Do you find it hard to play with your child?

[Chris in VA]

Something in Scarlett's thread about TV made me think of posting this question. I will always read to my child, but playing imaginary games and board games makes me want to run and hide. My Dad was always the one who played, in my family, and my husband is like that now. I've never really liked games, except card games. And, although I used to dress up as a child and played endless imaginary games with friends, I don't like doing those sorts of things with my dd7. Her brothers are much older, and often, she has me as her only playmate. I have to force myself to play dolls or that sort of thing (and I don't force myself often at all).
Are you the same way? Do you think of it as almost a self-sacrificing sort of thing when you do play this way? I just wanted to explore this on the boards.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Games I can handle better than imaginary games because my role is clearly spelled out - roll the dice, go x number of spaces! I have the same feeling of sacrifice though.

[JudoMom]

Something in Scarlett's thread about TV made me think of posting this question. I will always read to my child, but playing imaginary games and board games makes me want to run and hide. My Dad was always the one who played, in my family, and my husband is like that now. I've never really liked games, except card games. And, although I used to dress up as a child and played endless imaginary games with friends, I don't like doing those sorts of things with my dd7. Her brothers are much older, and often, she has me as her only playmate. I have to force myself to play dolls or that sort of thing (and I don't force myself often at all).
Are you the same way? Do you think of it as almost a self-sacrificing sort of thing when you do play this way? I just wanted to explore this on the boards.

Now that they can play some more interesting games than CandyLand, if I can force myself to stop doing in order to play, I enjoy it.

But I do not enjoy the imaginary play so much (army guys, race cars, etc). The worst is the instant replay, though (car crash happens--"watch the replay Mom!"--repeat what just happened in slooow motion), as if watching the first one didn't take all my energy, and the replays just extend the time I'm participating in this race. Sacrifice--definitely.

I do find them entertaining to watch when they're involved in some imaginary world though. Especially if they've forgotten they might be watched.

[amy g.]

When my kids were younger, we designated one hour after dinner to play anything they wanted with them. We rotated, letting each child choose what to play.

One evening, we had the Playmobil children fly from the Victorian dollhouse to the pirate island. We recited all of the lines we could remember from Peter Pan. My son, who was 4 at the time threw his arms around my neck, and cried, "I've been waiting my whole LIFE for you to do this with me!"

His gratitude is enough to make me get over my inertia and continue to play with them. We play ping pong or air hockey between subjects during the day. On the weekends, we bring the laptops in my bed to my bed and play Runescape together. We play board games when my sister visits.

As they get older, playing with them feels more valuable instead of less.

Then there is my daughter who really thought our school mission statement was, "Everyday is a tea party."

[WTMCassandra]

Imaginary play is excruciating for me. I can only stand it in short bursts. DH does better than I do. I'm OK with board games, as long as I don't have to police them about passing the dice to the next person, etc. I get irritated if the board game just turns into a discipline issue. Now that the children are older and "training time" during games is less, I'm enjoying it more.

[Plaid Dad]

I also have a higher tolerance for board games than for imaginative play. I guess I really don't like being told I'm doing "it" wrong, when my dd and I clearly have different ideas of what "it" - my role - is. :confused:

[Adrianne]

Sometimes I will play imaginary games like "imagine you are Marco Polo on his trip to China" or a discovery game (treasure hunt). But I have to agree that when it comes to playing army men I am just not interested.

Now, playing in the snow, rain, board games, puzzles, and video games are a different story. We play those together often as a family. My husband is the one who has to be cajoled into playing. As a matter of fact, I will put off house work to play these things with the kids. We love to have fun together!

Adrianne

[imeverywoman]

Try though I may, it just doesn't come easily. I rather dislike it, in fact. I am going to make more of an effort, though, simply because I realize just how quickly they are growing...

[xinme]

I most certainly find it a challenge (and sacrifice) to play with my children, especially the imaginary stuff. I'd much rather read aloud. But I'm getting better at saying "yes" to board games, and sometimes actually enjoy them:)

[K&Rs Mom]

I have tried to make more of an effort lately (I was a baby groundhog on Saturday :) ), but it is awfully tedious. Isn't that why we had more than one, so they could entertain each other? I definitely do better with board games than imaginary play, but I find their behavior is much better after I've taken some time to really follow their lead for a little while. I also learn more about them by being involved with their play, instead of reading or whatever while they play nearby. So I keep reminding myself the results are worth it!

[Book Crazy]

My son (7) and I have very similar tastes in board games. My dh has on more than one occasion come home to find me and ds still in our pj's, playing Heroscape or Risk.

Sign me up for a board game night, but if you ask me to imagine that I have been transmogrified into a tiger, I just can't quite do it.

Sarah

[PariSarah]

Sometimes, he'll be pretending to be a dinosaur while we're grocery shopping, or some such, and I'll entertain him a little. But mostly he's on his own for imaginative play.

I enjoy board games and some sports, though.

Are you asking because you feel bad that you don't do it? Personally, I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about saying, "That's really not my thing, dear." I do enough enjoyable things with him that I don't feel bad about not being involved with this aspect of his play time.

[PamInMN]

I have a hard time taking the time to play with the kids......... imaginary or otherwise...... but when I do....... we can really get into it. It gives you the chance to just as goofy as they are..... it's taken me awhile, but I love the imaginary play with the kids....... and no, I often don't do it right..... but too bad. :D

.........and since I'm almost the only one that has answered in the affirmative, it only supports my theory that I'm not quite right in the head. :p:p:p

[Cindy in FL.]

I love playing games, especially trivia/word games. But I don't like playing games with my children. They're too young and I'm too competitive. I realize this is a flaw in my character.

My guys are really lucky to have each other!

Cindy

[Patty Joanna]

This is me, too. And when the kid was younger, like ages 2-7, "reading aloud" meant for upwards of 3 hours a day. No problem. I could do Thomas the Tank engine for about 15 minutes, and I can *sort* Legos while he builds, but I am just not good with the imagination stuff. I will also ride bikes, play catch, ski (when there isn't too much snow--see Whine post), etc. I would say, Chris, that you are not alone.

[King Alfred Academy]

My thoughts exactly! I like to have my "role" spelled out for me. When I was young I never really "played" unless we were playing school and I was the teacher!

I encourage a lot of make believe play. I see the value in it. However, I am trying to interact more in it.

[Ellie]

I read to them, and cuddled with them, and enjoyed being with them, but play dolls? Uh, no. Not board games, either.

[mellifera]

Only when they cheat.;)

[*anj*]

Now that my children are old enough to play interesting board games, I sometimes enjoy playing with them. I love Scrabble, especially, so ds10 often asks for that.
As for imaginary play: No. I don't do it, and I never did. I'm not talking about the occasional picking up of a doll and rocking her or maybe grabbing a lump of Play Dough. I mean that I never played Legos or Playmobil or Barbies or make believe or anything of the kind. I have four children, they're close in age, so there is never a shortage of peers with whom they can play. I am not their peer. I don't mean to sound snotty about it, but I just have no desire to engage in that kind of play with my children on any sort of a regular basis. And nope, I don't feel guilty. :D

[Elizabeth TN]

I feel exactly the same way. And I do feel guilty. My dd always asks me to play with her, and I love her, but I don't like to play. Give me something to clean, give me a book to read to her, give me a board game, but don't ask me to pretend play. I wish I was better at this.:(

[Dana in OR]

My kids are too diverse in ages to enjoy the same games (13, 7, 3). I have tried, tried, and failed at getting the younger ones to play board games. They melt down too easily, change the rules on the fly, etc. It is *Pure Torture* for me -- I like following the rules too much, I guess!

But I do play all other sorts of jumping games, dolls, play-doh, painting, anything that does not involve a board, cards, or dice.

[Joanne]

Are you asking because you feel bad that you don't do it? Personally, I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about saying, "That's really not my thing, dear." I do enough enjoyable things with him that I don't feel bad about not being involved with this aspect of his play time.

Earlier in my parenting, I spent (wasted, IMO) a lot of time feeling guilty over how much I despised pretend play and how I never did it.

I am their Mom. I am not their playmate. I bring a lot of things to the table, many of them play*ful* and lighthearted. But child centered play? Nope.

[PariSarah]

Now that my children are old enough to play interesting board games, I sometimes enjoy playing with them. I love Scrabble, especially, so ds10 often asks for that.

Us too! For some reason, ds9 is on a huge Scrabble kick right now. He's lobbying hard for it to count as spelling. But even though I remain steadfast, and even though I can't bring myself to let him win :o, he likes to play!

[mcconnellboys]

No, I don't find it hard, because I don't DO it, LOL! Well, they sometimes jump me and wrestle me to the ground, but other than that.... Hey, that's my husband's designated duty (and I think he loves it, too). We have to have division of labor, right? AND, I'm the one who TAKES them everywhere on all the great field trips and out to lunch, etc. We can't do everything.....

Regena

[GothicGyrl]

I guess this just proves how much of a freak I am.. when they are younger-- I LOVE playing imaginary games... My 3 yr old nephew and I will play guns, look for aliens and monsters in the house, play hide and seek, and just about anything he makes up.

We were watching an old tv show called "monsters" on sci-fi one day (yes, he loves that stuff), this was around halloween, so they were showing all the cheesy shows and he sat on my lap "comforting" ME as though *I* was the one afraid. :) Then we started talking about how if a "scary spooky man in a monster suit" came knocking on our door and didn't say "trick or treat", we'd kick his butt. :) And we'd use our "nana guns" to do it (bananas)...

I was like this with my older nephew and both my girls. My younger one has the more active imagination, even now.. but even when oldest was little, I did it.

Now board games bore me. :) That's DH's territory. But me--I'll wrestle them, teach them how to dance, fight them, run around the house screaming as loud as they are (thusly getting ME in trouble)... I just love having fun like that.

[j.griff]

You scare me :D

[GothicGyrl]

You scare me :D
I scare everyone except little kids, go figure. :)

[Chris in VA]

ROFL--You don't scare me--I think you're great fun, and I wish my dd had you as an adult in her life who would play.

[Michelle T]

I never liked imaginary games with DS, and I don't like board games, either. I'm just no fun at all!

Luckily, DS never wanted me to do much imaginary stuff with him, and DH likes board games.
Michelle T

[Sasharowan]

I can play spontaneous imaginary games as they evolve, but when they decide that we are playing a certain way and tell me my role, I end up getting yelled at for not reading their mind and doing it right. Two of mine are just getting into board games, the others are too young. We have fun with the two oldest when we can keep them from squabbling. My 6yo loves puzzles and we do those together occasionally. I can't do Legos or any other building type toys cause they always steal the piece I need to finish the great masterpiece.

[j.griff]

:D I mean you scare me cause I think a LOT like you.

[Elinor Everywhere]

I have to force myself to play dolls or that sort of thing (and I don't force myself often at all).
Are you the same way? boards.

I used to feel guilty because I loathe playing make-believe. Life is better now because the kids are old enough to play board games that I like, although I did used to play Candyland & Chutes and Ladders. Glad those days are gone!

I stopped feeling guilty when I remembered that neither my parents nor any of my friends' parents played make-believe with us when we were kids. Siblings did that, or neighborhood friends. My parents weren't even game players--my brother and I played all the time. And for what it's worth, my family is all very close and good friends as adults, so I guess we weren't damaged by it! ;)

[ajjkt]

I really liked reading this thread b/c I've felt so guilty lately over how much I don't like playing imaginitive games. And board games usually frustrate me b/c they cheat so much and are all sticklers for the rules.

Thank you ladies for making me realize I'm not the only one out there who finds it really hard to do this.

[Karen sn]

Then there is my daughter who really thought our school mission statement was, "Everyday is a tea party."

LOL!

[Heather in NC]

My 5yo wants to play UNO all. the. time.

Now I like UNO as much as the next person but we play at least 30 games a night.

NO MORE UNO PLEASE. :tongue_smilie:

[Jenny in Florida]

It's just not in my nature.

With my kids, I've always read aloud, done art and craft projects and outings, occasional activities like bowling, but I rarely just "play." I actually find unstructured play kind of stressful. I like things that have a goal.

I can occasionally be talked into a board game. And we spent the whole day last week at DisneyQuest in honor of my son's birthday. We had a blast, but that's enough for me until next year.

[ekarl2]

Something in Scarlett's thread about TV made me think of posting this question. I will always read to my child, but playing imaginary games and board games makes me want to run and hide. My Dad was always the one who played, in my family, and my husband is like that now. I've never really liked games, except card games. And, although I used to dress up as a child and played endless imaginary games with friends, I don't like doing those sorts of things with my dd7. Her brothers are much older, and often, she has me as her only playmate. I have to force myself to play dolls or that sort of thing (and I don't force myself often at all).
Are you the same way? Do you think of it as almost a self-sacrificing sort of thing when you do play this way? I just wanted to explore this on the boards.

TOTALLY! I love to read, play puzzles, etc., but I HATE pretending games. Thank goodness my husband enjoys them, our babysitter likes them, and the little girl whom I hire to be my mother's helper a couple times a week will play them ad nauseum. I just ... can't ... do ... it!:tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie:

[katemary63]

"I've been waiting my whole LIFE for you to do this with me!"

*drip, drip* Awwwww. We all love board games so that's not a problem. We play cards and dominoes often. My DH has even played Pretty Pretty Princess and won! Now that I have the last...DD8, it's pretty much anything she wants, anytime she wants it as far as spending time together. I won't miss a second of that pretty,pretty smile or a single hug or kiss. I'll do ANYTHING to get them! I don't particularily enjoy playing "tea party" or "animal safari" per se, but I love the interaction time with her and if I do my best to make her laugh her head off when she's with me. We have a grand old time!

[MamaT]

I can't do the imaginary play, but there are enough of them to play together without me. We do board games a lot, but even though I force myself to play, it's not my favorite thing. Over Christmas break we played board games with the older kids a lot and I enjoyed that - More adult games like Catan and Sophie's World. It's Connect Four and Trouble that I can only endure.

[Kessepha]

Neither one of us likes to play much with the kids... I love to cuddle. I love to do projects. I love to give them one on one time. But I don't play. I've even told the eldest "that's why you have brothers." But, particularly with my eldest, we've found some common interests and we go for those things. My second son has more common interests with his dad, so he's set to go. Third boy does great on cuddles and playing with big brothers. I take them to baseball games. And we do play baseball or cricket in the yard in nice weather (I'll play like that). My eldest has decided I'm his scooter riding buddy (that's why you have brothers) but I do have fun doing that, too. My second child likes to join me on walks. Goodie! I can use the company. Find what works and go with it so that everyone has fun.
And self sacrifice sometimes too; I guess that's good for us. *sigh*

[Julie Smith]

I don't like playing with my ds (3 years). He will often say "play with me". But then come up with boring games. :P Yesterday he had fun using a metal spatula to take the vent out of the floor and then talking into to his 'guys'. He wanted me to play by sitting beside and talking into the hole in the floor. He said if I was really nice he would let me have a turn to use the spatula and take the vent out of the floor. He happily played this game with a little varation for 30+ minutes. :confused:

I can play board games for hours. My eldest who will be 5 in May is a gamer. :) We have LOTS of games. We just introduced him to "Starfares of Catan" and he can understand the rules and play the game. He was even been the banker once.

I will happily go on all day bike adventures, play in creeks, wrestle, ... But please no pretend play. I didn't even get into that when I was a kid.

My boys can really get into a game. Right now they like to play "girls". When asked my eldest says he likes to be the girl because he is a boy all day long.

[eternalknot]

It's a bit trying with the under-3 set because they seem to want to dictate my role (not fun), but after we work through that little issue ... I love the pretend play. And even when I can't make myself 100% available, I can still pretend play but sneak in stuff that needs to be done around the house at the same time ::blush::. Or nap. I'm notorious for sneaking in a little snooze while pretending to be a mountain. Or anything LOL.

The only thing I don't like to play are puzzles. Those frustrate me. I'm a "make piles of outsides and insides, then proceed with one before the other" kind of person, but the kids are all "just throw random pieces together without any sense of order" folks so it never bodes well ;)

[joannqn]

I spent the first four years of my oldest daughter's life wishing she had been a twin so she'd have a playmate. I was thankful when my son was finally old enough for them to play together.

Then five years later my youngest came along. I realized right away that the gap would be a bit large to expect the older two to be always entertaining the younger brother. That's why I'm now pregnant with my fourth, to give him a playmate near his own age.

[lovelearnandlive]

I have a hard time with it, too. I'm SO glad that dds are now old enough to play together because dd4.5's imagination has really taken off this year. Now she has dd2.5 to go along with all of her adventures. :001_smile:

I really enjoy board games, but dd2.5 has a very hard time focusing long enough to finish one. She usually plays for the first half and then loses interest. I'm looking forward to the day when we can sit at a board game as a family and not have someone try to jump on the game board. :D

[Parrothead]

I won't play Barbie. On occasion we will get some funny imaginative thing going. A few months ago at bedtime, her bed was the USS Enterprise. She and her stuffed animals were the crew and I was the captain. We went to places like the planet Ice Cream and the Cotton Candy nebula.

Other than that the only things I like to do are play board or video games.

[MitchellMom]

I haven't read what everyone else wrote, but I just wanted to say, YES! I can play board games and card games - easy! We introduced dd to Uno and I love playing that! (Unfortunately ds is too young....) But as for imaginative play ... I honestly cannot stand it. I am SO glad to read that other moms have a hard time with this. I don't know what it is because I certainly was very imaginative as a child! :) Why can't I be now?... Maybe because I didn't really have an adult role model?... What I mean is, my parents worked all the time so they never, ever sat down and played with me. My husband has a much easier time doing imaginative play. In fact, I get so amused sitting down the hall and listening to him play with our dc. :)

[AndyJoy]

I was HUGELY into imaginative play as a child--my sister and I had alternate identities that we used for about 8 years! We never would have dreamed of inviting an adult to join in, however. I was the "imagination master" who created the world and most of the situations, and my sister and our friends played parts in the world.

I don't have kids yet, but I love playing "imagination" games with my neice and kids I babysit. However, my worry is that if I join kids' imaginative games too much, they will try to substitute my imagination for their own, expecting me to come up with things. Thus, I try to inspire them with general ideas, rather than actually playing an active part. I try to have a minor role on the fringe and get them to take off from there.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Something in Scarlett's thread about TV made me think of posting this question. I will always read to my child, but playing imaginary games and board games makes me want to run and hide. My Dad was always the one who played, in my family, and my husband is like that now. I've never really liked games, except card games. And, although I used to dress up as a child and played endless imaginary games with friends, I don't like doing those sorts of things with my dd7. Her brothers are much older, and often, she has me as her only playmate. I have to force myself to play dolls or that sort of thing (and I don't force myself often at all).
Are you the same way? Do you think of it as almost a self-sacrificing sort of thing when you do play this way? I just wanted to explore this on the boards.

I don't play. I'm an un-fun mom. Lonely kid or not, I'm an un-fun mom. I'll go for walks, go on outings, read to them, make crafts, roll play-doh, garden, do chores together, talk, cut up, giggle, tickle, sing, and cut out endless paper dolls. But I don't do board games and I don't do imaginary play with toys.

I will have the occasional tea party, as a "guest," but only once every two years or so. And only if she serves real cookies. :D

No guilt, either. ZERO guilt. I do plenty, but I'm afraid I'm just not a playmate in the traditional sense.

[Kalah]

I'm not a great playmate these days. I used to be fine when my first was little and would play endlessly with him. But, he's a lot like me. My little one though has a way of imaginitive play that I just can't get into. I'll read and play games but I find I'm so busy that I don't TRY to make time enough. Yes, I carry large bags of guilt with me. Every night I say I'll do better and some days I do. Other days, not so much.

[janainaz]

My older son (now 9) was very easy for me to play with. We are both very mental - we like games and the same sorts of things. My older one also would stick to the rules in games and was well beyond his years at a young age. However, my ds4 wants to play hide-and-seek and is a very active player. When he plays games he's got his own little plan and keeps you hopping and jumping-through-hoops. It is more difficult for me to play with him. His play requires me to be more physical and I have recently realized that I'm rather sedentary and always up in my head thinking about something. I do play and I do like to play physically, but not all day long!

BUT...the clock is ticking and these years are flying by and every day I pray that I can engage in the moment and connect with my kids the way they need for me to. Otherwise, I go to bed at night feeling like I've lost something and that I'm missing out. I want them to have their cups filled to overflowing.

[Caroline]

I don't do Playdough. I will do all sorts of board games, imaginative play, wear silly hats, hide and seek for hours, soccer, other crafts, you name it. But I cannot stand the smell or feel of playdough. Real clay is fine. I love real clay or model magic stuff.

[ereks mom]

I would play Barbies or baby dolls with EK when she was younger, but mostly, she would act out the scenario and I would dress the dolls. ;)

ER loved his Thomas the Tank Engine playset, so he would act out scenes from the videos. He would talk to me endlessly about what he was doing, and he liked for me to watch, but he didn't really ask me to join in the game.

Both dc loved for me to play board games or card games with them, or to put together puzzles. I always enjoyed that. I can't begin to tell you how many times I played Cootie, Don't Break the Ice, Candyland, Trouble, Hi Ho Cherry-O, etc., etc. with them. We all still love games.

[ereks mom]

Games I can handle better than imaginary games because my role is clearly spelled out

Yes, I never quite did it right, according to EK. I wasn't quite sure what she expected me to do in the game when we would play dolls.

[Tap, tap, tap]

I really don't play with my kids, never have. But I will do things with them. Doing art projects, sewing, cooking, going places like museums, OMSI, the zoo are all much more my speed with the kids.

[dwkilburn1]

I am so glad I am not the only one who has a hard time with imaginary play. We play board games and video games together nearly daily (and make up our own rules when the littles play), but the imaginary stuff is so hard to get into. I would rather read to them or go exploring in a park or something. Fortunately we have 3 kids and neighborhood kids, so imaginary play time abounds amongst themselves.