Men's opinions on women's hair

[JennifersLost]

I keep reading the same advice over and over again: If you're over 35, cut your hair. I have read this advice so many times over the last few months that I cringe every time I see myself because mine is still long. I understand that shorter hair is supposed to look neat, give you a lift, be more trendy, make you look younger, etc.....and I've been seriously considering a shorter cut.

So I mentioned that to dh this morning - and mentioned the "advice" I've been reading.

Oh, man....apparently I hit on a nerve, there!

According to dh, all this pressure on older women to cut their hair is a travesty. His exact words? "I walk around town seeing all these neutered older women." He feels that hairdressers have conspired to convince women that they need short haircuts that require maintenance every few weeks in order to earn more money. "It's no coincidence that they're telling older women who are at the time in their lives where they have more money that they have to get these haircuts," he says.

He also thinks it's meant to diminish older women's "power" - by telling them they're past the point of beauty that has a "sexual" connotation, (Long, swinging hair) and have to settle for cuts that label them as past their prime.

Now, before anyone gets a bee in her bonnet, I would never "dictate" what anyone else's hair should look like, and I think lots of women look great in short hair, but I do wish people would stop pushing their "rules" about who gets to have long hair and who gets to have short hair, and just let everyone have the hair they want.

It makes me sick that on every episode of the makeover shows the women have to get their hair cut short. The stylists never even TRY to make their longer hair more attractive, which it could be with some layers or a better cut.

I'd love to hear what other people think about this. My hair needs some updating and I plan a trim with more layers and bounce to it. It will still be long, however. When I'm 80 I plan to have a cascade of snow white hair.

So what do you think? Is it truth? A conspiracy?

[Amy in Orlando]

I think it's like a lot of things. Some women look great with long hair at all ages, some don't. I think a lot depends on your hair. I like having long hair, but it's just TOO much for this climate and for my hair type, not to mention expensive to keep the gray out!. I have a chin length bob right now that I love - it suits my hair (coarse, curly), my personality and my life (low maintenance). I think my dh would argue that I don't look neutered in the least. Of course, he's easy - when we first met my hair was maybe 2" at the longest parts lol.

I think you have to look at things like this on a case by case basis.

[tess in the burbs]

I agree!!! I just turned 35 and my hair very long....and I don't intend to cut it. I have thick naturally curly hair that has changed over the years with each pregnancy and thyroid issues. I could cut it but I have no idea if it would keep the curl or go straight. Seriously, the longer it is, the more wavy it is!

I too plan to have white/gray hair in braids when I am old :-)

My dh prefers long hair. I have cut it short twice in my life. He hated it both times and he would have cried if I wasn't already doing it.

do what you want!

[Sharon H in IL]

I don't think there is a rule that you have to cut your hair at any certain age. Someone with good looking, well maintained hair is a rarity at any age, imo.

When I was a young thing with waist-length hair I looked awful, because I had no one to tell me what to do to take care of it, namely add lots of heavy-duty moisturizer. Now I can have good-looking hair that's swingy & shoulder length. And I'm 46.

I sometimes want to go up to stangers my age and start their makeover right then and there! :p

[Kathy in MD]

hold a curl doesn't look good no matter what the age.

[GothicGyrl]

I am 35 and I have what's called a "boys cut" (very short in the back, long on top, almost spikey) and I disagree with your DH completely. There is no conspiracy whatsoever regarding women's hair.

The only reason they tell women over 35 to keep it short is due to health. If you are not a very healthy woman, reaching a peak age is going to make your hair very brittle and the chances of you going bald increase.

The reason why those make over shows insist on cutting their hair short is because you've got a bunch of women with Cher length hair and 3/4 of it is dead! Do you have any idea how much long hair actually weighs? I am glad that they make those women cut their hair off (and honestly you are exaggerating anyway because they don't cut it all off, they only cut the dead parts off and make the rest look nice), because the long hair the length I've seen some have is ridiculous.

I mean talk about needing a make-over, no offense but every time I see Michelle Duggar I want to chop her hair off! It's nasty. And the comb over psuedo 80's fluff she has has got to go.

Having hair that length is only good for one reason--those who biblically follow that mandate. If you don't, there is no reason to have hair past your rear end anymore.

:)

[Rhondabee]

I may have to frame your post, just to remind myself I'm *Not* crazy.

Baby, baby fine hair, too; but dh *loves* it long. I keep it longer than I'd like to please him.

Good thing love is blind, I guess. =)

[*anj*]

I have no preference as to how other people wear their hair.
I'm just jumping in here to confirm that JennifersLost is the same person formerly known as Jennifer the Good Witch of the West. Is that correct?:)

[GothicGyrl]

I have no preference as to how other people wear their hair.
I'm just jumping in here to confirm that JennifersLost is the same person formerly known as Jennifer the Good Witch of the West. Is that correct?:)
I believe that it is. :) Don't worry Anj--there's no troll conspiracy going on...;)

[*anj*]

I believe that it is. :) Don't worry Anj--there's no troll conspiracy going on...;)

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/%3Ca%20href=%27http://shop.fencing.net/Articles.asp?ID=131%27%20title=%27Fencing%20Equipm ent%27%3E%3Cimg%20src=%27http://www.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/happy/happy0007.gif%27%20alt=%27Fencing%20Equipment%27%2 0border=%270%27%3E%3C/a%3E
Can I tell you how annoyed I am that my little rofl guy will not show up here?
Now I need my little %#&*@! guy too!

No, no, I didn't think she was a troll. I've just been trying to keep up with the "old" people who have changed their screen names. :p

[Peek a Boo]

almost every guy I've talked to has preferred long hair --even gray long hair, lol. Yeah, some guys will not really care one way or the other, but if they are asked about a preference, it is almost always long.

There was a mom w/ long gray hair at our one act play competition -she had it in a loose french braid. It drew a LOT of "wow" comments that I overheard --from men AND women. Upon closer inspection [being the nosy broad I am] i noticed that her hair wasn't particularly "great" --just LONG! :-)

*I* happen to love my long hair. i do know dh would be severely disappointed if I cut it.

[GothicGyrl]

I happen to want my long hair back and I do like **well-kept** long hair.

Well-kept being the point that I was trying to make. Those make over shows are doing what they do because the long hair is long, scraggly, dead and not well-kept. Michelle Duggars is NOT well kept. Those people are candidates for the **snip snip**.

If you have long hair and it IS well-kept, I'm not talking about you. But I also think Crystal Gayle's hair was TOO long and considering she actually had to have hair handlers (yes, that's what they were called) to brush her own hair, it is a bit much.

Really, anything beyond mid waist is too long. I had hair down past my butt as a kid and I hated it. I was always sitting on it, getting rat's nests... If I could grow it to just my shoulders I'd be happy.

[Mamagistra]

Hm...to each her own. :) I would love to be the funky granny with silver braids, a crazy apron, and Doc Martens myself. Yet, at 40, I find that I look more attractive with shorter hair...even at a strapping 5'10". ;) My last foray into long lock-dom made my face look a bit down and found me doing little more than wearing it up. every.day.

Also, I suffer from coif boredom easily, so I change my look somewhat regularly. Longer hair requires a commitment to ugly in-between stages for me, and I usually opt out of that. I am thankful that dee-aitch is happy with me as I am, with any style that makes me happy and confident. :D

If you love it long, wear it, sistah! If you spike it, revel in it! If you love the beehive, do that...then share pictures...I love that style! http://easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-animal-smileys-361.gif (http://easyfreesmileys.com/)

[*anj*]

http://easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-animal-smileys-361.gif (http://easyfreesmileys.com/)

Okay, I'm sorry, but once again I find that I must interrupt this otherwise fine thread on the length of hair to say the following:

Why the "aitch" can't I get cute little things like that bee? Why is that when I paste in the code I see a little weird box and then after I hit "submit" there's no picture?
Waaaaahhhhh, Rickeeeeee!

[Diana in OR]

Think about people like Julia Roberts and those infamous Desperate Housewives (have never watched their show, but I know some of them are over 40, and have long hair and look fabulouse).

[GothicGyrl]

Think about people like Julia Roberts and those infamous Desperate Housewives (have never watched their show, but I know some of them are over 40, and have long hair and look fabulouse).
And do you have any idea how much they pay to look that fabulous? I certainly don't even have a dime towards that hair bill. :)

[momo4]

He also thinks it's meant to diminish older women's "power" - by telling them they're past the point of beauty that has a "sexual" connotation, (Long, swinging hair) and have to settle for cuts that label them as past their prime.


Unfortunately, when women get older, some like men lose their hair and have to wear it short and curled to hide their lack of hair. If you have long thick beautiful hair, you go for it girl.

My husband likes it long and natural, short and natural, and natural. He likes all the different women I have been over the years and thinks it is fun to see how I change in age and in fashion. I love him. :o

[Diana in OR]

And do you have any idea how much they pay to look that fabulous? I certainly don't even have a dime towards that hair bill. :)

Okay, you got me. But I'm just sayin'.....

[*anj*]

http://easyfreesmileys.com/smileys/free-jumping-smileys-606.gif (http://easyfreesmileys.com/)

I figured it out!! I was clicking on the little mountain thingy instead of the hyperlink one. I don't know why that would work, but it did!!!!

[gardenschooler]

The reason why those make over shows insist on cutting their hair short is because you've got a bunch of women with Cher length hair and 3/4 of it is dead!


All hair is dead, isn't it?

[Brigitte]

prefer long hair. I also think that one of the reasons a shorter cut after 40 is recommended for a lot of women is that their hair may be thinning. Thin hair generally looks better shorter (shoulder length or above).

[Doran]

I feel, sometimes, as though I'm way too connected to my hair. I know a woman who cut her very long, red (dyed) hair just to sever her connection to something that she found to be too centered in vanity. It's true -- I am attached to my hair. It is long (relatively), thick, newly-allowed-to-be-gray, and curly. My husband loves it, though he tested me for awhile after I started going dye-less, by saying things like, "Wait, I'm married to a red head. Where's my wife?" Our relationship is such that I understood him to be joking, to be testing my resolve, to be playing devil's advocate.

When I was 35, my hair was down to the middle of my back. It was a golden red/blonde which was very much enhanced by NatraTint (sp ??). I loved it, and I received many compliments on it. For the majority of my childhood, I wore my hair short. My father happens to prefer short hair, and he made it very clear that he disliked my hair long. When I was a senior in high school, I decided to let it grow out, and I've never gone back.

I am now 45 years old. A year ago, I decided it was time for the natural me to come out. I decided that it would be easier to make the change at 45 than it would be at 55. I stopped dying my hair, which had been going gray since I was in my late 20's. It has been a struggle to manage the color shift in conjunction with the length. I knew I'd have two-tone hair at some point, and I do. The bottom 6" is the "old" color, the top 8" is gray/brown. If I went "short", I could be rid of the bi-color thing. And, I don't love the way it looks right now. But, I simply could not bring myself to cut it off. It is my power (thank you to your daring, darling dh for saying that!!!!!!), and I'm not willing to let that go. It probably represents a vanity about me, but I'm not ready to change that. Elder Native American women had long hair. So did my grandmother. She kept it braided and pinned to her head, but it was still long. She brushed it out every night, and put it back in braids. It was beautiful.

About the time I started letting my hair go gray, I also realized that I began to wear it in an Up Do more often. It felt more together. It hid the two-tone. It felt regal, like my grandmother (minus the hair pins). Interestingly, the other day my girls and I saw a woman, who had to be in her 60's, working at a JC Penny. Her hair was nearly waist length, and blonde. It was not well cut, and it hung loosely around her body. I didn't like the look of it, personally, though I couldn't say exactly why. On a whim, I asked the girls on our way home -- "What did you think of the lady's hair?" Both girls said they didn't like it. I have long hair as do most of my female friends, many of whom are 40+. So, it almost shocked me that my children had such a reaction. I though maybe it was the culturally influenced old-fart in me coming out. But, apparently, for this particular woman, her hair no longer looked REAL. It looked like she was trying to be something she wasn't -- namely, young. Maybe that sounds judgemental -- not my intention. It was just an interesting observation for each of us to have made, independent of each other. We agreed that if she'd had it pinned up, or braided, we might have felt differently.

I know I'm rambling. Maybe we can have the best of both worlds? We can keep our long hair for as long as we want. If we decide that long, flowing locks are less appropriate to our overall appearance, we can tuck it into a braid, or a bun, a French twist, or a bear-claw clip, and look sophisticated and elegant. Then, we can let it down at night and draw our partners into our power!

Was there a point in there somewhere? :rolleyes:


Doran

[Plaid Dad]

I guess I must be an exception to the guys-like-long-hair rule, because I actually prefer my wife's hair chin length rather than longer. She is very petite, and her hair is super thick and glossy, so if it's too long it overwhelms her face. She also finds she is treated better, particularly by certain kinds of clients - okay, by middle-aged men - if she has a shorter, more "professional" haircut. Because she is so petite, she gets read as younger than she actually is, and long hair seems to add to that effect. That sort of thing shouldn't be an issue, but there it is.

I do know that for older women, fullness and texture are big issues. My mother had beautiful hair, but lost it during chemo treatments. A lot of ladies her age got perms to fluff up their hair when it grew back in, or just because their hair was thinning. (I'm lucky; when my hair started falling out, I just shaved my head and called it a "look." ;)) Of course, I'm not convinced that perm solution is helping matters any, but what do I know? As Mom used to say, "Bless 'em if they do, and bless 'em if they don't."

[MelodyInTx]

I have very thin, stick straight hair and short is best for me. I have the type of hair that the longer it gets the thinner it becomes so by the time it is waist length I only have a wisp of hair from breakage.

My hair does not hold a curl..[I have some Apache blood in me].....so straight is in for me all the time, regardless of the style at the time...LOL

On the 'plus' side, it does grow fast. I average 3/4 to 1 inch growth a month.

[Colleen]

I do happen to think older women look better with their hair shorter (not necessarily butch, but shorter). In general, I'm not into way long hair. But that's just my opinion, based on, well, my opinion. Why are you reading advice on the subject if you disagree with it? As for a "conspiracy", um, no. I think you and your husband are getting a wee bit carried away. Maybe turn off the makeover shows and don't get up into the comparison game.:)

[GothicGyrl]

All hair is dead, isn't it?
Okay, YOU got ME. :)

Yes, all hair is technically dead. However, there is a reason why they call it "dead ends". They split, they are nasty and they really affect overall hair growth.

I'm just sayin.....

Here's a great hair link: http://hair.lifetips.com/cat/61399/hair-products/index.html has all sorts of hair tips for fine, curly, long, short, etc...

[Lorna in the boonies]

I don't know about all men, but mine was always long when I was little because my dad wanted it that way. I now wear it about armpit length and it's the shortest I've ever had it (I'm 40).

I thought about going chin-length once. Dh just about had a fit. He strongly prefers long hair. If I were adamant about wanting to cut it, he wouldn't stop me, but he would definitely let me know his opinion.

(My mother's is about the same length as mine (she's 64), and hers looks great!)

[OnTheBrink]

I think some women look great with long hair, others don't. I think there are more factors to it than age. I think women should wear their hair the way it pleases them and their husbands, and no one else.

I hate those make over shows. If anyone ever turned me in to What Not To Wear I'd never speak to them again. I think telling others how they look is wrong is just, well, wrong!

[Tammy]

I agree.....I think most men DO like women with long hair. I have long hair....but I have it layered and styled, LOL! I don't think many women look good with short, short hair.

[JennifersLost]

I go away for awhile and people really get talking!

A few thoughts that pop into my mind: yes, sometimes my long hair gets snarled and skanky. It's best if I wash it first thing, put in a little "product", sweep the front half up in a barrette for most of my morning's work. Then in the afternoon I take out the barrette, the hair swings down and viola! It looks marvelous!

The problem is the days I don't do that....I'm trying to learn some more up-dos which I'll get better at with time. When I was younger I didn't like the way I looked with my hair up, but with age I guess I'm acquiring the "regal-ness" it takes to pull it off?

Some of my enjoyment of long hair comes from the fact that my mother always cut mine short as a child, and she's been on me ever since to cut mine off. I really think in her case any hint of sexuality in us (my sister and I) just leaves her cold. I really rebel against that.

Plaid Dad is right - I get little respect. It's not that I get hit on - and it's not a man thing - people of both sexes just always "take care" of me, wherever I go. I've always blamed that on me being short (and looking clueless, LOL?), but maybe my hair is a factor. I don't have a business-like cut.

Anyway, as I've said many times before - dh's hair is about twice the length of mine, and gorgeous. We sort of have a pact - neither one of us gets to cut it, and neither of us really wants to. I'll lop off 4 - 5 inches at a time to trim the ends and re-do my layers. It just grows right back and doesn't hurt the effect, anyway.

It's a lot of fun hearing what women think about their hair. And I envy the women who can pull off a short, tailored cut. My face just doesn't work with that and my hair is too frizzy. Long and wild seems to do the trick.

[Crissy]

I do wish people would stop pushing their "rules" about who gets to have long hair and who gets to have short hair, and just let everyone have the hair they want.


I feel the same way about men who connect a woman's sexuality to the length of her hair.

Mine is short. SHORT. And, well....:D

[Amy in Orlando]

I feel the same way about men who connect a woman's sexuality to the length of her hair.

Mine is short. SHORT. And, well....:D
:D
LOLOL - I'm thinking this has something to do with the shoe size argument?

[Chris in VA]

Doran,
I sorta "know where you are going." I have two "hair stories" to share.
I had long hair from 1st grade on--remember the "pixie" cut? lol Mine was cut THAT short, then allowed to grow for years and years, with the occasional trim.
When I was about 32 or so, I volunteered to staff a weekend retreat called, "Cursillo," which is an intense, short-course in Christianity. Right before, I cut my hair. It was like a right of passage, almost like a nun being shorn before making her profession--it was that intense. No one really understood how I felt about that; it wasn't just the cut, it was almost a change in my identity, in how I viewed myself--I even dreamed I still had the long hair. I shouldn't say "no one understood"--my mom knew how I felt. I sat across the table from her later that summer, and explained that I had cut it because it was time, and how it felt. And she reached out to me and said that she knew how important that was--I felt a rare moment of connection with her. Long hair had so defined me for so long, and now it was gone. It was my one feature I was proud of, the one way I felt pretty.
In a way, having my hair cut changed how I saw myself, and opened a bit of a new way for me to be. That sounds silly, but I was so immature. I based so much of my self-esteem, my core, on that hair.

I let it grow, and then got it cut again. I nervously approached my husband from the back as he tapped on the computer--I said, "Well, what do you think?" He replied, "Looks like mine." Coulda smacked him.

It's longer now. But I'll probably never let it grow as long as before. I base my identity on things far more valuable, and far less tangible now. It seems goofy that my hair ever meant as much as it did! Funny how I let those things matter. Guess I took a long time to grow up.
Oh, and I'm 45, too! lol

[TCoppock]

I keep my hair almost constantly pulled up in a bun. My hair is long and super thin. In the past I have thought about cutting it shorter however that would mean I would have to spend time doing it. I have grown to a point in my life where I am confortable being all natural no makeup and no hair dye.

[Scarlett]

[QUOTE=JennifersLost;33627] It will still be long, however. When I'm 80 I plan to have a cascade of snow white hair.QUOTE]


Me too! I do not want one of those 'old lady' hair cuts. Ever.

[Scarlett]

Once when I was in my early 30s I cut my hair short. Not spiked but REALLY short. I immediately started growing it back out. I just didn't feel like myself. That is the only way I can describe it. I only have a couple of pictures of me from that time, and when I see myself in them I think, 'hey that was really cute!' and yet I will never cut it short again. I just am connected to my hair. And it hasn't thinned out AT ALL as I've gotten older.

My mom lost all of her hair to chemo, but it has grown back thicker than ever and curly. She is letting it grow out. Up to the chemo she had kept it short. I think she feels some power in her hair now.

[CookieMonster]

He feels that hairdressers have conspired to convince women that they need short haircuts that require maintenance every few weeks in order to earn more money. "It's no coincidence that they're telling older women who are at the time in their lives where they have more money that they have to get these haircuts," he says.

All I can say to this is, "Yeah, I saw Elvis this morning, too."

I mean, c'mon!

On the topic as a whole, I've seen many older women who keep their hair longer. And I've seen many women of all ages who look incredibly sexy with shorter hair. So do what you like.

[Laura in VA]

I have short hair. I will never have "long" hair. I look hideous with long hair. Long hair makes my chin look like it goes down to my knees. I don't think the length of a woman's hair alone can make her attractive or unattractive. I've seen beautiful women with short hair and beautiful women with long hair. And if my husband ever told me he hated my hair short (which he never will, because he thinks I'm hot :D), I'd have to remind him that he didn't get a vote in whether or not his hair would fall out, and I didn't get a vote in whether or not long hair would be attractive on me. I only mention this because some of us shorter-haired ladies don't feel, look, or act masculine just because we have short hair! It's not about the hair, and if it is, then there is a bigger problem.

[Night Elf]

Everyone is entitled to their opinions of course, but I sure hate to think your DH considers me "neutered" because I prefer my hair short! I had long hair and I hated it. I hate the maintenance of having to wash and style and often ended up in pony tails or with a headband. I felt like a teeny bopper. I hate bending my head over and having hair falling all around my face. It truly annoys the heck out of me. So I got my hair chopped off into a very cute cut that I absolutely love. My DH thinks it's sassy and sexy! Why on earth would long, swinging hair be more sexy? I think your DH has a personal preference for long hair. I do not agree with his ideas. If you want your hair long, keep it long.

*LOL* What a way to start my day! FWIW, my DH completely disagrees with your DH's ideas as well. I'm going to be thinking of 'neutered' all day! Egads!

[T Baer]

I've had mid-back hair, shoulder length and short that was natural (african/asian hairtype), pressed, and relaxed. I've also had braids and cornrows, but never done the extensions or the dreds. I've seen some that are stylish and maintained very well. Much of my decisions have been based on my life style, attitude/mindset, time and finances.
Longer hair took lots of time and maintence. It took me 2 hours each washing to get it looking decent, esp if it's natural. This included conditioning, blowdrying and styling it. Or if I had a good book, I could roll it up and sit under the hair dryer for an hour or more. My arms and hands were tired by the time I got done.
Pressed hair only last until it gets wet or some moisture got on it and that too cost money as well. When I was younger, my dad paid for us (had 2 older sisters) to do this every two weeks. The time spent in the beauty parlor was all morning and into the afternoon. That is another story! Swimming was not, I repeat, not an activity you were involved in.
Relaxed Hair requires cost as you need to get the new growth relaxed at least every 6 weeks. Did I mention how long it might take in the beauty parlor to get this done?
Braids or Cornrows require purchase of hair, cost and time of (gotta say this) installation and your regular care and home maintence. Plus to keep this style, YOU have to take them out before your next appointment or I quess you can pay someone to do this. I've sat through at least one movie, just to pass the time while I took them out. Oh, and if you are reusing the hair, it make take longer as you are trying to be careful not to damage the hair. Again you are in the beauty parlor and there's that time factor.
Shorter hair requires frequent cuts, but the Hair Cuttery does well for me and so that cuts down the cost. Also my neighbor puts on the Relaxer for me for free!
DH has walked this hair care journey with me. And while he prefers long hair, he wants what's easiest for me. A happy and unharried wife, makes a happy home.
So if you've read this to the end, I am sure this was more than you wanted to know, but I thought it was good education. I could add the social aspects within some communities about the hair styles mentioned above, but will let that go for now.

[strider]

He was a little perplexed by the question. He has liked my hair in all its various forms, though he will admit a preference for it a little longer (shoulder length or so).

His much larger beef is "fake" hair. He doesn't think length is an issue--all different lengths can be flattering. He really, really doesn't like hair that has been shellacked firmly into place with hairspray. He's also not crazy about perms or straightening as that makes the hair dull or ratty. He thinks healthy, shiny, natural hair of any length is what's nicest.

BUT he was also careful to say he thinks the hair police are out of line and that women should just do what they like without worrying about it. :-D

[Doran]

BUT he was also careful to say he thinks the hair police are out of line and that women should just do what they like without worrying about it. :-D

LOL about the hair police. We could take that either direction, right? Those who think all women over 35 should cut off locks, and those who militantly disagree.

I think I like his final remarks the best...that women should do what they like without worrying about it...but I do sense that culturally, we are pressured by certain norms. And our norm is shorter hair for older women. The rest comes down to what works best for each individual - based on hair type, body type, facial structure, and, of course, personal preference.

Doran

[Sixmeadows]

I am 37, so i keep feeling like oh -oh it is time to go shorter. But my husband loves my hair. I think he generally thinks women look better with longer hair. I always loved seeing my great grandmother with a pretty bun pulled back from her face instead of a poodle doo.

Cheri

[nestof3]

My husband detests short hair -- any hair that is cut close to a man's style. He much prefers long hair.

[Rhonda in TX]

I have always preferred my hair short. However, right now, with an extra 30 or so pounds hanging around, I don't think I look good in short hair. So, it's just about shoulder length, with layers.

When my hair is long, it's just... big. The longer it gets, the bigger it gets. It doesn't seem to matter what I do to it. It's the texture and humidity. It's not attractive. I don't feel "powerful" with long hair. I feel overwhelmed and dowdy. Ugh.

DH doesn't like my hair when it's really short. Otherwise, as long as it's styled neatly, he's good.

[JennifersLost]

I did not mean to offend anyone with this subject. I think there's a huge difference between women who cut their hair short because that's the style that brings them the "power", and women who cut off their hair in a knee-jerk fashion because they think "I'm too old for that".

And poor dh, who has no idea that I've typed this and offended women all around the world in his name, would be the first to agree with that. His personal preference is for long hair, but I'm sure he could rattle off a number "exceptions" to that rule.

Long winters and low sunlight are hard on everybody and we live in a northern town just recovering from years of recession. People age hard here. And I see what he's saying - there are a lot of people, both men and women, who have simply given up on their appearance.

I walked around yesterday looking at all different people and I think it's mostly about making an effort. The people who obviously got up and spent a little time putting themselves together look good. The ones who didn't, don't. It's that simple.

So, please - don't walk around today muttering "neutered, my a**!" Just take a minute to say "Did I bless myself and my family by taking a few minutes to play with my hair?"

You all know I'm not particularly religious, but I do believe all of us are incarnations of love, and love is beautiful. It does no harm to let that beauty shine.

[Mekanamom]

Edited to add: oops, this was supposed to be a response to the original post... still learning how to use the new boards... sorry! (How does one move their posts, anyhow?)

My criteria for my own hair:

#1: It must be long enough to pull back so that when I'm working with the horses, the wind can't blow it into my eyes. (Longer hair also has the advantage of less of the dread hat hair effect when I wear my riding helmet or baseball cap.)

#2: It must also be long enough to keep the back of my neck warm in the winter.

#3: It must also be long enough to clip up off my neck in the summer.

#4: What DH or anyone else has to say about it comes in last... I do consider it... other people's opinions just have less importance than the above three criteria.

Function and comfort come first. Then style and maintenance. I don't color; kind of the like the sparkly white strands coming in. :o I go a long time in between cuts, but the ends don't get very yukky because I almost never blow dry it, or hot curl it. It's got layers to make it less boring. It's got enough length to do something "different" with it if I go out somewhere fancy or if I'm in a wedding or something. Generally, I just try to take good care of it and keep it healthy with a sort of benign neglect approach. I put it up a lot while homeschooling, just to keep it out of the way. I am closer to 40 than 30... and I seriously think that a person's hair should fit their lifestyle and not the other way around! :D

Speaking of weddings & hair, I am a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding coming up, and we're all going to Salsa dance. DH and I are taking lessons (really fun, btw!)... and I am finding that you can totally use your hair as kind of a dance enhancement. :eek: LOL! I've never really danced before, so it's a new revelation to me.

I really have no opinion on other people's hair. Does it make you feel good? Does it not drive you crazy? That's all that matters. If you like your hair, then I like it too.

[lovemyboys]

Hijack here -- you've kept the same board name, but what is your avatar? I just can't make it out, lol! tia

[chickenpatty]

My dh prefers relatively long hair, too. He doesn't like it as much when it gets more than half-way down my back, but likes it no shorter than an inch or two below my shoulders.

He thinks (and I don't necessarily agree with him on this) that short hair makes women look fatter and often looks like helmets!

[Danestress]

I'm thinking that

1) Cutting and dying your hair both do make women look younger, in general. However, it's interesting to me that looking younger is such a great goal. Why is that? Why don't we want to look older so that we look wiser, more mature and have greater social status? Oh. Right. Because in our culture, older women are marginalized and discounted. That bothers me a lot more than the idea that there is a conspiracy to get women to cut their hair in the first place.

2) I'm conflicted about the idea that beauty supposedly equals power and cutting your hair as a woman apparently means reduced power. I think that's what you are getting at. Why is a woman's power dependant on sexuality? I don't feel mine is - neither within my home, my marriage or my workplaces, when I work. Regardless of what I do, I will in fact become truly old someday and I think that ought to give me MORE power not less, but it won't of course. I'm not going to keep my hair really long though, in a pathetic attempt to be a 70 year old bombshell.

3. There is short and then there is short. I personally don't like super short haircuts on most women. But I also dislike really long hair on most women - especially as they age. Most women really do look better with hair about shoulder length (at the longest) at some point. In my opinion.

4. My husband likes my hair sort of long. But he hates finding shed hair all over the place, and I hate it too. When we were first married he made a joke about the hair all over the bathroom, and I was mortified. I guess having had no brothers, I felt really bad about this. So I cut my hair super short. I'd never done that before and I didn't really like it, nor did DH.

5. I'm thinking of Nora Ephram saying in "I'm Not Happy With my Neck" that the really great thing about dying is that you never have to fix your hair again:)

[KidsHappen]

I prefer longer somewhat softer curls. So I grow it out and then go and get it a cut and perm. The problem is that when you go in with somewhat longer, straighter hair they never cut it short enough or curl it enough so I end up with a cut that neither one of us likes. I haven't had my hair done in a way that I like in at least 5 years. I think the problem is that they are afraid of making it too short or curly so they err on the side of caution and I end up with medium length puffy hair instead. I just paid $150 to get my hair done about 3 weeks ago and just ended up with a shorter version of what I already had. I like it alright now but it takes me an hour to wash, blow dry and curl it and it has to be done at least every other day. I am going to go and get another cut in about month. Maybe if they are starting with shorter hair then they won't be so so skittish about going short enough. And then in a few months I can get another perm. :mad:

[momofkhm]

DH does like my hair long and that is part of why I want ot grow it out. BUT the reason I started it on the growing out thing is I ran a marathon. The thing going through my mine the first 3 miles was "My hair should be in a ponytail. It's not because it's too short." I have run in short hair, but there is something about a ponytail flying in the wind, swaying from one side to the other. Also, if my hair is in a ponytail, it's not on my neck getting me hot. Although right now in the cold weather (HA! it's almost 70 right now) hair on my neck is what keeps me warm!

[JennifersLost]

Were you asking me about my avatar?

It's a picture of Boadicea (Boudicca) the first century Queen in Britain who led a rebellion against Rome.

Now that was a woman with hair! Even Tacitus remarks on it if I'm remembering correctly. Supposedly it was a reddish-golden color and long and thick. The fact that she was a woman leading a rebellion was both shocking and, I think, intriguing to the Romans.

I read about her in a book by Rosemary Sutcliff as a very young girl and always loved the name and the idea of a sword-wielding woman (even though she wouldn't have actually fought in a battle - supposedly women of her tribe were trained to defend their homes when the men went off to war.) When I finally had my daughter I planned to name her Boadicea. What a surprise when she was born with red hair!

And, to several others - when I say women's "power" I am actually referring to their sexual power. Of course we have other sorts of power - the power of our personalities, our values, our actions, our intentions, our strength, our wisdom, etc. I'm talking about our actual sexual power - in a good way - not as a way to snare men or cause problems; just as a way to be our good, old sexual selves. We get to be that no matter how old we are.

[Quiver0f10]

I wanted to jump in and say I recently saw a picure of Michelle Duggar and she had he hair cut and styled. She looked wonderful! Hopefully they wll do a new show soon so you all can see her.

[Audrey]

I think it's a conspiracy, but I don't know who is perpetrating it. I'm *ahem* close to 40 and I'm not chopping off my hair. It is below my shoulders but not particularly long.

I hate seeing women with the girl version of a brush cut. It's not attractive. It may be easy to care for, but it doesn't look good. on. anyone.

My husband also hates the short trend on women. His comment was, "It just feels a little rude having to always check for t*ts to tell if I'm looking at a girl or a guy." This is especially true in winter where everyone is so bundled up. Lots of women don't wear any makeup around here either. :rolleyes: That's another can of worms though.

[JennifersLost]

good - now you're husband can be the bad guy for awhile, LOL!

I think you've been in Canada longer than I have. Just how are you supposed to look sexy in these darn puffy winter coats? I have long hair and I still feel neutered from about the end of October through March.

[GothicGyrl]

I wanted to jump in and say I recently saw a picure of Michelle Duggar and she had he hair cut and styled. She looked wonderful! Hopefully they wll do a new show soon so you all can see her.
You mean the poofy puff was gone? Hmmm, off to google... :)

[Volty]

You should wear your hair to please yourselves. That said if I ever meet a man that prefers short hair on women, he'd be the first. I love my wife, I'd be disappointed if she cut her hair and I told her that, but it would be her decision.

She does what she wants anyways, pulls it back which I don't like but is just easy. I always compliment her on her hair when let lets it down.

As for me, I keep my hair short. It's too curly. When I got out of he Army I was really bitter and tried to grow my hair long to look like Ronnie Van Zant. But it had other ideas, it just poofed out into a white mans' afro and I looked more like Art Garfunkle or Lyle Lovett. So I cut it. Could suffer a worse fate, I still have a full head of hair with no gray and I'm 36.

[JFS in IL]

but back in the day I was a much lighter blonde than I am now, and got more than one comment about "why do women think they have to go so light" from GUYS as I would be out and baout minding my own business. My first reaction was to think "you dolt - this is real" (which it was/is) but then I'd get really angry and think "You %^&hole dolt - what gives you the right to comment on other people in public!"

[Mrs Mungo]

My hair is very naturally curly. Even though it's past my shoulders, it looks short....especially since moving to Hawaii. It really looks much shorter now due to the humidity. But my husband actually does prefer short hair on women.

[Jenny in Atl]

I just think mine looks awful short or long :(. But hubby does like longer but does not care what I do... cause he loves me and not my hair. :D That said, I have had it about neck-to-shoulder length over the last 10 years.

[kdeno]

I have friends with short hair that looks stunning on them. I have a friend with super short spikey hair and it highlighted her beautiful face.

I would go with what my husband likes

[Tia in Wa]

My dh likes hair longer. I cut mine last year because my Dr. said it would help with migraines. It didn't, but I discovered curls! :D So now I keep it just below shoulder length so I can have it both ways. :p

I think that there are some women out there whos faces just look better with short hair. Some look better with long hair. I once worked with a woman who wore a crew cut. It was the wierdest thing and not the slightest bit flattering but she liked it. Who am I to judge?

I do think it is sad that our society places that thought in the heads of older women. I was a caregiver and took care of many elderly women who felt they were too old for long hair. :(

sorry for babbling:p

[Tia in Wa]

I forgot
I also plan to be a very old woman with lots of white hair.:)

[Tami]

and I don't give a whit about anyone's one-size-fits-all advice.

If my hair every gets thin or goes gray, I will likely cut it into a funky, short style.