Robin Hood
06-21-2008, 06:46 PM
About a month ago I shared that my 9yo dd was treated meanly by 2 11yo girls during swim practice. She was shoved under water and then kicked around while coaches were working with other kids momentarily. I could see no reason for this except to be mean and the 2 girls are Mean Girls in the Bratt sort of sense. We informed the coach of the situation, tried to help dd with word usage to defend herself, and dh has made his presence known at work outs as well as me or some other female adult remaining in locker rooms at all times. They all seem to get along now.
My 2 dds are the only hs'ed kids in the group, which has not posed any problems with relationships with any other kids. They have made some great friendships. I only mention that because all the other kids on swim team do go to the same school together, our small town having only has one school. My dd has befriended one particular boy who 1 year older than she is. They are just kindred spirits, both being sort of odd in the same way. They are 2 peas in a pod and both his mom and myself were delighted they found each other because they are both little understood by their peers. They are hysterical together and speak each others language. It is nothing more than sweetness and innocense.
This week-ends swim meet has revealed that Mean Girl likes this particular nice boy. Beating up my dd didn't work so now Nice Boy's mom has informed me that Mean Girl has been being pushy with Nice Boy today, finally resulting in her grabbing him by the arm for a "meeting" to inform him he has to choose between her and my dd. :confused: I am so clueless, I never picked up on it all afternoon even after she told me. I was just glad that everybody was getting along. I finally caught on and observed the jealosy first hand when a life guard told Mean Girl to leave the younger kids alone while they swam in the kiddy pool when they were done with their morning meet. (Nice Boy and dd both swam in the younger session and played together afterwards and Mean Girl swam in the pm session being 1 year older. ) When she was told to leave, Nice Boy's mom said "Watch. She is there to moniter situation and she'll storm off now in jealousy." Nice Boy's mom was right. I saw it.
Now, how to handle it. Do I talk to dd about it, leave it alone and let kids have an innocent friendship, talk to Mean Girl???? Mean Girl lives with grandmother and does have bad influences in her life. I asked a couple of women who are close to the situation, including Nice Boy's mom, and got differing opinions and I am befuddled. I am not ready for this stuff but here it is. What do I say? I am horrible at words myself, but I can eventually get it out. Dh was raised with boys only and thinks I should handle it in a way that is appropriate for boys, which I don't think works for girls. I thought maybe I could mentor Mean Girl but dh thinks she won't get it so just leave her out of it. If I talk to dd about it, she might understand "why" it happened if nothing else.
She is my oldest, so it is new territory for me. Any of you BTDT mom's ~ tell me how it works.
My 2 dds are the only hs'ed kids in the group, which has not posed any problems with relationships with any other kids. They have made some great friendships. I only mention that because all the other kids on swim team do go to the same school together, our small town having only has one school. My dd has befriended one particular boy who 1 year older than she is. They are just kindred spirits, both being sort of odd in the same way. They are 2 peas in a pod and both his mom and myself were delighted they found each other because they are both little understood by their peers. They are hysterical together and speak each others language. It is nothing more than sweetness and innocense.
This week-ends swim meet has revealed that Mean Girl likes this particular nice boy. Beating up my dd didn't work so now Nice Boy's mom has informed me that Mean Girl has been being pushy with Nice Boy today, finally resulting in her grabbing him by the arm for a "meeting" to inform him he has to choose between her and my dd. :confused: I am so clueless, I never picked up on it all afternoon even after she told me. I was just glad that everybody was getting along. I finally caught on and observed the jealosy first hand when a life guard told Mean Girl to leave the younger kids alone while they swam in the kiddy pool when they were done with their morning meet. (Nice Boy and dd both swam in the younger session and played together afterwards and Mean Girl swam in the pm session being 1 year older. ) When she was told to leave, Nice Boy's mom said "Watch. She is there to moniter situation and she'll storm off now in jealousy." Nice Boy's mom was right. I saw it.
Now, how to handle it. Do I talk to dd about it, leave it alone and let kids have an innocent friendship, talk to Mean Girl???? Mean Girl lives with grandmother and does have bad influences in her life. I asked a couple of women who are close to the situation, including Nice Boy's mom, and got differing opinions and I am befuddled. I am not ready for this stuff but here it is. What do I say? I am horrible at words myself, but I can eventually get it out. Dh was raised with boys only and thinks I should handle it in a way that is appropriate for boys, which I don't think works for girls. I thought maybe I could mentor Mean Girl but dh thinks she won't get it so just leave her out of it. If I talk to dd about it, she might understand "why" it happened if nothing else.
She is my oldest, so it is new territory for me. Any of you BTDT mom's ~ tell me how it works.