Does it get better?

[MicheleB]

Our 9yo ds is giving us fits tonight. He's the one that I *think* has Aspergers or some type of spectrum disorder... We'll find out later this month.

At any rate, he's very rigid. And tonight, he's melting down because he heard my 14yo dd say something that we do not want him to hear, and so we told her to be quiet. And now, he can't put it out of his mind. At all.

So for the past two hours almost he's been crying off and on about not knowing what she said. (Or maybe it's OCD?) And that he just can't put it out of his mind. That *I* KNOW he can't put it out of his mind.

And the thing is, I know he can't. I know he fixates on one thing and it's all he can focus on. But honestly, how do you keep the peace without forever giving in and telling him? Which, I would think, isn't really going to help him in the long run in life.

And then I want to cry. Because I think, this is my blond-haired, blue-eyed, curly-headed charmer about whom I imagined having many grand-children just like him... And yet, the older he gets, the more I realize some of these things won't go away and he may never have a "normal" life.

I don't know how to deal with this rigidness sometimes. I feel like I'm always "giving in", but perhaps I'm just feeling like it's giving in and it's really not. KWIM? Maybe it's part self-preservation, part realizing his mind works differently and I probably won't ever really understand him. And if *I* can't understand *him*, how can *I* expect him to understand "the rest of us"?

[newbie]

Tons of hugs. Wishing you the patience of Job.

Jet

[Southern_mom]

Hey there,
Can't assure you that it gets better, just
want to tell you you're not alone. I'm learning
a lot from the book The Explosive Child. It talks
a lot about rigid/unflexible kids and takes into
the picture the other characteristics that often
accompany this- OCD, ect. It gives strategies on
what to "give into" and what to stand firm on.
Your son will be the
person God made him to be. Pray never ceasing.
Hugs to you.
Southern_mom.

[sandellie4]

Hang in there. Hopefully, when you get some more information (on the spectrum or OCD or...) you'll be able to feel better about your responses as a parent and adjust as needed. We have special needs kids, too, and sometimes "giving in" is actually "accommodation" while you work with them -- the patience of Job will definitely come in handy. Try not to be too hard on yourself. Some days, if you all get through it then you "did good," KWIM?

Sandy

[newlifemom]

Michele,

When you find out let me know. ds is 6 and honestly some days are fine and others I just give in to keep from having a melt down. He is the only one I do it for and I am sure the others get angry because of the special treatment. AGGGGh I can't stand it. So know you are not alone. :001_smile:

I will pray for you if you don't mind.

[Carrie1234]

Coming in late on this post, but just had to share.

My DS10 was dx'ed with AS 5 years ago. 5 years of research has made me understand so much, but it doesn't always answer how to handle every situation.

When ds is seriously "stuck" on something, I just do my best to let him go off in his room, muttering (sometimes yelling) to himself as much as he needs to. I let him know that, when he can express his thoughts in respectful, non-whiney words, I'll hear him out, if he hasn't already worked it out for himself. Quite often, his monologuing is enough to get him through.

So many times, there really isn't anything you *can do. It's hard, but I know that ds understands that I'm willing to help him however I can, but he has to help me to help him. I'm not a miracle worker.