Potty Training Dilemma: Would you drop it or keep pushing foward?

[Jennefer@SSA]

My ds2 yrs and 2 months surprised us 10 days ago when he expressed an interest in using the potty. I never dreamed he was ready but he insisted on using the big boy potty. For the first 5 days he had no accidents (still wearing diaper at naptime and bedtime) but he refused to wear any clothes. This week I have explained that clothes are a must (at the very least underwear). Between having to wear underwear and the newness having worn off - it's already becoming a battle. He is having a few accidents each day but most of these are related to his stubbornness of not wanting to stop what he's doing and sit on the potty. I ask him about every 10-15 minutes if he needs to try and tee-tee or poo-poo.

This is a child who is extremely strong willed and with whom I already have many battles. Do I push on and make this one more or drop it? I would love to free up the money spent on diapers every month but I am torn. I also don't want to put him back in diapers and have him regress only to try again in a few months and find it even harder. What to do? What to do?

[Kris]

Our situation wasn't exactly as you describe, but close enough. We gave it up for a couple of months and after that it was a breeze -- he pretty much did it on his own, with a few well-placed stars on the calendar. Good luck!

[Mom2legomaniacs]

If it were me, I would drop it. My older ds had a brief time when he went on the potty and then stopped. I just went back to diapers/pull-ups until he was ready. Then it was super easy with no issues. Both of mine "trained" over night around or just after age 3. No issues with regressing. They were ready.

To me, there were some things I just was not willing to do. Fighting over the potty with a 2 yr old was one of them. But that's just me. You know your child and can sense if he is really ready or not. Just because he *can* and *has* doesn't mean he is ready to do it all the time. Good luck!

[clwcain]

We've got strong-willed boys.

We've let it go. Our oldest is still not fully potty trained at 5 years old, but that hasn't caused any problems for us. He was training on his own schedule and then, one day, got locked into the bathroom. He was so terrified when I broke the door down that he refused to go into a bathroom with the door closed for over a year.

Our middle boy hasn't shown any interest in using the toilet as a toilet. He seems to think it's some sort of exotic bathing area. :001_huh:

I'm in the don't push them camp, fwiw.

[daisychics]

Only you can decide to drop it or keep pushing forward but....

this is what I did with both kids:

1. do not leave the house for 2 days
2. have them in underwear
3. have drinks that they love, lotsa liquids (drink often) **that way they will use the bathroom more during the day
4. if they have an accident, (do not show you are upset),
**this is from Dr. Phil's :D bring child to the toilet 10 times
example: if he has an accident
bring him to the toilet, take off undies, have him sit (even if nothing comes out)....
then, take him out of the bathroom, go right back inside, take undies off, sit on toilet, take him out of the bathroom (10x) - this builds muscle memory.

It worked for us... in one day he was potty trained. We didn't leave the house the next day so that we could keep an eye on it. ;)

I found the link: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/264

Good Luck!

[Sophia]

I would drop it, but wanted to mention also that the new boxer briefs they sell for little boys were a big hit with my three y.o. and helped motivate him.
They come in the typical little boy designs like Cars, and superhero themes.
I love them because they look like shorts and he is happy to wear them around the house.

[Brindee]

I'm not understanding why clothes are a must??? That's how kids often potty train, no clothes or just underwear. Or, no underwear and just a large tshirt (like one of mom's and dad's). That way it doesn't get all over the clothes and cause problems that way!

That may have been his "condition" for potty training, and since he can't do that, he doesn't want to. In that case, I'd either let him go with no clothes and just be at home for a couple of days straight, or just wait.

[beansprouts]

I am a non-potty-trainer ;) I say drop it. He isn't ready.

My 2 year old is curious about the potty also. All of my children expressed interest by 18 months or so, but curiosity does not equal readiness. When my toddlers say they want to go pee, I humor them. Otherwise life goes on as before. I do no training, no charts, no tricks. They know where the potty is and what it is for and when they are ready they will use it.

I first tried this relaxed approach with my older son, after battling dd over the potty issue until she was 4 1/2 years. At 3 years old, he decided he was ready to use the potty. He was out of diapers that day and has had few accidents since.

It's just not worth the hassle for me. I'd rather spend the time teaching them to READ :D

[VaKim]

Like so many other things, you can work yourself and him to death for 6 months or a year, or whatever, trying to "train" him. Or, you can just drop it and wait that period of time until he is ready, and it will happen all on its own within a few days. Just depends on how much you want to put into it. :)

One of mine did it herself at 3 and the other not until 4 (very strong-willed one). I just figured they'd definitely be out of diapers by the time they graduated, and didn't worry about it. :D

[lynn]

From experienced mom of boys. Unless you are planning a trip in the next couple of weeks, I'd stay home as much as possible for the next few days and if no progress stop for now and try again in a month or two. When my boys were about that age I gave it a good effort for a few days then if no real progress or interest is shown I went back to diapers and let it be reminding them that there were big boy pants ready when they are and how much easier it woudl be to use the potty etc. I also told them when they were 3 no more diapers. All 3 were pretty much trained on their own right around 3.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I agree to just drop it. He knows now what it entails. When he's ready, you won't need to teach him. He'll just know what to do, and he'll do it. It'll be much easier when it's his idea.

It is hard to spend money on diapers, though, when you KNOW he doesn't really need them. I know how you're feeling about that! It's only been a couple months ago for me that I was going through the exact same thing. But, once she decided to do it, that was it. No "training", no timers, no reminders, no accidents. She just did it.

All the best,
Suzanne

[CMama]

If I remember correctly, my ds wanted to revert back to diapers after the newness of the underwear wore off too... but that was because he got upset if he had an accident and had to change his clothes again. In our case, I didn't let him... once he was put in underwear there was no turning back.

Of course we potty trained him different from most I guess. When my ds was 2 yrs and 1 wk old I started potty training him. I found Potty Training Made Simple by Johanne Cesar (http://thepottytrainer.com/indexgtmonnt_7.html) and followed her method. It was awesome and worked! Well worth the money.

Just to give a brief summary: Get a timer, set aside 3 days to stay at home, and for those three days you potty train. Set the timer for 20 minutes and at every 20 min. interval you put your ds on the potty whether he has to go or not... you are potty training. It may sound insane, but it works I tell ya! If he goes then you can give him a sticker or treat or something. (Although when I tried to praise my ds with a sticker, he would have me put it on his potty chart so that he could just pick it off later... so, we stopped with the rewards right away because mommy praise was all he needed.) It became a game for us. When the timer would go off, everyone in the house would shout POTTY TIME! and race to the bathroom. Potty training is definitely better in the summer when you can be outside for the most part and not worry about accidents in the house. (My ds has a July birthday.)

The first day we did it I thought... oh my, is this really going to work? The second day I had even less confidence and thought... there is no way he is going to be potty trained in just 3 days, they are insane and I wasted my money... but, I stuck with it anyways because of all the positive and encouraging feedback that was given about doing it this way. The third day I was in absolute shock... I couldn't believe it actually worked! And the angels sang... Alelluia! :Angel_anim: He would've been completely potty trained by the end of the first week, but #2 took a little longer. I would say that he was successfully potty trained with no accidents within less than a month. BTW, I had diapers on him at night for the first week, but soon realized that it wasn't necessary anymore either. I just made sure he took a trip right before bed and as soon as he woke.

Anyways, that's how we did it. I hope my little story about our experience helps you in someway.

Have fun potty training!

Melissa

[Pretty in Pink]

if the underwear are a must for you and he's not willing to work with that then i would drop it for now. in my experience, having "trained" two little boys already, i learned that when they are ready they will do it, and i'm not about to make myself crazy trying to push a 2yo to use the toilet, kwim?

OTOH, my third child expressed a strong desire to use the potty right after his 2nd birthday, so we let him. he does not wear underwear when we are at home, just a shirt, and has no accidents. put him in underwear and he wets himself. because he likes using the potty, and i don't mind his little hiney showing, we just let him go. saves a ton of money on pull-ups!

[Patty Joanna]

I have no advice at all, but I have to say that as the parent of a now-13 yo who has forgotten this stage and all its anguish, I had a great laugh at the subject line. Just too graphic for the topic, smile smile smile...it made my day a little silly and that's all to the good!

[beansprouts]

I had a great laugh at the subject line. Just too graphic for the topic, smile smile smile...it made my day a little silly and that's all to the good!


I never thought about the subject line, but now that you mention it... :eek::smilielol5:

[abbeyej]

Well, I'll go against the tide. I say keep it up. You have a window of opportunity here, and once that window is gone, you'll be in diapers for a much longer period of time. Why not let him go naked for a few more days, then try again with clothes at home? Start with a longish *shirt* instead of underwear. That way he's got the feeling of clothes to deal with, but it doesn't impede his ability to use the potty. After that, go for some generously cut elastic-waist shorts -- something easy to pull down and where he still feels a little naked underneath his clothes (instead of the closeness of underwear that more closely mimics the feel of a diaper). *Then* work up to underwear, rather than starting with underwear and working out.

I also found that my ds night-trained/sleep-trained very easily a bit before that age by sleeping diaperless on top of a few prefold cloth diapers. (If you don't have any cloth diapers around, you could use a folded old towel or even a disposable diaper spread out, if he doesn't wiggle too much -- a towel would work better, but I know some people are squeamish about washing "wet" things like that.) So you don't even *have* to use diapers at naptime.

I really think you have a great opportunity to be *done* with toilet training him now. And he's made it clear that he's "ready". Why throw that away?!?

[Colleen]

I just don't have it in me to do the potty training dance. It would irritate me to no end to have to deal with accidents, ask a child every fifteen minutes if he needs to use the toilet, etc. So my advice ~ as you'd expect ~ is to drop it. He won't be wearing diapers when he gets his driver's license. Although I'm beginning to think Kai, who turns 4 next month, will be.:D

[Pamela H in Texas]

why are clothes a must?

I'd either drop the clothing issue or drop the pottying one until one of you is willing to give in.

[Mama Lynx]

Another vote for dropping it. Absolutely.

[Pamela H in Texas]

BTW, I KINDA agree with Colleen. I don't believe in the standard potty training dance either. A kid will train in a day or two if they are ready. They don't need to be reminded every 15min, need mommy to take down clothes, have multiple accidents, etc IF they are ready. I fully believe 98% of kids can train while still two. This is where I part company with Colleen. I wouldn't have a normal kid not potty trained at 3.5 yrs old. However, I'd rather people waited than be stressed about it.

[Julie in CA]

I also found that my ds night-trained/sleep-trained very easily a bit before that age by sleeping diaperless on top of a few prefold cloth diapers. (If you don't have any cloth diapers around, you could use a folded old towel or even a disposable diaper spread out, if he doesn't wiggle too much -- a towel would work better, but I know some people are squeamish about washing "wet" things like that.) So you don't even *have* to use diapers at naptime.


'Ya know what also works well (for those who are squeamish about the wet towel)?
Puppy training pads. They're big, soft, absorbent, cheap, and disposable.

[beansprouts]

Of course we potty trained him different from most I guess. When my ds was 2 yrs and 1 wk old I started potty training him. I found Potty Training Made Simple by Johanne Cesar (http://thepottytrainer.com/indexgtmonnt_7.html) and followed her method. It was awesome and worked! Well worth the money.


I have to admit this does sound tempting. I wonder how my potty-curious 2 year old July baby would do... ?

NO, NO!! Must hold on to my non-potty-training convictions!



Hmmm...
http://smileys.on-my-web.com/repository/Thinking/thinking-023.GIF

[abbeyej]

BTW, I KINDA agree with Colleen. I don't believe in the standard potty training dance either. A kid will train in a day or two if they are ready. They don't need to be reminded every 15min, need mommy to take down clothes, have multiple accidents, etc IF they are ready. I fully believe 98% of kids can train while still two. This is where I part company with Colleen. I wouldn't have a normal kid not potty trained at 3.5 yrs old. However, I'd rather people waited than be stressed about it.

Yes, agreed. Absolutely. I don't see why early training needs to involve tons of work for the parent any more than late training does. (And it avoids an extra year or more of diapers, shudder...)

[Lolly]

If he's gone 5 days with no accidents, I'd push it. He's obviously ready. I wouldn't worry about clothes around the house though. In public, yes. I disagree with the stay home at this point. Maybe that would be a good reason for him to put his clothes on. Get up in the morning, go potty, get dressed because you are heading out. Of course, make sure you go somewhere where you know where the potty is fairly clean! maybe offer him a treat if he stays clean/dry while you are out. I'd resort to bribery for at home too, come to think of it. Maybe the proverbial M+Ms. You could give him a few for every hour he stays in his undies without an accident. We had a party with cake for our eldest when she went 1 week without an accident or diapers during the day. Cake motivated her.

Then again, I'm in the I'm not having a 3yo in diapers camp. That and circumstances made me potty train mine earlier than most. I had 4 in 4 years. That's just too many diapers being purchased at once! I've realized that most all 2 yo's are perfectly capable of being potty trained.

[Colleen]

Yes, agreed. Absolutely. I don't see why early training needs to involve tons of work for the parent any more than late training does.

You're right: Potty training, early or late, doesn't always involve tons of work. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Either way, I don't deal with potty training at all. When it happens, it happens. Pamela's opinion that "X" percentage of children can train by "Y" age is neither here nor there with me. There are all kinds of things my children likely could have done at an earlier age but it hasn't been important to me to force the issue.

[Trivium Academy]

I would drop it for now, he expressed the interest so he'll express it again. I haven't bought pull-ups in a month! Ds4 has found a few and thought they were gold! "Look Mommy, I found one!" I let him wear it and now we have none..I think. ;) He showed some interest earlier on but would not follow through and do it so we dropped it. I'm glad I didn't push him on it.

[abbeyej]

... There are all kinds of things my children likely could have done at an earlier age but it hasn't been important to me to force the issue.

Yeah, I'm afraid *not* dealing with diapers *was* an important issue to me... ;)

[Sahamamama]

At the beginning of my daughter's potty training process, she expressed a similar interest around 2 years of age, and I gave it a go for a bit. But then she just didn't seem interested, as though the initial thrill had worn off. I backed off until she seemed interested again, but we also:

1. Checked books out of the library about going on the potty (Once Upon a Potty, Everyone Poops, you get the idea).

2. Had her watch Potty Power (DVD) EVERY SINGLE STINKIN' MORNIN' until I thought I would go out of my mind.

3. Talked about pee-pee and poopy and where it comes out. Checked it all out in the big mirror in Mommy and Daddy's room (yes, we did this).

4. Showed her the contents of the twins' diapers (Ooooooh, Mommy, that is Guh-ross). That truly made a lasting impression.

5. Kept the potty chair available at all times, without any pressure to use it.

6. Tigger wore sundresses all summer, along with a diaper (so I could whip it off, if she decided to pee-pee on the potty chair). Not sure what to do with a boy, but some of my friends with sons would let them run around all summer with just a diaper and a T-shirt (it worked).

7. We talked about other people who go pee-pee and poopy on the potty -- such as Daddy, Mommy, her cousins, etc. (what "big people" do).

8. Gave her time to absorb all this new information.

HTH. I gotta go get the girls "up" from Nap Time, I hear noises that sound like the destruction of furniture (cribs) in their room.

[Parrothead]

I've only done one girl child so I don't know if I can help. Really the only thing that comes to mind is what my mother and grand mother told me. If the child stays dry at night he is ready use the potty all the time. I waited until that day and actually went a week to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Dd was completely potty trained within three days.

So my question to you would be does he stay dry at night consistently? If not, he isn't ready. If he does then unless you are where I am and the highs are in the 60's let him run around naked or with a tee shirt. If you have to take him some place that requires clothes have him go potty ahead of time, keep the trip short and have him go potty as soon as he gets home.

[Pamela H in Texas]

So my question to you would be does he stay dry at night consistently? If not, he isn't ready.

Hmmmm, well approximately 60% of 3yos aren't dry at night. 15% of 6yr olds aren't. It's down to 6% by 8.

Seems like a pretty shakey thing to wait on, especially with a boy! LOL

I know my tone isn't coming through. Know I'm not being snarky, just lettin' people know :)

[Pamela H in Texas]

BTW, And Colleen, I know my tone didn't come out right earlier either.

*I* would not have a 3 or 4 yo not using the toilet. I don't really care what anyone else does. I do try to inform people though. I've potty trained about 100 kids, all before age 3, some before age 2. I let THEM do the work, not making more work for myself.

It seems there is a big competition to be the LATEST trainer these days where in my mom's generation it was a race to be the fastest. Silly imo.

But like I said, I'd rather a parent just wait howeer long if they're going to WORRY or stress about it. There aren't healthy normal kids going around not potty trained at 9 or anything. It doesn't matter, at 25, whether they trained at 1.5yrs or 4.5 years really.

[Sahamamama]

Hmmmm, well approximately 60% of 3yos aren't dry at night. 15% of 6yr olds aren't. It's down to 6% by 8.

:iagree: My daughter (3.5 years) STILL is not consistently dry at night (or for afternoon nap, either), but she almost never has an accident during the day, unless she's had a lot to drink AND her cousin is playing with her (they get SO caught up in their dolls, dontcha know?). ;)

[Colleen]

Yeah, I'm afraid *not* dealing with diapers *was* an important issue to me... ;)

And judging by how often people talk about potty training, you're no doubt in good company. But in the grand scheme of things, diapers are just not a big deal in my life. Kids getting manure on decent clothes, that's a bigger deal. Kids getting manure on their hair/legs/arms and then attempting to sit on the couch, that's a bigger deal. When one deals on a daily basis with manure, diapers are really a drop in the bucket ~ ha! no pun intended.:D

[Colleen]

And Colleen, I know my tone didn't come out right earlier either. *I* would not have a 3 or 4 yo not using the toilet.

Yes, I got that from you.

I don't really care what anyone else does.

Ditto.

It seems there is a big competition to be the LATEST trainer these days

I can't agree with you there. I'd say just the opposite, in fact. This is a major topic among almost all mothers of young children and the sentiment I hear most often is to hurry up and get them trained.

It doesn't matter, at 25, whether they trained at 1.5yrs or 4.5 years really.

Exactly.

[lighthouseacademy]

I would not push the clothes but keep it up. My 2nd was trained for a few days and then we bought her panties and she refused for another year and 3 months (3 almost to the day at training with still plenty of accidents again on her own volition) to use the potty because I backed off. She was 100% ready as it was her that drove the initial training. My 3rd was born in July and just turned 2. She has been in panties since May. There are days when she has accidents and then we might not have an accident for 2 or 3 weeks. She is sometimes dry at night or nap but more often than not she is wet. Sometimes she can get her clothes off, but she can't get to the potty herself because she can't climb up herself and I don't do potty chairs. It isn't a big deal to me. If she has an accident, she is usually trying to get to the potty. I don't ask her every 15 minutes either. A few accidents in sweatpants and she gets that she doesn't want to wet herself. I really don't consider that I have trained her. I have always offered the potty to her if I thought she needed to go (even as an infant) sometimes she let me know she needed to go and sometimes she wanted nothing to do with the potty or was too busy to tell me but I didn't stress about it, I just offered and if she said no, I respected that.

[matroyshka]

Hmmmm, well approximately 60% of 3yos aren't dry at night. 15% of 6yr olds aren't. It's down to 6% by 8.

Seems like a pretty shakey thing to wait on, especially with a boy! LOL

I know my tone isn't coming through. Know I'm not being snarky, just lettin' people know :)

Yeah, my twins were almost 3 when they gave up daytime diapers, but it was a few more months before they were dry at night.

And my third actually was in daytime panties even earlier, around 2 1/2, with no major trauma, but she had a diaper at night it seemed like forever. Like over a year. Since I was using cloth, I didn't care at all. Didn't cost me anything, or inconvenience me in any way, and I never made any big deal about it to her - the nighttime diaper was just like part of the PJ routine. I just waited till she was dry for over a month at night, then gave her panties. (But for that to even happen at that point, I had to make sure she went to the bathroom at least twice before bed. Once wasn't enough).

My kids all weaned backwards too, though. They were all done during the day waaay before they were done at night. When they night-weaned, the were completely done (although my youngest would've been happy to start up during the day again if I'd offered. Um, no).

[Sahamamama]

Kids getting manure on their hair/legs/arms and then attempting to sit on the couch, that's a bigger deal. When one deals on a daily basis with manure, diapers are really a drop in the bucket ~ ha! no pun intended.:D

:lol::lol::lol: We went out to "The Farm" with our girls for the county 4-H Fair this past weekend, and Sarah (3.5 years old) kept saying, "What's that smell?...... I think Mary pooped........ I think Hannah pooped......... Daddy, did you just fart?" And on and on and on....

We had to explain to her that WE ARE ON A FARM, DEAR. That's the lovely smell of the country, LOL! At one point, my husband was about to lead us past a stall, but I pulled him back and pointed to the output end of a cow (aimed at us). THANKFULLY, he backed up, and we went around the other side, because just at that moment, the output end OUTPUTTED, and it shot out ALL OVER the aisle. I tell you, we ALL would have been covered with liquid manure -- us, Sarah, the twins, the stroller, the diaper bag, the bottle bag, the camera, everything -- if we had walked past that cow.

So, to Colleen and Julie in CA, raising cows and feeding America -- a sincere and hearty "Thanks!" for all that you do each day. Thanks for feeding us! We do like milk!

[cin]

I have not read all the responses, but I have a strong willed daughter. I didn't even try to potty train until she was 3. And even then, I didn't push it. She isn't going to go to college in diapers, right?!? When she tunred 3, I bought some old fashioned training pants and plastic covers (pull-ups are SUCH a joke!!!) And a set of panties in the character dujour. I told her that we were going to wear big-girl panties since she was now a big girl. We would wear these (the training pants, which were pink and polka dots--no plain white ones!) and when she didn't have any accidents, we would wear the character ones. casue we dont' want to pee pee on <wiggles, princess, dora...pick one>. She was trained pretty quick.
And I didn't pressure her. If we were goign out for a long period of time, I would put a diaper on her. Things where she might forget to go pee, I diapered her so she wouldn't feel bad about an accident. It didnt' confuse her at all.

[Gretchen in NJ]

I'm not understanding why clothes are a must??? That's how kids often potty train, no clothes or just underwear. Or, no underwear and just a large tshirt (like one of mom's and dad's). That way it doesn't get all over the clothes and cause problems that way!

That may have been his "condition" for potty training, and since he can't do that, he doesn't want to. In that case, I'd either let him go with no clothes and just be at home for a couple of days straight, or just wait.
:iagree: with Brindee. I potty trained both of my children with nothing on their bottoms. It is so much easier for them to get themselves on the potty in time.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Oh! I don't like Pull Ups. I found that they confuse the child. They are too close to underwear.

[Sahamamama]

Oh! I don't like Pull Ups. I found that they confuse the child. They are too close to underwear.


Actually, we have had the opposite experience. For our daughter, Pull Ups are confusing in that they are too much like a diaper! We sometimes put her in a pull up if we are going out for more than just a short trip. We also put her in an overnight pull up after her bath and just before bed. For some reason, this 3.5 year old who has been PTed for over a year has started to say, "Oh, I have a pull up on, I'll just pee-pee in that." Then she comes and tells us that she pee-peed in her pull up! We had to have a chat about (1) if you are at home and (2) you are awake and (3) you are out of your bed and (4) you have a pull up on... it is the same as wearing underwear. Blank look.... So.. I think the pull up is just another diaper to her. Confusing, but we'll work it all out. :tongue_smilie:

[Jennefer@SSA]

I had no idea this thread was still active. I checked it a bunch the first few days and when I didn't see any responses after awhile, I assumed it was buried. :001_huh:

Anyway, I think we have decided to persevere for the time being. He is such a strong-willed little guy and I do not want one.more.thing.to.battle.over. That being said, he is the one who initiated this and has kept it going as well. After 4 accidents a few days ago I put him back in diapers, gave him a hug and told him we'd use the potty in a few months. It only took him tee-teeing in it once and saying yuck (no idea where he heard this- I think he came up with it all on his own b/c dh or his brothers have never referred to his diapers as yuck either). He ripped the diaper off and proceeded to use the potty. Honestly I wish we could just drop it but he won't let it go.

I am not sure why I was pushing the underwear thing. I didn't realize that it might feel like a diaper up against his skin and actually cause accidents. You would think after 2 older brothers I would know that. :001_smile: He has been happily running around the house with only a long t-shirt for the past 2 days. Still having more accidents I would like each day but enough people have encouraged me to give it a month that I'm willing to try. The other 2 potty trained in 2 days so this is all new to me - one right before he turned 3 and the other potty trained himself at the same age our little one is right now.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice. You ladies are wonderful!!!