Socially awkward situation: Now what do I do?

[DollyM]

Okay - here's the deal: Months ago, the dad of my kid's sport-mate invited us to a bbq at their home, with "details to follow." I put it on my calendar but as the day got closer no mention was made of any details.

I had expected to see the man at the sports club many times (that had been the pattern) but with gas prices I recently joined a carpool to get my kid to the venue so my personal appearances at the club were sharply curtailed the week prior to the event.

In the end our paths didn't cross, the day of the event came & went, and since we didn't have their address nor phone, we had no way of knowing where to go (I looked in the hard copy and online white pages but their name is common and I only had a vague idea of their location.)

Last night was the "day after the scheduled event." I thought I would apologize for missing the group bbq but when he came he was pretty cold and he left while I was engaged with the club owner in unrelated business.

Should I canvas other parents to discover if the event even happened? Should I ask the man directly? Should I push my kid to ask his friend about it? Nobody (no other kid-players and no other parents) said ANYthing about the event to me at all - they never had - I sensed that not EVERYone at club was originally invited and people didn't want to bring it up and offend those who hadn't been included ---- but WE HAD BEEN... and yet...

Sigh: Hive mind: what do I do now??

[Marie in Oh]

and that the even was on your calender and you were planning to attend. Then apologize for the mix up and move on. Life is too short to be upset about a BBQ.

[Gretchen in NJ]

and that the even was on your calender and you were planning to attend. Then apologize for the mix up and move on. Life is too short to be upset about a BBQ.

Great advice.

Gretchen

[DollyM]

Yes, obviously this would be good - I guess I 'm just nonplussed about his cold demeanor last night and the missed opportunity to apology last night - now, it's harder. Sigh.

Would you "casually mention it" in front of other parents (who may/may not have also been invited or may/may not have attended)? If I wait until the conversation will be totally private it could be weeks.

Ugh. I'm stressing unnecessarily over this - there are other underlying issues that I'm not going to go into, but I do want to be gracious about this. Blah. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

[Plaid Dad]

You don't need to feel guilty for missing an event if the host didn't get back to you with the necessary details. The ball was in his court. Either he messed up and forgot to inform you, the event was canceled (and he didn't inform you), or (unlikely) he decided against inviting your family when the time came. I would drop it now and only speak to him (privately) if you see an ongoing pattern of coldness toward you.

[Tammyla]

:iagree: The host is responsible not the guest for time and event details. I'd let it go unless he brought it up.


You don't need to feel guilty for missing an event if the host didn't get back to you with the necessary details. The ball was in his court. Either he messed up and forgot to inform you, the event was canceled (and he didn't inform you), or (unlikely) he decided against inviting your family when the time came. I would drop it now and only speak to him (privately) if you see an ongoing pattern of coldness toward you.

[DollyM]

Tammy & DAd - somehow your comments make so much sense to me - the host is responsible - of course. Thanks for the encouragement.

[summer]

It sounds like a sad situation. Perhaps he had expected you and lots of people did not show or call so he ended up with lots of left over food and an empty place. Not sure. I would just apologize and if it is the end of season, give him a personal gift or something, something little, to thank him for all his hard work.

[FloridaLisa]

I probably wouldn't let it go because I'd always wonder . . . did he hand out a flyer that I never recevied? Did an e-mail go out that I didn't get? I would continue to try to talk to him so that you can put your mind at rest.

As for his coldness: maybe he was cold, maybe a bad day at work or home or whatever. Sometimes you can even misinterpret these clues (especially with men as they tend to be less communicative).

Do you have a phone number or e-mail address? If not, I would just try to talk to him the next possible time. Just be honest. You really did nothing wrong, you just want to ensure that you didn't miss anything and that no wires were crossed.

HTH. I hate feeling out of the loop!
Lisa

[Staci in MO]

I agree with the others, that it's the hosts responsibility to provide the details. If it were me, though, I would wonder if he thought he had told me, or had sent an invitation to my home that I had never received.

I would probably say something like, "Hey, I had the __th written on the calendar, because you told us to keep it open, but I never heard anything else. Was the date changed?" That's vague enough that if someone else is there they might think it was just a get-together between your two families, not a party that they weren't invited to.

I wouldn't worry that he had changed his mind about inviting you. If he actually gave you a date, he intended to invite you. I would guess that the party never materialized or someone got their wires crossed.

[ereks mom]

You don't need to feel guilty for missing an event if the host didn't get back to you with the necessary details. The ball was in his court. Either he messed up and forgot to inform you, the event was canceled (and he didn't inform you), or (unlikely) he decided against inviting your family when the time came. I would drop it now and only speak to him (privately) if you see an ongoing pattern of coldness toward you.

:iagree: