Needleroozer
02-01-2008, 12:15 AM
Warning: This is gonna be long. I feel like I need to just vent (positively, though) and get this all out, but dh is away tonight. TIA for listening.
So you gals/guys know that we lost my nephew, C, Nov. 4th, right? Well, it so happens that his mom, my oldest sister, hadn't really talked to me much in the last 13 or so years. I had been very active in my nephews' lives up until then, and when my sister and I came into this place of no talking, I pretty much lost contact with my nephews. I didn't go to any of their graduations, send them bday cards, or anything like that. I saw them more in the last two years, and thankfully, even got to see C, about 2 months before he died, when he was visiting my Mom while on leave (He was in the Navy).
About 6 months before C died, I had a conversation with my sister, found out what her story about me had been, acknowledged my ways of being, and was really wanting to be close to her again. She still seemed a bit resistant, but more open that I would have thought. Definitely potential. After my nephew, C, died, I have helped my sister a great deal, bringing meals, helping to find places for C's clothing and household items, etc. And the biggest thing was that my sister, her dh, and my remaining nephew, S, all came to dinner the week after Christmas, and we had a wonderful time. I think they really enjoyed themselves. For her bday yesterday, I gave my sister a coupon to spend the day together, at an antique mall I know she loves. I am hoping she takes me up on it.
We are buying my nephew S's old car, as he is going to be driving C's fancy-shmancy sports car. The night he took me out to test-drive, I took him out to dinner, and we sat and talked and talked. I was able to tell him how guilty I felt for letting the rift between my sis and I create space between he and his brother and I. After talking, I felt so much better, and was able to let go of the guilt, and forgive myself. I really feel this family is going to be about to heal, and that I am successfully creating space in which that can happen.
So the rest of this is meant to be a blog post. I haven't posted it yet, not sure why. I think I started to feel uncomfortable putting in that last paragraph about the healing and stuff. I think S is reading my blog, and don't want to make him uncomfortable. So y'all can read it here, as I don't seem to have a problem sharing personal info with all y'all, lol.
Probable blog post:
Okay, here's the set-up: Yesterday was my oldest sister's birthday, and I had that little rough painting to give her, and she only lives about 15 blocks away from Piano Girl's teacher, so I stopped by there this afternoon and put her gift on her front porch.
I had just got back in the car and buckled my seatbelt, when who should pull up but my nephew, S (until I come up with a cool blog nickname for him,lol). He had just come from getting new brakes and tires on his old car (my soon-to-be new car), and had stopped by to see if his mom was home and could drive him to the car repair place to get his new car (his brother, C's car). So we followed him home where he dropped off his old car, got to have a tour of his house, and then dropped him off at the car repair place so he could get his new car. It was perfect timing and I was glad to see him and glad to be of service. And what happened next is what has had me smiling the entire evening.
As he was saying goodbye, he kissed me. Just like he always did when we said goodbye when he was a kid (We have always been a kissy family,lol). Just as if we hadn't been estranged for over 10 years. Such a small gesture, but so very special. You know how with some people, you can go for a long time without seeing them, but when you do, it is like you have only been apart a week? It has been like that with S, and I just feel so blessed to be a part of his life again. He is an amazing, inteligent young man, who is a joy to be around. I feel very lucky to be loved by him and to be able to love him back. It is wonderful to share in his life, and have him be active in his cousins' lives again- my kids adore him, and he and the Boy have a great deal in common. I think S may be the mentor/friend we have been seeking for the Boy for so long.
I think there may be another benefit here too- the grief we all feel as we deal with C's death is still painfully real and constant, but I think (hope?) it will help to be coping with it together as a family. My goal now is to be open and in communication with S's mom (and dad), and to regain her trust and friendship. Being able to talk to S, and to hear how he is feeling has been so helpful with this.
That's it. Thought I would share with you. Amazing how so small a thing can put an old auntie on cloud nine.
Ta Ta For Now
LB
So you gals/guys know that we lost my nephew, C, Nov. 4th, right? Well, it so happens that his mom, my oldest sister, hadn't really talked to me much in the last 13 or so years. I had been very active in my nephews' lives up until then, and when my sister and I came into this place of no talking, I pretty much lost contact with my nephews. I didn't go to any of their graduations, send them bday cards, or anything like that. I saw them more in the last two years, and thankfully, even got to see C, about 2 months before he died, when he was visiting my Mom while on leave (He was in the Navy).
About 6 months before C died, I had a conversation with my sister, found out what her story about me had been, acknowledged my ways of being, and was really wanting to be close to her again. She still seemed a bit resistant, but more open that I would have thought. Definitely potential. After my nephew, C, died, I have helped my sister a great deal, bringing meals, helping to find places for C's clothing and household items, etc. And the biggest thing was that my sister, her dh, and my remaining nephew, S, all came to dinner the week after Christmas, and we had a wonderful time. I think they really enjoyed themselves. For her bday yesterday, I gave my sister a coupon to spend the day together, at an antique mall I know she loves. I am hoping she takes me up on it.
We are buying my nephew S's old car, as he is going to be driving C's fancy-shmancy sports car. The night he took me out to test-drive, I took him out to dinner, and we sat and talked and talked. I was able to tell him how guilty I felt for letting the rift between my sis and I create space between he and his brother and I. After talking, I felt so much better, and was able to let go of the guilt, and forgive myself. I really feel this family is going to be about to heal, and that I am successfully creating space in which that can happen.
So the rest of this is meant to be a blog post. I haven't posted it yet, not sure why. I think I started to feel uncomfortable putting in that last paragraph about the healing and stuff. I think S is reading my blog, and don't want to make him uncomfortable. So y'all can read it here, as I don't seem to have a problem sharing personal info with all y'all, lol.
Probable blog post:
Okay, here's the set-up: Yesterday was my oldest sister's birthday, and I had that little rough painting to give her, and she only lives about 15 blocks away from Piano Girl's teacher, so I stopped by there this afternoon and put her gift on her front porch.
I had just got back in the car and buckled my seatbelt, when who should pull up but my nephew, S (until I come up with a cool blog nickname for him,lol). He had just come from getting new brakes and tires on his old car (my soon-to-be new car), and had stopped by to see if his mom was home and could drive him to the car repair place to get his new car (his brother, C's car). So we followed him home where he dropped off his old car, got to have a tour of his house, and then dropped him off at the car repair place so he could get his new car. It was perfect timing and I was glad to see him and glad to be of service. And what happened next is what has had me smiling the entire evening.
As he was saying goodbye, he kissed me. Just like he always did when we said goodbye when he was a kid (We have always been a kissy family,lol). Just as if we hadn't been estranged for over 10 years. Such a small gesture, but so very special. You know how with some people, you can go for a long time without seeing them, but when you do, it is like you have only been apart a week? It has been like that with S, and I just feel so blessed to be a part of his life again. He is an amazing, inteligent young man, who is a joy to be around. I feel very lucky to be loved by him and to be able to love him back. It is wonderful to share in his life, and have him be active in his cousins' lives again- my kids adore him, and he and the Boy have a great deal in common. I think S may be the mentor/friend we have been seeking for the Boy for so long.
I think there may be another benefit here too- the grief we all feel as we deal with C's death is still painfully real and constant, but I think (hope?) it will help to be coping with it together as a family. My goal now is to be open and in communication with S's mom (and dad), and to regain her trust and friendship. Being able to talk to S, and to hear how he is feeling has been so helpful with this.
That's it. Thought I would share with you. Amazing how so small a thing can put an old auntie on cloud nine.
Ta Ta For Now
LB