Bored 13yodd is frustrating the *%$# out of me... (longish vent inside)

[Amy in TX]

I could so use some perspective on this. We live in a suburb where there are no friends within walking distance and I simply cannot drive her somewhere to be entertained every day. Her sister and brother have activities such as karate and scouting that I drive them to several times a week. They are younger and play together at home also.

My 13yodd refuses to join any clubs or group activities b/c she doesn't enjoy that type of organized activity. Well and good; I'm the same way. However, I entertain myself in other ways (mainly reading & chores!). I am not bored.

But dd doesn't want to do anything else except be taken shopping or to the movies or to friends' houses. When her schoolwork and chores are done and computer time (1/2 hr. per day) is used up, she tends to either lie around or ask to be taken to the mall! She likes to read, but limits it to Harry Potter or Twilight/Eclipse, and won't read anything else.

Yes, I do give additional chores when she whines that she is bored. But she is generally either doing required activities like school or chores, or unhappy because she's not at a friend's house or the mall. Shouldn't people generally be occupied in either work, rest, or something that they enjoy? I've made a lot of suggestions for pastimes, and I keep a lot of art supplies and games in the house. I'm willing to take her to *do* some activity like the other dc do, but I'm not willing to take her to the mall or movies several times a week!

Just really frustrated right now--I want her to be happy and I also want her to take responsibility for the use of her own time.

Sometimes I think we should either live on a farm with so much work that no one has time to be bored, or in the city where there are activities within walking distance.

This is a good, bright, responsible girl who is very happy as long as she is either hanging out with her cousins/friends, or doing her school work. But in between, she can reduce me to tears with the whining & nagging.

Sorry this turned into a long vent. If anyone can offer some perspective I'd be grateful. Thank you!

Amy

[DKinTX]

I can totally relate. I don't have any solutions for you, but I just want to say ARGHHHH! with you, and commiserate (sp?).

[Cadam]

She needs a hobby. I might require one. She can research handcrafts exc. for a week and then she has to choose something. Write a novel, build a fort, learn to sew or scrapbook pictures of her and her friends.

[Lux Et Veritas Academy]

How about a service related activity! Maybe reaching out to others is the best answer

[Amy in TX]

All are greatly appreciated. I was feeling so stressed when I posted, but have calmed down :o). Some constructive ideas to think about here. Thank you!

[readwithem]

I know you said you're calm now :) but I was going to also suggest a hobby - my 16 yo dd has really gotten into cross stitch lately. You might also encourage her to take up an instrument.

It sounds like your dd is an extrovert (mine is NOT though she handles social situations well:) :) - maybe she could invite her friends over to play some games? I also like the idea of a service project. If you're in Houston I can give you some ideas :)

[gardenschooler]

I'd sign her up for a sport, and tell her it's mandatory PE. Exercise makes a huge difference in my dd13's outlook.

I also agree with getting her involved in some type of service work. Maybe there is something already organized, that you can get her involved in?

It sounds to me like she really is bored, with not enough to keep her busy. I would insist on 1-2 things for her to be active in weekly. She'll like it after she's used to it, and it will get her out of her slump.

[Amy in TX]

Totally agree about the exercise. I require 30 min. per day and she usually chooses the treadmill. But I have been thinking that that's not cutting it & that something harder would be better.

[Amy in TX]

Thanks, I'd love some ideas for service activities in Houston (I'm way north--just south of Tomball).

I don't think she's necessarily an extrovert. Her objection to organized activities is always "I don't want to do that with a bunch of strangers!" She *loves* being with her multitude of cousins and close friends, though.

:o)

[Amy in TX]

Whoops! THis was supposed to go under Gardenschooler's post. (Still getting the hang of the new format. :o)

[readwithem]

Oh well I'm close in near Rice....

I was going to suggest the hospitals or MD Anderson Children's Art project - my dd helped there some a few years ago. We also usher at AD Players a lot, maybe there is a theatre group near you (I know there used to be one on/near 1960). We've also done Harbor Lights (Salvation Army) serving on their food line, and helping the children with homework at Star of Hope (women's shelter) - I don't know what all is up there - you might check with the local high school, they may have a list of "service opportunities" for the students :)