Can we talk exhaustion and what you do?

[SandraDumas]

I am exhausted. My kids have been sick for a week now. Between waking up at night, watching for fevers and treating croup, and them getting up crying, and also waking up early in the morning with cough at 5:15 and being unable to go back to sleep...

So now I am on edge. My mom even said she heard it in my voice over the phone. I'm shaky and edgy and grouchy and just plain over the top tired.

I asked my dh to watch with the kids tonight while I wear ear plugs and he said no. Just plain old flat no. Let's not go into that. It's his sin and the Lord will change his heart if it's sin. maybe it's not sin. He's exhausted too. THe last 5 months have been the hardest of his entire career and he is mentally fatigued and physically tired too...

So my mom advised me to think strategically. Put the kids to bed later so they don't get up so early. Give them no medicine when they go to bed, wake them at 10 when I go to bed and then give them something that'll really knock em out. Like Benedryl. Take tylenol PM 30 minutes before I plan to go to bed and knock myself out too. (obviously I only take tylenol PM rarely, less than once a month.)...

So that is my plan...but if tomorrow I end up feeling like this again, what should I do? How do you get through days and weeks of edge and exhaustion without taking your temper out or having some kind of breakdown?

How do moms make it through 5, 6, or 7 kids? I can't imagine how your sanity stays in tact missing so much sleep so many years in a row!

[Janna]

Does you mom live near you that she can take them for a night? Is there anyone who can watch them during the day for a couple of hours so you can have a deep nap?

Fortunately, the things you listed that are keeping you up are temporary. The colds/fever/croup will be gone soon. I know that it doesn't help with the exhaustion now, today, but maybe just knowing that your endurance period is almost over?

Your kids are 6 and 4 I see. Is there a way that you can just pop in a movie - or rent one that they haven't seen, or at least in a really long time, that will hold their attention so you can sleep?

I totally understand the exhaustion thing. I just nap multiple times a day in short bursts. For instance, there are 2 shows the kids are allowed to watch each day, on PBS. That is their total TV time during the week. They are in half hour increments and spaced 2 hours apart. So for each 30 min. show, I sleep for that 30 min. That gives me an hour total. But then there are some days where I need more, so I give them their "rest time" - where they have to be in their rooms no matter what - I don't care what they're doing, they just need to be separate from me and from each other, LOL - and I sleep during that time too.

It's almost over, I assure you. Sleep when you can. You'll feel better - all of you - in no time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I live for our quiet time - the kids are in their rooms with books and/or quiet play. Mom gets one hour or even more to nap (or sometimes when I'm too exhausted to sleep - to just lie there motionless). I also think that this is why God invented t.v. and dvds/videos and computer games. We don't do a lot of that normally but sometimes it really, really is all that gets mom through the day. I don't know your kid's ages but if they are over 5, they should be able to give you some quiet time and should be able to veg. quite nicely on their own!

Also because exhaustion is so often a part of my life (like today - I couldn't fall asleep until after 2 am last night and my dh gets up at 5 am): I will just tell my kids: "FYI, I am really tired and on edge, unless you want me to go over the edge, don't mess with me today!" Trust me - they try not to! And I try to pretend that they are stranger's children so that I'll be nicer to them!

[SandraDumas]

else's kid, no matter how tired we are? What's wrong with me that my own precious children get my edgy-ness, but I would never and have never treated others' kids that way, even when I babysat them for long periods??

You know maybe I need to warn them. Lately I've been telling them I'm tired, but they don't put tired and angry together. Maybe I should tell them I'm mean today! Maybe they would be a little better.

Mostly I need to utilize movies and quiet times more. Today I fell asleep during my quiet time and my dd woke me up after 5 minutes. That turned me into a walking bundle of nerves. I guess if I had put a movie on they would have stayed glued to it for an hour! My kids are so cool they will actually watch eduacational documentaries usually for an hour.

Thanks for the reminders.

[CalicoKat]

My dh actually took time off today to be at my 2 week post-op visit. He wanted to find out if I was ready to be working at 100%. My new oby/gyn was very intuitive and looked him directly in the eye, "Oh, so very slowly or we'll be put her back in the hospital for another 10 day!" She said it jokingly but she meant it. I think she and I are going to get along just fine. :)

Anyway, back to you . . . do you live in a college town? Call the campus and see if they've got a job board. Some of those are online. Or hire the first babysitter who can drive themselves over to your house. Let them know up front you'll be there so they don't get uncomfortable. Bring them in for YOU and your nap. :D

Maybe it's another homeschool mom's older dd who might like a job for the day.

In those dire moments that I don't have a sitter, I get a nice long movie for the big kids and put the younger kids in bed for a nap. My 2 yo has outgrown nap time and he isn't interested in TV just yet so I'll have to get creative when the Nanny isn't coming daily. It's not as restful as being able to tune everything out, but it is helpful.

Tell your dh that you need to hire some help. You can't do it all and you don't want to unexpectedly end up in the hospital like your friend CalicoKat on TWTM boards.

[Jennifer]

Where are you?? Anywhere in Northern Colorado?? I'll come get your kids so you can sleep for a few hours. I have been in your shoes, many times.
Jennifer

[Kendra]

I have been in three different hospitals this week with three different friends for three different reasons. I have helped put on a funeral for 350, comforted the 40yo widow left with six children, cheered on my best friend through a 9-hour labor, and sat with a mom whose 5wo has RSV. Five of my seven children have colds, and now I do, too. My husband is an elder to all three women, and he has been just as involved with everything (except the labor ;)).

Did I mention I'm six months pregnant?

As I was cleaning out my closet yesterday while hacking and coughing, I thought, "Hey! Maybe I have pneumonia. Gosh, a week in the hospital sounds nice." This from the woman who's had two home births to avoid the hospital. I think that's a red flag, don't you???

SO, here's what I have done to cope. I am pulling food out of the freezer. We are eating cereal for breakfast, celery with peanut butter and chips and fruit for lunch, and tonight we'll have pancakes cooked by the 12yo. I realize you don't have older kids, and that's what makes it harder still for you.

School is getting done because they are doing the independent stuff and I can handle reading aloud while stretched out on the couch. Anything involving me on a grander scale can wait until next week. No crafts, no "teaching".

The little ones (4 and 6 and 11 months) have NO FREEDOM. They are by my side or are doing a specified task in a specified place. I just know that if they are left to their own devices, we'll have a mess of monumental proportions and I am not emotionally equipped to handle that right now.

Yes, we are watching a movie tonight. We've actually been on a pretty strict media hiatus since Christmas, but now is the time to take advantage of a video.

Nyquil is a good thing, once or twice a year. Now is the time for us :p

Lastly, let the guilt go. This is a season for both your family and mine, and it is just reality. Next week we'll both be back to a normal routine and life will go on as usual.

HTH-
Kendra

[Kendra]

You are a gem to offer to take her children. That's what community is all about!

[Eliana]

When I was on bedrest with the twins my older 4 kids were 2, 4, 6, and 7.5.

The kids listened to hours and hours and hours of books on tape/CD.

We went through reams of paper and a gazillion boxes of crayons, etc.

The kids learned to play quietly on the floor next to my bed when I had to nap - it was a master bedroom, so there was an adjoining bathroom. Legos, playmobiles, and puzzles on a table for the older kids (though dd#4 wasn't the type to put stuff in her mouth, even at 2).

The suggestions for simple, no-effort foods are great hard-boiled eggs, baked potatoes, bagged salads from the store, and frozen stuff you can reheat are also good things to fall back on when your energy is gone.

For longer-term scenarios, you need to identify your triggers, and your meltdown signals, and take preventative action. Videos, story tapes, a special toy or game box, craft materials - pull these out and get the kids set up somewhere safe and then take a break.

Enlist friends or community members.

Consider hiring a mother's helper (ideally from within your community).

Think about what recharges you, what gives you joy? What makes you feel pampered and relaxed? And find little ways of integrating those into your lives.

Think about what recharges you spiritually (if you are a spiritual person, otherwise ignore this part!), what helps you feel more connected to G-d?

Draw on your support networks for emotional boosts and physical assistance...

Have patience with yourself and with your little people. Find small ways to reconnect with how precious they are to you.

Take care of yourself as best you can, my dear.

Eliana

[Laurel T.]

I always get nervous at times like that. Because it seems like there is nothing that will make up the sleep deficit except a few days of rest. Not an hour here or 30 minutes there.

As I was cleaning out my closet yesterday while hacking and coughing, I thought, "Hey! Maybe I have pneumonia. Gosh, a week in the hospital sounds nice." This from the woman who's had two home births to avoid the hospital. I think that's a red flag, don't you???


I have had this exact thought at times. To comfort me my friends will often say "oh--honey don't worry when they get in school you will have more time for yourself." Umm...that doesn't help because we are homeschoolers.

Wish I could help in a more tangible way.

Laurel T.

[Eliana]

Oh, SandraDumas!

I'm so sorry!

When I responded to your question about lists of rules and consequences, I didn't realize you were the same SandraDumas who was so exhausted and overwhelmed. (Yes, I really am that oblivious sometimes! :o )

My, dear, please don't try to deal with new rules/consequences/punishments when you are so worn out!

When you are all sick and tired, and you, the mommy, are so drained, this is a time for a little indulgence all around. (Indulge yourself too.) You need to recharge and regroup, and little people are rarely at their best when sick... and are unlikely to handle changes well anyway.

Please take care of yourself!

Eliana

[Lady Katherine]

Liquid vitamins/minerals. Seriously. It helps SO much. I use the cheapo brand from Sam's. Take them twice a day, or even with every meal. You won't believe the difference.

[SandraDumas]

well I did it. I cancelled an upcoming trip to Disney world, restrucutred our weekend plans, let dc watch a video, and took Tylenol PM last night. I also made sure to take more vitamins today and am taking advantage of the caffeinated tea I have!~

I told my dh about my exhaustion so we are going to bed at 8:00 every night this week. I'll be tired enough to fall asleep most nights, but on the other nights I can have some calming herbs (valoren) or take a glass of medicinal wine.

Last night I slept so soundly! I feel like a million bucks today because of it, and I need to continue to do those things. Changing our weekend plans has made a huge effect on our home. Now I don't need to pack and I feel less stressed out.

[Mom2GirlsTX]

well I did it. I cancelled an upcoming trip to Disney world, restrucutred our weekend plans, let dc watch a video, and took Tylenol PM last night. I also made sure to take more vitamins today and am taking advantage of the caffeinated tea I have!~

I told my dh about my exhaustion so we are going to bed at 8:00 every night this week. .


I'm happy you finally got some rest, sleep deprivation doesn't make any of us very nice :( I have found melatonin to be very helpful with falling asleep, you can get it anywhere the sell vitamins/herbs.

Take care of yourself young lady, and that is an order! (see you have to do it because someone older than you said so! ;)

[Kendra]

Good for you. Sometimes just recognizing what we need to do and then doing it can bring the best result.

Now to go take my own advice... :D