How do you tactfully advise moms of pre-schoolers?

[Colleen]

I have a lot of friends who are younger than I and in the early stages of parenting. Several of them are approaching the schooling years with great anticipation. Their oldest child in some cases is only 3 or so, but they're looking into schools, reading up on homeschooling, buying resources, and so on. It's all very foreign to me because I didn't put nearly that amount of mental energy into what ~ to me ~ seems pretty simple. I'm getting an increasing number of questions put to me as to how to go about teaching "X", which program to use for "Y", etcetera. In my heart of hearts what I really want to say is just, "Stop rushing it, stop overthinking it, don't complicate the simplicity of life as a 3 or 4 year old child." But that kind of response goes in one ear and out the other. They don't want to hear it. Their child is so into learning and they really aren't pushing they just think some structure will be nice and so on and so forth.

So, okay. If you had ~ or have ~ moms of littles coming to you seeking this kind of advice, what do you say? Do you have certain resources you recommend? If your approach is more akin to mine, do you just encourage them to keep it simple? Or...?

[Chris in VA]

I think I understand both experiences--I was so gung-ho and excited about homeschooling, and I knew I needed to go slowly!

If they MUST have some resources named, I tell them Saxon K is a nice preschool program, and I encourage them to take lots of field trips, read a ton aloud (if dc enjoys it) and play with puzzles and blocks. Basically, I tell moms of littles to enjoy the time, and not push reading or writing. I try to show them (if it gets that far) the stages of writing, and explain how block play progresses (random play, fill and dump, towers, enclosures...).

It's hard, isn't it, to be further along and see folks make the mistake of rushing and pushing their littles!

[Lori D.]

... If they really want to "get into curriculum", steer them towards Tammy Shaw's "Bright Beginnings" (see it at Rainbow Resource Catalog: http://www.rainbowresource.com/search.php?sid=1214523402-413492) It's a wonderful, REALISTIC, simple to put into practice preschool program -- that allows parents to "get their feet wet" with homeschooling, without stressing out a child. Much of the activities are those "play" skills children naturally develop -- stacking, patterning, fine motor skills like lacing, etc. It also includes those great pre-school songs and games, so it's really great parent/child time.

Just a thought! Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Maxine in WA]

I have a lot of friends who are younger than I and in the early stages of parenting. Several of them are approaching the schooling years with great anticipation. Their oldest child in some cases is only 3 or so, but they're looking into schools, reading up on homeschooling, buying resources, and so on. It's all very foreign to me because I didn't put nearly that amount of mental energy into what ~ to me ~ seems pretty simple. I'm getting an increasing number of questions put to me as to how to go about teaching "X", which program to use for "Y", etcetera. In my heart of hearts what I really want to say is just, "Stop rushing it, stop overthinking it, don't complicate the simplicity of life as a 3 or 4 year old child." But that kind of response goes in one ear and out the other. They don't want to hear it. Their child is so into learning and they really aren't pushing they just think some structure will be nice and so on and so forth.

So, okay. If you had ~ or have ~ moms of littles coming to you seeking this kind of advice, what do you say? Do you have certain resources you recommend? If your approach is more akin to mine, do you just encourage them to keep it simple? Or...?

When I've been in this position, I just relate my experiences with my kids. I may say something like, "The one thing I regret most is not relaxing more." or "The one thing I've learned is to try to relax and enjoy it more...maybe spend more time just reading good books and playing educational games." I sometimes offer to let them see my curriculum, especially if they are newbies, and may give them a catalog or two (like Sonlight's). Then I just let it go at that until they are ready to ask more specific questions.

[nmoira]

So, okay. If you had ~ or have ~ moms of littles coming to you seeking this kind of advice, what do you say? Do you have certain resources you recommend? If your approach is more akin to mine, do you just encourage them to keep it simple? Or...?The best homeschooling advice I've ever received is this: Don't spend weeks or months now on what can be accomplished literally in minutes later. We won't get a second chance to read and tell stories, play games, do nature walks, etc. when they're young. Those are the things that really count.

Because my oldest is noticeably advanced, I'm occasionally asked how I did it. I didn't, she did, but I usually refer persistent parents of youngers to Charlotte Mason and suggest that "even though it's for a bit older kids, they could do a "modified" approach without formal narrations." That basically leaves stories and nature walks. :)

Edited to add:

Hypocrisy alert: My oldest is strongly academically inclined, and we did to some formal work earlier than I would recommend for most children. Although, aside from math, it was for the most part Charlotte Mason lite as described above.

[JennW in SoCal]

Before I had kids I worked at a store that sells curricula, school equipment and toys, and we naturally had many customers who were simply parents looking for materials for their kids. I can't tell you how many parents would come in with infants, I kid you not, looking for the best reading program for their little bundles of joy. We on the staff would talk about the joys and benefits of simply reading aloud while snuggled up together, and we'd show them picture books and board books. Those parents would leave in disgust. They wanted those flash card programs that were all the rage back in the 80s, and the owner of the company refused to carry them!

One time I had a couple who came looking for a toy to teach their toddler about prepositions because he used the wrong words all the time. We had no such toy, so I suggested they make a game with video cassettes and the VCR, as they said that was the child's favorite thing in the house. I suggested they say " Where is the video? Is the video in the machine or on the machine? Is it next to the machine or under it?" And they also left the store in disgust because they felt such a lesson needed to be learned through a toy designed specifically for such lessons.

You can talk, you can post thousands of posts on the K-8 board about the joys of simply enjoying those early years. You can suggest the John Holt books -- Learning all the Time is it? You can talk about your experience and point to your children as exhibit "A" (and hope your kids aren't being too much like typical kids at the time) because you want to be able to say "See? I didn't worry about a perfect program when they were little and they are thriving!!"

I know I obsessed about silly things with my first child -- I was determined to put him in a music program at an early age for some strange reason. I also know how poorly I took advice from experienced moms, so I guess now its my turn to get dismissed!

But back to that store I worked at. People were stunned that there were no included instructions for building blocks!!! "How will the kids know what to do?"

[Jill, OK]

When I've been in this position, I just relate my experiences with my kids. I may say something like, "The one thing I regret most is not relaxing more." or "The one thing I've learned is to try to relax and enjoy it more...maybe spend more time just reading good books and playing educational games."

My mom is (generally, lol) great at this; instead of giving straight-out advice, just talk about your own regrets...and successes.

If they're really eager to learn from others' mistakes and triumphs, then that will be enough. If they're not, then...I don't know that it would do much good to be blunt/straightforward about your thoughts. (They're going to do what they want to do, anyway.)

And in some cases...it might truly be okay, and they may just be going about it differently than you/me.

I don't regret the way I've done things/plan to do them again...but I also know some conscientious moms that went about it differently, and don't have any regrets, either.

[Sandy in Indy]

I'd recommend a reading of WTM. There's pre-school suggestions (as I recall)....

[Jill, OK]

I'd recommend a reading of WTM. There's pre-school suggestions (as I recall)....

If someone with a three-year-old was asking, I'd not only recommend reading WTM, but Charlotte Mason, Maria Montessori...a lot of things. In their spare time.

For the next two or three years. :)

That way, they'll be getting a 'big picture' idea of what they really want to do, and some concrete ways of doing it.

If I'm remembering correctly, Colleen, you didn't do a lot of that sort of reading, but someone who's eager to research (or do something, right now) might get to scratch that itch with some general investigating (rather than looking for specific curricula, when it could all be different in three years).

[Liza Q]

I tell them to use this time to research and think through their educational philosophy. Learning about different approaches to homeschooling and deciding which to try and which to avoid is more productive than researching specific curricula.

Then I use my oldest as an example. She is going into her senior year and about 95% of her high school studies have gone according to a plan I made when she was 6. Since I am using many books and programs that were not in existence when she was little, I would have been spinning my wheels back then, searching for the perfect thing 5, 8, 10 years in advance. And I mention that my educational philosophy is something that undergirds all my efforts - through illness and death, unexpected pregnancies, fluctuating financial situations - and keeps me on track!

Then I notice that their eyes are glazing over - oh well. They asked - and maybe a little germ of what I said will stay. Maybe!

[KAR120C]

There's nothing wrong with telling what worked for you at those ages, and how lovely it all is, and how much you miss those simple years and the nature walks and the cuddling. I would have loved to hear that when I was starting out. What I got instead, more often than not, was condescending and rude.

So I would go with what Maxine said -- share what worked for your kids, what you miss about it, how lovely it was... and if you think it needs to be said, how well it prepared the kids for everything that came later. All those cuddly afternoons on the sofa with a stack of books really do help with the learning-to-read process later on. All the messes made with bins of rice, or measuring cups in the bath, really do give them mental "pegs" on which to hang math concepts. You can tell them how after all that wonderful happy playtime it was a breeze to change gears and make it formal.

For all that, what I tell other parents really is very much the same thing you might. Read every single picture book in the library. Ten times if you like them. Start on the nonfiction shelves and read all about ferrets and Mt. Everest and raindrops and whatever catches your eye. Set up the easel on the deck and bring out the tempera paints and the smock because you have such fond memories of that tempera paint smell from when you were a kid. Go to the zoo and actually spend a whole morning just watching the chipmunks if that's what he wants to do, and don't worry that you never got to the elephants.

When DS was tiny-tiny I made up a list of weekly themes, just so we'd have something new and I didn't have to re-read the same favorite books every. single. day. So airplane week we went to the airport and watched the planes taking off and landing, and bought a page-a-day paper airplane calendar and used up half the pages in one afternoon. That was a blast. Yes I was putting more thought into it than it really needed, and yes it was commented on pointedly by other moms (with I'm sure the best of intentions), but we had really a lovely time, and it was absolutely perfect for us.

...Which leads to my main advice for parents of littles, which is get to know your child really REALLY well. That's the one you have to teach, and it doesn't matter one bit what worked for someone else or even everyone else because you get just that one. If you really know your own child, you don't push because you recognize when they've had enough (or if you're really good, about ten minutes before they've had enough! LOL) You don't over- or under-structure because you recognize the rhythms they already have. You teach them "where they're at" and not where you think they ought to be, and you encourage their interests and strengths while supporting them through their struggles.

The biggest mistakes I've seen people make have nothing at all to do with being "too early" or "too late" or "pushing", and everything to do with not recognizing the unique little person who is at the center of it all.

[Rosie_0801]

The quicker they get the info they want, the sooner they'll feel able to relax and realise that they really don't need to do mountains of desk work with their littlies. If they're that enthused, they probably already do this, but if not, it's a good idea to draw up a table with grade down one side and subjects across the top. Once they've filled the table in to their satisfaction, they'll start toning down. So, try answering their curriculum questions with age range built in. "X was a fantastic program, I really recommend it, but I wouldn't start it until grade 1 (or whatever) because of XYZ." Explaining the "dangers" of beginning anything too early is more likely to dissuade these types of mums than "oh relax and enjoy them." So try and teach them how to know when the right time to start a subject is. When they are babies we decide they're ready for solids when they start swiping our lunch. They're ready to start reading when they start badgering you to know what that, and that, and that, and that says. Or whatever you noticed when your kids were developing.

Taking my own advice and filling out my table, I've been able to really clarify the type of education I want and how I want to accomplish it; my personal education theories. I know I'm going to change my mind but the exercise has given me a lot of awareness of what is out there. So far I've been surprised to find the only subjects I'm insisting on at year 12 level so far are English and comparative religion. I've also found that I don't intend to start "proper" maths until grade 1, and a lot of my Prep (most of you will call it K, I think) and pre-school stuff are books to introduce concepts or terminology, like the "Math is Categorical" and "Words are Categorical" books. Maybe that's a good way to encourage your young friends to view pre-school. It's not about learning anything in particular, just becoming aware that it exists and what to call it.
:)
Rosie- one of those *ahem* over-enthusiastic mothers. My kids are 14months and minus 6 1/2 months. I'm a Capricorn, I like to plan in advance ;)

[LizzyBee]

When my oldest was 4, I bought Bob Jones preschool curriculum. As it turned out, I didn't like the Bible curriculum at all, so we barely used it. But I liked the rest of it. I don't remember the name of it, but it was just one big spiral book that included math concepts, some literature, crafts, etc.

We didn't "do school" every day and we weren't really structured about it. We didn't even do the whole book. But dd loved it and was constantly begging for more.

[Kareni]

A book that I would recommend in this situation is Jim Trelease's The Read Aloud Handbook. (It's one I like to give to parents of newborns as it really stresses the pleasures and benefits of reading aloud to children.)

And, if they persist with their questions, I'd suggest that they read all the homeschooling books and magazines that they can get their hands on; it's a great way of seeing different ways to homeschool and giving one food for thought.

Regards,
Kareni

[Janice in NJ]

I used to share all of my latest-n-greatest curriculum finds. Oh. My.

I try not to do that anymore. :001_smile:

I recommend books like Honey for a Child's Heart - books that will reintroduce (or introduce) the momma to the world of children's picture books and reading aloud - the joy of interacting over ideas. I learned so much about the difference between a GREAT author and a good author when my kids were little. And I slowly but steadily learned so, so much about me, my children, and education with those short-n-colorful 32 page tomes. :001_smile:

I also recommend that the momma focus the rest of her energy on HER education. :001_smile: Instead of focusing too much on reading about hsing, I encourage mommas of little ones to begin studying history, literature, philosophy, rhetoric, and science on their own. There are umpteen ways to do this; a short conversation with the momma usually yields hints to a starting point that I can suggest.

Studying these subjects is very different from planning and organizing a study of these subjects - in both the execution and in the outcome. In my case, self-education made things clearer while studying the many, many (and ever broadening!) paths of homeschooling usually left me anxious and muddled - especially when I WASN'T homeschooling. Too much time spent pondering options. Not enough time spent doing the work. I spent SO much time deeply exploring paths, both methods and specific curriculum, that NEVER worked with my kids. Wasted time!

Once the momma progresses toward mastering the content, she is free to turn on a dime with the homeschooling method or the latest-n-greatest materials... the programs that haven't even been published yet. :D

For me it has been time well spent!

Peace,
Janice

Enjoy your little people
Enjoy your journey

P.S. Someday I will remember to post under the OP... sorry!

[Alice]

In all honesty, I probably am one of those Moms you are talking about. :) Part of it for me is my own personality. Part of it is being excited about the concept of homeschooling now that we've decided on it.

Frankly, I find the comments to "relax, enjoy your littles" helpful only a bit. I know he's only little once and I appreciate that....but as fun as this age is it also can be frustrating and lonely for me. Do any of you with older kids remember amongst all the talk of reading books and nature walks the loneliness of only having people under 5 in the house to talk to all day? Do you remember how it felt to get nothing done ever, to say the same thing over and over and over again, to DO the same thing over and over and over again? I LOVE my kids and I LOVE being home with them but I also think Moms of teens sometimes paint a rosy picture of the preschool years. Or they tell me how much harder it's going to get when my kids get to be teens, which isn't very helpful either.

It's the same feeling I get when I'm on the phone with my mother and the kids are running around shrieking and the house is a mess and I'm trying to scrape something together for dinner and I make a comment about being tired or stressed...she'll say "Oh, one day you're going to miss all that mess." Well. Yes. That is probably true. But not particularly helpful right NOW.

Here's my reality. We read all the time. We have overflowing bookshelves of picture books and go to the library at least weekly and several times a day snuggle up on the couch or in bed or in a big chair and read. We play with play-doh and clay and paints. We go on walks and garden and look at bugs and interesting leaves. We swim in the pool and go on bike rides. We go on nature walks (thanks to Chris in VA!) and go to the zoo and go to the musuems and the farm and the nature centers. My son spends a lot ofo time playing with Legos and dress-up clothes, and creating machines out of whatever is lying around.

But do I also have a lot of books on curriculum and spend time here even though I probably don't need to? Yes. Do we do some "school"? Yes. I readily admit that I probably have done too much formal with him, and his younger brother will benefit from my learning that lesson. But I also think that most of what we do is fun and adds to his days. I have to admit that when I ask a question and people tell me to relax I get defensive too and say "well I'm not pushing, we're just doing it for structure, he loves it, etc". Becuase I think like most moms I don't want to feel judged and when someone tells me to relax what I hear is "you are doing the wrong thing and hurting your son." Not that that's what the person is saying but that's what I hear. Plus when someone tells me to do "nature walks and art and read to him"...I feel like screaming "I KNOW that. I DO that." You have to realize that as a mother of littles that's about all I hear from moms with older kids.

I recently posted here about some issues with teaching my son to read. Every response I got was about relaxing. Which for some reason this time seemed to sink in more. So I've backed off with him and think it was good advice. But even so, reading the responses I felt very defensive. In all honesty, I think I listened this time not because the advice was different but because my gut was telling me the same thing.

What is helpful to me is mostly to have someone to listen. I have some close friends who homeschool with older children and I do like to talk to them about it. Part of it is that everyone else around me at the pool or playground with kids my own age is talking about preschool and kindergarten. And when I mention homeschooling those conversations stop. I talk to my homeschooling friends just to hear what they are doing and to get ideas....but mostly just to have a friend to talk to. If I was you I would mostly try to listen. And then say something like "It sounds like you are doing such a great job with your child. You are going to be such a great homeschooler whatever curriculum you choose. " Then ask them what they are using/doing. Then if they really want to know a certain curriuclum just tell them what you do and then turn the conversation back to what they do....just let them talk.

[Jen in NY]

I remember being completely juiced and overly obsessed about my eldest daughter coming home. I cringe when I think about the hours we spent at the schooltable when she was 7 & 8. :001_rolleyes: Now my third is 8, and I have the opposite issue going on.... I need to crack down and get a little more serious with him - unless Lego and Playmobil can somehow morph into a third grade curriculum :001_smile:

Jen

[Janice in NJ]

I think I hear you, Alice.

Yes. I do remember having no one to talk to. In fact there was no internet to speak of either. I do remember. :001_smile:

I generally did not listen to folks who told me to "relax." I too found it condescending. My own personal journey has helped me to understand what those words could have meant for me, but the words themselves provided little direction for me at the time. In fact they made me feel that I wasn't being understood. That advice made me feel even more detached and misunderstood - one of the worst forms of lonely.

The parent of the teenager probably has the same desire to talk and be heard that you are feeling. In my case, the desire is stronger - not weaker. I seldom get my "turn" to really talk during most of the hsing conversations that I've had in the past few years. (Seriously - YEARS!!!!) I've learned how to ask the right questions which generally allows the other person the opportunity to expound on their knowledge and explore their questions. I try to listen and then gear my side of the conversation towards the topics that the other person wants to address. I spend a lot of time talking about methods and curriculum.

It can get lonely. :001_smile:

I just wanted to throw that out there.

Peace and grace to you and yours,
Janice

Enjoy your little people
Enjoy your journey

[Alice]

I think I hear you, Alice.

The parent of the teenager probably has the same desire to talk and be heard that you are feeling. In my case, the desire is stronger - not weaker. I seldom get my "turn" to really talk during most of the hsing conversations that I've had in the past few years. (Seriously - YEARS!!!!) I've learned how to ask the right questions which generally allows the other person the opportunity to expound on their knowledge and explore their questions. I try to listen and then gear my side of the conversation towards the topics that the other person wants to address. I spend a lot of time talking about methods and curriculum.

It can get lonely. :001_smile:



Thanks for listening Janice. I appreciate hearing this perspective also. I'm not sure I am sensitive to that for my friends who are homeschoolers with older kids.

I hope I didn't sound like I was ranting in my previous post. I was thinking about my post and realizing it may for Colleen and others with older kids like I feel with my 21 yr old niece. I see her making the same mistakes I made and I just want to tell her what I learned from my mistakes because I care about her. But she of course can't see beyond being 21 and when I do give her any advice obviously she sees it as condescending and annoying.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could take the wisdom we gain and go back and do things over? Although I woudn't want to be 21 again....;)

[Janice in NJ]

I hope I didn't sound like I was ranting in my previous post.

Alice,

It definitely didn't sound like a rant to me. :001_smile: I think that you offered up a valid perspective - very valid as far as what I remember from the many, many conversations that I can recall from when my children were little.

It is very possible that many people advised me to heartily pour myself into my own self-education. In re-reading books like TWTM, it was all there at the time; I just didn't see it or hear it. Homeschooling really has become a marathon for me. In the beginning, I eagerly approached it at a sprinter's pace - focusing on the first 100 yards. A strong start seemed to be the most needful thing; I didn't give as much consideration to the finish line as I should have. It seemed to me that a strong start would guarantee a strong finish. My own experience and my discussions with others doesn't seem to affirm that assumption. I've spent the past few years working backward from my own personal finish line; it's been a better path for me.

I wish that I had spent more time exploring some of the upper-level content. That's all. But it's really no biggie; all's well. Life really is grand.

Hopefully by the time you arrive at the highschool years, there will be more flesh-n-blood folk in your neck of the woods who are eager and enthusiastic to delve into deep discussions about the content. I'll be jealous. :D

Peace,
Janice

[LoriM]

I absolutely share your approach...I suggest routine, reading, and relax. GRIN.

I always tell young moms to establish routines in daily life. Bedtimes. Naptimes. Mealtimes. Days of the week for laundry and housework. Quiet time for themselves, and for the children. Authority. (Nothing will aid your homeschooling process later than obedient children NOW.)

Then, READ. Read books for yourself, read books aloud to them. Put books for them in every room of the house. Cuddle. Read. Read some more. Read it again. Watch the movie, then read the book. Sing the songs. Recite the poetry. Read, read, read.

Finally, relax. Love your babies. All too soon they are grown. It amazes me the things that my daughters learn in spite of me, and teach to me, now that they are independent learners. GRIN. Sure, we laid some foundation, but now it's like a runaway train. And I didn't have to panic or agonize...time marched on and they were loved, and they are successful.

[Laura K (NC)]

All three of my kids were different and had different needs in preschool. My oldest loved to sit and work in workbooks, so I got him into a preschool program that was fairly scheduled and had a good amount of seatwork. He loved school. My middle child was no happier than when he had blank sheets of paper and a crayon in front of him or when he had some kind of building material (legos, blocks) and action figures that he could role play with. My youngest just wanted to run, take apart, wrestle, put together, and pester his brothers. :)

I started my educational philosophy when I began choosing preschools for my sons, and homeschool, which I've done now for 8 years, was never even on my radar. Each of my kids' preschool experiences were different based on their needs. When the uniformity of public school struck me as something less than ideal for our needs, I began to really think what it was I wanted my kids to know and how they should be taught. Once an educational philosophy is in place, then the whole world can be adapted to schooling, and a parent can be as rigorous or relaxed as they like within the framework they believe is ideal.

This is kind of a nebulous two-cent answer, but advice really can only go so far, no matter who is giving it. This is what younger parents don't know but older parents do. It has to be worked out on your own or else not considered at all -- in which case the public school is the easiest option!

[Christine]

So, okay. If you had ~ or have ~ moms of littles coming to you seeking this kind of advice, what do you say? Do you have certain resources you recommend? If your approach is more akin to mine, do you just encourage them to keep it simple? Or...?

Oh, it's not just Mom's of littles! I've got people asking me for kids of middle school and highschool.

And I despise giving advice! Especially when it's something so "personal" as homeschooling.

The "best" people have gotten out of me is a couple recommendations of methodologies.

My cousin is getting frustrated with me because she wants me to hand her a full program that she can use with her middle schooler (and I don't know him). Like that could possibly happen!

So, I'm looking for advice that says something akin to "Leave me alone!" and "I don't know!". . .but "nicely". ;)

[Laura K (NC)]

Frankly, I find the comments to "relax, enjoy your littles" helpful only a bit.

I don't think it's helpful even a little bit, especially to those who ask who wouldn't ask if they were not worried. :) Relaxation comes to me after the groundwork is laid, or I'm comfortable that the problem is either solved or I can at least see how to solve it.

I also think it can be taken in a condescending way, as if it hadn't occurred to the mom with the questions to actually enjoy her children or to relax. :)

[Laura K (NC)]

My cousin is getting frustrated with me because she wants me to hand her a full program that she can use with her middle schooler (and I don't know him). Like that could possibly happen!

This is a time where you want to tell a mom, "hey! do your own work!"

Your cousin must have a high regard for your homeschooling. :)

[Chris in CA]

When this happens to me I try to share my experiences. Try to point out the opportunity they have for having fun, nature walks, field trips, exploring the world with young dc that becomes harder to find time for later. Unfortunately, they usually don't want to hear that, but one day if/when they are on the verge of burnout - they may hear your voice saying "take it easy and have fun they're only young like this once"

[CAMom]

I absolutely share your approach...I suggest routine, reading, and relax. GRIN.



Lori, I love your "3 r's"!!:iagree: I tried to give you a positive rep for this post but, apparently, I have to give it to others before I can give it to you again.;)

Alice, I hear what you're saying. I really do. But, if I may offer...I am a mom of "older kids" and I am also the mom of a little one. I still say, routine, reading and relax.:lol:

Really, truly, it goes by in the blink of an eye and there is so much time and opportunity later for all of the structured learning you can stomach.

I am sitting here right now across from my 2 year old (he'll be 3 in Sept.). He's got on his adorable "Gone Hiking" shirt and is "reading" a book to himself. He looks so much like his older brother did at that age it's like dejavu. Only, this time, I am taking time to stop and smell the roses.:)That's not to say that we don't do anything structured with him. I do.but it's more structured play than anything.

We moms of olders see so many moms of littles striving to cram an entire elementary education into kindergarten. We hear them ask for advice but, when we don't say what they want to hear, they dismiss us.:confused: With experience comes wisdom and part of maturing is learning to listen to the wisdom of others.;)

Anyway, it sounds like you are providing your kids with a very learning rich environment. If a mom of littles like you were asking for my advice, I would say, "Don't change a thing! You're doing great! Add in the academics later when you have to.":)

To answer the OP's question, I try to tell them to relax but my experience is that moms of pre-schoolers or K-3ers (speaking very generally) really don't want to hear my actual advice.;)

[Perry]

I would recommend WTM, researching different approaches to homeschooling, and hanging out on this board. I would also recommend this interview (http://www.childrenofthecode.org/interviews/risley.htm).

I don't have a problem with people wanting to be informed and prepared. I wish I had had a chance to look into homeschooling earlier. I wouldn't have wasted valuable time on curricula that I didn't like if I'd started researching sooner.

[Greta Lea]

Recommend *anything* and *everything* by Ruth Beechick (she's written a lot that is geared to families with preschoolers) and The Read Aloud Handbook. Also, Before Five in a Row, even if all they end up doing is reading aloud those books.

[Brindee]

We moms of olders see so many moms of littles striving to cram an entire elementary education into kindergarten. We hear them ask for advice but, when we don't say what they want to hear, they dismiss us.:confused: With experience comes wisdom and part of maturing is learning to listen to the wisdom of others.;)EXACTLY! I don't mind at all that they're asking for advice! I think it's great they're excited about their children and their futures!

BUT, I have seen intelligent little ones given so much--because they love it, they want to learn--that they burn out by the time they're 8! At first they DO love it! But often little childrens' interests change. When they change, though, we don't really allow them to do that. They were "ahead" in math when they were 5, so we want to push them to be "ahead" in math when they're 6. But maybe NOW they want to explore animals and bugs. But we don't realize and often don't acknowledge that they're not wanting to do math so much anymore. So we get frustrated and they get frustrated............. That's just one example I've seen.

One thought that I can't get across to them, is that their child is very intelligent, learning vast amounts of things, as do most preschoolers. It's AMAZING what they can learn and pick up, and so quickly too! That doesn't mean to put sit-down bookwork in front of them everyday. It means they love learning! Follow their lead! teach them about what they ask about! Take walks, talk about bugs and leaves if they ask. Just don't say, "Okay, we need to go back in and do math now!" Why do you HAVE to go back and do math now? They WANT to talk about the pretty leaf they found! They have sooooooo many years of schooling ahead of them! They WILL have a time when they need to get that schoolwork done, but at 4? or 5? They learn so much with hands-on play! It builds and helps things connect in their brain and keeps them excitedly learning. But being FORCED (and I use that term broadly--meaning more making them go through a whole curriculum at that age, whether they're interested or not) to do bookwork when they want to be playing is hard on them and could make them resent the schoolwork.

I hope I'm not coming out as harsh! I love learning, and helping my kids learn. My younger two were able to explore and learn that way....and they're doing GREAT now! They're not behind in any subject!

I just think, since there are so many years ahead to go to school, let them be little, fun-loving, excited kids for another year or two! :001_smile:

[frogpond1]

who was teaching her 3 year old to read. The best thing I ever did though was read every book in the library on educational philosophies etc. I made my decision early on what I agreed with and it hasn't failed me yet. Don't worry about them ruining their child by pushing too early or too fast. When they get going, then they will see if it can go as planned or not. We all learn our own style and many of my friends will never be as fervent and driven as I still am. I just always have to remember that my style is not everyone elses and my children aren't either.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I give people our experience. I was one of those people with an advanced, work-book-ish 3yr old. Though I believed in "better late than early," I justified my other thinking as "well, but she is reading and doing 3rd grade math!

Now, I'm usually not that detailed, but say that I went ahead and got a curriculum for my daughter at 4 and she rushed right through it. I learned very quickly that she was learning SO much just from life, exploring, interests, etc. Formal schooling wasn't necessary for any reason in these young years.

I encourage people to learn about developmentally appropriate practices for young children (ages 3-8; available at any college bookstore). I encourage people to really enjoy these years because they do grow up so fast. I encourage people to think about how much they've learned WITHOUT formal materials. I encourage people to be creative in encouraging the learning their young children are doing.

And I assure them that my daughter didn't fall behind by us taking those years (and in our case, many years).

And people who know her now know she's very bright and capable. She's a good testimony to not rushing or worrying in the early years. I joke how those 4 months of schoolishness didn't hurt her, just weren't necessary.

And people are going to do what they're going to do. I was on the old AOL boards when my daughter was 3 and 4. I heard what they said. I even believed it to an extent. But I was so sure Kimberly was "different." Well, she may well be in some ways, but regardless, being schoolish isn't necessary with a preschooler.

[Colleen]

I've enjoyed reading all these replies. I think those of you who recommended simply sharing my own experiences hit the nail on the head. It's not intention to force anyone to duplicate what I did or didn't do, but in order to communicate effectively and honestly, I can only speak of my reality.

I wouldn't be comfortable encouraging mothers of little people to read TWTM because it actually isn't what I consider required reading at that stage. I'm grateful, in fact, that I didn't come across it until I already had some homeschooling experience. Likewise, I didn't feel the need to explore an array of educational philosophies and programs, so it wouldn't make sense for me to point others in that direction.

Ya know, I seldom talk about homeschooling with the many people in my "real life" who homeschool. We all seem to pursue this in such different ways. I'm not overly interested in what they're doing, and I don't expect them to be interested in what I'm doing, either. Perhaps that's why having up-and-coming homeschoolers seek my advice feels a bit awkward. It seems, superficially, like they're genuinely interested in what approach I've taken ~ but I get the sense my answers don't satisfy them.

CAMom summed it up well: "We hear them ask for advice but, when we don't say what they want to hear, they dismiss us...I try to tell them to relax but my experience is that moms of pre-schoolers or K-3ers (speaking very generally) really don't want to hear my actual advice."

I can understand what Laura K is saying in that people who seek advice don't merely want to be told to "relax"; that can feel condescending to be on the receiving end of that. I actually try to avoid that word ("relax") for that very reason. But LoriM's "routine, reading, and relax" is the best advice I can offer. I'm glad I posted about this, though, because hearing some other ideas and perspectives is helpful. Thank you!:)

[manylilblessings]

You know... I usually just humbly share my own experience with burning out my 5yo oldest son as an eager homeschooling Mom. I share that my good friend told me I could homeschool Kindergarten in 30 minutes a day. I share that I thought she was an idiot. And finally, I share that really I was the idiot! 5yo's need the same stuff as 4 and 3yo's. Snuggle time, time to dream and discuss their thoughts, time to get dirty, time to be introduced to nature, and time to be read to.

My 2nd child, a daughter, was ready for more formal schooling earlier than her older brother, so I followed her lead. My 3rd child, a son, was clearly not ready for formal learning this past year, while he was 5. But, then, one day, he told me he wanted to read. We started with some letter sounds, within a week he was a reader. He writes me all sorts of letters during the day too. Today's was, "I LOVE MY FAMILY". He loves capital letters. They look important. My 4yo son isn't ready yet. He loves legos and being the king of the world. Great... I'll catch him when he's ready.

I just share my regrets. They speak louder than my opinions. And, ultimately, they might fall on deaf ears. But, they might also be a seed which grows later, and is better understood with time. Like my good friend's words. 30 minutes a day. She's a genius. :001_smile:

[Tokyomarie]

Colleen, without reading all the replies thoroughly, I'm not sure if this has been mentioned, but one curriculum I WOULD suggest for pre-schoolers is Before Five in a Row. I sure wish this had been available when my oldest was a little one. It wasn't around until my youngest was small. What I loved about Before FIAR, and then FIAR was its emphasis on using literature as a jumping off point for learning lots of things. It gently taught me how to see ideas and topics in a story and use them to create a web of learning extensions- all in a very gentle way. It is so totally non-pressure with respect to academics but small children learn to love good literature (of the picture book variety) and enjoy a special time set aside for learning.

[Christine]

but one curriculum I WOULD suggest for pre-schoolers is Before Five in a Row.

Isn't that funny. . .

I bought that on the suggestion of MANY others (for my youngers) and it made me want to yank my hair out!

Now, possibly, that is because I had already done my first set in such a way that worked. Or maybe I'm not one to deal with change well (being military and all). Or maybe it was because I had older children. (Some curricula, I've come to decide, is excellent for those just starting their journey.)

Yes, I'm afraid when it comes to questions like these I tend to want to hunker down and hide.

[Farmgirl70]

I think you're on the right track in sharing personal experience. I was so excited to start schooling my young ones. They enjoyed it for a little while and then slowly I learned to ease up--they were not ready for so much so soon.

We did enjoy Before Five in a Row and Five in a Row a great deal. The books were wonderful, the activities engaged the kids and gave me the sense that we were "accomplishing" something (not that they needed it, but I was so eager).

I might also pass on some book recommendations for parent reading on homeschool approaches. It might be a good time to think about personal philosophy of education....

[Pamela H in Texas]

I do encourge people as above, but when pressed, I do say that I like the approach of FIAR (never saw the first one and a 3 yo can do the reg one). That with minimal math and reading if mom just must do it won't overdo anything and still leaves plenty of opportunity for the learning preschoolers and young children are supposed to be doing (regardless of what level they are at--FIAR can easily be leveled up or down for, I dare say, ANY 3-8yo).

Most of the time I try to be non-committal but with some people, you may be able to give a more specific idea based on what you know of them and what they know of you. Of course, I'd never suggest a full curriculum for any young child as it's against everything I believe and know....and based on my experience completely unnecessary.

Most importantly, I think it's time for the MOM to be learning (developing a philosophy, learning things she'll later want to teach or help her kids with, etc) while allowing her kid to be, learn, do, etc.

I think it also helps that I had children on each end of the spectrum.

[Jan P.]

I would suggest that they spend plenty of time outside playing with children. Introduce them to trees, flowers, frogs, lizards, and the rest of God's beauty. I wish that I had read copious amounts of nursery rhymes to my dc. It would have helped my middle child. Rhymes help with children hearing phonemes which is the basic of reading. Start teaching little songs or poems for them to recite. Even something simple like Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Do loads of handicrafts. Using scissors and crayons develop fine motor skills. Don't forget to play ball such as throwing a big kickball back and forth to child. This develops eye-hand-coordination. Playing outside will help too. Walking on top of a log and balancing or jumping hop-scotch would help with balance. My youngest loved playing store and making little puppet shows. They could reinact a story that you read or tell to them. Give them tons of dress up costumes. Man, the sky is the limit!

Have fun!!! If they want to learn their letters, then do it in a relaxed way such as drawing in a sandbox.

Jan

[tristangrace]

In most situations, it's fairly easy to find a tactful way to express one's real opinion. A key ingredient in tact is sensitivity to the individual you're speaking with--if you can find out what's really driving the questions, you can answer more accurately (and stand a better chance of being listened to in turn). And obviously you are trying to be sensitive, or you wouldn't have raised the question! I'd just caution you against the assumption that all "those" mommies "don't want to hear" the advice they're given.

If the mom of a three-year-old asked what curriculum you'd recommend for, say, science, and you don't recommend using any science curriculum for a three-year-old, you could simply say, "I don't recommend using a science curriculum for a three year old. I liked XYZ Science Curriculum, but we started that when Billy Bob was 11 years old." Then I'd add something like, "However, the fact that Billy-Bob and I loved XYZ Science Curriculum doesn't mean it would work for you and Susie-Ann." Then I'd ask the mom what her family's educational philosophy is. If she can't articulate one, and she seems eager for a homework assignment, give her some tips on how to form one and send her on her way. If she can articulate one, and it does involve delving into serious academic work with a three-year-old, then I'd say, "Our philosophies are too different for me to offer practical advice." If she can articulate one, and it doesn't involve delving into serious academic work with a three-year-old, then I'd tell her "You'll have a better chance of knowing which science curriculum is right for Susie-Ann when she's closer to the age you'll actually be implementing it."

I think that approach would be helpful and informative, and it involves no assumptions about where the mom is coming from, or whether or not she needs to be told to relax.