some home improvements since she is not going to be paying for a wedding.

I just can't believe he did this in a foreign country while they were on vacation! GAH what a stupid boy.